Monday, January 23, 2012

Gearing up


Sorry for the silence. Not sure what's accounting for it...I've been very busy, but that's no excuse. I think I've been a bit down in the dumps with a birthday ending in zero earlier this month that really funked me out. I survived (helped by Will lovingly whisking me away to Miami Beach that weekend - thank you, Will). Life goes on.

Although my heart really isn't in it, we made the decision to proceed with a frozen embryo transfer, so that I didn't waste the Depot Lupron I'd taken for two months thinking we were headed for a donor cycle. So I'm in the midst of daily Lupron and estrogen patches and acupuncture. I'm off ALL caffeine, including chocolate, caffeine-free sodas, and decaffeinated products (God help me). We even went back to the reproductive immunologist and so I'm on baby aspirin and I'll be starting lovenox and prednisone soon. As well as doing my first infusion of IVIG. In addition to the Denver recommendation for folks with recurrent miscarriage of pepcid and claritin. So no shortage of drugs to try to make things work.

In the meantime, we've got two lovely potential egg donors in the midst of testing. So far things look promising for both of them, but we'll see...

Frozen embryo transfer is scheduled in Denver for Thursday, Feb. 9. I wish I felt more optimistic, but maybe that would be crazy. This is my ninth transfer, after all, and still no kids. But you never know, right?

I thought it would feel better than it does to be doing something. But yeah, well...not really. Still, maybe it would feel worse not to be moving forward with something? Probably.

More to come, maybe even some hope if I can drum it up.

Mo

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46 comments:

gwinne said...

Glad to read this post and see you moving forward, even if you're not feeling it. I've been thinking a lot about you, wondering how/what you were doing. I think the FET is a great move (not that my opinion matters!) and it certainly could result in your kid in your home next fall. I so want that for you, Mo.

LisainSK said...

Wow! Alot on your plate that's for sure! Just hoping this one is it...

sprogblogger said...

Very glad you're moving forward, and I'm still holding out strong hopes of this bringing you your baby. Thinking of you.

It Is What It Is said...

Wow, a lot going on. I echo Sprogbloggrr in having hopes for a positive outcome. Doing something is doing something.

In a strange twist of fate & after 2 1/2 yrs away from all ART, (& I will be 46) I'm in the midst of a donated embryo FET. My transfer is scheduled for 2/6, so, unknowingly, we're cycle buddies.

newbie said...

Hi Mo...it's great to hear from you. I have been thinking about you lately and wondering how you are. I'm glad you are moving forward and have multiple irons in the fire. I can only imagine how difficult it is to drum up any enthusiasm after what you've been through, but I am hoping that will come naturally when one of these options works! It's a shame we will miss each other in CO - my FET is scheduled for Feb 16th, so just a week later. Feb is going to be a big month for a number of us at C.CRM - I hope for all of our sakes it's a good one!

Sarah said...

Like the others, I am glad to hear you're doing something even if it does feel like going through the motions. Walking in limbo has to be better than sitting in limbo. Best of luck with the fet, and the egg donors!

Bravo Will for taking you to Miami!

MyTwoLines said...

Boy do I hope this is it for you! Understatement of the century, right? :) Hang in there.

peesticksandstones said...

I definitely have been there with the half-hearted FETs. Like when your body is in the stirrups, but your mind is totally not anywhere near there. I admire you for proceeding anyway. You sound like such a cool, strong lady.

Best of luck with the IVIG. I truly think there is something to it. Out of 6 pregnancies, the only 1 I have had that did NOT result in a chemical/miscarriage was the one where we did IVIG infusions. It's just so damn expensive (then again, this all kind of is, so hey)...

Thinking of you, and wishing you all the best.

Dora said...

Hey, girl! Good to hear you're moving forward on these fronts. Really, it's okay that you're not feeling it. Who could blame you after so many losses and disappointments. It only took me three transfers, and I was not optimistic that third time. (I was actually only optimistic for the second transfer, the first DE transfer. I was pretty resigned to the transfer of the embie from my own egg not working.) As I have said before, your uterus doesn't give a fuck how you're feeling. You just do what you need to do to cope. We'll all do the hope thing for you.

