Here in seemingly never-ending infertility-land, Will and I had another "falling down" experience yesterday.
My sister told us a week ago that her doctor messed up the AMH test, delaying moving ahead, and so we had that redrawn last weekend, much to my frustration. I'm ready to get this show on the road, people! I want to get all the information together to give to Denver to get their opinion - should we cycle with her or find an anonymous donor? So at the time of the re-order, we ordered the AMH test stat...and it is now a week later...with of course no results yet...
For the past two weeks, I've also been hounding my sister (nicely, I hope) for her karyotype results - and so she finally got in touch with her doctor yesterday.
This is when her doctor shared that - oh, the karyotype? - oh, well, actually there had been a mistake with that test too and it wasn't done.
My sister supposedly had all these tests drawn on November 17. NOVEMBER 17!!! And to clarify, Will had ordered them himself - she had a prescription with the test names written down, and her doctor failed to honor what the prescription said - or tell her that they couldn't be done through their lab - or whatever was the reality. Unbelievable!
I feel like I've lost a month of my life here waiting for these results. We've been waiting for these so we can talk to Dr. Schl. and see if she is a reasonable donor to use, and if not, to regroup and move on. Again.
And now we find out that her doctor didn't run the right tests and then on top of that, didn't bother to even inform her?! Aaaaarrrrrgh!!! It is so frustrating to feel like there are so, so many obstacles in our path. I feel this especially because we are pursuing third-party reproduction. I can't believe how difficult this is. I feel like the universe should cut us a break already - as though I'm due some sort of ease in things since I've bent my psyche inside out to accept giving up on having my own genetic child, to accept the possibility that I won't be able to carry my own child. I know it doesn't work that way, but ugh.
On top of this, all of my feelings are magnified while I am on the dreaded Deport Lupron, both because that drug makes me extra emotional and because I AM TAKING IT SO I CAN DO A TRANSFER!@! (Bang head repeatedly on desk). Which makes me feel like the biggest moron within a 20-mile radius.
So here's what I think of this "Fall seven times, stand up eight" proberb right now...I really don't feel like standing up again. Not one bit.
What do I feel like? I feel like giving up. I feel broken. I feel incensed. I feel helpless. Why is it so hard to find our way out of this? Why is it so challenging to even get to a place where I can make an attempt to get out of this, like being able to do a transfer?
I know I will stand up again, because that is what I do. And really, what else is there to do?
Really? Does it really have to be like this? Couldn't something work out already?
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