Yesterday's bloodwork results, 6w4d

Local RE's nurse just called with bloodwork results from yesterday.

Beta HCG = 3,451
Estrogen = 1,299
Progesterone = 70.2

So the beta is still increasing. I think rate of rise doesn't matter so much now that we've seen ultrasonic evidence of the pregnancy, and I know it slows after week 5, so I'm going to try not to worry too much that it isn't higher.

Of course, if it were much higher and we weren't seeing the embryo on ultrasound, that would be terrible, so maybe I think the beta is exactly where I'd like it to be. I dunno.

And the progesterone is wowza. I've been giving myself 1.5cc of PIO per day plus 3 endometrin suppositories, and seems that my body is really taking it up.

Who knows what all this means. The local nurse thinks the level being this high means that the pregnancy is starting to produce some of its own progesterone now, which would be a potentially good sign.

The Denver nurse thinks that the estrogen and progesterone being so high are good prognostic signs that "something is going on in there." And she says that she has seen other FET cases where things were measuring 5-7 days behind at this point and turned out ok.

I didn't ask how many times, but it's something.

Mo

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17dp5dt beta results

Beta results are in early today!

Beta HCG = 714

Estrogen = 1,478

Progesterone = 21

Really happy with this! We are doubling faster than every two days now, every 1.7 days or every 41.56 hours from the prior level of 144 on Thursday.

Progesterone isn't great, but it's not critically low. I can get out around 3pm to pick up more and will find a bathroom to do an on the spot injection.

Oh, maybe maybe maybe this could turn out to be a viable pregnancy (oh please!). I feel so fortunate to have even the possibility of this chance.

Mo


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13dp5dt beta results

Wow - that took a long time! Results are finally in.

Beta HCG = 144

Progesterone = 36.4

Estrogen = 831

That's a 124% rise since Tuesday's test! Doubling every 41.27 hours!

We're still in the game! Things could maybe work out ok! I honestly can't believe it.

As soon as I got off the phone after hearing the results, I burst into tears. Tears of relief.

One step at a time. A few days at a time...

But no doubt about it, for today we are pregnant!

Mo

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FET #3 11dp5dt beta results

It's been a long wait today...after the long wait over the weekend. Been trying to distract and not let my head go to dark places.

Results are in. I don't think they are good, but the Denver nurse was very positive about it.

Today's HCG came back at 64.3

That's a doubling time of 62 hours, or every 2 days and 14 hours, a 70.4% rise.

Estrogen is 1,103

Progesterone 13.0 (which means I'll be upping the PIO dose to 1.5cc starting tomorrow morning.

Denver nurse says they are happy with anything that is above a 66% rise, but I dunno.

I feel like I'm waiting for the end already, which is a bummer, since we're just at the beginning. Thursday's number will be critical to see what happens. She says sometimes the beta starts off like this and then just shoots up. I guess we'll pray that that's us.

But every time I've been in a beta situation like this, I've ended up with a miscarriage.

I would love to hear if any of you have positive stories to share.

I feel awful. Which is odd, since the nurse was so upbeat.

Sigh.

Mo

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FET #3: 7dp5dt Beta HCG results

I finally heard from both the Denver clinic and the NYC clinic. They both called at basically the exact same time.

Beta HCG = 22.3

Nurse was happy with this number, given that beta isn't due until Sunday. The Denver clinic wants you at 50 on beta day, so hopefully we'll be close if not there by then.

Estrogen was good at 1217.

Progesterone came in at 10.1, which is low. The Denver clinic's current protocol is endometrin suppositories 3x/day plus 1 cc of PIO every other day. Due to this low number, I now get to graduate to daily PIO plus the suppositories. This embryo will not lack for progesterone.

In terms of symptoms today, I didn't have the uterine "pulling" that I've been looking for, but I did have a very specific kind of cramping that I've only had when pregnant that's different than menstrual cramping. So that was reassuring and hope-inducing.

So I am tentatively hopeful. I would have MUCH preferred a higher number than 22.3, but that's in the ballpark of where we need to be at this stage of the game, so I'll take it.

Just hoping, hoping, hoping this blastocyst can strongly take hold and keep growing (I'm assuming it's only 1, based on the low number).

Universe, are you listening? I know I'm being greedy, but please?

Pregnancy #9, here we come!

Mo

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Pregnancy #8: Beta #3

Results are back and are decidedly not good.

Beta HCG = 264.0
Progesterone down to 20.71.

I haven't heard my OB's take on this yet (obtained results elsewhere), but I can't imagine there's any hope with a rise like this and drop in progesterone.

Oh well. Looks like it wasn't meant to be. I am more sad than I thought I would be to hear this news.

Mo

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Beta #2

Beta HCG # 2 was drawn this morning and came back at 198.1, so an 86.9% increase, doubling time of 53.2 hours or 2.2 days.