Sorry the birthday was hard. Turning 45 shortly after my first cancelled cycle sucked. I got a tattoo, but a trip to Miami sounds good, too. :-)

Would love to see you. Let me know what's good for you. Although, if it's too hard right now, I TOTALLY understand. Do what you need to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. xoxo

Anonymous said...

i am so happy to see that you are the gears in motion! i know that my happiness is irrelevant, but i am sure i represent a lot of readers who are hopeful and happy on your behalf... even if it is so hard for you. i love that you are pulling out all the stops, including the ivig, for this attempt. i think that it is either going to work, or you will have some solid peace knowing you did every freaking thing there is to do in regards to using your own body and eggs.

very exciting things happening! you are on your way... i am hoping that this FET will be 'the one' of course, but so nice to know there are back-ups in the works with those 2 donors.

thank you so much for updating! let this be the beginning of a possible dragon baby(ies) for mo & will.

Elizabeth said...

All digits crossed and thinking lots of good sticky thoughts!

justagirl-Krista said...

I too was wondering where you were. Glad to see things are moving forward. I hope this FET is the one and the depot does the trick! I know you have been through a lot so I am sure it's hard to get your hopes up but I will be hoping for the best of news!

TheThirtiesGirl said...

Great to hear from you. I've got my fingers crossed for the FET cycle and for donors that pass the testing with flying colors.

nurslouisa said...

Thanks for the update, good to hear you have the gears turning! I think it take a tremendous amount of energy to be hopeful, so don't beat yourself up if your self up if not feeling it right now. Sending you some of my hope.

Anonymous said...

Delurking to say that I've been reading for quite awhile, and I'm really rooting for you. Best wishes. Heather

myfertilityjourney said...

I'm glad you've decided to go ahead with OE transfer, it would be sad to go through 2 months of the DL for nothing. Who knows? Maybe this is it. I can imagine how hard it must be to even get your hopes up after so much you've gone through but you just never know... I wish you the best of course!! Hang in there!

Becky said...

Good to hear from you. Been wondering how you were. Sending positive thoughts for a good outcome :)

Sue said...

You are doing amazingly to push through and continue to be active to pursue your family. Leave the hope to us and don't feel like you have to put that pressure to be bright and sunny while in the process on your plate too. Here's hoping for you!

Rebecca said...

I didn't think you were going to do the IVIg, but I'm glad you're giving it a try. I can't say for sure that it's the thing that made a difference for us this time around, but it was our first time trying it and it very well could be. And this was our 6th transfer, plus we had 3 other non-transfer pregnancies. (Trying to help you find at least a small glimmer of hope here...)

I hope you had a great time in Miami Beach, and I also hope the donors' testing shows good results so that you can at least rest a little easier knowing you have a Plan B just in case.

Pie said...

Its good to hear from you, I had been thinking about you, wondering what you had decided after the evil DL. I will miss you by one day (my ODWU is the 10th) but I will surely send you all the good vibes I can while travelling out there.

And Miami sounds lovely. Well done Will.

Jen said...

Wishing you all the best with your upcoming FET Mo!

Libby said...

Oh, the birthdays do not make these things any easier, that's for sure! I will be 39 in a few months, and that tick tock is louder than ever. I really hope this is your year though, and I hope this transfer brings sweet success.

Kate said...

I sure hope this is your sticky-baby FET! Do tell more about the pepcid and claritin, as I've never heard about using them in a cycle before. What do they do? How much do you take? I'm intrigued!
I hope the potential donors test clean so that you've got a backup plan that you hopefully won't need.
Hugs! (And Happy belated Birthday!)

Alexicographer said...

Hoping for you.

Stacie said...

For me, doing something always feels better than not doing something. (((hugs))) I am hoping with everything I've got for you guys.

hopeisafourletterword said...

