I'm trying to stay sane waiting for Thursday's ultrasound. Almost don't want to get the Thursday ultrasound because I'm so worried it will be bad news. Or even worse, indeterminate news. Worried that my RE's crappy machine, plus me being potentially two days behind developmentally (the RE said he finds many FET pregnancies are), may mean we see no heart beat, and won't know what that means. And then of course my local RE leaves town the next day for over a week. Hopefully we'll see something definitive either way. Hopefully.
This morning I woke up and my belly felt flat, where I've been feeling very bloated. Had to choose not to pay attention to that. Choose not to overinterpret. In general, I'm trying hard to not attend to pregnancy "symptoms" or lack thereof. Unfortunately, nothing is very reassuring right now. It seems like everything can be attributed to the meds. I did a quick google search to remind myself that there is an enormous range of "symptoms" at this point, with no symptoms being quite common, and others reporting some. The fact that this is an FET versus a natural pregnancy mucks up the interpretation of any symptoms I think, since I'm on a boatload of drugs.
Yesterday, I think I forgot one or two doses of my estrogen vaginal pill (estrace, which I take 3 times a day). Yikes! Hoping that didn't doom anything. My estrogen has been around 1,100 to 1,200. So I'm hoping that even if I forgot those doses, it couldn't have crashed below 300 in that span of time. Any scientific types reading? I could use some reassurance about this.
Last night I dreamt I was pregnant. Not the Mo and Will kind of pregnant I actually am, where loss seems imminent, but the kind of pregnant where you know you're going to have a child. I was making lists of names for the baby. All girls names. And then realized that maybe it's a boy. So made a list of boy's names. I think this is my first pregnancy dream this time around. Nice at least for a dream to have a feeling of confidence.
I peed on one more stick yesterday, just to try to tide myself over until later in the week. Yesterday's hpt is on the bottom, compared to one a few days prior to that. Who knows what the darkness of the lines means in terms of how things are progressing.
No doubt about it, though, it does appear that I am still pregnant.
Two more days to an ultrasound that will hopefully show cardiac activity.
Oh, please! If we can only get there, that would feel like an enormous milestone.
Mo
A wonderful line!!!! Oh I've got everything crossed for you Mo!
ReplyDeleteGirl, that test line is so dark it's even pulling dye from the control line!! Choosing to hope!!
ReplyDeleteTry doing some meditation or just prayer to calm you down and pass this period of uncertainty or watch a TV show or concert to take your mind off to a different place. Hope everything will be fine, but I know how hard it must be. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThe HPT lines are continuing to look great, which is encouraging. (It also looks like you're as dark as, or maybe even a bit darker than, the control line, so I wouldn't expect them to get much darker than that if you continue to test that way.)
ReplyDeleteNot the scientific type, but speaking from practical experience, I wouldn't stress at all about missing one or two doses of your estrogen pill. I panicked when I was 7w6d pregnant with Miss A and realized that I had been missing at least 1 dose per day for at least 4 days, but it turned out fine. The Denver nurse wouldn't say one way or another whether she thought it would cause a problem, but the perinatologist wasn't concerned at all. And that was 4 days of missing a dose, rather than just 1 day. So I think you'll be okay, and I'm sure you're back on track now.
I really hope your next ultrasound is reassuring. These first few months are so nerve-wracking.
Mo, First off, I'm rooting for you! Second, weren't you able last time around able to receive ultrasounds and bloodwork at your hospital? Is there any way to get access to a better machine?
DeleteAnonymous, trying to see what I can arrange. It is tougher than you would think, unfortunately.
DeleteI love those dark lines! Also it's Heritage Day in South Africa on Thursday so I'll be thinking about your heritage :) Hoping and praying for a nice strong heartbeat.
ReplyDeletexxx
Oh, damn the 2nd 2ww! It is a painful mindf*ck. As you will be 6w4d on Thursday, even though this was an FET and that can delay beta results, the gestation is still what it is and I would fully expect to see cardiac activity. I am hoping that you'll be seeing an RE with up to date equipment so as to avoid a more nebulous result?
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time, Mo, and you WILL get there! (If it is any consolation, with both my successful fresh and frozen transfers, we had cardiac activity at 6w2d (and my starting beta with FET was 48!). He's now 2y9m at out with the sitter while I clean the house.
Hang in, friend.
thanks, IIWII. Helpfful to hear you could see cardiac activity at 6w2d. I hate my RE's equipment. Sigh. Hoping it will be good enough to see something if it is there.
