Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Found


I've been quiet this past month after receiving a couple of taunting comments from someone on this blog.

Apparently someone from my real life found this blog or someone from the blogosphere stumbled onto my identity, I'm not sure which. I've had real life folks find us before - and in the past this was always handled directly and honestly, with the person contacting me to let me know. I'll admit even in those cases, it felt weird to be found and to know that someone who knew me was reading.

But then I realized that that's the decision I've made as I've gone along - to make this blog real enough and personal enough that if you knew me well, knew our story, you'd recognize it in these pages (how many people in real life do YOU know who have had so many IVF failures and so many miscarriages and now are the proud parents of a tiny little girl?). So if you knew me, even without the photos of Magpie, you'd recognize the story because it's unusual enough. So be it. If I stripped out all the details to make it entirely anonymous, it wouldn't feel real or honest or emotionally true, and therefore, in my book, wouldn't have any point.

But now someone has found us and isn't being on the up and up. Instead they are leaving comments that are sort of....well, menacing. Sort of an "I know who you are!" kind of thing, and putting identifying information about us in the comments. They don't have all this information correct, but the intent is obvious. (They could have, for instance, emailed me at the email address on the blog and told me I had inadvertently posted clues to my identity, but instead they chose to post our identifying information where others might see it.) It's mean, really. Basically, it's a form of bullying.

I'm not sure what the point of this behavior is. Does this person want me to shut down the blog? Are they just plain hateful? Do they not understand that some of us work in professions where it is important that we maintain a sense of confidentiality and anonymity? I'm not sure.

But the sad result is that I haven't felt comfortable posting again. Five years and more than 500 posts, and in effect, I've been silenced. Maybe that was the intent of this person all along? I have no idea.

I'm trying to decide what to do about this space. One thing that would be useful to know as I mull over this is whether this blog has been helpful to you in any way in your own journeys. Did these words and our experience matter or assist you in any way through your own decisions, or your own pain and struggles?

Thanks for your thoughts and sorry for the silence.

Mo


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120 comments:

  1. I know that feeling. I let someone I know IRL read my blog - hence why I erased all the past posts - and now I don't feel comfortable posting much either. I've thought about moving blog addresses and letting people know some other way - other than the blog.

    But I will say, yes, your story has helped me in mine. It makes me extremely happy that you have your little girl. And I am very grateful for your sharing. I'm sorry you're experiencing bullying though. That is no fun!

    xoxo

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  2. Our stories are very different, but I have loved following, and been touched by, each moment of your journey. Seeing that precious girl grow is a privilege that I am grateful to have been allowed to be witness to.

    I would indeed be very sad, though completely understanding, if you gave up this space. How sad that this bully has to be so childish, and ruin something so wonderful. Whatever you decide, I wish all of you nothing but complete joy and wonder!

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  3. Dear Mo,
    I'm sorry that you are being harassed. Your journey has been so interesting, and so real... I would hate to see your voice go away. I stumbled upon your blog when you were posting Hallmark rejects :) and loved that there was a way to keep a little sanity through this family-building endeavor. Although I never went through the same things you have endured (never been pg, did a couple rounds of IUI and then moved to the most excruciating adoption wait (still waiting...)) I'm pretty sure you've never posted anything that would cause you any professional embarrassment, so stand tall and stand proud. Haters gonna hate, right? ;)

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  4. Mo, I have been reading your blog for ages because I enjoy your sense of humor and writing style. Our journeys to parenthood have been very different, but I have been inspired by your continued persistence in the face of (seemingly endless) obstacles.

    It will be a real shame if you are forced to stop writing here, but I completely understand the need to keep your identity private.

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  5. This makes me so sad.

    I started following your blog because I was new to my infertility journey and was looking for infertility stories to give me comfort and inspiration. I am one of an extremely fertile family, with MANY members, and was feeling very alone and unsure. Then I found your blog, and realized there is so much more to infertility - and that there is hope out there for even the most difficult cases of us.

    I find your story so inspirational and so wonderful. You have been through so much, and it's really quite astounding that you not only continued, but that you continue to be a positive and functioning adult. I can't imagine getting through half of your journey, and here you are on the other side of it. You are so strong. Your strength gives me strength.

    Then, when you announced your pregnancy and then the beautiful birth of Magpie, it gave me hope. So much hope, and continues to give me hope through my journey.

    I would be very sorry to hear of you closing your blog because it has been such a source of inspiration for me and I'm sure, many others, but I completely understand.

    I am sorry that someone is bullying you this way, and that they feel the need to be like this. I hope you can come up with some kind of solution.

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  6. Mo, we have had different journeys but you have helped me and I shed tears of joy when you had Magpie. I have been reading for years now and I would hate to see you go. It makes me so mad some people can be so mean and hurtful as if they have nothing better to do with their time.

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  7. sorry that you are being harrassed, I would be sad to see you got but on the other hand I would completely understand, me myself have already deleted evevry post on my blog due to being outed, not harrassed, I think that what you have already written would be encouring story for someone that goes through similar things as you, to see that there might be a light at the end of the tunnel, for that reason I don´t think you should delete the blog, why not rather write a book, go full out public?

