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Will and I left NYC yesterday evening to drive upstate with Moxie for the weekend and enjoy the recent snowfall (we've been woefully snow-deprived in NYC this year, as has much of the East Coast). We stopped at a restaurant we love along the way and I proceeded to try to find something I could eat with my list of gluten and egg restrictions of the past few weeks. I was so focused on these that I didn't think about all the other food restrictions of being pregnant and I ordered a warm beet and goat-cheese salad. Which was delicious. Until I realized that I think goat cheese is on the no-no list because of the potential risk of listeria.
Cue minor freak out (these seem to happen fairly regularly, don't they?). A thousand thoughts ran though my mind...should I make myself throw up to get it out of my system? That didn't seem like it would effectively get rid of a bacteria if I'd been exposed to it, and besides, sounds a little...bulimic or something. Should I order a glass of wine and drink half of it, hoping the alcohol would kill any listeria present? Hmmm, alcohol is also a major no-no and besides, I wasn't sure that would actually kill any bacteria present. Should I call my doctor and get an Rx for prophylactic antibiotics? Gosh, that sounded really neurotic.
So instead, I took another action (hangs head sheepishly). I texted my nurse. I am ashamed to say that on a Friday night, I chose to interrupt my nurse's life. (Yes, this wonderful woman gave me her cell phone because she is just that amazing and knows that I am that traumatized. And she told me to call or text if I need reassurance, but still. It was Friday night. I am a grown woman.) She told me to chill. And that it was probably ok. That the chances of being infected were slim. And that I just needed to be sure not to do it again. And she added an emoticon smiling at me to make me feel like less of a fool for being so worried that I would intrude into her life.
So, that helped quite a bit. Although I'm still somewhat worried. I'm feeling fairly immune-suppressed over here, what with the prednisone and the IVIG, the Lovenox and the vitamin D. So I'm picturing just one tiny bacteria would be needed to set off a storm inside my poor beleaguered body.
Honestly, even after being pregnant 6 times before, I'm a little confused about the cheese situation in pregnancy. Is it ok if it's pasteurized? Or not even then? Are all soft cheese out, including cream cheese and Laughing Cow? Or just some spreadable cheeses? With wheat and eggs a distant memory, dairy is one of my remaining major food pleasures...but I want to get this right.
For those of you who've been pregnant, how careful were you about these food recommendations? This pregnancy is so hard fought, and the potential for regret so great, that I think I'll play things very, very carefully for as long as we can (knock wood) stay pregnant. But I'd be curious what others out there have done during their pregnancies.
Mo
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My understanding is that you only need to avoid cheeses that are unpasturized. Like certain aged cheeses such as blue cheese. I was pretty strict in my first trimester, but now I am not as anal. I still make sure they don't add cheese to my salads, but honestly, in the US, I believe most cheeses are pasteurized. I wouldn't stress to much about the salad you had. I'm glad the nurse eased your mind, I'm always too chicken to call and ask these questions! I look forward to hearing about your next ultrasound!
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing if you were going to get sick, it would've already happened - doesn't food poisoning strike pretty quickly? I've also heard that cheeses in the US are pretty safe. I'm glad you texted your nurse - I bet she was happy to ease your mind.
ReplyDeletegood enough - actually i think listeria infection takes a few weeks to set in. not sure why that is...it's not food poisoning in the traditional sense of the word...
ReplyDeleteI would trust your nurse. I think the cheese would have had to have been unpasteurized, and infected with the bacteria, and your body would have to not successfully fight it off before it became a risk to you and your baby. I suspect that's very unlikely.
ReplyDeleteYou only need to avoid unpasteurized cheeses. Frankly, it's hard to find unpasteurized cheese and I'm not sure if restaurants are even allowed to serve it. Almost anything you find in a store will be pasteurized - just check the labels. Hoping for all the best for you.
ReplyDeleteTo sell cheese in the US, including (esp!) goat cheese must be pasteurized. You might be able to get unpasteurized on, say, a goat farm or from a covert cheese smuggler. I fretted about this for the entire 6th month of my pregnancy, which we spent in France. I freaking adore goat cheese and HAD TO EAT IT. I was worried all that French cheese would be unpasteurized, but in fact I never found anything but pasteurized. I'm certain the cheese you got was pasteurized, which would eliminate the lysteria potential. Also, FYI, in France, my OB told me to drink in moderation (ergo, I could have 4 glasses of wine a week, if I wanted). I didn't, but I did feel fine about having a cider now and then, which was about 4% alcohol (vs 12% in wine). Pear cider, if you're interested, is really good.
