Mo and Will's nontraditional Christmas

We'd had enough of the blizzard conditions in NYC and decided that this year, we didn't want to spend the holiday watching everyone else's kids open their gifts while longing for children of our own. So we checked Ms. Moxie into a puppy spa/boot camp and headed out of town for an unconventional Christmas. Instead of the usual holiday activities, we've spent our day snorkeling and swimming. It's been a nice way to reclaim the holidays.

We hope you are having a very, very happy holiday - and look forward to sharing 2010 with you all.

Mo and Will

Moxter in the snow

Bounding around with a big stick up in the country

Running with Mo (notice Moxie's blue boots!) beneath the railroad tracks after the blizzard

Bambi on ice. Or more accurately, boxer on ice

Mo's shape up plan: week 5: back on track

I've been so good this week! Worked out a bunch, ate right. Felt so so good to get things back under control and especially to be on top of exercising. Big news this week is that I've dropped enough weight to hit a weight that ends in zero. That means only 10-15 or so pounds to go to be back at a weight where I feel good and happy with my body. God, wouldn't that be nice?

Total exercise this week: 6 hours aerobic
1.5 hours on elliptical
4.5 hours running on treadmill

Diet: I was SO well behaved this week, sometimes probably actually not eating enough, in part because I have had a family emergency going on that has pretty much squelched my appetite. But I'll take it. Trying to be healthy in the choices I am making.

Items of clothing earned: 2 (another grey sweater, black pencil skirt. Hey, I live in Manhattan. Must wear black, grey, and brown to the exclusion of all else.)

Weight lost this week: 2.6 lbs

Weight lost overall so far: 8 lbs!!!!

Total body fat lost (based on gizmo on my scale that I only half believe): 3.38 lbs.

Mo

Sundays of grace #21

What am I grateful for?

1. First big snowstorm of the season. Snow everywhere! Love to see it lying in pillows on the fire escape, each tree limb blanketed with a layer of whiteness, the park filled with sledders, the city quiet beneath all the white.

2. Puppy in a blizzard!!! Moxie has been so excited to run and romp in the snow. She has blue rubber booties because all the salt on the pavement is tough on her paws. When she walks down the street, they make this thwack thwack sound, like she's a little four-legged duck.

3. Almost one-fourth of the way through my master's degree. I have not been so excited about getting another degree on top of the master's and PhD I already have (this one was a requirement of the two-year grant I received to do my research. Bleh). But it seems that the time is flying by. Three more semesters to go and then hopefully, no more school ever!

Mo

Hallmark Reject #8

Shape up plan: week 4: SLIP!

This past week was a tough one. I didn't exercise as much as I meant to - not even close - and I let the stresses of final exams and work get the better of me (can we all say pan of homemade fudge?) Yikes. That said, the damage seems to have been fairly limited.

At the time of this writing, I'm two days into rectifying things, and so far, so good. I'm really glad I'm not letting a chocolate binge derail the overall plan - which is to try to consistently eat less. No giving up here. Just something to learn from and keep on going

Total exercise this week: 3 hours (feels like almost nothing compared to what I've been doing, but every little bit counts for something, right?)
2 spinning classes
1 hour on elliptical
(we were active all weekend hiking in the snow with our pupster, but no full-out aerobic exercise, so I'm not counting it)

Diet: Started out with just a little bit of some extra snack or helping of food here and there, which by last Thursday ballooned into making a pan of fudge...and EATING HALF OF IT! (the other half was given to our awesome dog walker for Hanukkah). Very yummy, but not in line with the weight loss goal. Plus, did I really have to eat so much of it?! REALLY?! Doesn't feel good to feel out of control.

Items of clothing earned: 0. Bummer. I want those clothes!

Weight lost this week: .4 lbs (Could be worse, right?)

Weight lost overall so far: 5.4 lbs

Total body fat lost (based on gizmo on my scale that I only half believe): .1 lbs

Stresses and finals continue but I am committed to doing my very best to stay on track as much as possible.

