Today would be beta day if my hospital drew betas on the weekends. But unless I go to the ER, which seems a bit of overkill, we can't draw a beta until tomorrow.
We tested at home again instead.
Using both the FRER and the hospital-based urine tests.
I waited three minutes.
Then I looked.
I thought they were both negative.
But then
I squinted and squinted and squinted in the bathroom.
I made Will get up to look also.
There are two lines.
On both tests.
They are absolutely the most faint lines that I have ever seen.
They are so faint that you might even think they are not there.
Almost the suggestion of a second line on both tests.
But it is something.
We are thinking that these types of lines cannot possibly turn into an actual baby nine months later.
In fact, yesterday, Will and I had both accepted that this transfer had failed and we have been mulling next steps.
We started grieving. I felt it this time as an almost physical pain, right in the center of my chest, a feeling that left me gasping for breath.
We've been thinking
that this is over.
But, well, now we don't know what to think.
I will stay on all meds at least until tomorrow anyway, when we can get a blood test done.
Still think it's most likely a no go.
But there is something there. If you look really, really hard.
Can you see it too?
Mo
Click here to subscribe
Ah Mo! Beta and POAS hell sucks!!!! And of course just your luck that the labs are closed today. Hoping tomorrow's beta draw brings more clarity to you and Will.
ReplyDeleteI definitely see it on the bottom test! Here's to hoping a line is a line is a line is everything you want. <3
ReplyDeleteLimbo is the worst. I can see the faint line though. You've been in my thoughts a lot this weekend. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI do see it. I hope the faintness of the lines means nothing. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
ReplyDeletei transferred 2 ccs normal embryos, and that is what my line looked like at 10dp5dt- after i had a positive beta (and that did turn into a RLB 9m later). it is a terrible place to be- at the whim of a stupid hpt... only the beta can point you in a more clear direction (...and even then...). hopefully tomorrow you will know more. hoping for the best for you.
ReplyDeleteA line is a line is a line. :)
ReplyDeleteSorry... that was kind of obnoxious. It's just, I'm so wanting this to work out for you.
I definitely see a line on the bottom one. :)
I see it on the bottom test... A line is a line! My first beta was 50 and it was a very very faint line on FRER...
ReplyDeleteGood luck tomorrow!
Yes, I see it - and my first lines were equally faint. Fast forward nine months later...baby due in 11 days.
ReplyDeleteI know there is a lot between then and now. But that's a line!
From a stranger who has been thinking of you all weekend --- hang in there. I can definitely see it.
ReplyDeleteMo, that's definitely a line. And that's why I posted my experience for you a few days ago with pics, because squinting is exactly what I had to do in the beginning, even with a rapidly doubling beta and what turned out to be triplets. I realize there's a world between a line and a take-home baby, and you've experienced more than any human being ever should, but that's definitely a line. Please, please (I'm begging) stay on your meds and give this a chance.
ReplyDeleteI'm continuing to think hopeful thoughts over here, even if you can't believe that it's a line right now.
Can't you go to a Quest Diagnostics? I think I went there on Christmas Day!
ReplyDelete-Mishy
Yes a line - well, two lines, actually! Here's to faint lines that do turn into babies - I'm holding one of 'em right now.
ReplyDeleteI, too, definitely see it on the bottom test. There is simply no way to infer the meaning of it other than something implanted and tomorrow will better tell the strength of that something.
ReplyDeleteGosh, the limbo effing sucks!
Keep your wits about you and tomorrow you will have a better read (POAS in the a.m. tomorrow, too).
Hey, Mo, you're *pregnant* Even with a blurry picture I can see the second line on the hospital test. Here's hoping for a solid beta tomorrow that gets you out of this limbo. I know two lines is a long way from a baby, but it sure is the place to start...
ReplyDeleteYes- I can see it. And I am holding hope with you for tomorrow and way beyond.
ReplyDeleteA line is a line and there is hcg in you blood, so, you are pregnant. You have connections at the hospital right?? I would absolutely go to the ER! ARe you kidding me? you guys have waited so long for this MO - Go, go. This is what you have been waiting for. It isn't overkill. Another day can feel like a year in the world of infertility. I have been there.
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you to relax because this is everything to you and your husband.