ReplyDeleteForgot to add: if it'd make you feel better, you could just call the restaurant and ask what brand of goat cheese they used (or if the label says pasteurized or where they got it). Honestly, if I was panicking, I'd def call.
ReplyDeleteEchoing all the comments that say pasteurization is key. It is virtually impossible to find unpasteurized cheese, and I can't imagine any restaurant ever serving it.
ReplyDeleteI was really careful about nitrates the first trimester, never drank (though I knew I could have a class or two after the first trimester). Of course, I was sick as a dog once 6 weeks hit until I was 13 weeks, so I was mostly trying to get food in and keep in down.
Was on lovenox, too, but a lower dosage.
I LOVE goat's cheese! With some soft cheeses, the issue is pasteurisation, same with eggs - tho here in the UK, apparently all eggs are ok now and I avoided soft-boiled eggs for nine months for nothing :-/. My understanding of the goat's cheese situation (garnered from this site: http://www.babycentre.co.uk/pregnancy/nutrition/foodsafety/cheeseexpert/) is that it's the mould round about it that's the issue. I managed to accidentally eat goat's cheese (no idea if it had mould round it or not when it started out), pate, dried ham and smoked salmon while I was pregnant. None of them did me any harm. My brother-in-law, a consultant in epidemiology and public health, tells me that in France pregnant women aren't forbidden to eat half the things that we are in the UK (especially the cheeses!).
ReplyDeleteJust wait till you get to the "sterilise or not sterilise" debate (and I firmly believe you will). A friend tells me that folk in the States aren't encouraged to sterilise half the baby things we Brits are. All very confusing!
It's all about pasteurization, which almost all cheese and milk is here. I did the same thing when I was pregnant - but I know how delicate and fragile this whole pregnancy is so I hope you can feel a little reassured. Hugs and good for getting away!
ReplyDeleteFrom what I know only unpasterized cheeses are bad. Pretty much if you are buying it from a restaurant it has to be pasturized so it should be fine. That rule is for people who buy fresh cheese or make their own.
ReplyDeletei have had 7 children, and i never EVER heard anything about avoiding certain cheeses and deli meats until my last one, and of course i didnt pay attention. the "rules" change so often, i just use common sense. you are fine.
ReplyDeleteWe were allowed to eat soft cheeses as long as they were pasteurized, but the biggest no no for us, in the listeria department, was cold cuts. I CRAVED sandwiches the entire pregnancy but it was worth it to keep me and baby safe
ReplyDeleteSo, because I'm a dork, I asked my mom who is a food microbiologist. She said it's just unpasturized cheeses. So feel free to let go of this one worry :)
ReplyDeleteLike everyone else has said, my understanding is that only unpasturized cheeses are a problem, and those are so rare in the US that you are almost certainly fine. Even if the cheese was unpasturized the risk is very low. I know how you feel, though - I ate a piece of medium rare steak the other day and then instantly thought why the heck didn't I order it well done? But I just told myself that it's super unlikely any bacteria survived being cooked, and I stopped worrying. I hope you are able to do the same with this situation...hang in there, u/s is just a couple days away!
ReplyDeleteHA! I just made this same post about soft cheese this week after I ate feta cheese!! Do NOT freak out, you and your baby will be absolutely fine. I did my research and all US cheeses have to be pasteurized, or aged over 60 days to kill the bacteria. Just remember, this is a new "scare/hype". People have been drinking raw milk and cheese for thousands of years and have been just fine. Heck, Europeans still do it while preggo! Also, if you wikipedia Listeria, it will tell you only 7 out of 1,000,000 people are affected each year. 1600 cases reported annually! So don't worry my dear!
ReplyDeleteEveryone else already answered the cheese question, but FWIW: when I was pregnant with my daughter, I desperately craved McDonalds soft serve ice cream. Since it was one of the few semi-reasonable cravings I had, I indulged it, um, like every day. And then I found out when I was something like 37 weeks pregnant that soft serve is a no-no. The product of said pregnancy is getting ready for bed and yelling at me to buy her more Squinkies. So.
ReplyDeleteYou are 100% entitled to your neurosis, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, but you're all good here:) (plus, if it was warmed, that would kill anything that managed to escape the pasteurizing anyway.)