DeleteI'll spare you the mind numbing pharmacokinetics tables but the half life of vaginak estradiol is probably around 36 hours (variously cited as 12-36 but likely closer to 36). It's given twice weekly for the menopausal. So odds are good you're fine in that department.
ReplyDeleteJenny F Scientist, you rock. thank you for that info. truly truly helps.
DeleteThat line looks great! Please don't second guess the symptoms - your HCG level is probably super high right now and no matter how things turn out you will feel pregnant for a long time. (Hopefully for 9 months!!) ultrasound measurements so early, especially on a crappy machine, can easily be off by a few days. I guess what I'm saying is waiting it out is the only way to know - and trust me I'm horrible at the wait. I drive my poor husband crazy.
ReplyDeleteI didn't have a heartbeat at 6w (IUI) with my son, but it was there at 7. Thinking of you and hoping so hard for good news!
ReplyDeleteWith both my viable pregnancies I had heartbeat at 6w2d; one of those was 2004, so I'd think your RE would have better equipment than that :)
ReplyDeleteI also doubt missing estrogen would be a problem on an occasional basis....but I remember that anxiety all too well, though. Hope you can enjoy these early preschool days with Magpie and relax for a bit.
Just wanted to mention that the early symptoms for my second viable pregnancy were almost nonexistent compared to my first. Perhaps because my body had been through it before? And then the nausea hit and I almost wished I was back to not having symptoms, ha!
ReplyDeleteAlso, my perinatologist had an awesome ultrasound machine since he needed good images to do his job--do you have/can you be referred to a perinatologist? He was also super-good about getting me in for an ultrasound same day when needed (apologies if this is redundant info for you. I haven't been reading the comments)
This long-time reader, rarely commenter is thinking good thoughts for you!
Praying, crossing fingers, wishing well, etc. etc.
ReplyDeleteLong-time reader, abiding with you.
ReplyDeleteI am anxiously awaiting your ultrasound tomorrow! Praying for amazing news and a beautiful little heartbeat!
ReplyDeletemo,
ReplyDeletehope your u/s tomorrow goes well...
(understatement, obviously!).
they h/b u/s might be the worst? right behind the first beta call.
please know that
a) you are doing all that you can do to support this pregnancy
b) if that embryo has what it takes, its a done deal... if not, there is nothing you can do, nothing- out of your hands from the moment you transferred.
so, take the blame and self-responsibility and keep them in perspective...
tomorrow, you are getting the info you need-
h/b at a great rate, growing well- nice!
not a good u/s- well, it was already in the cards... now you will know and can move on accordingly.
of course there will be disappointment if you don't see a viable pregnancy!
no way around the heartache, either. but you are on top of this mo...
you are doing so well. I admire your attempt.
deep breathing! no matter what, you are going to be fine.
Keeping fingers crossed for you! That line looks nice and dark!
ReplyDeleteOh, Mo. Such a hard place to be.
ReplyDeleteStill out here hoping for you.
Just some reassurance in case you don't hear the heartbeat today - I went in at six and a half weeks and there was nothing but a giant empty sac. No yolk sac, nothing. Came back a week later and there was baby but no heart beat. FINALLY heard heartbeat around 9 weeks. I'm now 33 weeks pregnant. I was devistated each time we went in and there was no baby/heartbeat. Apparently this little one just likes to be fashionably late to everything! ;-)
ReplyDeleteStephanie - Congratulations! But wow, I've never hear of it taking until 9 weeks to find a heartbeat. was the equipment really poor? It must have been there all along but not visualized? was there ever any explanation? So fantastic it worked out!
DeleteBoth of my pregnancies have kind of been "off" of the normal progression so who knows! I didn't go in between 8-9 weeks so it was probably there a bit before nine but I couldn't get an appointment. I was going in to basically get the run down on how to go about ending a "missed miscarriage" which is what they called it. Totally nuts. The website misdiagnosedmiscarriages.com has some similar crazy stories. Apparently the UK has changed their protocols for diagnosing miscarriage until twelve weeks because of how many weird misdiagnosed miscarriages like mine they have been finding over the last few years. Apparently some of these little babies don't want to cooperate with the "normal" timelines! Ha!
DeleteOops - I said 12 and I think I meant 10 weeks. It's something like 10 weeks or a gestational sac 25mm plus waiting one or two more weeks after it reaches 25mm. Sorry I can't remember the exact cut offs - it was a while ago that I was dealing with it!
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