I wish you all the best and I think this is very positive.
Sincery,
Another IVR'er who became a mom (finally) in Chicago
I definitely see a second line on the hospital test. Good luck with your Beta tomorrow, and hoping it's good news!
ReplyDeleteI can see it...didn't I once read somewhere that betas climb more slowly with FETs? I'm pretty sure I did. I haven't lost hope on y'all's behalf :)
ReplyDeleteI see a line on the second one. I would probably just wait until tomorrow for the beta...it's not going to change anything, and for today, you're pregnant!
ReplyDeleteI see it! Bring on the beta!
ReplyDeleteWHOO HOOOOO!!
ReplyDeleteMy sister and I are here cheering and teary and happy and overwhelmed and
so damned happy for you!
see me? emotional pregnant lady? crying happy happy happy tears.
XOXOXO
Kate
My line was very very faint and beta came back at 71. Don't loose hope, it can still be a late implanter and viable pregnancy. Good luck tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteMy lines always showed up this faint, even after positive betas (and peeing the most concentrated urine I could!). Our baby was born in July. Good luck and thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteI see it too. Sending as many good vibes as I can that this one is just a late implanter and this is more than you expect...
ReplyDeleteThat looks exactly like my test. 7 months later, I'm pregnant with one baby. Hope the same is true for you!
ReplyDeleteDelurking to say that all four of my pregnancies (two which resulted in real live babies) had very very faint lines on the HPTs at around the same time that you are doing them, and no line at all prior to the full 14 days post conception.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely see it on the bottom one, keeping everything crossed for your results tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteI understand the pessimism, and I would even agree with you about the odds not being in your favor, EXCEPT...this is an FET. My five years in infertility land has taught me that frozen embryos are NOTORIOUS for being late implanters/giving low initial betas. Most (not all, but the vast majority) of the low beta/late positive scenarios I have seen turn into healthy pregnancies have been from FETs. (The only time I don't read a post like yours about a faint line at late date and cringe, thinking "this isn't going to end well," is when the person is post FET.) And your embryos were slower to develop, even when normal, so who's to say they aren't slower to implant as well? There is a study from 2000 (can't remember the citation, alas) indicating that IVF pregnancies often have lower initial betas/later implantation, even when successful.
ReplyDelete(Also, just to anticipate your next worry: studies on late implantation's association with early miscarriage seem tied to either chromosomal abnormalities or the failed rescue of the corpus luteum, and 1. you know that your embryos are normal 2. you are having your progesterone supplemented. So this association almost certainly doesn't apply.)
(Also AGAIN, I know we've had the hcg-rise-isn't-linear-in-early-pregnancy discussion before, so you know that even if your beta would be, say, 11 today, there's no reason it couldn't be 50 tomorrow. With the twins I had a negative early detection test one day, a beta of 24 the next day, a beta of 124 two days after that.)
In other words, still hoping for you.
I see BOTH lines on BOTH tests. I understand the instinct to cut your losses and protect yourself emotionally. I really do.
ReplyDeleteBut I see two lines on two test and in my experience with faint lines and three kids, I say there's a lot of reason to hope!
xoxo
I see it! And I gotta tell ya...the FRER were not my friend when I was pregnant. So I am hoping and praying that this is the same for you......
ReplyDeleteI think even ambiguous news is good news. I hope your beta confirms tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteI see both lines.....which means that there is hcg to detect....which means that you are pregnant.....even if it is just a little bit. Thinking happy thoughts for you. Can't wait to hear about tomorrow's test.
ReplyDeleteI can see the lines on both tests. Hoping that this turns in to your sticky baby. Fingers & toes are crossed for you!
ReplyDeleteWe did a frozen transfer of CGH normals, had very faint lines on my tests-- and it turned out to be twins. I do think that frozen cycles are different and often implant late. There is hope!
ReplyDeleteYes - I see a second line on the lower test! Now go meditate until tomorrow. Stress isn't good for the little one!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely see a line!!! So hoping you will be pleasantly surprised by the # tomorrow. Thinking of you!!!
ReplyDeleteTwo lines are definitely there and they are darker than the last tests. You are pregnant. Hoping, wishing, and praying for a strong beta result tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI see the second lines.
