On further consideration

It's definitely hot flashes.

Ever stand directly behind a city bus on black asphalt in the summer? That feeling is my new constant companion, albeit temporarily.

Extra love and thanks to Will for letting me chill our bedroom to the temperature of a meat locker. Picture me lying there with only a sheet on top of me and Will huddled, teeth chattering, under a down comforter. God, I love that man.

And, I'm sorry, Environment. I will make amends to you somehow when I have estrogen again.

Mo

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Hot flashes? Or just hot?

I'm a little more than a week into the depot-lupron adventure and am feeling fairly ok so far (Will hasn't moved out, so I'll take that as a good sign!). The biggest side effect thus far seems to be blinding headaches. And annoyingly, I started a full flow on Weds. Sigh. I am feeling very flushed, but it is difficult to tell if that is related to the medication or is just a result of the fact that there has been a record-breaking heatwave this week. My biggest fear has been the mood effects and although I've been a bit cranky, I'm not feeling much depressive effects. I am trying to hit the gym frequently to counteract anything that might crop up on that front. Aerobic exercise does a mind and body good.

Two pregnancy announcements of friends sent me briefly reeling this week. It is frustrating that I sometimes can't separate my own situation better from those of others. I strive to be happy for others' joys, even as I struggle to accept our losses and continue hope for the future. But sometimes it seems that everyone, EVERYONE is getting pregnant, having more than one child even, while we are still waiting, and somehow the longer we wait, the less likely it seems we could ever have a good outcome...although of course I also know that this is faulty reasoning, that things are in process right now, we've got the blasts on ice and will hopefully get some good news soon.

So hanging in there. Letting some time pass. Waiting. And hoping.

Mo

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Depot Lupron: what should I expect?

I'm turning to you bloggers, because, as always, I know that some of you have been here in my shoes, wherever it is that I'm standing at the moment.

And where I'm standing today is a bit of a fearful place. I injected the depot lupron on Wednesday night, 2.5 days ago, which was Day 4 of my cycle. Here's hoping my endometriosis is shrinking as I type this and helping pave the way for a smooth embryo transfer with successful implantation!

So far, not feeling so much of anything. But I have heard Baaad things about this drug.

I've done a couple of IVFs with a long lupron protocol in the past, so I've been on the daily lupron formulation for 10ish days before starting stims and then a low dose throughout those cycles.

But I've never taken depot lupron (and can I just say that that was a huge honking needle?! I mean, was that really necessary?!).

As I wait for the depot lupron to take effect, I'm a bit nervous.

So I'm turning to you.

Those of you who've taken depot lupron, could you take a minute to tell me your experience?

I want both the not-so-bad as well as the downright sucky...

Some of my questions: What dosage were you on and for how long? Dr. Schl. has me on 3.75 mg for two months (so two injections.) Did you have breakthrough bleeding at all? Did you ovulate while on it? How severe were the hot flashes? Did you gain weight? Did the injection impact your mood? How was your energy level? Were you too tired exercise? Did you lose your libido?

Also, was your experience the same throughout or did the symptoms worsen the more doses you took?

Anybody NOT have side effects?

Also, any advice out there? Something you wish you had known when YOU were taking it?

Finally, what was the impact of taking it? Any lessening of endo symptoms? Or change in Beta Integrin status? Anybody (out of those who used before transfer) have a successful transfer after it (...or not?)?

As always, all of your thoughts and experiences are welcome. Hopefully this will become a resource for those who follow in my footsteps taking depot lupron down the line - so know your comments will be much appreciated by me and by others out there searching for information about depot lupron for endometriosis and in preparation for embryo transfer.

Thank you!

Mo

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FISH results are back: IVF #7

We received a call with the FISH results yesterday, which is the extra test we're having done just to look at the sex chromosomes in each of our blasts. We added this step at the advice of CCRM's genetic counselor who expressed concern that given our history of polyploidy and my history of cancer treatment, we might be more prone to a repeat polyploidy than the general population (usually there's a 1 in 1,000 chance). Since microarray doesn't show polyploidies, just trisomies and monosomies, we forked out some more cash to add this test to the mix.

Last time, this one pesky chromosome knocked out half of our sample. It was really disheartening, although things ended up ok and we got three normals.

And this time?

Well, so far we've got four with normal sex chromosomes!! And the other three? They only had one cell to test for each of the other three and they got no result. So We've got four with normal XY or XX and three wild cards, which will have their fates revealed with microarray. But we haven't lost a single blast yet! Unbelievable.

I felt my breath hitch in my throat when the genetic counselor Danielle identified herself on the phone. I had heard that the policy has changed since our first CCRM cycle and they are now typically sharing FISH and microarray news together once the microarray news comes in. So hearing her voice, I was worried that she was calling this soon because our embryos were ALL ABNORMAL and we could just begin grieving early.

I shared that fear with her and she said, "You know, this may be hard to believe, but maybe this time there won't be a lot of grief. Given your history, that is probably hard to imagine, but I'm really optimistic."

Huh. Not a lot of grief? Really optimistic? About us? Weird.

Here's the detailed rundown of our FISH results:

Embryo #05: 6BA NORMAL!!

Emrbyo #11: 4BB NORMAL!!

Embryo #14: 4BB NORMAL!!

Embryo #15: 3BB NORMAL!!

Embryo #17: 3BB No diagnosis

Embryo #20: 3BC No diagnosis

Embryo #21: 3AB No diagnosis

Three cheers for good news!!!

Only 22 more pairs of chromosomes to go!

The microarray result wait time of late has been 4.5 to 5 weeks...so...we should hear the final word on those results around the end of July. Right now that seems just fine. I can wait.

I pray the news is good.

Mo

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