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Monday, May 25, 2009

New beta result

Just heard from the nurse. "Well, your beta didn't exactly double," she began, "but the doctor wants you to stay on the progesterone and come back on Wednesday."

I think she might have left it at that, but my mind was reeling. Didn't exactly double???? What does that mean??!!

"Can you tell me the number?"

So she did.

It's 13dp3dt and the number, deep sigh, is 36. Talk about not doubling. I'd call it dropping.

Not sure why I'm staying on the progesterone. I'd guess it's in case of a miracle.

I've been having a lot of pain in my lower left side. It has crossed my mind that this might be/have been an ectopic.

Don't know what to say. At the moment, I feel....nothing. Just a little dead inside.

Mo

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66 comments:

  1. MissMVKMay 25, 2009 at 1:29 PM

    Mo, I am sorry. I wish I could say something more profound that sums up how terrible I feel for you. Sending love.

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  2. MabelBMay 25, 2009 at 2:15 PM

    Oh no. I'm so sorry. There are no words.

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  3. AnonymousMay 25, 2009 at 2:16 PM

    I am so sorry.

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  4. KateMay 25, 2009 at 2:50 PM

    Fuck just about says it.
    But not quite.
    Darn gods were NOT listening to me at all, were they? I am so so sorry. What the hell. Proving once again that this has nothing to do with fairness or what is right. Oh Mo, I am so sorry. I hate this more than I can say. Sending warm wishes to you, and, once again,wishing I were magical. If I were, things Would be different.
    Warmly, Kate

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  5. GilMay 25, 2009 at 3:03 PM

    Aw crap. This sucks honey. I am not giving up all hope entirely for you. I'm just hoping that things turn around. And FAST. Sending you both lots of hugs.

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  6. AnonymousMay 25, 2009 at 3:07 PM

    I hate this for you and I am so sick of this for you. I am so sorry. I will be thinking of you and Will.

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  7. What IF?May 25, 2009 at 3:46 PM

    So utterly devastating. I've been holding my breath with you these past few weeks and this latest news is just soul destroying.

    I'm thinking of you. Lots. And holding you in my heart.

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  8. SaraMay 25, 2009 at 4:05 PM

    There are no words other than the sinking in my heart and the knot in my stomach at this news. Take care of yourself and Will, too.

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  9. Good Egg HuntingMay 25, 2009 at 4:11 PM

    I am so very sorry to hear this news -- I really hoped this was it for you. Take good care of yourself. We are all thinking of you.

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  10. HeatherMay 25, 2009 at 4:21 PM

    Making the blog rounds today... just wanted to let you know I stopped by.
    *hugs*
    heather
    http://tighteningthecorsetagain.blogspot.com/

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  11. White Picket FencesMay 25, 2009 at 4:36 PM

    That sucks. No good words other than that. I'm so sorry for both of you. Will keep everyone in our thoughts ...

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  12. NadineMay 25, 2009 at 4:37 PM

    I wish there were better words that can express it (other then the string of curses that can be heard at my desk). Sending you lots of hugs today, hang in there.

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  13. SprogbloggerMay 25, 2009 at 4:38 PM

    Oh goddamnit. I am so very very sorry. Sitting here with tears in my eyes. I wanted this to be different. I wanted this for you so badly. You're in my thoughts, both of you. Take care.

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  14. poppy.f.seedMay 25, 2009 at 4:48 PM

    I am so sorry. many hugs to you both.

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  15. MartinMay 25, 2009 at 4:54 PM

    Oh no.

    I'm so sorry if this doesn't work out.

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  16. NikiMay 25, 2009 at 4:58 PM

    Mo, WTF kind of thing is it to say "didn't exactly double"? Uggh! I'm so terribly sorry. My RE always had me stay on PIO too even when my beta dropped, but it always made me upset. Thinking of you and Will and sending strength!

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  17. AnonymousMay 25, 2009 at 4:58 PM

    I am sorry!

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  18. MeganMay 25, 2009 at 5:22 PM

    I'm so sorry. I just don't understand the world anymore.

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  19. bunnyMay 25, 2009 at 5:52 PM

    So sorry.
    So cruel.
    So unfair.
    So disappointing.

    Thinking of you and wishing for a surprising twist of fate.

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  20. Liz EllwoodMay 25, 2009 at 6:03 PM

    My heart hurts for you. I am sorry to hear this news Mo.

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  21. loribethMay 25, 2009 at 6:28 PM

    :( I'm sorry.

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  22. BarefootMay 25, 2009 at 7:05 PM

    Oh, no no no. I'm so sorry to hear this. I've got no words except to say that I'm thinking of you.

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  23. EchloeMay 25, 2009 at 7:21 PM

    I'm so sorry Mo. Sometimes I wonder when things are going to easier. I mean, why does the universe let you feel excited about a bfp for just a little bit then pull the rug out from under you? I hate that you have to suffer this crap. Hugs and more hugs.

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  24. GeohdeMay 25, 2009 at 8:31 PM

    Oh, Mo....

    SO sorry for the both of you...

    g

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  25. BrennaMay 25, 2009 at 9:05 PM

    I'm so very sorry.

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  26. EmilyMay 25, 2009 at 9:10 PM

    Oh Mo...I am so very sorry to hear this. You & Will are certainly in my thoughts.

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  27. PeachesMay 25, 2009 at 9:23 PM

    I wish I had something to say other than I am so sorry--seems so inadequate and is...
    sending lots of cyber hugs your way...

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  28. PhoebeMay 25, 2009 at 9:27 PM

    I'm so sorry sweetie! I'm holding you and Will in my warm, loving thoughts.

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  29. BellaMay 25, 2009 at 9:47 PM

    No! Mo, I am so very sorry. This is just so unfair. A million ((HUGS)) to you and Will.