I vow to do better this week.

Any words of advice on how to get this plan back on the rails? Encouragement welcome. Got the criticism thing going on pretty well all by myself.

Mo

My how she's grown!

Our puppy Moxie has grown amazingly in the two months since we've gotten her.

First, here is a picture of her sleeping in her bedding when we first got her at eight weeks, snuggling with her little lamb.

Just for comparison purposes, the other day, we had her lay down in this same bed again with her lamb, and look - she's gargantuan!

But still our little cutie.

We are so in love.

Mo

Sundays of grace #20

1. We had dinner with a coworker's family this week, and I was struck by her three children, ages 18 mos, 5 yo, and 6 yo. They live in New Jersey in a home not much bigger than our apartment and so all three kids share one of the two bedrooms. I was amazed at these children, how kind and generous they were with each other and with us, how gentle. I hope that when we finally figure out how to have children come into our lives we will be able to help them learn to be this openhearted, this loving.

2. We are visiting my in-laws upstate this weekend, which means little Moxie is seeing some serious snow for the first time in her life. It has been such a pleasure to watch her progress from absolute terror of the slippery whiteness to a sense of wonder and curiosity about it. And who knew, but our puppy loves to venture out on the frozen pond in pursuit of a thrown stick, running at breaknet speed and then sliding the final distance toward - and sometimes past - the stick, before getting it firmly in her mouth and bounding back to Will and I cheering for her on the bank. Go Moxie!!! Yeah!!

3. The clear December night sky up at my in-laws. So completely black, so filled with a thousand stars, each a bright point of light in the darkness. Beautiful to be up in the country blanketed by a sky of stars in the coldness. Makes everything seem in perspective: me, my husband, my puppy just tiny life forms on a single planet. Insignificantly small. Just hoping for the best in our small corner of the universe.

Mo

From donor embryos to Ethiopia: Tales from an adoption conference

Finally, here's the what's what on the adoption conference we attended at the end of November:

There were hundreds of attendees and 90 different talks to choose from, so Will and I split up and attended some different talks throughout the day to get a sense of things.

We don't know whether we're even headed to adoption as a next step, should IVF #6 be a bust, but just in case, we wanted to arm ourselves with as much info as possible.

Here's the scoop on what we learned:

Talk #1: China's waiting child program - super long waits at this point to adopt from China unless you get a "special needs" child. "Special needs" can mean everything from cleft lip/palate to heart defect to club foot/feet to Chronic Hep B, etc. You can specify what you can deal with and wait times are reduced considerably.
What did we think? Kind of an attractive option. Since we're medical folks, we aren't intimidated by some of the medical issues (cognitive issues scare us more). Three of our nephews are half-Japanese/half-Caucasian descent so an Asian child would have cousins who look similar (and who are learning Mandarin at school), which is a plus.

Talk #2: Private domestic adoption - Listened to attorney discuss private adoption. Legalities differ from state to state, depending on where birthmom is. You place your own ads and hope for the best. You also pay birthmom's medical expenses and in some states living expenses. If she changes her mind, you're out of luck.
What did we think? Kind of scared me, honestly. After all of our losses, the idea of meeting a birthmom and getting attached to the idea that I would be able to parent the child she is carrying and then possibly having that child NOT go home with us...well, it makes me want to puke. Not sure I can do it. Somehow, although I know many people have happy stories to tell about it, this one felt really iffy to me.

Talk #3: Ethiopian adoption - Discussion by two large agencies on status of their orphanages and how their programs work. Thought wait times for this country might be less but they still hover around 2 years - unless you go the "special needs" route. Bummer.
What did we think? Things are rough enough in Ethiopia in terms of poverty and malnutrition that it would really feel like we would be making a huge impact on a child's life to adopt them from here, which appeals. Liked that the two orphanages discussed have small staff:child ratios and good nutrition. Really liked that you often get to meet the birthmom or family and can take photos, video, etc., which you could then share with child to help them understand where they came from, and that you can often stay in touch with birthmom/family sending letters/cards (no money/goods allowed). But the malnutrion/parasite/infection issues sounded alarming.

