Tuesday, November 22, 2011

And the psychologist sez...


Will and I met today with a NYC psychologist who specializes in infertility to discuss using my sister as an egg donor. We wanted to get a sense of  the issues we should make sure to consider that we might be overlooking.

We really liked this psychologist. Were impressed by her (and as a fellow psychologist, I can be sometimes be a tough sell). She was a good mix of smart and practical and just empathic enough without overdoing it, and she kept us on track when we started to veer.

Her bottom line was fairly simple, and she stated it a few times in case we were slow learners.

She said emphatically that barring a substance abuse issue or major mental illness in my sister, using my sister as our egg donor is an ideal next step, a potential solution to the very tough situation we find ourselves in.

She reiterated variations on this theme a few times throughout the meeting. That assuming that my sister is on board with this idea (and my sis is downright enthusiastic), and assuming Will is ok with it (he is), this is a wonderful, wonderful option.

How nice to hear. I'd half expected to hear the creaking sound of Pandora's box opening and of us being faced with cold, hard issues we'd somehow missed in our exhaustive attempts to think through every nook and cranny of this decision.

But no. The psychologist said it sounded really good (even with our faults and my sister's imperfections). And that it shouldn't substantially change our relationship with my sister.

Her take home message was that my sister's ability to donate eggs to us would be a gift, an amazing gift. And one that we might need to work a little harder on just learning to receive and say thank you for, rather than analyzing it and then analyzing it some more.

The psychologist gave us permission to stop all of the second guessing as well as my specific tendency to think I need to decide for Will and me and also somehow decide what's best for my sister, too.

The psychologist offered to meet privately with my sister when she's in town sometime and then meet with the three of us to discuss again as a group if we wanted. But basically, she gave us the psychologist's version of her blessing.

Still processing this, but generally it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Like we've been given approval to go ahead, and that I will not harm my sister by accepting her offer, or scar my child, or any other negative and scary outcome.

Feels like a big relief to get an expert's opinion that yes, this makes sense, that yes, it is a good idea.

Now let's just hope Marina can pass through the gauntlet of testing that faces her and come out the other side successfully.

Here's hoping.

Will and I at the psychologist's...
Can you guess who is who?


Mo

Click here to subscribe
Add to Google Reader or Homepage Subscribe in NewsGator Online Subscribe in Bloglines Add to My AOL

55 comments:

  1. That's great news. I think it's amazing that you potentially have this option...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, Mo! Might this be THE path to get you your baby? What an amazing thing! Fingers crossed that this is it!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yay! Very glad you got the go-ahead from someone you can trust. Thinking of you all tonight & hoping the remaining testing goes by quickly, easily, and is passed with flying colors.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This sounds fabulous; I admit it hadn't occurred to me that you needed "permission" but described as you put it, it makes sense (as a feeling rather than an abstract absolute ... please note I am not saying *I* think you need permission from an "authority;" I don't. But regardless of the abstraction, I get that you were feeling you needed this and am glad the psychologist you saw offered it. Er, talk in circles much? I'll sign off now before I get fully tangled in a knot but I hope you understand what I mean!).

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, yay! As someone who almost didn't go the DE route because we DIDN'T have a close relative to donate, I am delighted that you got the reassurance you needed for this to feel like the wonderful option that it is. Hope the path seems clearer and brighter from here.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love an easy answer!

    ReplyDelete
  7. That's great news! Sounds like this appointment really helped reassure you that you're going down the right path.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Woohoo! Sometimes the easy answer may just also be the right answer. Simply lovely :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Glad you got the feedback you needed from a source you trust. I was kind of thinking that you were really over-analyzing and should just be thankful for your sister and move forward with her donation, but I'm not in your shoes and didn't want to opine.

    Wishing all three of you the best as you move forward!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sounds like a great plan! As I have already told you we considered using my sister. It all came down to timing issues but sounds like the best choice!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. This much be such a relief and so encouraging. I hope that if this is the path that is intended to lead you to the child you are meant to have, that there are no hiccups along the way.

    ReplyDelete
  12. As a therapist myself, I can also be a tough sell on things like that. Good luck and happy ICLW!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm so glad there's good news.

    The sun seems just a little brighter right now :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm so glad there's good news.

    The sun seems just a little brighter right now :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. So glad that you guys have gotten the reassurance that you needed. hoping for smooth sailing up ahead

    ReplyDelete
  16. I considered using my sister too but for reasons we decided not to and at this time I am glad because she's newly divorced and that just added a huge barrier to the whole relative DE dimension. But no matter what...if it feels right to YOU...then its right. Fingers crossed she'll sail through CCRM's rigourous screening. Gosh...you need a break and soon. Praying your sister's donation is the ticket outta here!

    ReplyDelete
  17. hoping your good news only brings more good news!!
    best of luck to you!
    xoxo
    iclw

    ReplyDelete
  18. Praying hard that she sails through testing and that your happy ending is on its way. If things go well when might you be able to cycle with your sister's eggs?

    ReplyDelete
  19. I just wanted to say the minute I saw your blog title, I knew I would love it. Amazing!

    Happy ICLW week!