I think it's normal to have a hard time staying positive after so much disappointment. Wishing you lots of luck and sticky vibes.

Danielle said...

Mo,

Your uterus doesn't have to be hopeful. And, frankly, neither do you. All you have to do is get through it one step at a time, and all of us here will hold the hope for you. Cheering you on.

Emily Erin said...

I agree with previous posts-- we will hold your hope for you; you just slog on through. Wishing with all that I have in me to wish that your transfer goes beautifully and that something about this combination is the right one.

Caroline said...

Hi Mo,
I just wanted to send you my fondest thoughts. I admire your perseverence and determination. I think they will help you bring home your baby.
Hugs,
Caroline

TeeJay said...

I know how hard it is to jump on the hope train so I don't blame you there. However, I think you are moving in the right direction with everything you are doing. And I think it's smart to do the transfer since your body has been preparing for it for all this time. I wish you nothing but good luck, good fortune and good things. Fingers crossed.

rebecca said...

Thinking of you guys as you move forward and holding hope that you will soon be celebrating good news. Especially sending you strength since you're without the caffeine & chocolate...so difficult I know! ((hugs))

Chris and Joy said...

Sounds like a great plan although I completely understand that hope or optimism are just to overwhelming to muster right now. Your heart and mind have to protect itself and if not being enthusiastic or hopeful can get you through this than that is where you need to be. When I'm planning on what I will do if the worst happens with my pregnancies I know my friends think I unnecessarily think the worst. What they don't understand is that when the worst has happend before it is better for me to be prepared and then wonderfully surprised when things go positively instead. I'm wishing you kindness to yourself as you gear up for a tough task body and mind.

Chris and Joy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
winter blue said...

Good luck Mo.

PJ said...

Oh, how beautiful it would be if this was the one! It's true, you never know!

LOVE that Will took you to sunny Florida for your b-day! I have one of those that end in zero around the corner. Sigh.

The Hematologist that had me on Lovonox during my pregnancy had an ad on TV today. It got me all in a huff, thinking about all of the drugs that I endured. But you know, it was more than worth it.

Know there's someone in Virginia hoping for you, even if you are running low on hope yourself.

B. said...

Do you still have the necklace? I know it didn't help before, but I have no other way of lending a physical aspect to the moral support I'd like to give you and Will. There's a lot of hope floating around on your behalf, and I'll do whatever I can to make it contagious.

Dora said...

Do you want to borrow my special lucky socks for your transfer? I've passed on all but one pair of "lucky" socks I was gifted while TTC. I still have the pair with Canadian flags from Kathy that I wore for my successful FET. I plan to show/give them to Sunshine at some point, but you could totally borrow them. Not that I believe in such mojo, but I think it's nice to have little touchstones to remind us that other are thinking of us and hoping for us on those important and difficult days. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Good Luck guys - I've been following you and really wish for the best. Fingers and toes crossed and all that.

One lose end: how did your sister take the news about her fertility status (if you want to share)?

- Another New Yorker

glamcookie said...

Sending boatloads of good thoughts your way. Fingers firmly crossed for you.

sonal said...

Wish you all the best! Me and my husband are also trying desperately to get pregnant and know how hard this can be...

Jeanne said...

Just wanted to add good wishes along with everyone else. We're all pulling for you and really want this to work. Be good to yourself and take care!

Anonymous said...

how are things? its a week out from your FET, and i hope you are feeling alright. we are all pulling for you, both of you. update when you can?

Emily Erin said...

One week out and sending good vibes... How did IVIG go for you (has it happened yet)?

bewitched21 said...

My thoughts are with you and my fingers are crossed tight!!

Sam
http://whatfaithcando8.blogspot.com/

julie said...

I think about you often and sending positive thoughts your way. We're at the point of deciding between donor and GC and giving it "one more year". Many good thoughts for your FET.

Her Royal Fabulousness said...

I just want you to know you are on my mind :) I have been thinking of you often this week because of your IVF history and what we just went through. I have newfound love and respect for you. Good luck on the FET!

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