Talk #4: International adoption medical review - International adoption physician spoke about common medical and cognitive issues with international adoptees. He said that the kids have lots of physical issues (parasites, malnutrition, delayed growth and motor abilities, etc.) as well as cognitive issues (50-75% have cognitive delays). Basically, the way he put it, all international adoptees are special needs kids. So the ones labeled special needs have problems on top of problems. At the end of his talk, he said, "Most of these kids should eventually be able to hold a job as adults. And that's all you really want as a parent, really."
What did we think? Um, "holding a job" actually isn't all we hope for for our kids. Yikes! Of course, we'll love our kids no matter what but we hope for the best for them. Bottom line, this talk scared the bejeevers out of us in terms of international adoption. It was really hard to get a sense of whether we could expect our kid(s) to ever be able to approximate "catching up" over the years or how longlasting the impact of malnutrition, orphanage conditions, etc. would be. And the need for these kids is really great. No easy answers.

Talk #5: Embryo adoption - Not really "adoption" in the legal sense of the word, but this one was a talk on how to find donated embryos - supposedly there are a lot out there through various agencies and clinics. You have to do a homestudy and apparently sometimes you write an intended parent profile and the embryos' family "picks" you. Some of these are open arrangements to some degree, so that your child can know their genetic siblings. Costs are much less than donor egg, which is a plus.
What did we think? Intriguing option. Sort of cool, sort of another loss, to image that Will's genetics would no longer be a part of this. Questions about the religious/right-to-life agenda of some of the agencies. Don't want to support anything that might ultimately lead to narrowing options to women trying to conceive or deal with an unwanted pregnancy. We're Catholic, but obviously not too strictly practicing or we would never have done IVF (since it's verboten). Feel sort of excited and frightened by prospect of child knowing their genetic sibs. Also feel absolutely terrified about the gamble of adoptiong embryos (although apparently many are from donor eggs, which helps). Wouldn't the family have already used the best embryos to create their family? What if whatever is left doesn't work? We've made almost 40 embryos ourselves and have no kids. So, it's a scary prospect to gamble yet again.

So, overall, what did we learn? We learned we need to research a lot more as well as explore our own hearts to figure out where to go from here. There are many ways to adopt a child, from the blastocyst stage on up, but they involve what feels like considerable risk in terms of what that poor child may have gone through before they come to us and how that may strongly impact the person they will become. All of the options would require us to tolerate a great deal of uncertainty, which if anything as we've gone through IVF, has gotten harder for me. I feel like if I'm giving up on the idea of my genetic child, then getting a child should be an easy, straightforward process with minimal risk. But - ha! - of course, it is not. It looks to be a whole other roller coaster.

If you have any knowledge of any of these options, please chime in - the more the merrier. One thing I learned at the conference is that for me, hearing about specific situations trumps the abstract in terms of feeling more clearheaded about these options any day.

Thoughts? Experiences? Speak up!

Mo

Yup, it's more Hallmark Rejects!

We saw this cartoon in the November 23, 2009 New Yorker, and I figured that the card shopper must be an infertile. I mean, really, just take a look at her pained expression:

So Will and I decided to, um, "improve" the cartoon a bit to suit our fancy.

Here's the new "Mo and Will" version. What do you think?

Sometimes, despite my best intentions, envy creeps in when I hear another's good news. This is most often the case when it seems they just breezed into parenthood or don't have enough gratitude for their good fortune.

Can any of you out there relate?

I wish there were a way to make myself feel some other way. Other people's successes have nothing to do with my own failure.

Seeing this cartoon made me laugh with recognition at a reaction of mine I'm not very proud of.

Thank goodness for humor even in infertility!