Not sure what to make of it, as it's not a 48 hour doubling time... but maybe it's close enough? Anyone have any positive outcomes out there from a doubling time like this early on?

Progesterone looks great at 30.2. No supplementation; my body is doing that all on it's own.

So it's not bad news....but perhaps it's not exactly good either.

I welcome any thoughts or experience with this.

Mo

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HCG results for pregnancy #8

I have a lot to say and no time at the moment...but I don't want to leave you guys hanging any longer.

My OB called this morning (I love her!) and spoke to me before I left for work.

HCG level yesterday was 106.5, so a tad low, but I like that it's three digits, instead of two. I'd call it decent, and hey, you've got to start somewhere. I didn't expect it to be too high because I tested on Monday morning with a First Response Early Result (FRER) pee stick and got a negative.

Progesterone looked great at 28.08. So that's a relief.

Going back in for a second beta tomorrow to see what is going on with the doubling situation, which is what really matters.

I diligently peed on a FRER this morning...looks basically the same to me as yesterday's (or even a bit lighter, what do you think?). Unfortunately, not seeing a big change in the right direction did not reassure me. I realize the pee sticks do not constitute a quantitative analysis, but I couldn't help myself. Shouldn't it be clear to me by now that mostly the pee sticks just make me more scared? Some people never learn.

Bottom line, as of now, I am a very little bit pregnant. Who ever thought I'd be having this experience?!

Hanging on for the ride!

Mo

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FET #2: 8w5d weekly blood work results

So I heard from the IVF nurse at my local clinic...

blood work is back.

Estrogen is 1,169

which is great, especially because I dropped to 3 patches.

Progesterone is 57

which is just hands down awesome (weird that my breasts aren't hurting more, but I'll take it).

and

Beta HCG = 182,833

which is higher than last week's 140,932, but not much higher.

I'm going to try to assume that it's ok, though, and will ask the Denver nurse when I talk to her. I also have to find a way to get the local clinic to stop with the beta checks!! I did a little Internet research and it looks like the number starts to plateau around week 9 or 10... and I found this article on line, which helped reassure me that basically any HCG number is potentially ok at this point. Weird numbers are going to do a number on my fragile little mind...so stop checking the beta HCG, clinic!!!

Would you be worried about this beta number? Be honest. I'll add to the bottom of this post what the Denver nurse says once I talk to her...

Mo

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Update: Denver nurse never called so I'll try to catch her tomorrow...

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Waiting for the phone to ring

Hanging in...feeling mostly recovered from the IVIG, I think, and it's now only two more days until Will returns from his trip. Really looking forward to his return. In the meantime, all seems to be status quo. I'm having some occasional uterine twinges and momentary cramps, which I am guessing/hoping are growing/stretching pains. Same level of pink tinge...not really spotting, but spotting not completely absent either. My fatigue remains, but seems a bit better today. Appetite and sense of smell are off, but not intolerable. In fact, my appetite seems a little better, which of course has me a bit concerned, but I'm trying not to overanalyze.

I went in this morning for my weekly blood work check. It's amazing how anxious waiting for the results still makes me, even after doing this week after week. Again, the tech wouldn't let me drop the beta check. I told her I only need the progesterone and estrogen and she went and talked to a nurse and said they wanted to check the beta HCG again too. OK...I guess...Just hoping nothing comes back wonky and freaks me out. I'm down to 1cc PIO + 2 suppositories (from 3) and down from 4 estrogen patches to 3. Hoping those numbers are still good enough and that the beta is higher than last week (beyond that, I don't think there's anything to look at with the HCG anymore. And I wish they would stop checking it at my local clinic - Denver certainly doesn't want that lab value anymore - but my local clinic folks don't seem amenable to that).

So now it's the wait. Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock... I think it's silly this is still so nerve wracking for me. I'm pretty certain that the IVF nursing staff at my clinic would never guess how worried I am. After all, usually when someone is this far along, they've moved on into a blissful pregnant state. Or maybe not? Maybe that's just my imaginings of what "other people's" (read: non-miscarriers') experience is like. Sounds like many of you have had lots of fear too, so I suspect my imaginings are incorrect...

I will feel MUCH better getting the results, I think. Even though a rising beta and good estrogen and progesterone do not a live baby make (necessarily). I would have felt even better not checking on things at all. Weird, but true. I think by the time next Wednesday's ultrasound comes around, I'll be terrified to check but desperate for confirmation of the pregnancy or a desire to find out it's over. Thankfully, Will will be back by then, so I won't be on my own, whatever the news is.

