Maybe things were going too well?

Will and I went up to Connecticut with Moxie yesterday and took Ms. Mox out for a walk along the beach and then took Will's mom out for dinner.

We haven't told really anyone (except for you guys and our doctors) about this pregnancy and have been weighing when to tell our moms. Will decided yesterday, 10 weeks on the nose, was the day for us to tell his mom. She was very excited for us, a little cautious because of our terrible history, but excited. The first thing she said was that she might cry (and she is not an emotionally expressive person).  She agreed to keep the news to herself, for now, with the promise that we will tell Will's sister, whom he is close to, soon. The only hard part for me was when she asked me, "Is it yours?" She knows we considered using a donor. And I knew what she meant, and she is 75 years old, but gosh, however we get a baby, that baby will be mine, will be ours, 100%.

All in all, it felt good to tell her. But scary. Because what if something bad happens now? What if telling actually makes something bad happen?

After dinner, we stop by her condo, I go to the bathroom, and I am spotting. Red. Not a huge amount, but not nothing.

My uterus is unhappy too. Not cramping exactly, but irritated. Burning almost.

Cue panic on my part. A desperate need to get home. Right. Then.

Which Will obliged me on.

I've been staying close to my bed since then. Had a friend who is in town come over for a casual breakfast and chat because that was previously planned and not strenuous, but otherwise, I am supine. In bed. On self-imposed bed rest.

The spotting is brown now, which is better than pink/red, but still!

I am trying not to panic. Trying not to think that telling someone we were pregnant was enough to end the pregnancy. Trying not to be hypervigilant about symptoms. Am I less nauseated? Less tired? Less acute sense of smell? Whenever I notice my mind going in that direction, I stop myself. I don't need to monitor this. There is nothing I can do.

I pray the baby is still alive. We are trying to arrange an ultrasound check for tomorrow if possible. My OB is out on vacation all week making this a bit more complicated, but we are trying other avenues.

I will keep you posted. But I just wish things were a little more boring over here.

Mo

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