As everyone else has said, the thing you need to avoid is unpasteurized cheese. And in restaurants, I believe the FDA specifies the cheese served must be pasteurized, so you should be fine! When you're shopping on your own, you should always read the label to make sure it specifically states that the cheese is pasteurized. I know in my neck of the woods (New England), I definitely see unpasteurized cheeses in some of the fancier shops or at farmstands, and even at Trader Joe's. Also, it's not just soft cheeses, hard cheese can also be unpasteurized. If the label says "raw milk", it's not pasteurized and you shouldn't eat it while pregnant. Also, I'd recommend asking your dr for a list of forbidden foods - some say no hummus and I'd never heard of the soft serve thing before either (whoops). There might be other unexpected ones, too. Hope this helps! I'm rooting for you!
ReplyDeleteAs others have said, the issue is the pasteurization. I didn't know this site before googling it, but http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/listeria.html looks legit and has good information. It even says that if it does occur, listeriosis in pregnancy is treatable with antibiotics (to good effect), which I had not realized.
ReplyDeleteThe salad sounds yummy.
FWIW, I ate goat cheese in moderation during my pregnancy and everything was just fine,
ReplyDeleteInteresting...I know I've come across unpasteurized cheese (though clearly labeled) in our grocery store.
ReplyDeleteFWIW, while I was compulsive during my first trimester--regret management as you say--by my third I drank unpasteurized apple cider from our local cider mill on multiple occasions. I guess I was choosing the slim chance of listeria from good cider over the pasteurized but chemically-laden alternatives from the supermarket.
I think there was something else verboten that I inadvertently consumed somewhere along the way. Oh....I know with LG I had deli meat--from a decent restaurant, not a fastfood/subway type--many many times.
it sounds like the cheese issue is clear- not to worry. if you want to be worry-free, no more soft cheeses during the pregnancy... but now you know. i would move on. this is NOT going to be a make-or-break-er.
ReplyDeleteone thing i wanted to point out is that if you need to contact your nurse, don't feel badly about doing it- she gave you her cell for texting for this specific reason- she wasn't doing it for nothing- she wants to help you. please never feel as if you are inconveniencing a health professional or medical office because of these "small things".. they are big things, and you are not a typical pregnant lady. you are an extraordinary pregnant woman :)
love seeing your daily updates... i check in so often, just to make sure everything is ok, so you may as well post something, lol... how about a post about your sweet sweet boxer?! with pics!
take care! only 3 more sleeps till tuesday... how are you feeling btw? is the cold gone? did you get to see some snow?
I wasn't too careful during my pregnancy. I did avoid blue cheese - and it was so very hard! I also don't eat much lunch meat or other cured meats with nitrates, so that was easy to avoid. Otherwise, I was less than perfect. I even continued caffeine.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a good example to follow. I think you're almost certainly fine. I think the listeria risk is overblown, but given how immunosuppressed you are, it's probably a good idea to be careful. As for me, I'm not a big cheese eater, so that wasn't an issue for me, the only things I avoided were rare burgers, sushi, and fish high in mercury. I had one cup of coffee almost every day, I ate deli meat, rare steak (since the bacteria is generally on the surface, which is why I stayed away from burgers (hate well done burgers)), runny egg yolks, and I probably drank 3 or 4 alcoholic drinks during my pregnancy (yes, that's 3-4 over 9 months, not per week).
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you called the nurse, and I glad she understands how understandably traumatized you are. Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend. Just 3 more sleeps until your next u/s. You're doing great, just keep breathing. xoxo
Funny that anon posted about 3 more sleeps as I was typing. Thinking of you so much!
ReplyDeleteTry not to freak out over what you already did but avoid unpasteurized. I followed the rules pretty well. No lunch meat, sushi, unpasteurized anything. It made me feel better to just not have to worry. I'm rooting for you.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jay (first poster). I ate a little goat cheese when I was pregnant! I like it in my Mac n cheese! But I avoided blue cheese and I actually couldn't stomach cream cheese, so that was out! I was actually just thinking of you! I was just reading another blog (about endo) and apparently Dr Sher believes a large percentage of woman who have endo should have IVIG infusions as they most likely do have natural killer cells! interesting reading!! I really do think you are doing all the right things Mo! I've seen quite a few woman succeed after multiple losses and failures with IVIG! Praying daily for you and Will!
ReplyDeleteAll my best!
That salad sounds fantastic. I have to day after I made it through the 1st trimester I ate whatever I wanted which is kinda crazy but thankfully it all worked out. I think you did the right thing contacting your nurse she sounds like a gem!