I was scheduling patients today for next Wednesday, and as has happened every week, I paused before scheduling anyone for after the ultrasound. I know I'll be too much of a mess to see patients if I've just found out I've lost the baby. So I had the thought that maybe I should just keep my schedule clear....just in case. Ugh. Crazy thinking. I need to just keep living my life, I finally told myself. If the pregnancy is over, I will call patients and tell them there's been an emergency and cancel them. I don't need to predict the terrible outcome and plan for it. Seriously! Especially not every week. Not a good way to live one's life, waiting for and anticipating disaster at every turn.

Sigh.

So hoping the phone will ring soon with these results. And willing time to pass quickly so I can get a little further into the pregnancy. Just trying to be sane in the meantime. And succeeding...mostly...I think.

I will post the lab numbers when I get them. Should be any time now. Thanks for waiting with me.

Mo

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Things that go bump in the night

photo credit: tome chan

All is looking good. As good as good can be right now.

Our big hurdle - both real and psychological - is time. Just needing to get through the next few weeks or so - past the date of our latest loss, further into the pregnancy where things would be a bit safer. We're thinking that might make things start to seem more real, more likely to stick around.

And considering everything we've been through - the six losses, the five years getting to this point - I think we are holding up damn well. For the most part, I am not angst-ing too much or for too long.

There are some back-of-my-head worries, some middle-of-the-night worries, the type that you don't see so clearly, but maybe hear in the background sometimes, late at night bumping around in your head and your heart.

My main fear that I can pinpoint at this stage is a fear that this pregnancy is another triploidy. We've had beta numbers this high once before - during pregnancy number 5 - and it was a triploidy, 69 XXX. Actually, my beta numbers during that pregnancy were lower than my hcg numbers this pregnancy. Gulp. Which I'll be honest, does worry me some. (edited to add: I mean lower at the same day in time...much earlier than now - back in the beginning of a pregnancy when you usually get betas drawn....)

The embryos we transferred this time were tested ahead of time and were deemed normal by microarray analysis. Because the Denver clinic was worried about repeat triploidy in our case (usually a spontaneous, non-age related, not likely to repeat event), they also did FISH testing to specifically look for this. The FISH failed to work, however, on two of the three blasts we transferred this time. So we know there is no mismatch with the chromosomes - no trisomies - but there could be an entire extra set again, which is what triploidy is (microarray only looks for a mismatch between the chromosome numbers, not how many sets there are).

Cue the fear.

I talked to the OB about it last week and she reassured me some. She said that it's unlikely to be a triploidy, but that if it is, I'll miscarry in the next few weeks. If I don't miscarry in the next few weeks, and if the quad screen, nuchal, etc. comes back ok, we can pretty much rule that fear out.

May not sound like much reassurance, but it worked for me. Nothing I can do to change it if this is a triploidy, so it's a wait and see game at this point. OK. I can do that. I can wait and see.

I also contacted the genetic counselor in Denver, just to see if she could put my mind at ease at all. She also said triploidy is unlikely (which I know, but don't these folks realize that Mo and Will are especially prone to rare and unlikely events?). She affirmed what I thought, which is that because we did ICSI, we know only one sperm fertilized each egg, which is one way triploidy occurs. She also confirmed that the Denver clinic checks for the expulsion of the polar body from the egg, which is another way triploidy can occur (the egg doesn't shed its extra set of chromosomes, so you end up with 3 sets). I was also hoping to find out if the embryologists tried to visualize the 2PN stage that confirms fertilization (because I think in triploidy you'd have a 3PN, not a 2PN stage, but she didn't answer that part of my question...oh well).

So rationally, it seems unlikely this is another triploidy, except that my beta numbers are a little out of this world. And I realize to those without a crazy bad history, these thoughts and fears may seem crazy, or super negative or something. But I don't think so. I think this is what happens when you've rolled the dice as many times as we have and have come up wanting each time. It's hard to believe your luck may finally have changed. You keep looking for the catch. You keep looking for the asterisk. The "just kidding!" in small print at the bottom of the page.

Mostly I'm not thinking too much about this. Mostly I'm actually in the now...this fear is just a little niggling thought in the back of my mind sometimes. It helps so much to know that whatever is going on in there is out of my hands. I can't unmake a triploidy if that is what is growing. I also can't mess up a perfectly normal baby if that's what we're lucky enough to finally have.

It helps that I'm still feeling guarded, have not launched head over heels into this pregnancy with my heart wide open yet. I feel a little guilty about that, but am trying to be understanding of myself and Will. We are gun-shy. We are wounded. We are taking this a day at a time, and that's ok.

So these are some of the things that go bump in the night for us. If we can just get a bit farther along, these particular fears will be put to rest. And that will be a very good thing.

Mo

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FET #2: weekly blood work results 7w6d

Thank you guys for all of your well wishes and congrats! This all still feels so surreal, I have to say, but reading your excitement and encouraging words makes it feel a little more real.