Mo

Shape up plan, week 3: quickie update

As of today, I have squeaked under the BMI for "overweight" and back down into the "normal" weight category. Now, I know that I actually feel much better and more "myself" nearer to the middle-to-low end of the "normal" weight category, so I still have a way to go. Today begins week 4. Here's hoping I can keep my motivation up this week! One Holiday party and one dinner out with friends planned. Hopefully I can behave! Will says he notices a difference in the way I look, but I can't tell a difference honestly. I do, however, feel much healthier, am sleeping better, and feel like I have more consistent energy during the day. Yay for that!

Total exercise this week: 5 hours aerobic, 1.25 hours flexibility
1 spinning class
3 hours, 20 minutes on elliptical
40 mins run/walk on treadmill
(+1.25 hours yoga)

Diet: No major deviations, but not as strict on portion control as should be. So healthy, but occasionally more food than I "needed." Managed to eat over at friends houses twice this week and maintain healthful choices (with the exception of one mojito and a little cheesy pasta). So not perfect, but not a diet disaster either.

Items of clothing earned: 1 (grey Ann Taylor outlet high neck ribbed sweater)

Weight lost this week: 1.6 lbs

Weight lost overall so far: 5 lbs!!!!

Total body fat lost (based on gizmo on my scale that I only half believe): gained .07. What the?! How can I be getting fatter?

Will's Weight loss so far: 6.5 lbs (wow.)

Mo

Sundays of Grace # 19

1. Everything is a go for Denver. Looks like this cycle is going to happen despite my intense fears about the process and the difficulties of scheduling medical treatment across the country. As bummed as I am to need to go to Denver and cycle a sixth time, I try to remember to be grateful that this technology is available, and that we are able to string together loans and the remainder of our savings to make it happen. In a strange way, we are actually very lucky.

2. I heart my gym. They have these chilled eucalyptus scented towels to cool your face after you work out, and then in the past week, they started carrying Kiehl's shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, and moisturizer. Bottom line, my gym is now nicer than my home. I think I may just move in there. I am so grateful for all these little niceties that make the whole experience of working out feel like a privilege rather than drudgery.

3. This week was the first time I experienced a "high" from exercise. It only happened once, and motivating for and completing the rest of the workouts was actually super difficult this week. But once, during a run on the treadmill, I had that sense that my breath and my body were perfectly in sync, a sense of lightness and rhythm, the feeling that I could have continue forever. What a gift to have that happen, the reminder of how good it can feel to take care of my body. I wasn't expecting to have that pay off for several more weeks. I feel fortunate to have experienced it so early into my renewed commitment to working out.

I'm sure you mean well, but you're not exactly selling us on adoption

Snippet of a conversation with a staff member at our hospital who helped us get my med record after Will volunteered to her some of our reproductive difficulties (Will! Zip it!):

Her: Have you considered adoption if this IVF doesn't work out?

Us: Yes. At this point, we're considering everything.

Her: Because my niece adopted two beautiful girls (reaches over to get their pictures).

Us: Aww. That's so sweet. They look like lovely young women!

Her: They are! One turned out so well, she's married and has a good job and a husband.

Us: That's wonderful. Adoption does seem like such a good option.

Her: The other, well...not so much. She has Crohns, and is mentally unstable.

Us: Oh! (Involuntarily take a step back)

Her: The first one, though, she's mentally stable.

Us: Um, that's good.

Her: But that second one, she is a real mess. Can't hold a job, no relationships, health problems, and she's got really big emotional issues. I guess anybody's kids can have problems, but boy, she is a big disaster!

Us: (silent thought transmission: "You're really not selling us on adoption as a family building strategy") (out loud) Well, thank you so much for your help! We really appreciate it.

(run from her office as fast as possible)

Sidenote: We're trying to wrap our heads around the possibility of adoption and/or third-party reproduction. We even attended an adoption conference a couple of weeks ago (more on this in a separate post soon), but conversations like this make us a little skittish, ya know?

Day 3 bloods back from Denver and things are looking...good? Huh?

Just heard from Denver clinic.

My day 3 bloods are back and are shockingly good.