ReplyDeleteI had 6 miscarriages in 2 years and was insanely careful during those pregnancies. During my 7th pregnancy I occasionally has deli meat, soft cheese, soft serve ice cream, and a glass of wine a week in my 3rd trimester. My daughter was born in November. Hope you have a relaxing weekend. We got 12 inches of snow in NH this week.
ReplyDeleteOh.my.lanta. I'm just getting caught up! It's been too long since I've checked in. It's great to see happy news here. I'm glad things are progressing in a positive direction. And I'm glad to see you're still pursuing plans b&c. Well done. You're a pillar of strength. Continue to stay strong. One day at a time.
ReplyDelete(And, during my pregnancy, I was hypervigilant. We tried for 3 years and had a near death ectopic pregnancy. So, when we finally did get pregnant (and I spotted blood through just about the whole thing) I was ultra conservative. It's all about Regret Management. I wouldn't stress about the accidental cheese consumption).
Like several other commenters mentioned, you can have soft cheeses as long as they are pasteurized. So, you're A-OK.
ReplyDeleteAs for other stuff like deli meats, when I met with the nutritionist she said that the benefits of lean proteins like turkey outweigh the minor risk of listeria when you choose deli meats from a reliable source (ie they have been handled properly).
So glad you texted your nurse! I had Marsha and she was awesome-- I totally emailed and called her about stuff like this and was frankly glad I did.
ReplyDeleteAfter 5 m/c's I was super careful. I think I ate goat cheese or deli meat too before I learned about listeria-- freaked out but all was/turned out just fine. After that I avoided anything unpasteurized, and categorically avoided Brie/blue/goat cheeses. I ate tons of cream cheese b/c it frankly seemed processed enough in that gray tub.
I also avoided any deli meats; I heard that if you're in a situation where that's all there is you can microwave the meat till steaming to make sure it's ok. OB also had me avoid things like pre-packaged chicken salad sandwiches at Starbucks.
But don't worry about the little goat cheese-- you're probably ABSOLUTELY fine!
Feta was on the no no list and I ate feta throughout my pregnancy. Just be careful and don't over do it. A little here and a little there is not necessarily what the Dr ordered, but it was one rule I was OK with bending.
ReplyDeleteI did stay away from most lunch meats, but occasionally had no choice if I wanted to eat. I generally microwaved it or toasted it.
There were certain things I was paranoid about on the no no list and adhered to it pretty closely, but there was the occasional hot dog and feta splurge.
I hope everything is OK and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Hi there. I am a microbiologist who got her phd studying the nutritional requirements of listeria while infecting the host. You are fine. There are multiple levels of precaution to avoid listeria. Level one: nothing. Take the attitude that it is very rare and you have a good enough immune system to fight it off (you likely do, even if you are pregnant - it is a specific immune supression that makes one more vulnerable, and it only happens late in the second trimester). Level two: avoid unpasturized cheeses. This is the medical professions stance, and totally reasonable. Level three: avoid soft cheeses, deli meats and undercooked meat. It can be tricky to clean food processing equipment sometimes since listeria can form biofilms RARELY. Since listeria can grow in the fridge just fine, avoiding foods that are a good growth substrate for listeria is a good super paranoid way to go. Level four: don't eat anything. So you see, you are fine dipping down to level two on occasion and if you want to be super paranoid, doing level three, but really, you are just one step away from being so cautious you don't eat anything, haha. If your salad was made with unpasturized goat cheese you would have paid $$$$$$, so it was VERY likely the pasteurized variety.
ReplyDeleteafter i read this i stopped freaking out about listeria from cheese:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2007/may/29/health.medicineandhealth
if you want to be paranoid, eat everything hot and just-cooked, but eat anything you want, because basically, you are probably being paranoid about the wrong food otherwise. the food that caused the last outbreak is now handled super-carefully, and the next outbreak will be something you haven't been forbidden yet. but listeria is super, super rare.
you can make polenta from cornmeal in about 10 minutes, it's gluten free, and then melt some (unpasteurized even!) gorgonzola in a bit of milk, boil it a bit, and pour it over, maybe with some fried pancetta, and delight it eating a "forbidden" food but being safe. Another good recipe is quinoa with goat cheese and beets, but instead of just stirring in goat cheese off the stove, cook it a bit to kill any bacteria; top with some mint before serving.
gluten-free is just so challenging! that was the one i kept messing up by mistake.