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  8. Wow, that's horrible. :( I don't have a story anywhere close to yours but somehow I am able to relate through my own (very different) struggles in life. Reading your story over the past (3ish? years) has been an honor. I've laughed, cried with each piece of bad news, sighed with relief with each doctor appointment through your pregnancy with Magpie, and been inspired by you. If you shut down, just know that I wish you so much luck and for little Miss Magpie to grow up happy and healthy. She's such a labor of love! It'd be like the end of an era to not be able to read your blog anymore but it's totally understandable. I hope you'll let us know your decision, good or bad.

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  9. Hi Mo,I have followed your blog for the past three years and rejoiced with you on the birth of Magpie. It is the first blog I open to check for an update. I do not know what you are going to do, can you protect your entries by a password. I would hate for you to disappear into anonymity. How is Magpie?

    Love from Ireland

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  10. I am old. My family making days were very different with very different choices available. I have taken such joy and comfort in your posts and have held my breath with hope for you and adore your miracle daughter. Whomever is now being so awful hurts many many many others. You should do whatever you need to do to protect yourself. Thank you for your gift of sharing in writing and for sharing the gift of your daughter. While I hope you are able to continue I support what ever decision you need to make and appreciate your not just disappearing without notice. Blessings on your head.....

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  11. Ugh. I was just thinking that you hadn't posted in awhile! I think your blog reaches so many people that I would be extremely sad if this person caused you to close it. I still struggle with what to do about my "blog identity" because my personal details are also very thinly veiled. It would probably be easier to just completely come out in public, but I would still want to keep specific names (last names, etc.) off so that it's not directly searchable. Could that be an option for you?

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  12. That's so awful. Guess some people are just mean. Maybe you should switch on comment moderation (lol - I see you have that already!!!!!)

    If it will jeopardise you maybe it's time to make your blog private, that way you still get your space but only those you invite can read.

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  13. I've been reading for ages too. Rooting for you and Will every step of the way. Even though our stories are different we all have the same goals and that makes our different stories entirely relatable.

    How weird that someone who knows you IRL would be so menacing. I'd be unnerved by that too, so I wouldn't blame you if you stopped posting. Although I would miss reading.

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  14. Not sure if my previous commented got posted.
    Try no 2:

    It's awful that someone/some people would do that. I would ensure comment moderation is on so at least you can decide what goes through and what doesn't. Also it might be time to make your blog private, that way you still have your space but only those you invite can read. So sorry!!!

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  15. You help me more than you know. Your story helped encourage me when we were both trying to get pregnant. You helped me keep my sanity while we were both pregnant. And now I look to you about parenting. Please don't go!

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  16. I would hate to see you leave this space because I think your story and humor are helpful. However, it would be completely understandable for you to choose to protect yourself.

    One of the reasons I could never bring myself to start a blog was fear that my anonymity would be blown... and then somehow the fallout would be negative for me or my family.

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  17. I am so sorry. I have loved following your journey and hope you are able to stay.

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  18. I'm a longtime reader, seldom commenter, but have enjoyed your blog so much. I'm in healthcare, have boxers and do hope you can continue.

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  19. I moved on from blogging anonymously when I moved more into the realm of parenting. I don't talk a lot about my nfertile past - simply because the details are sometimes painful and very private. It would have been really awful if someone had found my old blogs and started threatening me.
    And I wonder if this is verging on criminal harassment?

    Your story meant/means a lot to me, we walked different roads to become a parent, but often shared similar fears and Delia's. I'm sure it will continue to inspire and help those still in the trenches.

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  20. Oh yes, that happened to me. Well, I wasn't harrassed in the comment section but the people who found me (two, not connected in any way either by location or profession or gender even--so it felt even more like anyone could find me at any time) both contacted me by email and said they had found the blog and then told me how they found it because wow I was stunned how one guy found it so that was helpful. I really changed my habits after that (hoping to not get "found" again) but the upshot it that yes, I closed down that blog because it had too many ways to identify me and I didn't like that because I became so self conscious when I wrote.
    I opened up a new blog and left out photos, real names, identifying information (as much as is possible). I'm not an idiot, I know I can still be found, but at least it is less likely.

    I know that gut wrenching feeling when someone says to you, hey, I didn't know you had a blog! And you go over everything you wrote in the past, when you were pouring your heart out, trying to be real, wondering what that person thinks. I find I can be more honest by being anon.

    Good luck. It's a difficult decision.

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  21. This makes me very cross that people would do this. WHYYYYYYY? (clearly they have no life?)

    You and I started TTC around the same time and sadly, you were the last one of all of us and Magpie (to me) is a beautiful testimony of God's amazing grace. As well as being a cutie patootie.