FSH = 5.5
E2 = 33.2
AMH = 1.4

AMH is a new one for us, so I'm not sure what to make of it. They said anything over 1.0 is fine. Does that sound right? My old clinic doesn't do AMH.

As for the FSH and E2, these are better than I've ever had. By comparison, before IVF #4 (last March), my FSH = 6.8 and E2 = 32.7, and before IVF #5 (last May), my FSH = 7.0 and E2 = 30.

Didn't think FSH ever went down, but mine seems to be doing so, and E2 isn't really rising. Weird. But I'll take it. Anybody know more about this than we do and care to enlighten me?

Looks like things are a go for the Denver cycle in Jan or Feb. Still waiting to hear on when we're scheduled to begin and what the protocol is.

Dare I say that I'm feeling a bit excited about the prospect of cycling again?

Some people never learn.

Mo

Don't choke on the ovaries!

One of my favorite websites, iheartguts.com, has issued a recall notice that I found simultaneously amusing and disturbing.

This awesome website has made it its mission to create adorable bodily organs, both in illustrated and plush form, including the reproductive organs.

They have an online shop where you can buy pretty much any plush organ that you so desire. In fact, I loved their plush organs so much that I copied the uterus as my new avatar a couple of months ago.

This website first got me started on the whole Hallmark reject line because I found their e-cards, in particular their miscarriage e-card, so laugh out loud funny.

Here is the plush uterus: Isn't it cute?

It may be cute, but it's one darn dangerous uterus. Perusing the iheartguts website recently, I learned that in addition to the already well established fact that my acutal uterus can kill babies, according to this recall notice, this plush uterus can too.



We have to be careful. Once we finally get our hard-won real, live children, it would be a damn shame if they died after choking on an ovary.

Choking hazards are real, but somehow this one also made me chuckle. Because choking on a plush ovary after such a long struggle with infertility and recurrent miscarriage? Now that would be the ultimate irony.

Mo

Meeting Dora's new daughter

Yesterday evening I went to visit Dora of My Preconceived Notion and ISO the Golden Egg. It was great to get to visit her and meet her beautiful new daughter. Dora is the first URL friend who crossed the bridge to become an IRL friend, and someone whose story I've been following a long time, so it was extra special to get to see her and meet her new little one.

Little baby girl S. is just scrumptious. I found myself just staring at her, looking her over from head to toe in awe. (Sorry, but no pics. You'll have to wait for Dora to post at her discretion after she's discharged from the hospital.) It was hard to imagine that just a couple of days ago, this little baby girl was tucked inside Dora's belly. Baby S's skin is so healthy and pink and she had her arms and legs curled up around her. She has a lot of hair, very straight and light brown. And she has long fingernails! (Already she's a girl's girl!) Not to mention that beautiful new baby smell. Throughout our visit, Dora's daughter slept curved peacefully in my arms and in my lap, giving Dora a bit of a break from holding her - apparently this little one prefers mama's arms to the bassinet already!

Dora seems great. She looked and sounded fantastic - you'd never know she just had major surgery on Sunday. She was getting in and out of bed like a champ, despite her C-section. And she was just beaming with happiness.

It was a great way to wind up a day at work to get to see these two! (Dora delivered at the hospital where Will and I work.) I plan to stop by one more time for another visit today before they get discharged tomorrow.

It is so wonderful, but also bittersweet, to get to celebrate someone else's success in the midst of so much uncertainty about our own reproductive future. I was worried that it would feel unbearable to go up to the postpartum area of the hospital where I work and see all the babies in the nursery and their happy families. I tend to cringe seeing all the women leaving the hospital in wheelchairs surrounded by balloons and flowers and holding their little ones, so I was concerned that this might really get to me. But it was ok to go and visit Dora and her baby. It was almost like the abstract is harder - that the idea of someone having a baby hurts more than seeing my friend Dora and her baby. It helps too to know that Dora struggled long and hard to have her daughter and used a donor embryo. This is one of the many options open to us too, should we need it, and in that way Dora is a model to me of how to succeed in this crappy business of infertility and come out the other side with a precious child. No matter what, I wouldn't have stayed away, but it was a relief that it wasn't a tortured experience to be there on the unit where I have for so long also hoped to deliver my own child. Does that make any sense?