I tried to keep a balance between taking suitable care but not eliminating all the things I loved from my diet. I cut out almost all alcohol, other than a few sips of my husband's beers. (When did we announce our pregnancy to our closest friends? When we went with them to a beer festival and I had to explain why I wasn't going to be drinking...). I avoided soft cheeses (and ones with mold, but since I don't like those anyway, they were already being avoided). I didn't stay away from deli meat (a group of us in my dept. always went to a nearby sandwich shop for lunch, so avoiding lunch meats would've been hard!), but always chose either ones that were not very processed, or had my sandwich heated up.
ReplyDeleteI probably wouldn't have been quite so anal as I was -- I think a glass or two of wine in the 2nd or 3rd trimester is probably OK, and French women have been eating soft cheese for centuries and they still have babies -- but my husband would always chide me if I suggested having one or the other. (He never chided me about the deli meat, but that's because I didn't tell him that it's sometimes recommended to stay away from them while pregnant. If I had, I'm sure he wouldn't have been happy with my sandwiches).
I always checked the label whether cheese was pasteurized, and when pasteurized I would eat it (which most cheeses in the US are). I also stayed away from red meat and from more than a couple sips of alcohol at a time. Until my dad, who is a toxicologist, visited and we went out to dinner. He claimed that lamb rarely ever (or did he say never) have listeria or any other disease-causing things in it, and that I might as well have a class of red wine. So I did, and it was delicious, but I don't know what other people in the restaurant were thinking (I was very obviously pregnant at the time).
ReplyDelete(this is my first time commenting on your blog, but have been reading for a while, and thinking of you!)
Sorry that you had a scare, so very glad that you were able to get some reassurance from your nurse! As everyone has already mentioned, almost all cheeses in the US are pasteurized and so you are almost certainly safe. In terms of the deli meat thing, I always found that the person making my sandwich was happy to heat mine up-- the place I went had a little griddle and the sweet ladies there seemed to enjoy being able to 'spoil' the pregnant lady and sometimes even threw in a little extra helping of meat "for the baby". Everyone wants to help a pregnant lady, and right now Mo, you are most certainly a pregnant lady!
ReplyDeleteI hope that you can enjoy some down time, that the cold is clearing up and that time speeds up until Tuesday. Sending warm wishes and light.
Yes, it's just the unpasturized cheeses that I avoided. I tried to avoid soft cheeses in general, but didn't freak if I ate a little pasteurized brie or camembert.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you're fine!
I was very careful about what I ate when pregnant (I never ate cold deli meat for fear of listeria), BUT since you live in the US, you can nearly be guaranteed all the soft cheese with which you will come into contact has been pasteurized. Therefore, it is safe to consume :). I only got really concerned if I was at some fancy schmancy restaurant where they might serve unpasteurized cheese to be "cool". But, I'd say you and that bean are probably just fine!
ReplyDeleteBless your heart.
ReplyDeleteMy loss knocked me so off track I can never really be normal. Sometimes I feel like the little rules are just there to give you a false sense of control. There was nothing I could have done to cause or prevent the severe genetic anomalies.
I almost flew in the face of the rules - weird, counter superstition or something. I had one coffee every day. I ate a couple pieces of sushi here and there. I ate deli meats a couple times.
The stuff that kills you is the stuff you do not worry about.
Must be both unpasterurized and "unpressed" -- which is to say, soft -- to present any danger. Pressed (hard, old), unpasteurized cheese is in fact fine. There are unpasteurized cheeses sold in the US, but not many.
ReplyDeleteCold cuts present greater risk.
Echoing what everyone else says --very rare. I hate to relay this downer of news, but listeria CAN happen from unpast. cheese in the US. My SIL treated a baby who died shortly after birth from an (undiagnosed) listeria infection that stemmed from the mom eating soft cheese @38 weeks. Very rare, but can happen.
ReplyDeleteDitto what everyone else said about the cheese - if it's pasturized, it's fine.
ReplyDeleteWith regard to your question on how careful about food restrictions, I've tried to follow them pretty closely for regret management. I don't eat soft cheeses if I can't verify they've been pasturized, I've avoided Caesar salad dressing (which is my favorite), I haven't consumed any raw batter when baking if it had eggs in it, I heat lunchmeat in the microwave to the point of steaming before I eat it, and I try to avoid caffeine as much as possible. That said, I definitely haven't been perfect on the no-caffeine thing, but on the few days I've strayed, I've kept it under 100 mg for the day, usually under 50.
