Today is one day post five day transfer (or 1dp5dt). I've been in bed for a day and a half now, and am feeling basically nothing, which is what I would expect. Emotionally I'm a bit all over the place, ranging from hopeful to hopeless to back to hopeful again. Sometimes I'm completely sure that nothing has survived already. Sometimes I'm able to have hope that we could have a positive outcome from this.
I'm also having lots of neurotic thoughts that I'm working hard to quell. Among them:
So strange to know this visit was almost certainly our last one to the Denver clinic. Weird to not have more future visits hanging out there after all his time. We brought flowers for our longtime nurse who has overseen all of my cycles and saw our favorite genetics counselor before and after the retrieval. I love the folks at the Denver clinic and especially those two. Both of these wonderful women have really made this years-long journey more manageable and doable on every level. I have fully felt like they are rooting for us. So wonderful to have some people in our corner who've taken such a personal stake in our outcomes.
We are really missing Magpie and have been doing Tango with her (like skype) every night. It is great how verbal she is now and can tell us about what she's done that day. She also always wants to know if we've eaten dinner when we talk - very cute. It seems like she's doing well without us, but we are missing her! At the same time it is nice to just be able to focus on resting and not feel pulled in the multiple directions I usually do.
In terms of symptoms. Not much going on here.
Boobs are not sore. Uterus is "full" feeling. thought I felt a bit of left sided pinching yesterday but who knows what that was.
Implantation wouldn't have occurred yet. I think it is usually 7 to 10 days post ovulation, so in this case, 2-5 days post transfer. Yikes! So scary that we'll know soon one way or the other. Hoping we can eek a pregnancy out of this.
Fingers crossed!
Mo
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I'm also having lots of neurotic thoughts that I'm working hard to quell. Among them:
- I've sneezed twice and worried it hurt the embryos (seriously? Mo, get a grip!).
- I can't remember anyone saying if my lining was triple stripe prior to transfer. What if it wasn't? I know it was 10 mm a week ahead of transfer, but what if it wasn't optimal?
- I've had to actively choose not to panic that my estrogen is 2,000 - isn't that too high? Could it hurt implantation potential? I'm on vaginal estrace this time and wondering if the dose is too high or if maybe the levels from the vaginal inserts come back differently from the levels with the vivelle patches. I have a call in about this but won't hear back until Monday.
So strange to know this visit was almost certainly our last one to the Denver clinic. Weird to not have more future visits hanging out there after all his time. We brought flowers for our longtime nurse who has overseen all of my cycles and saw our favorite genetics counselor before and after the retrieval. I love the folks at the Denver clinic and especially those two. Both of these wonderful women have really made this years-long journey more manageable and doable on every level. I have fully felt like they are rooting for us. So wonderful to have some people in our corner who've taken such a personal stake in our outcomes.
We are really missing Magpie and have been doing Tango with her (like skype) every night. It is great how verbal she is now and can tell us about what she's done that day. She also always wants to know if we've eaten dinner when we talk - very cute. It seems like she's doing well without us, but we are missing her! At the same time it is nice to just be able to focus on resting and not feel pulled in the multiple directions I usually do.
In terms of symptoms. Not much going on here.
Boobs are not sore. Uterus is "full" feeling. thought I felt a bit of left sided pinching yesterday but who knows what that was.
Implantation wouldn't have occurred yet. I think it is usually 7 to 10 days post ovulation, so in this case, 2-5 days post transfer. Yikes! So scary that we'll know soon one way or the other. Hoping we can eek a pregnancy out of this.
Fingers crossed!
Mo
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Thinking of you, Mo. Just going thru transfer myself less than a month ago…I had similar feelings, thoughts, symptoms. I doubted things like you are… like my estrogen being too low. I highly doubt that CCRM would let you go ahead with less than optimal results for estrogen and lining pattern. So try no to over obsess.
ReplyDeleteWishing you peace and calm!
ReplyDeleteSending lots of positive thoughts!!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you Mo, hoping for good things, but mainly hoping for peace in this time of 'not knowing-ness'. I poem that I have found very helpful in those in between times is this one: http://www.earthstewards.org/ESN-Trapeze.asp
ReplyDeleteSending you love and light!
Rooting for you Mo!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Mo,
ReplyDeleteah the torture that is the tww!
WRT to the sneeze, I will always remember being told that the endometrium/uterus is like a peanut butter sandwich closing around the embryo. Weird but reassuring...
And fwiw I just failed my third transfer of a CCS normal blast at CCRM and the only things measurably not "perfect" were a slightly low estrogen level, so maybe a little high is better than a little low- I am hoping for you!
Mo, I am looking into IVIG before moving onto a GC. If you have a moment would you mind telling me the protocol you followed?
Thank you. Fingers crossed for you!
Karen
don't know if there's a specific protocol to what i've done. it's been IVIG about 5 days before transfer (i think it was about 40mg this time) and then another IVIG treatment approximately two weeks after a bfp and monthly thereafter, until I said I wouldn't continue anymore (late in the second trimester, if i recall). i'm also on 10 mg prednisone, probiotics, and 40mg lovenox.
DeleteThank you for the info. Good luck!
DeleteHoping so hard for you! I understand completely about missing your wonderful girl and enjoying a break from the constant attentiveness young children demand. Sunshine was at her grandmother's last Monday through Friday (gap between camp ending and vacay before school starting). When you get home and she's in your arms, I highly recommend pressing your nose into her neck and inhaling. It's the scent of home and love and miracles.
ReplyDeletesuch a lovely thing the neck nuzzle. yes! can't wait to do this! glad you got a break with ms. sunshine :)
DeleteUghh the wait is pure psychological torture! Hoping it goes as quickly as possible for you and you get wonderful news at the end. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteHi! I'm a new follower expecting to do my first FET mid September.. Wishing you a sticky one and ultimate success!
ReplyDeleteSending you those sticky vibes Mo! I totally relate to the swings from hopeful to hopeless! And to Karen who commented earlier re: her failed normal transfers - wishing you tons of luck as well, whether you go the IVIG or GC route. My first CCRM transfer last month failed, and we've decided to go the GC route (only 3 normal embies left) - but even knowing it's the right thing for us, it's still a tough, tough decision to make. Wishing you peace and success whichever route you take.
ReplyDeleteDear Nina, Thank you very much for your kind words and my very best wishes for your next transfer! Karen
DeleteMo -- congrats! I've been away and see I missed a flurry of posts. GL and I hope you are able to enjoy your rest at least somewhat, I know with Magpie on the scene there's little quiet time in your regular day.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hardly need tell you that obsessive worrying about small details does not improve (or detract from) the likelihood of good results, but then -- BTDT. GL to you.
Wishing you all the luck in the world. Hang on tight little embies!
ReplyDeleteRose
I'm just now catching up on your blog, so I'm really sorry for the comment on an "old" post. I had my transfer on the 21st and had to cough while laying there after the transfer and thought, oh my, I just coughed out my embryos! Then instantly started googling whether or not that was possible! Reminded me of your sneeze!
ReplyDelete