Sitting here today, thinking of the wonder that is going on inside of me. A little being is trying to take hold right now. I imagine an ember, trying to maintain its glow against insurmountable odds. I picture a tiny seedling, sending out the first fingers of its roots into the soil, hoping to find its path to nourishment and growth. It helps so much to know that this baby is chromosomally normal, that the big task is to form a solid connection inside of me.
At the same time that this embryo is struggling to firmly attach, tiny shoots of hope are trying to find a way to take hold in my heart. After many losses in a row, after much uncertainty and excitement followed each time by sadness, the path is more circuitous now. My husband Will and I understand that these beginnings are always tenuous, and perhaps because of this, we honor the beauty of each step even more.
Things are so early and so tentative. But I am surprised that we are deeply, achingly hoping. That we are able to take in the mystery of this process and to hold each moment as it comes.
Maybe, just maybe, this embryo will continue to flicker to life inside of me, one little bit at a time.
Today this is what I will hold in my heart.
Mo
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Oh how I hope this is your sticky baby.
ReplyDeletethis is a beautiful post. i hope with all my heart that this is the one for you and Will.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. I so very much hope that the little life inside of you will hang on and grow strong. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI'm hanging onto that hope with you. I'm so hoping that this little embie finds a way to hold on to you now so that you can hold him/her in your arms in 9 months. Positivity all the way!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! I am imagining your body nurturing an awesome little person. Can't wait to meet him or her.
ReplyDeleteHi little sprout! I know you're strong, just like your mommy. We're rooting for you.
Mo, I'm a longtime lurker/sometime commenter, and I am so happy and hopeful for you and Will. Last night when we were saying prayers, my 3-year-old son said, "Who's Mo?" :)
ReplyDeleteI remember the first, ever-so-afraid-to-be-hopeful, weeks of my pregnancy, and I hope that they will be replaced for you by the wonder of continued hope.
Paula
Wish you all the very, very best.
ReplyDeleteThis is indeed beautiful. I am thinking good thoughts for you and hoping for you.
ReplyDeleteIt is time to HOPE!...
ReplyDeleteI am sure you've already go and read her "our 25/38 baby" post as her blog is listed in your CCRM blogroll, but in case you haven't, please go there and READ!
http://ivfatccrm.blogspot.com/
There sure is a POSSIBILITY!
Hoping, praying and crossing everything for you, Will and the passenger inside :)
hoping right a long with you two.((((((((hugs)))))))))))
ReplyDeletehoping, hoping, hoping... I have been reading just for a while.. but wanted to send prayers for a "sticky"baby at the end of this journey. Your story is so inspiring and your marriage must be strong. I am BELIEVING you will get happiness - AND a take-home baby. Many hugs and prayers for you and Will and your little baby bean!
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely thing to hold in your heart, hope and the possibility of new life.
ReplyDeleteWe are all holding that hope with you.
I'm hoping along with you.
ReplyDeleteOh yes!
ReplyDeleteSo many of us hold it in our hearts right along with you. Vibing HARD for this little being!
ReplyDeleteHold you and your little one close in my heart, praying for perfection. ((HUGS))
ReplyDelete((((that little tiny ember))))
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear you were ready to take a little of your hope back today. May it just keep growing. ♥
I saw that sweet sprout and nearly cried ... what a wonderful, hopeful post ... I so hope this is it.
ReplyDeleteThat was lovely. I'm hoping very hard along with you.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. Thinking of you and Will and your little Hopelette.
ReplyDeleteI was touched by your beautiful post. Your journey has given you amazing perspective and you are right, hold each moment as it comes. Every moment of this little sprout is beautiful and precious.
ReplyDeleteHi! I'm here from LFCA. I have my fingers crossed for you. I am a very low Beta kind of girl. My twins, which were conceived by FET ,came in at 101 which only went up to 170. My daughter started out with a sad 35 that only increased to 60, and that was a fresh cycle. Both uneventful pregnancies resulted in healthy kids, although my RE didn't hold out much hope for any of them.
ReplyDeleteKeep on growing little bean!
Here via Dora @ My Preconceived Notion...Huge congrats on your pregnancy. You guys did good testing early and remedying that progesterone situation. I know how scary it is after multiple losses but this one is looking good.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful post. Sending up many prayers for that seedling of hope to take hold (as well as the ember in your ute!) and to grow into someone wonderful and beautiful. May this all be a distant memory this time next year. I'm praying especially hard for you from now until Thanksgiving when you'll be past the dates of all of your previous losses. I hope that the end of June/beginning of July are a delightful time-- full of poopy diapers (per your tag line).
ReplyDeleteSo lovely... I am SO happy for you!!!
ReplyDeleteHoping with you. Hoping for you. One day at a time.
ReplyDeleteI had tears in my eyes while reading this. Fragile... that is what life is and between fragility and hope is where we reside. I am hoping and praying, hoping and praying for you, Will and that little fighter inside your womb!
ReplyDeleteLurker here, I literally read your blog everyday! Wishing and hoping and praying for you, will & your little sprout. I believe in the good, you guys are going to be amazing parents to this miracle baby ; )
ReplyDeleteMo and Will ....I am praying for you up here in Toronto Canada....I can see so many people are also praying and thinking of you too.
ReplyDeleteThis is lovely. Enjoy every moment.
ReplyDeleteConsider this time is different. You are equipped with so much additional information. When it is right, it is right from the beginning.
Which could mean this is, in fact, your time.
The doubling is so much more important than the large number - I am so happy for you and Will. Hoping this one sticks! All signs point to yes!
ReplyDeleteAnother low-beta success story here: 15 at 14 dpo (unmed IUI), 30 at 16 dpo, and 227 at 20 dpo. She's now a very healthy 12-month-old. :) Congrats!
ReplyDeleteI am so hoping for you! Grow little one, grow!
ReplyDeleteYabba dabba dooo!! I'm so pleased your beta doubled Mo!!! Thats BRILLIANT news. Forget about the actual number for now and focus on the important part... the doubling time. That is something to be proud of. Your embie/s are working hard to please you and so they should. You deserve this. Hoping and praying (and I'm not even of the praying kind so this is me pulling in every power I can for you) that you see another nice rise tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteSo excited and anxious and hopeful for you!!!
Read your news on Dora's blog, and I can't tell you in words how happy I am.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your embaby. Here's to a fruition in 2011!
That was beautiful, Mo. I'm hoping for you and the little one!
ReplyDeleteAm so excited for you guys, I know this is it, I can feel it!
ReplyDelete