Sunday, January 25, 2009

Leaving the door open + an update

Thank you for all of your thoughts on deciding between career paths while living with the unknown of whether we will ever be parents. I still don't have any answers but your words of wisdom motivated me to write and submit a grant this week that would fund a research fellowship, should I decide to go that route. So thank you. Very very much. Now if I could just access that inner intuitive voice that would help me know which direction to take, I'd be all set! When I tune in to my deepest desires, all I hear is I want a baby! Which is obscuring everything else. I will keep trying to gain clarity, but at least with this grant I'm leaving the door open for either path for a while longer.

I had to come in to the hospital today to see an inpatient on the same floor as the IVF suite. As I was leaving, a woman and her husband and child got on the elevator. She was carrying a photo of two beautiful blastocysts, which I knew had just been transferred (transfers occur in the late afternoon) inside of her. Seeing her, and the photo, I felt such yearning inside. Being at the point of transfer (of blastocysts!) feels pretty distant from where I'm at right now. I felt sad, and so far from having a child. Then as I stood in the elevator with this family I remembered how Will and I had gone out with a bunch of my school friends to an improv comedy show last night. It was great to socialize, to access the lighter side of things, to remember to keep living and laughing through all this. By the time the doors opened on the first floor, I was able to brush myself off and move forward with the rest of the day.

On another topic, I'm on cycle day 33 with no period in sight. Usually I'm every 28 days like clockwork. Now, I don't have a biology background, but since I didn't ovulate this month, I'm thinking there was no corpus luteum and therefore no progesterone...does this mean no period? Do I have to wait a whole extra month hoping that I ovulate this month? The idea of losing yet another month (or maybe more...what if I don't ovulate again?!) makes my anxiety skyrocket. Does anybody know how this works?


Update: After reading your helpful comments on where to go from here, I called my RE to see how to proceed (always feel like I'm bothering him, but your comments made it seem reasonable to check in). And am now scheduled for an ultrasound and bloodwork tomorrow AM. Will keep you posted.


  1. Argh. So sorry you're stuck in 'waiting for a period' limbo. I honestly don't know whether it means you can start without a period or if you have to wait & hope. Just wanted to let you know I'm hoping you get some answers soon.

  2. can take longer if you didn't ovulate since you of course have no luteal phase, etc. You may need a round of progesterone to get things started again...

    So from what I understand, you can either wait around for a spontaneous bleed (which could come at any time within the next few weeks), or you can get a 5 day Rx for Provera and have a withdrawal bleed before starting a new cycle.

    But I'm just telling you my book knowledge--surely someone else with actual experience will chime in. Maybe check with your RE if you have a particular route in mind?

  3. Murgdan is exactly right. I had the exact same thing happen before my last IVF. No ovulation, no period, provera for a few days and, the best news, we didn't have to postpone my cycle. Like you, I thought certainly my IVF would have to be postponed but it wasn't.

  4. Hey there. Glad you've moved along with your grant. Hope you're able to get your cycle moving soon, too.

  5. It may just take longer for AF to visit. Many months I do not ovulate due to PCOS and sometimes I will not have a period and sometimes it will take up to 45 days or so it varies. I know it sucks being in limbo. I hope AF visits soon.

  6. I have no idea, but I hope your period comes soon.

    Congratulations on applying for the grant.

  7. Hey Mo ....

    Good job on writing the grant ...that's a heck of a lot of work. I'd keep as many doors open as possible know?

    Coming from the anovulatory queen ..the typical protocol is to wait until cycle day 40 - test for pregnancy (ha! - in my case) - then take provera or prometrium for a withdrawal bleed and cycle day 1. If you do prometrium, you can start at day 35 ecause you can take that even if you are pg. Good luck!

  8. Mo - I either did not ovulate or ovulated late before #2 - my period came on day 41. They were going to start me on provera (I took that at a later pont after#3 and I will run screaming from it now) but they did blood tests and could tell based on my estrogen that a period was coming soon. Maybe they can do that now for you

  9. So nice to have a quick recovery.

    I'm the queen of short cycles, so I'm probably not the one to ask. When I don't ovulate, I get my period early. What makes you say you didn't ovulate? There is also the possibility that you ovulated late.

  10. Mo-Congrats on getting the grant in. I have written a couple of grants myself and all I can say is Ugggghghghghhh!

    I am going to cede to the women much more knowledgeable then me about anovulatory cycles and bleeding, but in any case, I hope AF comes by soon for you.

  11. Glad you are able to keep your options open for a bit longer. Hopefully soon all the answers will be easy!

    Don't know about the period thing, but it sounds like you have gotten some good advice already. Good luck, I will keep my fingers crossed that AF shows soon!

  12. i'm very happy that you got the grant in, i think that keeping your options open is a good idea.

    white picket fences is right. you can take the prometrium if you want to start now to induce a withdrawl bleed, otherwise you have to wait to take the provera. some people have withdrawls from one and not the other (i never had a withdrawl bleed from the prometrium, only the provera--weird since they are both progesterone based). if you don't do the scheduled withdrawl bleed you may be looking at many days until the next cycle. i have had 65 day cycles in the past. :(

  13. Just seconding earlier comments -- they will test you for progesterone to see if you've ovulated (and therefore, AF is imminent) and if not, can give you the provera to bring on a bleed. I'm sure this is a temporary thing for you but for those of us w/PCOS it is the story of our lives -- so frustrating! Glad you are feeling a bit more clarity on the career front -- looking forward to seeing where you end up!

  14. hope your appointment goes well tomorrow and you start a cycle again soon. i was 36 days after my miscarriage- i'm not sure if that's within the range of "normal" or not, but it seemed like a long time to wait.

    i loved how you returned to positive moments to get through a difficult one-- a great strategy that i need to try!

  15. I can relate to the feeling so far away from pregnant. I can defintely relate!

    And the appreciating laughter, and all of the goodness it brings.

    So tell me again, did you get genetic testing? And if so, what was that like and was it expensive? My RE said it was mostly bloodwork.

    I think you still get your period if you don't ovulate. I'm not positive, but I'm almost sure.

  16. Could be a cyst? My cycle was screwed up in so many different ways, I don't really have anything helpful to add to all the other words of wisdom. Good luck at the RE, and thanks for commenting earlier!

    Take good care of yourself, too.....

  17. I think the hardest part is that when we hear "I want a baby" it isn't a raft we can just jump on,and its so hard to stay on the shore and starve. I think that is what I've been doing to my work life over the last few years--starving it.

    Good luck, and keep us updated on what to do if our periods don't show up!

  18. Mo- I love the fact you submitted your grant proposal - good for you. Options are fine things. I hate living in the land of what if, and if only but I do-- and it is really hard to make choices without knowing where we'll be.

    About your longish cycle, so glad you got in touch with your RE- without ovulation you won't have a period period, but you should have an end of cycle bleed, sort of like when folks are on BCPs. Good luck tomorrow! I hope the answers are good ones and you can feel back on track.


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