I think the only thing I gave up was sushi, and most lunch meat (which is gross anyway). Like others, I had the occasional glass of wine after the first trimester. Baby boy came out perfectly. Remember, in plenty of other first world countries, they don't have these silly rules, but they do have healthy babies.
ReplyDeleteIf it is pasteurized it is ok. For sure. I asked world famous perinatalogist. One of the very few foods that did not make me throw up during pregnancy #2 was cheese and cheese and cheese on pizza.
ReplyDeleteAlexandra
I was so sick during my pregnancies, that if something sounded like it would stay in my stomach I'd eat it. So with Luke, I had a couple of subs. Big no-no and hot dogs. Baby's just fine. You'll be fine Mo. Though I understand why you worry. Also, its my understanding that pasteurized is A-OK. Take care!
ReplyDeleteI can't help but feel bad for any of your future children. As a psychologist, you have quite a few debilitating neurosis, and it sees narcissistic to be so immensely focused on your eggs and the (pre-screened) eggs of your sister and anonymous donors, which appear to be inferior based on your needs and expectations. My suggestion would be to take care of yourself, spiritually and physically, before demanding that the universe give you a perfect biological child.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, my suggestion would be to take care of yourself, spiritually and physically, before judging others and cowardly making posts on someone's personal blog while anonymous. You say yourself in your response that you are aware that Mo and Will are looking into donor eggs, yet still your write: "...demanding that the universe give you a perfect biological child.". CLEARLY they are willing to consider non-biological children. Your comment is ridiculous, contradictory and mean-spirited. I sincerely hope that you have more to do in your life than troll other people's blogs looking to make them feel worse about difficult situations. If not, then I'll try and find it in my heart to pity you, but I might not be that big of a person.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous....walk a mile in their shoes before you judge. I find you to be the most inconsiderate and cruel kind of poster...but mostly just a coward for not using your own identity and hiding behind the anonymous option. I dont' even think I can pity you like Lara above said....really...I just don't like you and I'm pretty sure it will stay that way. Good luck out there...the Universe is a funny place and it usually sends back to you the same energy you put out....so I see a bit of Karma biting you in the ass soon. Have fun with that.
ReplyDeletekd
I just love how some people don't "get" infertility. Plenty of us infertiles seek the biological/genetic route in treatments first simply because it is easiest. For me, at least, it was not at all based on narcissism but based on path of least resistance. Obviously getting knocked up with your own genetic material the old fashioned way is the easiest route. Once you start adding in treatments, involving only your own genetic material in treatments is the fastest/least winding path. Anytime you start bringing in yet another party, things get exponentially more complicated - in the short term and in the long term. In the end, I chose adoption and now have two wonderful children. As easy as my particular adoptions were, the situation is still messy and blurry and not without its own set of issues for my children. Mo had frozen embies so was she to turn her back on them when the opportunity to try again with a different protocol was presented just because she had started looking into DE? I think not and I don't take it as narcissistic at all. Looks very much to me like an infertile woman trying desperately and hopefully to finally bring home a baby. And for what it is worth - I chose adoption when I did because at that point adoption was the easiest available route to me. It never mattered to me HOW I became a mother, just that I did become a mother. I am extremely thankful now for the adoption choice because I cannot imagine my life without my children but there should be no judgment on the paths any one infertile takes!
ReplyDeleteJust had to put my two cents in here. I've been following your journey, albeit rather silently as of late. It is hard to find the words to communicate the simple fact that I just understand. The obsessions, the hurt, the fear and the feelings of inadequacy that infertility leaves you with are real and are real hurdles that have to be met every month you try and with every pregnancy that comes along. You would think that someone reading these types of boards would understand that, but apparently not everyone does. Which makes me wonder, why are they here at all? So many of us find solace in these boards when our lives seem to be falling apart, when life is seen through blurry eyes that are nearly always holding tears at bay. I have no idea what would have happened to me over the last year if I did not have this community to be there, to let me be honest and listen without passing judgement, but most of all, just to understand. I can say that no matter route you take, there will always be senseless comments that stick in your head and play like a broken record as you curse even your best of friends for being so insensitive, no matter how innocent. I've gotten a lot of those from family and friends--comments that show that they just don't understand. But this is beyond. My hope is that this comment does not ring in your ears and you can take solace in the great community you do have surrounding you. I thank you for your support in the past and want you to know that the brevity you show by sharing your story is helping so many! Hopefully, we're helping you navigate this crazy journey as well. Best of luck!
ReplyDelete