So Dora, congratulations!!!! You're a mom! (and you're going to be a great one!). Little S., welcome to the world. Will and I hope to provide you with a Manhattan playmate just as soon as we can.

Mo

P.S. I've been Kirtsy'd! (thank you, Mel!) Click here and then on the post title to vote for my post if you want to help it move up the ranks. The site seems to be moving as slow as molasses, so please be patient.

Ding dong, the crib is gone

I love going upstate to visit my in laws. They are warm and loving people, and Will is exceptionally close to them. We always have a great time visiting with them, cooking, sightseeing, shopping, and hiking with them around their property.

But one thing that has been a continual thorn in my side during these visits, is the guest room where we sleep. Right next to the bed is an empty crib, stocked with toys. Will's three siblings have mucho kids (there are NINE grandchildren) and I have always tried to remind myself that the youngest of these children is crib age and even if his family only comes up once or twice a year, that's what the crib is there for. I try to overlook the fact that this particular wonderful little boy is almost two years old and has never slept a night in that crib, nor in any crib. He's a bed sleeper that boy, snuggling up next to his mom and dad.

Despite my reasonings with myself, the crib feels like it's been waiting for us to provide grandchild number ten. I've been sleeping next to it, every visit to my in-laws since before our marriage. It stands empty, mocking us for our failure to provide a living child to fill it. Seeing it, and having to sleep next to it, feels like the slow turn of a knife in my viscera. Sometimes literally gut wrenching, the way it brings up our losses, our childlessness, this empty crib.

So I was thrilled to hear through Will that his parents have finally relented and taken the crib apart and put it in the basement. (It also made me wonder, perhaps we're not the only ones feeling a bit hopeless about our reproductive future?)

Not sure what made them finally get with the program, but a part of me suspects it might be the fact that we set up a crate right next to the crib for our new puppy, complete with bedding.

Sadly, a puppy crate is the only crib we need these days.

Move over crib - the new puppy crate is here!

Whatever the reason they decided to dismantle the crib, I am so, so happy to not have to face that empty crib again.

Puppy crate: it's the new crib. Do you think we could start a trend?

Mo

Mo's shape up plan collides with Turkey Day and feathers fly: week 2

Here we are, week 2 into the weight loss plan.

It was a tough week in shape-up plan land, with Thanksgiving and the subsequent turkey fest and four-day weekend. Weekends are always more difficult for me when I'm trying to clean up my eating and exercise - when I'm trying to eat less than usual unstructured time is not my friend.

And for whatever reason, I was starving this week. At times, it's been an hour by hour struggle. And although I've kept it pretty healthy, at times I've eaten more than would have been optimal.

My sense was that I did ok. Not great, but ok. I hoped I hadn't gained any weight or plateaued (because I know my motivation gets pretty thin when that happens, and gosh, I'm only on week 2!). But honestly, I wasn't optimistic that things would be looking too good. I mean, geesh, it was THANKSGIVING this week.

So overall, how did I do this week?

Total exercise this week: 7 hours (one extra hour to hopefully make up for Turkey Day, or at least account for a few bites of stuffing!)
1 spinning class
3 hours on elliptical
1 hour run/walk (with Will and puppy)
1 hour run/walk (without Will and puppy)
1 hour running on treadmill (only 4.2 mph, so very slow, but running throughout!)

Diet: Pretty good up until Thanksgiving, then I gave in the siren song of a somewhat large helping of stuffing and an extra piece of pumpkin pie (damn, they were good!), the rest of the week had an extra helping occasionally. So hungry!

Items of clothing earned: 2 (a burgundy knit dress-on sale for $29!- and a costume jewelry necklace so I can be a little sparkley for the holidays)

Weight lost this week: 1.4 lbs

Weight lost overall so far: 3.4 lbs

Will's Weight loss so far: 4 lbs (good job, Will!)

