Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Two teeth

Here is my beautiful girl at 8 months and change. She's growing up, moment by moment.

I am not entirely comfortable in this blog space but will try to keep posting. Thank you for your thoughts and comments on my previous post. They all helped and I am working to just tolerate the feeling of reduced safety that I have now. And also to be mindful of what I write, to realize that I have a wider audience than I imagined.

I have much to say, about parenting, about trying to balance life as an academic and clinician with being a mom, about what it is like to be here in the world of parenting and babies after being so long in the world of infertility and loss - so long there that I thought getting out of it was impossible.

Much to say on how deeply I desire to do right by this little girl, this oh-so-wanted little girl, and how I often feel completely de-skilled by her, disarmed, at a loss to possibly measure up to the ideals I have for myself ("If only I can get out the other side of these many losses, of this infertility, I will..."). Much to say on how each moment comes and goes so fast (how can this be true already?) that I want to hold on to each one, be mindful, be present - physically and emotionally. How already I sometimes glimpse the little girl emerging from the little baby I gave birth to. And much to say about those times when she looks up now and sees me and smiles, looks at me and her entire being lights up, and I feel so moved to be my best self for her, to be deserving of the trust and faith she has in me.


  1. I have been thinking of you and Magpie and wondering if you absence had to do with your last post, of feeling vulnerable and less secure posting.

    Thank you for sharing her beautiful countenance with us. Look at those teeth! She is lovely in every way.

    Miss hearing from you more often, but completely understand why.

  2. I was actually talking about you on Saturday night!!!! (do you feel weird? :))

    Was also wondering if that last post was the result or if you've just been busy with adjusting to work and baby.

    Magpie is completely adorable with her two teeth! Watch your fingers because they're quick and we got bitten a lot!

  3. It goes by in the blink of an eye. I am in the thick of those hazy newborn days right now and I keep reminding myself that while the days seem endless sometimes the months are so short. Before I know it she'll be crawling, and walking, and talking...

    But yeah, motherhood is humbling. :-)

  4. Teeth! Ow! So adorable. FYI, for Sunshine, the bottom two were no biggie, the top ones were harder.

    Mo, you are the perfect mom for Magpie. HER mom. She will likely light up for you until she's a sullen tween. But, as much as you try, you will not always be your "best self," and she'll learn valuable lessons about perfection, and that mommies and daddies make mistakes. Just like she will. (I say "I'm sorry" more than I expected.) Ideals are just that. Reality is much messier. Love is messier. Smooch those sweet cheeks for me! xoxo

  5. She is perfect! So glad to see her beautiful face again!

  6. Ooooh, just wanted to add that eight months is totally my favorite time for babies. People are suddenly SOOOO fun and interesting. Must see this cutiepie at this stage! :-)

  7. I agree with Dora: a) you *are* the perfect Mom to Magpie and b) that reality is often messier than our best intentions which were often fabricated while either hopped up on Pinterest (where everyone can make brilliant and healthy meals in moments, crafts that turn out perfectly and have only docile and well mannered children who mind the first time) or before we were desperately sleep deprived, pulled 12 different directions and slightly lacking, as much as we might hope for or wish for more. You are enough and you deserve to have Magpie beam at you just for being you. May you cherish that loving gaze and adoring smile for many more years.

  8. Had been thinking of you.

    Congrats on the new teeth. How was teething on her?

    I wish you would share how you are dealing with work/life balance. I would be interested in that.

    Take Care!

  9. So cute! Good to see you using this space again. I've missed you!

  10. Mo! I am so happy to see you post! Your girl is adorable!!! Congrats on the teeth - hopefully they are easy for Magpie and you! I'd love to hear how you find balance in life. I am totally failing. I am Alina - the girl who had her CCRM miracle 2 weeks after you had Magpie. Your posts throughout our pregnancies helped me to stay sane (and that was a rather impossible task). Your posts educated me to ask the right questions to me OB and gave me peace of mind when I needed it most. THANK YOU!

  11. She is so lovely- just like her mommy. Let me know if you ever want to have the parenting clinician academic after infertility chat- I'm right there with you, plus or minus a few extra baby teeth. So glad to see you in this space.

  12. What a little cutie!

    I'm glad you've posted again!

  13. So glad the evil troll did not win.
    SO happy to see your beautiful daughter. NO parent is perfect or does parenting right always. Each child is different and so is each parent. Count your wins only.
    Your daughter is beautiful and in such a short time will be walking and talking. Congratulations to you all and ... us your lucky audience.

  14. Oh my goodness she really is so cute! Glad you're back.

  15. Oh Mo,

    It's so good to see a post from you. My Sumo baby is now 11 months and it feels like just yesterday I was so lost and frustrated. I am so happy she's got 2 teeth - she is beautiful and a treasure.


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