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  30. AMay 25, 2009 at 10:58 PM

    Mo, I dont know what to say. Im so sorry. I am thinking of you and praying that things start to look up!

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  31. AnonymousMay 25, 2009 at 11:26 PM

    I'm so sorry - I was so hoping this would be the cycle for you guys. Sending you both hugs and love.

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  32. The Blatchford FamilyMay 25, 2009 at 11:37 PM

    I am so so sorry. I don't even know you IRL, but I wish that I could give you a hug. Your post on my blog about my loss meant a lot to me. I hope that our words of comfort can help ease the pain just a little bit. Big hugs honey!!

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  33. AlexicographerMay 25, 2009 at 11:55 PM

    Oh, geez. I'm so sorry.

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  34. MeMay 26, 2009 at 1:16 AM

    Oh man this was not what I wanted to read. I don't know what to say except "I'm sorry". ((HUGS))

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  35. lunaMay 26, 2009 at 2:38 AM

    oh crap, mo, I'm so sorry.

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  36. elliejMay 26, 2009 at 6:46 AM

    Mo, I am hoping there is still a chance for this pregnancy. Hang in there till Wednesday xxx

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  37. AnonymousMay 26, 2009 at 6:55 AM

    I am so very sorry Mo and Will - I will keeping all fingers and toes crossed that a positive outcome is imminent but also sending healing vibes if it isn't.

    Too unfair for words...

    Jen

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  38. mMay 26, 2009 at 8:37 AM

    dear mo and will, sending you love.

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  39. KamiMay 26, 2009 at 8:58 AM

    Sending you my love. I am so very sorry.

    Kami

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  40. My Endo JourneyMay 26, 2009 at 9:15 AM

    I'm so so so sorry!

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  41. ..alMay 26, 2009 at 9:17 AM

    So Sorry...I don't comment much, but I do come around to your blog...I am awfully sad that this is happening.

    Hugs.

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  42. JJMay 26, 2009 at 9:26 AM

    Mo, I just got caught up with your last few posts. I'm so sorry to read this latest result. Big hugs to you.

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  43. Two Shorten the RoadMay 26, 2009 at 9:59 AM

    Oh no. I'm so very sorry. It's so unfair.

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  44. B and DMay 26, 2009 at 10:08 AM

    My heart sank when I read this post. I am so, so sorry.

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  45. Lollipop GoldsteinMay 26, 2009 at 10:46 AM

    I am so incredibly sorry. That is horrible news.

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  46. BluebirdMay 26, 2009 at 11:11 AM

    I'm so sorry.

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  47. annacyclopediaMay 26, 2009 at 11:46 AM

    I'm so sorry, Mo. I'll be keeping you and Will in my thoughts and prayers.

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  48. AnonymousMay 26, 2009 at 11:59 AM

    I am just so angry at the universe for this. Thinking of you both.

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  49. MicheleMay 26, 2009 at 12:37 PM

    so very sorry...

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  50. KateMay 26, 2009 at 1:48 PM

    me again, just sending love.

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  51. nancyMay 26, 2009 at 1:55 PM

    I am so very sorry.

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  52. SprogbloggerMay 26, 2009 at 2:20 PM

    Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you.

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  53. Marcia (123 blog)May 26, 2009 at 3:25 PM

    No, no, no, no, no!

    I can't believe it - I was SOOO sure this was the one

    Sending you big hugs........

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  54. SarahMay 26, 2009 at 4:25 PM

    Damn. I'm hoping for your miricle. A friend does have a four year old from a beta that dropped, so it ca. Happen, but I think if it were me I'd just shut down too.

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  55. Bethany LenhartMay 26, 2009 at 4:33 PM

    I am so sorry...

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  56. AnonymousMay 26, 2009 at 5:03 PM

    Huge, huge hugs to you and Will, Mo. To say this sucks incredible amounts of a$$ is an understatement. Take care of each other.....

    Hang in there....wishing you both some peace.

    And I don't know why that just took me 5 tries to type "peace" instead of "pez". Well, I dunno. Pez may help more than some things...

    Thinking of you both.

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  57. AnonymousMay 26, 2009 at 5:29 PM

    shit...I'm sorry. there's nothing even remotely adequate I can say, no comfort to offer, not even cold. I "hope" you get that miracle. but if you're anything like me...they're few and very very far between.

    sending you some hang in there hugs.

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  58. MelanieMay 26, 2009 at 7:50 PM

    "I'm sorry" is once again painfully inadequate. But I am sorry and so profoundly saddened by this news. I'm sending you peace and hope.

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  59. winter blueMay 26, 2009 at 7:56 PM

    I am so sorry...

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  60. ElizabethMay 26, 2009 at 8:16 PM

    I am so sorry. Nothing I can think of to say begins to say how much it sucks.

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  61. AnonymousMay 26, 2009 at 9:07 PM

    thinking of you tonight.

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  62. AnonymousMay 26, 2009 at 9:39 PM

    So sorry Mo. This just sucks. I hate this for you.

    At least (the very least) your dissertation is in and you don't have to be dealing with that too. Sending hugs your way.

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  63. Aunt BeckyMay 26, 2009 at 10:02 PM

    I'm so, so sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

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  64. squarepegMay 26, 2009 at 11:17 PM

    Oh no - this is just awful and so not fair. I'm very, very sorry :(

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  65. SassyCupcakesMay 27, 2009 at 1:07 AM

    I'm so sorry. *hug*

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  66. Maria (MKC101103)May 27, 2009 at 11:55 AM

    I'm here from Lisa's blog (meinsideout). Just wanted to let you know one more person out in the blogosphere sends you hugs and is rooting for that miracle.

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