Tuesday, June 4, 2013


I've been quiet this past month after receiving a couple of taunting comments from someone on this blog.

Apparently someone from my real life found this blog or someone from the blogosphere stumbled onto my identity, I'm not sure which. I've had real life folks find us before - and in the past this was always handled directly and honestly, with the person contacting me to let me know. I'll admit even in those cases, it felt weird to be found and to know that someone who knew me was reading.

But then I realized that that's the decision I've made as I've gone along - to make this blog real enough and personal enough that if you knew me well, knew our story, you'd recognize it in these pages (how many people in real life do YOU know who have had so many IVF failures and so many miscarriages and now are the proud parents of a tiny little girl?). So if you knew me, even without the photos of Magpie, you'd recognize the story because it's unusual enough. So be it. If I stripped out all the details to make it entirely anonymous, it wouldn't feel real or honest or emotionally true, and therefore, in my book, wouldn't have any point.

But now someone has found us and isn't being on the up and up. Instead they are leaving comments that are sort of....well, menacing. Sort of an "I know who you are!" kind of thing, and putting identifying information about us in the comments. They don't have all this information correct, but the intent is obvious. (They could have, for instance, emailed me at the email address on the blog and told me I had inadvertently posted clues to my identity, but instead they chose to post our identifying information where others might see it.) It's mean, really. Basically, it's a form of bullying.

I'm not sure what the point of this behavior is. Does this person want me to shut down the blog? Are they just plain hateful? Do they not understand that some of us work in professions where it is important that we maintain a sense of confidentiality and anonymity? I'm not sure.

But the sad result is that I haven't felt comfortable posting again. Five years and more than 500 posts, and in effect, I've been silenced. Maybe that was the intent of this person all along? I have no idea.

I'm trying to decide what to do about this space. One thing that would be useful to know as I mull over this is whether this blog has been helpful to you in any way in your own journeys. Did these words and our experience matter or assist you in any way through your own decisions, or your own pain and struggles?

Thanks for your thoughts and sorry for the silence.


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