Still working over here on the veeeerrrry sloooooow process of getting my sister screened as a potential egg donor for us. She's getting some blood work done locally in the next few days and Will and I are slated to meet with a psychologist Monday to talk about what we (and my sister) should consider before moving forward.
We saw my sister this weekend and she is still cool as a cucumber about donating her eggs to us. Basically said she made the decision a few years ago before she approached us the first time and hasn't flinched or second guessed since then.
While we're on the topic of sister egg donation, I wanted to share a New York Times "Modern Love" column from 2010 that Mommacommaphd recommended.
I like some of the questions it poses about using a sister as a donor (in this essay, it's for her gay brother and his partner): "She was young and unattached. She wanted her own children but wasn’t ready. So was she prepared for someone else to have her child? And how would she explain this particular brand of baggage to a potential husband someday? Most of all, would she be satisfied always being Aunt Susie to this child and never, you know, the m-word?"
I wish I could follow this couple and find out how it all works out for them and their twins.
But just to read this slice of their life was really nice, and I recommend it for anyone considering using a relative as a donor. Made me feel like it's not a freakish choice but could actually be, well, just lovely.
Mo
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The way my sister put it when she and I talked about how we both felt about it is this: "I would donate a kidney if you needed one, I don't see this as any different."
ReplyDeleteThis really helped to put it in perspective for me. Your sister seems to have a similar outlook as mine did (and does.) We are both blessed with sisters who are so selfless and caring.
I'm so glad the column resonated with you.
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine was thinking about using her sister's eggs, but her sister's husband was not on board with this as they had just gotten married and presumably wanted to start their own family. In a way, it is probably good that your sister is not married yet. At least there will be some staggering of ages of the children if your sister does decide to get married and have her own kids one day. Your sister sounds like a wonderful generous kind person.
ReplyDeleteI think however you end up being parents, it's going to be really lovely.
ReplyDeleteI also think the fact that your sister is willing to do this for you is a great testament to her capacity for love, and I think if anything, it will do nothing to your relationship besides bringing you closer.
Thinking of you and hoping that everything goes smoothly this time around!
I don't comment often, though I have been following you for quite some time. Anyway, I read the story, and the name was familiar, and voila, I went to high school with Jerry Mahoney! Anyway, I looked him up out of my own curiosity, and he has a blog at http://jerry-mahoney.com/, in which he not only references the article you linked to, but chronicles his family life. Perhaps you could read it, and maybe even get in touch at some point, to see how things are going along the way. What a small world!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I'm wowed at the kind person who just shared that she knows Jerry Mahoney and gave you the link to his blog! What a crazy coincidence!
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I think the opportunity to have a child with a genetic link to your family is wonderful. Of course there are unusual angles to it, as there are for all donor eggs. But given the choice between using a donor whom you don't necessarily feel comfortable with vs. a beloved sister, it seems to me the sister choice wins all the way!
I hope whatever happens it happens SOON. Let's move it along in Denver, Mo is waiting!
Mo, have you heard of PVED.org? I'd be surprised if you hadn't but just in case.... I know there are people on there who have used sisters.... There are some AMAZING people on there, and I made some in-real-life connections out of it. I don't visit there any more, for reasons that are neither here nor there, but I think it's a good resource...
ReplyDeleteI continue to love this way forward. Fingers crossed!
ReplyDeleteHi Mo,
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to all of the hoops and waiting in the egg donor process. My sister donated her eggs to me and I am now 22 weeks pregnant with twin boys. Please let me know if you have any questions or just need to vent.
Take Care,
KC
kcoryfertility@blogspot.com
what a wonderful loving woman your sister is. i wish i had a sister or someone that close to me who would be willing to do that for me... :)
ReplyDeleteI just wish my sister would offer to carry my baby. (My SIL offered, but she was also 6 months along at the time, so I can't ask her to make good for awhile...)
ReplyDeleteI think that your sister is a pretty special person to look at is as a gift that she is 100% willing to give.
ICLW#3
Egg donation has become one of the most practical solutions for women who are having problems with fertility. If you are one of those women who face challenges with fertility, it would be beneficial to take time to understand the basics about egg donation.
ReplyDeleteEgg Donor(s)