Unanswerable

"Mo, no one knows what to do in your case anymore, because no one knows what the problem is.

There are no more tests that I can think of to run to answer your questions.

And no one who will be able to tell you what to do, what direction to take. I'm so sorry."

--my local RE, in response to my question of where to go from here

(medical options include another FET, FET with gestational carrier, sperm donor, or egg donor)

Mo

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Speak of the devil...and genetics news back

Speak of the devil, my period came - almost immediately after the last post went up. Day one, here we are.

Also, genetics on miscarriage #6 are back.

Normal male.

I don't even know what to think.

Mo

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Do you think it's possible?

Do you think it's possible that my RE turned the vacuum aspirator up too high during my D&C and accidentally sucked out my uterus?

D&C was November 11th. It is now December 14th...and no period in sight.

I don't mean to be vulgar, but I'm starting to wonder a little bit...

Mo

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Placental pathology results

(pic brought to you by whywouldyouknitthat.blogspot.com)

Not sure if I mentioned it, but after our most recent miscarriage, my RE here in NYC recommended we send slides from the chorionic villi to a placental pathologist at Yale for review (the same guy who performed my endometrial function test).

So we did.

Once I looked into it, I found out that this placental pathology analysis would be covered by insurance, and so I decided to send slides from not only this miscarriage but also from the other four we've had tested.

Results just came back. All of the reports are similar in saying that there were various findings that provided evidence of chromosomal abnormality (including this latest one with the CCS normal blastocyst, which demonstrated trophoblast hyperplasia - it will be so interesting to see what the genetics come back as). All of the losses also demonstrated that maternal uteroplacental blood flow was normal.

All of the miscarriage reports also report what was NOT found:

• no evidence of immunologic rejection
• no evidence of bacterial ascending infection
• no evidence of thrombotic pathology

Not sure if I want this latest loss to be a chromosomal abnormality that somehow slipped through the cracks or rather have it unexplained. Pretty much would rather not be in this situation at all! I guess the best I can come up with is that it will be good to get the information back and then try to make sense of it.

On the placental pathology report from the latest loss, there was one section that has me a bit confused.

Any medical types are most welcome to weigh in...

On this last report only, the pathologist said "this patient and/or her spouse may also have an occult genetic abnormality. A genetic consultation, including high resolution karyotyping and array analysis of the parents, may therefore be beneficial."

Now what in the world is an occult genetic abnormality? I'm assuming here that word occult means "hidden," rather than "supernatural." Aren't one's genetics always hidden?

Is this different from a "regular" genetic abnormality?

And what is high resolution karyotyping and array analysis? is this different somehow from the type of karyotyping we've had done already? We both came up as genetically normal...

Anybody have any thoughts or knowledge?

Feel like I'm starting to emerge from my cave of sorrows, pick myself up again, and try to figure out next directions. Geesh, this loss and all else going on have been hard.

Mo

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Don't indict my uterus! Regroup with Dr. Schl.

Talked to Dr. Schl. today for a regroup appointment post-miscarriage. He said that it will be interesting to see if the baby was chromosomally normal or not once the cytogenetics come back from the D&C...um, yeah. I'd say it'll be interesting... he also reminded me that our microarray tests had a quoted 90% accuracy rate. He says that if the genetics come back normal, that would "change (my) history and complicate the picture but wouldn't necessarily indict (my) uterus." He says many women have one unexplained miscarriage. Most of my other losses were confirmed chromosomally abnormal (in fact, every one that we have had tested).

As for next steps, he said he would stick with the FET protocol and give it another go. He also said that it would be ok by him if we wanted to use a gestational carrier. And that he would even allow us to simultaneously transfer to me and to a carrier at the same time so that we could have a greater chance of success and also get through our embryos faster in case there is some other subtle abnormality that keeps them from making live babies.

One major plus, he said no more evil depot lupron needed until 6 months pass from the D&C. Phew. That stuff was terrible for me. The only other thing we need is a hysteroscopy to check that my uterus is scar-free and baby-free post D&C, and he said we could have our local RE here do that.

So lots to think about. Wish we weren't in this position at all. Not sure what we'll do next but good to get as much information as possible before we go forward.

Still hanging in there with the family emergency. Still completely terrible. Still hanging on to knowing that this can't last forever.

Mo

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When it rains, it pours

Sorry for my absence. And thank you for all of your thoughts and support. Honestly have been without words.

I don't know how to describe the feeling of losing our sixth pregnancy. Don't even know how to process the loss internally, let alone convey it in language.

And then.

Five days after the D&C, we were rocked by another blow, another devastation. An enormous family emergency. Too personal, even on an anonymous blog, to write about, but horrendous.

This emergency is continuing to unfold. And I am still reeling from it. This one is big enough that it has disrupted grieving the miscarriage, superceded it, at least for now. And I am left gasping.

I do not know how I will get through both of these tremendous losses. Especially coming at the same time.

At the moment I am just hanging on for dear life and telling myself that things can't continue to feel like this forever.

Surely, they must get better.

Surely.

Mo

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7w3d ultrasound: it's over

Went to the RE, who didn't like what he saw and sent us on to a radiologist who specializes in OB at the hospital.

Just to confirm.

Both saw debris in the gestational sac. No yolk sac. Small subchorionic hemorrhage. No fetal pole, let alone heartbeat. Not sure what to think of Monday's reassurance ultrasound.

But it's clear now.

Pregnancy #6 is over.

They are adding me to the OR schedule for today.

Will and I can't believe it. We thought this one might be the one that made it.

Walking between the two doctors' office buildings, I thought, Maybe I haven't woken up yet. Maybe this is a bad dream.

But it's not. It's happening again.

Mo

*****

Update: Surgery rescheduled for tomorrow. I forgot completely that I'm on lovenox and aspirin. My RE wants to wait 24 hours for the lovenox to get out of my system and will fit me in tomorrow afternoon for the procedure.

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Q: What does a beta of 12,691 look like on an HPT?

I know you've been wondering. Just what does a beta of 12,691 look like on a home pregnancy test?

It's a popular question. One that maybe has been nagging at you, just at the edges of your mind.

Well, wait in suspense no longer. Turns out, I can help you out here.

First of all, let me show you what it doesn't look like.

It doesn't look like our home pregnancy test on beta day. Which looked, well, like not a whole lot really (beta = 26.8).

Instead, a beta of 12,691 (31dp5dt) looks like this:

Yowza, no mistaking the line at this point. Although when I first saw the FRER test, I panicked for a milisecond because the one line was so faint. But then I realized that the test line had soaked up all the ink, leaving the control line looking woefully insufficient.

That's some line, though, isn't it?

It's probably getting really tiresome to see these POAS posts, but I guess I just remain incredulous that we are pregnant at all, let alone that we are still pregnant.

I wonder how long it will take to sink in?

Mo

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Mekate's baby is here!!!

Excellent news to report: Mekate had a baby girl very early this morning!! Go over and wish her congratulations! I think she is an incredible, wonderful woman. And her story is amazing. Four IVFs...last one at age 43, and here is the awesome, awesome outcome. I am just bursting with happiness for her and her husband Doug.

Most excellent news that all is right with the world.

Mo

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