Today is 9dp5dt, and the day the Denver clinic would want my beta drawn, except my NYC clinic doesn't draw betas on weekends or holidays (arrgh!). So I can't get the official beta today, which we would want to see at 50ish at a minimum on this day.
Given this, I thought long and hard about what would lead to the best chance of sanity this weekend.
Keep peeing on sticks and hoping the lines get darker?
Or wait until Tuesday and get another number to see where we are at?
I surprised even myself by the choice I'm making. I didn't test with an HPT yesterday, and I didn't test this morning. My reasoning is that trying to compare lines at this point isn't going to make me feel reassured. That I'll wonder - is it darker enough to represent a viable pregnancy? And then go around and around and around in my mind about it. And if it didn't look darker? Well, in that case, I'd feel horrible. Inconsolable. So no great outcome either way. The word tortured comes to mind.
Instead, I'm just going to hold on to the tenuous bit of hope from Friday's quantitative test drawn early on 7dp5dt. It was a reasonable number, a number that could mean all is ok. But at 22.3, it wasn't an amazing number like Magpie's 69 was at the same point in time. So I feel like we'll still just have to see what's what Tuesday.
For whatever it's worth, I'm feeling pregnant. There is definitely activity going on in the uterus, represented by an on an off focal cramping that is not at all like a menstrual cramp (Implant! Grow! Keep on going!), and possible corpus luteum pain, although it's hard to localize the sensations exactly. I know that these kinds of focal uterine-ish pains are not caused by the hormones (which the fatigue, sore breasts, and shortness of breath could be). So I am finding that reassuring and hope-inducing.
After having Magpie, I understand and accept much more than before that either this embryo has what it takes to go the distance, or it doesn't. What made Magpie's blast so different from all the other embryos we've transferred across the years? I don't know. It was chromosomally normal, but so were many others. We had done all the immune treatment stuff, but it didn't help the other two blasts transferred with her, only her. So there's still quite a bit of mystery and art to all of this. Just like with Magpie's pregnancy, we've been doing all measures of life support to keep everything on track, believe me! IVIG, prednisone, estrogen, progesterone, probiotics, vitamin D, aspirin, lovenox, you name it!, but either this embryo has got what it takes or it doesn't. As much as we want to know, we can't rush to the answer - we'll learn it gradually. Does the beta double? Keep doubling? Is there a fetal pole? Heartbeat?
Overwhelming! So one thing at a time. First thing is to survive the long Labor Day weekend with my sanity intact.
Then we'll take it from there.
Mo
Click here to subscribe
Given this, I thought long and hard about what would lead to the best chance of sanity this weekend.
Keep peeing on sticks and hoping the lines get darker?
Or wait until Tuesday and get another number to see where we are at?
I surprised even myself by the choice I'm making. I didn't test with an HPT yesterday, and I didn't test this morning. My reasoning is that trying to compare lines at this point isn't going to make me feel reassured. That I'll wonder - is it darker enough to represent a viable pregnancy? And then go around and around and around in my mind about it. And if it didn't look darker? Well, in that case, I'd feel horrible. Inconsolable. So no great outcome either way. The word tortured comes to mind.
Instead, I'm just going to hold on to the tenuous bit of hope from Friday's quantitative test drawn early on 7dp5dt. It was a reasonable number, a number that could mean all is ok. But at 22.3, it wasn't an amazing number like Magpie's 69 was at the same point in time. So I feel like we'll still just have to see what's what Tuesday.
For whatever it's worth, I'm feeling pregnant. There is definitely activity going on in the uterus, represented by an on an off focal cramping that is not at all like a menstrual cramp (Implant! Grow! Keep on going!), and possible corpus luteum pain, although it's hard to localize the sensations exactly. I know that these kinds of focal uterine-ish pains are not caused by the hormones (which the fatigue, sore breasts, and shortness of breath could be). So I am finding that reassuring and hope-inducing.
After having Magpie, I understand and accept much more than before that either this embryo has what it takes to go the distance, or it doesn't. What made Magpie's blast so different from all the other embryos we've transferred across the years? I don't know. It was chromosomally normal, but so were many others. We had done all the immune treatment stuff, but it didn't help the other two blasts transferred with her, only her. So there's still quite a bit of mystery and art to all of this. Just like with Magpie's pregnancy, we've been doing all measures of life support to keep everything on track, believe me! IVIG, prednisone, estrogen, progesterone, probiotics, vitamin D, aspirin, lovenox, you name it!, but either this embryo has got what it takes or it doesn't. As much as we want to know, we can't rush to the answer - we'll learn it gradually. Does the beta double? Keep doubling? Is there a fetal pole? Heartbeat?
Overwhelming! So one thing at a time. First thing is to survive the long Labor Day weekend with my sanity intact.
Then we'll take it from there.
Mo
Click here to subscribe
Can't wait until the next update <3
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed! (And I think you're wise to avoid the 'torture route'. Pee sticks are evil. Especially at this stage in the game.
ReplyDeleteIt is all magical and mysterious. Doesn't make it any easier. Wishing you some peace over this long weekend.
ReplyDeleteSo smart. For two of my babies the sticks did not rise in any sort of linear way. Like 8 dpo and 9 dpo were indistinguishable and Sometimes afternoon was darker but sometimes noT. The rise was truly impossible to read on a day to day basis. Some people seem to have better luck with that than I did. I tortured myself because I'd had so many losses after my first baby...i couldn't let go of the idea that I needed to track progress. So much better to relax and wait for quantitative information. All good wishes for your journey.
ReplyDeleteSanity is all. Keep breathing and I hope you have lovely weather and are able to go do things gently and with joy.
ReplyDeleteThinking about you and wishing you all the best!
ReplyDeleteThinking about you and continuing to send lots of prayers!
ReplyDeleteLuckily sweet Magpie is a great distraction. Thinking and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteExciting! I hope things keep developing positively for you! FWIW with my most recent pregnancy, I had a positive home pregnancy test one day, and the next day my beta was a whopping 26. When I got the call on the number, I was shocked I'd even got the positive the day before! And 7 months later, we had a feisty baby boy to show for it.
ReplyDelete*beta!
ReplyDelete