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'm so glad the visit with the psychologist went well. I'm glad she made you feel better about using your sister as a donor. I found seeing a therapist before proceeding with using DE to be extremely helpful & validating! Let's hope your sister passes the screening process & you can get things going soon!

    ReplyDelete
  21. This is awesome! I'm so glad you got this enthusiastic, unbiased, expert opinion. It's hard for me to wrap my head around the sister-donor thing, but that's because of my screwy relationship with my sister. So glad to hear that this feels like a huge weight off your shoulders. You have been carrying a heavy emotional load for a very long time. Your shoulder's must be killing you! ;-) xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hi, here from ICLW. I think it sounds great that a) you have the opportunity to have eggs donated by a person so closely related to you and b) that you could talk it through with someone who helped you sort your thoughts and feelings on it - with the result that you feel comfortable doing so. I'm definitely rooting for you guys!
    And I find the entire concept of egg donation very intriguing - here in Germany, it's illegal. And I definitely understand why it is so - but as someone struggling with infertility myself, I also mourn this opportunity.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Wow! So amazing! I hope things move ahead smoothly for you!

    Happy ICLW!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Happy ICLW! Wow what an amazing gift from your sister! Wishing you the best of luck through this journey! :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. That's so great that you have that option! Personally I find shrinks very validating. They just make you feel better about what you already know.

    @StolenEggs - ICLW#82

    ReplyDelete
  26. So happy that this has confirmed what appears, by all accounts, to be a terrific way forward. I hope that this thanksgiving holiday you feel hopeful about your path forward.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Yay! Hope your sis passes the test with flying colours and you can move on to the next step soon.

    ReplyDelete
  28. What a great post - I am so happy that your psychologist gave you confidence that this is the right step. I hope your sister breezes through the process - it's time!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Thinking of you my dear friend as you embark on this new path. So happy you were able to get the "go ahead" from a psychologist. I can only imagine the questions that are swirling in your mind. Looking forward to following your story.

    ReplyDelete
  30. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Keeping my fingers crossed that your sister passes all the tests. Sending good thoughts your way. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Here from the Blog Roundup. Love the picture of the brain and the heart. Your post resonates with me so many ways; the trying to think for everyone, having to learn to receive, needing to hear you have 'permission'.
    Thank you for writing, wishing you good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  33. He is the heart, and you are the mind?

    So glad that the psychologist reaffirmed it for you.

    May it all work for you.

    Good Luck!

    ReplyDelete
  34. I hope everything turns out for you!

    I'm subscribing and I hope to read some great updates in the future.


    Kayla
    (ICLW#111)

    ReplyDelete
  35. Good luck! (Are you the heart, your husband the brain and the psychologist the eye/)

    ReplyDelete
  36. What an amazing gift!! And even better that you've got the blessing!!!

    All the best!!
    ILCW
    #68

    ReplyDelete
  37. That is wonderful news! Here's hoping it all goes smoothly for you all!

    ReplyDelete
  38. That is definitely a great thing! I wish you the best!

    ICLW #46 Krystal

    ReplyDelete
  39. I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoyed every little bit of it, I have you bookmarked to check out all the new stuff you post.

    ReplyDelete
  40. I have not checked in here for some time since I thought it was getting boring, but the last few posts are good quality so I guess I'll add you back to my everyday bloglist

    ReplyDelete
  41. An stimulating discourse is designer scuttlebutt. I suppose that you should correspond much on this issue, it strength not be a bias thing but generally people are not sufficiency to verbalize on such topics. To the succeeding. Cheers like your Welcome to Amalner Nagar Parishad.

    ReplyDelete
  42. "I am glad to found such useful post. I really increased my knowledge after read your post which will be beneficial for me."

    ReplyDelete
  43. your post is need, or better but, factors ve nailed it. You write very well which is amazing. I post I shouldnt invest in but cant resist shopping for! And at terrific costs too! Thank Like it! I like

    ReplyDelete
  44. Can not believe your article is so popular, only after reading your article brought a lot of people help and inspiration. Your text contains a lot of people have not come into contact with the life of knowledge and helpful information. Very proud to read your article, thank you very much for sharing!
    http://rajasthanispecial.com/index.php/rajasthani-special/wedding-turban.html

    ReplyDelete
  45. I appreciate the work of all people who share information with others. Great Blog!
    sherwani

    ReplyDelete
  46. I Like your blog,will sharing this with my friends, excellent work.
    business phone providers

    ReplyDelete
  47. Took me time to read all the comments, but I really enjoyed the article. It proved to be very useful to me and I am sure to all the commenters here! It's always nice when you.
    sherwani

    ReplyDelete
  48. Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your blog posts.
    latest indian sarees

    ReplyDelete
  49. This was a really outstanding post. In theory I'd like to compose like this too - taking time and real effort to make a solid article.Tuxedo

    ReplyDelete
  50. [url=http://www.monarch-garments.com/blazer.asp]http://www.monarch-garments.com/blazer.asp[/url] Mens blazer for travel
    This is a great inspiring Article.I am pretty much pleased with your good Work.You put really very helpful information
    http://www.monarch-garments.com/blazer.asp

    ReplyDelete
  51. This post is very easy to read and understand without leaving any details out. Great work!

    ReplyDelete

What do YOU think?

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Popular Posts