*Another actual statement from a friend, who at age 38 got pregnant for the first and only time. Not even trying. Her son is almost six now.
Made me wistful to think that for many women, just seeing two pink lines fills them with confidence that a child is on the way.
After seeing pink lines five times now, not so much.
Two pink lines for me? Equals Elation + Absolute Dread.
Anyone else?
Mo
Absolutely. 3 miscarriages under my belt and my first IUI pending - absolute dread sets in awfully quickly for us.
ReplyDeleteWell, my life has certainly never been the same -- but definitely not in the way your friend meant. :(
ReplyDeleteYep. Joy & dread. Two m/c's and one son with a genetic condition... All we can do is hope and wait and wish.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs honey.
I am totally with you. My last pregnancy, I saw the two lines and thought to myself, "Oh gawd, what have I done." You know, cause doing the injects and IUI I had no clue that pregnancy could happen... well, maybe a small part of me knew it was a possibility.
ReplyDeleteI just had my third miscarriage... starting to think this whole "pregnancy equals baby" thing is a myth... a conspiracy or something...
Wait a minute... seeing two pink lines can mean you're having a baby?! Could have fooled me. I thought two lines foretold inevitable misery.
ReplyDeleteI've been lurking for a while. I love the Hallmark rejects, and I wish you all the best. After all, every kid deserves a mom well versed in CBT! :)
People really get two lines? And they are not Ovidrel induced?
ReplyDeleteWoah.
Oh yes, how I can relate. Two weeks ago I was simultaneously elated and terrified upon seeing those two pink lines. Three strong, nicely rising betas and I was starting to breathe again, starting to hope again. Maybe this time would be different. Then last week it all started to fall apart again. Miscarriage number 4 is currently in progress. I'm beginning to wonder if I can risk going through this again. But the alternative - not cycling anymore - is just as scary.
ReplyDeletePregnancy = baby? What a novel idea.
Yep, I'm with you. For me two pink lines usually means shear terror! I allow myself to dream just long enough that when the inevitable miscarriage follows the hurt is so intense. I wish that two pink lines meant happiness for you, for me, and for all of the other RPL girls.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. Please see my "I wonder" post from today.
ReplyDeleteTwo pink lines most certainly does not mean bringing home a baby.
These are great!
ReplyDeleteHmmmm I suppose in a way. Two pink lines equals days, weeks, months of fear, paranoia, panic and stress with the hope that at the end life will change in another way. For me, this defines the difference between women who are pregnant versus women who are expecting. Not all pregnant women EXPECT an outcome....some of us just hope.
SO I guess if that's the change she was referring to then yeah!
Um, yeah. If I get Two Pink Lines again, it will be for the eighth time. The previous seven have not yielded me a baby. I am hearing you. I'm not even sure I feel the joy, just the dread. Or maybe not even dread these days. More the sad, defeated inevitability of 'here we go again'. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteYeah. It's not even elation so much anymore as it is, complete fucking dread. MIxed with a shot of utter terror. And not a good, "Ooooh, I'll have to get up early to feed the baby" kind of terror. More of a "I can't go through another loss without dying myself" kind of terror.
ReplyDeleteIs it ok if I sorta hate on your friend?
couldn't agree with you more. Two pink lines = "so how long is this going to last?"
ReplyDeleteYep. Two pink lines for me meant that I'd just made it one more step, and that I had another wait... but at least it's a step in the right direction.
ReplyDeletesame/same!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you too. Wish I could be one of those chicks who gets the BFP at 9dpo and announces it to all, certain she'll bring home a baby. Me, not so much.
ReplyDeleteYep, this one is right on. Saw two pink links for the first time a week and a half ago and guess what? I'm not pregnant anymore. IF really yanks the naiveté right out of you.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what 2 pink lines mean for me. The first time I saw them I thought "oh shit, now what?" Then I was happy. Then I had the miscarriage. That was 20 months ago and I've never seen 2 lines again (except on an OPK - in that case it means "Hubby, get here NOW!")
ReplyDeleteTotally. I only had 2 m/cs, but I clearly remember the progression from the "we're having a baby!" certainty to cautious optimism to fear mixed with dread. I can't imagine what you reach by #5. Even though we finally did have a baby, part of me still hates women who announce they're PG before the pee is dry on the stick and sail through 9 months with no problems.
ReplyDeleteI get it now. When I think that 24 hours of bliss from seeing two lines is the sum total of happiness from five IVFs I'm blown away. It's far more cruel than the plain old BFN.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the support.
TOTALLY!, after five losses, our next 'two pink lines' moment will have very little hopefulness, mostly just preparation for the worst... because otherwise I just can't deal!
ReplyDeleteYes! 2 miscarriages and while I want to see those pink lines again (soon!) I know it will come with a lot of fear. All I can do is dream of the time it will stick and keep hoping it will happen.
ReplyDeleteI just try to appreciate every day for what it is and live my life the best I can. That's all we can do, right?
Pretty much exactly what you said, Mo. After two losses, pregnancy complications and a traumatic birth...it's more like, I'm not having a baby...I'm having an u/s in 3 weeks to see what is in there.
ReplyDeleteThe first time I had such hope and worry but mostly hope... the times that followed were shear terror. Even through my induction at 39w I didn't believe things would go ok. I left the HB monitor turned up just so I could sleep. I have cousins that announce their pg at like 8 weeks and I would have been more than happy to tell NO ONE my whole pg in order to not also have to tell them the bad news later. I have found that when you are open about m/c that so many of us have gone through them and keep it silent.
ReplyDeleteThe big problem now is those stupid baby books where you record everything. I am going to have to lie under the sections that are "When I found out I was pg I felt..." and "the first time I heard your HB I felt..." Ummmm terrified out of my mind wondering when this one would die!?!?! You think a kid would understand that?
I would die for just one BFP test. Never had one since.
ReplyDeleteAh yes, to be one of those happily naive woman who just trusts in the pee stick. Must be nice.
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine what you must be going through. I am pregnant right now after my second IVF. But I was so heartbroken after so many one liners I still have not even bothered with poas for this one. I made myself wait for the beta test.
ReplyDeletehonestly, dread and all, I just want to see that damned second line again.
ReplyDeletethinking of you,
Kate
Will be kissing the pee-stick when that happens....
ReplyDeleteMe. I can't imagine being so naive. But this post made me think back - *was* I that wide-eyed and innocent once? Maybe so. Not with the sight of 2 lines, but with the passage of week 12. . . Completely oblivious that anything back could or would happen. . . But I digress :)
ReplyDeleteYup. First thought at seeing 2 lines: OK, so when's the other shoe going to drop?
ReplyDeleteOh dear. I was so happy when I saw them, sure that all my waiting had come to an end. I've got no clue what I'm going to think or feel the next time (please let there be a next time).
ReplyDelete