ReplyDeleteEven if you get a less-than-ideal beta (and with FETs they usually are a bit lower), do not do what I did during my last transfer and stop the meds before they tell you to.
Even if you think there's no point in continuing, keep sticking the patches on and shoving the supps in unless the nurse tells you to stop.
I'm sorry this is such a roller coaster. I hope that tomorrow brings a good number for you and Will.
I see two lines. You deserve this. Hope to hear fantastic beta results soon.
ReplyDeleteI see them. Sorry the limbo is so awful. I hope tonight goes quickly so you can get some certainty asap. I stand by my own experience.... V faint line can and does lead to rlb in some cases.
ReplyDeleteDear Mo and Will,
ReplyDeletehoping as hard as I possibly can that the lines get darker and the betas rise. and for a baby in your arms in 9 months. please don't stop your meds. Wishing you the very very best. Karen
Yes, I can see it on the bottom test. I've heard other women say that they never got a good second line, just a faint one, and did end up with a baby 9 months later. Keep some positive vibes going until you get the results from your blood test. IVF and FET embryos implant later, so it is really hard to rely on earlier tests. I have all my fingers and toes crossed!!!
ReplyDeleteI totally see it!! I'm thinking singleton. I know this is insanely nerve wracking. Thinking of you lots.
ReplyDeleteI have an important job interview tomorrow, but I'm more excited about your beta test than my interview! Will be checking back freeequently and praying for you guys each time!!
ReplyDeleteBTW, FWIW, I think my high FET beta was due to a second and possibly third embie trying to implant. (There was an empty sac and a dark spot that the RE thought might be a collapsed sac, along with that gorgeous heartbeat at the 7 week u/s.) So I'm thinking it's a late implanting singleton. Wishing you as peaceful a night as possible.
ReplyDeleteLurker here, just weighing in, line(s) are there for sure, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Lots and LOTS of well wishes & sticky baby dust to you guys-You soooooo deserve this!!! Best wishes, fingers crossed : )
ReplyDeleteOkay, I feel like i'm stalking your blog today, but I just want to reiterate something I've told you before. Don't worry about the grief or negative things you're feeling, you uterus doesn't give a shit about positive thinking. You just have to get through this right now. There are enough of us out here wishing and hoping for you. You just focus on coping. xoxo
ReplyDeleteUmmm, that should be "your uterus," not "you uterus." In CT on my itouch.
ReplyDeleteIt seems redundant to say this now, but I SEE THE SECOND LINE! I'm with pp who said go in to the hospital and see if you or Will can pull some strings. And maybe grab a different brand to POAS...I noticed with diff brands and/or different batches/expiration dates, the intensity of the line was diff. My best line was on a dollar store stick.
ReplyDeleteMo...I am telling you...there is something about FET that make the lines come later....my clinic actually does betas later on FET's than on fresh cycles because of this. Just hang in there...One of those shrivelled up guys may have just needed a bit more time to regenerate and then nestle in!
ReplyDeleteI see a line there for sure. Here's to a good Beta tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteWoman I see a line in the bottom picture!!! I saved the picture to my desktop, enlarged it and I see a line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I agree with one of the first comments, A line is a line, is a line. Fingers crossed!
ReplyDeleteI totally see it - darker on the hospital HPT. So it was not on the FRER a few days ago and now it is - your numbers are rising - you are not bleeding - so I am saying a secret ya-hoo on your behalf.
ReplyDeleteMy sister did not get a positive HPT until 14 dpo - and her betas were really low - her 2.5 year old daughter resulting from that pregnancy is the light of her life.
Law, I swear I am being set up to be a personal cheerleader for you. I think I am living your life about 16 months in advance?
ReplyDeleteI had a positive test that you could only see if you turned your head to the side and "don't look directly at it".
She sleeps upstairs right now.
I am so happy you got the real deal back up results. I know this is going to be a long and frightening road. Take each little victory one at a time and celebrate them.
So, so very happy for you.
It's there. Faint.... but there. You, my dear.... are for all intents and purposes.... preggers.... :)
ReplyDeleteIt's there. Faint.... but there. You, my dear.... are for all intents and purposes.... preggers.... :)
ReplyDelete