I received my weekly hormone check and it appears all is still going well.

Estrogen = 732

Progesterone = 39.4

Beta HCG = (yikes!) 140,934

That last number must be why I feel like I'm about to toss my cookies at any moment.

Which I'm not complaining about. It's a good thing. A good thing! That said, I'm hoping to wrap things up here at the office a bit early and tuck myself into my nice comfy bed for a little early evening slumber. I'm soooooo tired!

Despite all evidence to the contrary (the bloating, the fatigue, the nausea, the ultrasounds and blood work), my  main thought remains, Is this really happening? I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and realize this was all just some elaborate and very detailed dream. I hope not.

Mo

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You guys are incredible! And test results (and more test results)

You guys! YOU GUYS! I can't believe how many of you came out of the woodwork to wish us well. Thank you! Wow!! We're really humbled and touched by your responses. I think some of you may have had a stronger emotional reaction than we did! Of course, I know we're a little battle scarred at this point, so I'm not beating myself up for still being pretty guarded. Sometimes I think reading your responses and reactions helps me to be able to access and feel what I would if we hadn't had such a run of bad outcomes. Your thoughts and well wishes - WOW. Thank you : ) Really.

We had blood work drawn yesterday, so I will duly post the results, as always. Everything is looking fine:

progesterone = 53.15

estrogen = 683

beta HCG = 65,543

So all is well. I'm hoping I can get them to stop with the betas soon, but these phlebotomists have a mind of their own, I tell ya. My nurse from Denver even brought up the idea of lowering the estrogen and progesterone (gasp) - which I promptly put the kibosh on. I just got a heart beat!! - I can't change anything just yet! So she relented. I agreed to drop one progesterone suppository on Tuesday (leaving me with 1cc of PIO daily + 2 suppositories... she'll fight me about the estrogen patches again next week she said.)

In other test result news, I didn't mention it, but last week during the time I had that bad cold, I also had a dermatologist appointment scheduled to have a lesion on the back of my neck evaluated. I've had this progressively more ugly slightly smaller than a dime sized keloid scar there. It's right at my neckline where the tags on my clothes tend to rub, and so it's constantly getting irritated. This past several months, it seems like it's been a constant almost-wound, that even showering opens it up, and I've been covering it with a bandaid and ignoring it. I guess for far too long.

The dermatologist biopsied it and left me a message yesterday to say she had the results. Now, I figured if she had the results but didn't say what they were on this psychologist's confidential voice mail, that that meant one thing, and one thing only: the results must be positive. Damn Irish American pale pale complexion! And I was right. I have a decent-sized basal cell carcinoma on the back of my neck. I'm not freaking out (melanoma - anything beyond stage I - would freak me out), but she does want me to have the whole thing excised soonish and make sure I have clean margins, etc. I talked to Will about an hour ago about it and he says I should go to a plastic surgeon instead of her, since it's not so small and it's visible and is going to be large enough to require stitches, etc. So, I'm mulling all this. I don't know if any of you guys have experience with such things, but chime in, if so. One thing the dermatologist emphasized is that I need to get it taken care of now - not wait 9 months until the baby is delivered (ha! ha! until a baby is delivered! That's hilarious! She thinks I'm having a baby!)

Ok. Yeah. So still processing a number of things over here:

(1) According to you guys and according to my doctors, I am pretty knocked up. At least for today.

(2) I've got an annoying neck lesion I need to have removed.

(3) I have more love and support from you guys than I could ever have imagined. Isn't this when you're all supposed to un-follow me and stop reading? Guess not. Or not yet at least. Thank you for all of your kind words and encouragement and positive thoughts. Really, just beyond words thank you!

More soon.

Mo

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Blood work results 6w2d

These results are coming in later and later, yowza.

Today, I still had heard nothing when I finished with my last patient at 7pm, so I ended up paging the on-call fellow, who called back a bit annoyed, but with the results, which was all I cared about.

All continues to appear well from a blood work standpoint.

Progesterone = 32.82

Estrogen = 616

Beta HCG = 45,785 (No wonder I'm so queasy!)

The Denver nurse called right around the same time I heard from the local clinic...they want me to do more blood work at the end of the week. They are being super cautious with me because of that previous weird progesterone level of 11.5. I'm glad they're taking things seriously. I deeply appreciate it.

Just hoping there is a tiny heart beating inside me to go with that whopping HCG level.

Hoping.

Mo

P.S. I was waiting on the blood results to make a decision about tomorrow's scheduled ultrasound with the RE's suboptimal equipment. Obviously by now the office is long closed. So not sure what I'm going to do...call in "sick" to the ultrasound, buck up and go and try not to freak if we don't see a heartbeat, or some third option I can't think of right now... Will and I are going to sleep on it and figure it out overnight or in the AM...be interesting to see what we decide to do...


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