Total body fat lost (based on gizmo on my scale that I only half believe): 1.1 lbs (guess the rest is water?)

All in all, I'm very happy with these results this week! On that note, off to a 6:30AM spinning class. Yikes!

Mo

p.s. Thanks for the interest in the new hairdo...I will probably not be sharing a photo of before and after though, sadly. A little too revealing to post my picture here for my tastes.

The return of Sundays of Grace (#18)

After a long hiatus, I have decided to resurrect Sundays of Grace, a weekly post about the things I am grateful for. This weekly post reflects my conscious attempt to be mindful of the many people, places, and moments in life that fill me with wonder and gratitude. I last posted a Sundays of Grace in August. It's about time I got back to remembering all the things going right, all of the reasons to be thankful.

So without further ado, three things that I am grateful for:

1. Watching my puppy leap around the dogrun like a little deer (a 26 lb. deer!), her ears cocked, her little white socks kicking up dust. She is beautiful!

2. Getting active again and remembering how good it feels to move my body and experience that soreness that comes from working muscles that haven't been pushed to the max in a long time.

3. Taking a risk, getting my hair lopped off at the hairdressers this week. As I was there, thinking how lucky I am to have hair to lop off - remembering back to 10 years ago when I had none and being filled with gratitude.

Mo

Like pulling teeth

Those who read this blog regularly know that I heart my NYC IVF clinic, but lately, as I try to line up everything I need for this upcoming cycle in Denver, they have been less than helpful.

First came trying to get my records to take to the one-day work-up earlier this month. I was able to get most things through a basic records request, but the embryology reports were mysteriously missing.

And I wanted the embryology reports from our five IVF cycles to see what happens with our embryos over time. I love my doctor, but he is awfully vague - so I've never been clear about whether none of my embryos get to blast or just not in good enough shape to freeze or what...

So we emailed my RE directly, and he sent us back to another section of medical records. Who said it would take several days, but that everything should be faxed to Denver in time for the appointment.

Well, I wasn't feeling so confident in them at this point. Fortunately, we have connections and were able to ask (nicely) if someone from patient services could help us get the records we needed. So she did. For hours. We ended up sitting in her office two hours before our flight because she hadn't been successful. And it was at that point we found out that embryology records are usually not released. WHAT?! Our friend in patient services went ballistic, ranting that of course we could get them, they are after all, OURS. She went round and round to various departments, finally tracking down someone in the embryology lab itself, and then it turned out that there was a special "lock" on the file that only my RE could break.

By this time, it's about an hour until our flight to Denver. The last flight of the day. The RE is in surgery. We've found the file but can't get access to it. Sigh. So the patient services rep calls our doctor in surgery (gulp) and asks for his permission to access the file. And he says ok. And we get the file. And amazingly, we make it through NYC traffic to the airport in time to catch our flight. A minor miracle. And I was grateful. But I was also wondering, gee, RE, if you knew this is what we needed and how hard it would be to get, why just keep sending me back to med records?! Sigh.

The second bit of drama occurred last week when I needed to have day 3 bloods drawn and shipped to Denver. Not sure how to go about this, I called my RE and got turfed to his nurse, who didn't call me back until the end of the day Friday and basically said, No way no how was I going to be able to get blood drawn and sent to Denver. Absolutely not. And by the way, she was leaving the office right then, so I couldn't call her back. And she added to not call the on-call staff either. Hmmmm.... I was peeved at her attitude, as my RE has said he would support me cycling in Denver. So I had Will email him (thought a little M.D. to M.D. email couldn't hurt) and five minutes later he says no problem, just come in the next morning and ask for a specific tech and she'll do it. Done. No problem.

Why does this have to be so hard? Is this what the whole Denver cycle is going to feel like? Geesh!

I should tell them if they make it too hard for me, I might just stick around and do a sixth cycle with them. That should get things moving! I'm sure they think I've tanked their stats quite enough already!!

Mo