    I love your story - I tell people often of you as a way to keep on keeping on.


    xxx

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  22. Mo,
    I have been following your blog for at least 3 years while we were struggling with unexplained infertility, failed IVF cycle responses, incompetent doctors, abnormal chromosomal embryos and finally....a spontaneous pregnancy that will bring us a beautiful son in September. Your words, experiences, candor, honesty, sentiments, heartache, success, opinions and thoughts got me through some very difficult moments. You have such drive and you and your husband never gave up. It is so sad to hear that someone would behave in this manor and it would be sad to see you go, but I understand your need to protect your identity and that of your family. Thank you for helping me!

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  23. oh my word - just posted and my comment is gone?

    This kind of bullying makes me so cross - clearly that person doesn't have a life?

    You and I started TTC around the same time, I think, and you were the last one of a whole bunch of us to fall pregnant and have Ms very cute Magpie. That, my friend, is an amazing testimony of God's grace.

    I tell lots of people about you as a way to keep them hoping and persevering on this journey.

    I still can't wait to meet you one day, by the way!

    XXX

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  24. I have been through 1 mc, 2 IUIs, 4 IVFS, the last 2 at CCRM. Ive been told that I need DE, and then told that my eggs are fine but I may need a Gestational carrier. I stumbled across your blog and on my difficult days, reading about your journey and seeing your precious baby gives me strength and hope. I'm sorry that someone is bullying you - it is truly a sad statement about her soul that a person is trying to use your story of pain and triumph against IF as a way to feel powerful.

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  25. oh my word - just posted and my comment is gone?

    This kind of bullying makes me so cross - clearly that person doesn't have a life?

    You and I started TTC around the same time, I think, and you were the last one of a whole bunch of us to fall pregnant and have Ms very cute Magpie. That, my friend, is an amazing testimony of God's grace.

    I tell lots of people about you as a way to keep them hoping and persevering on this journey.

    I still can't wait to meet you one day, by the way!

    XXX

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  26. I'm an idiot - I just saw that your comments only appear after you approve them - that's where they went.

    Feel free to delete the duplicates!

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  27. Oh sweetie, has this MATTERED????????????


    there are no words for how much this has mattered. there are no words for how much your honesty and sharing have made me feel less alone on my own journey. someone who shared a private language of this very specific sort of grief....

    and now for you to feel silenced, or unsafe, or bullied, or anything else bad by anyone? My heart is simply broken for you and for all of us.

    When you are ready to stop, I will send you on with love and kisses and wishes for all things good. But to be forced into silence is unthinkable.

    with such love and gratitude,
    Kate

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  28. Oh Mo, I am so so sorry this has happened to you. I have followed this blog for years, and although I don't know you IRL, I feel so much like I know. I feel like I suffered with you through all the treatments and miscarriages. I am so impressed how you kept on trying and trying and you ended up with Magpie. I don't think you have anything on this blog that would hurt you in any way, or that you need to be ashamed of or that you need/should/want to hide. Why let the bully win? You could restrict access-- limit who can see the blog--- ban the poster who is being a bully--- and let us ask to follow the blog, you can check us out and decide if we can follow you or not. I can understand if you decide not to blog anymore.....but I will miss you terribly....

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  29. Oh Mo -

    I have really enjoyed your blog through the years. In fact, I use your blogroll to keep track of other blogs as well. Our journeys to motherhood have been very different, but alot of what you post is very helpful and I have passed along information to others still in the trenches. I am sorry that someone is causing you pain and I hope you find resolution. I would miss your voice alot and I am just so happy that Magpie is here safe and sound.

    Best wishes to you.

    K

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  30. Mo,
    I have been reading your blog for many years. Having had many of the same experiences that you have gone through, you have been in many ways the force that kept me going. Now the mom of a little girl myself, I am looking forward to following your next journey as a parent. I hope you can find a way to continue. Even though we don't know each other, I will feel like I am loosing such a good friend if you stop posting. Having said that, I also understand, and think you should do what is best for your family, your wonderful family. Best, Lynne

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  31. It would be sad if you were silenced by this bully. It sucks when mean people win. And I think that your journey to parenthood is very inspirational. But I would understand.

    I worry about someone I know (a student!?) stumbling onto my blog. But then I think, that if he or she manages to find and read my blog, hopefully they are there for a reason. I hope that I don't have to face what you are. Best wishes!

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  32. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Your blog has been an inspiration to more than just me I'm sure. I hope that you find some way to deal with this that lets you continue to share, but still feel safe.

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  33. There are a lot of IRL folks who read my blog and it has, at times, caused me grief (nothing like getting a cease and desist letter from a former employer to make you feel exposed!) but I have learned over the years to be as transparent as I can because I know that my blog has helped others. I haven't taken the journey you have but I have been inspired and touched by the determination you have demonstrated and I have loved being able to read your story. There are mean people in the world and that's a shame. *hugs* Heather

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  34. Well. That blows. Wishing that troll ill.

    I blog semi-anonymously. I've got my picture on there, and I'm pretty sure someone could easily ID who I am. I'm OK with that. However, I don't have patience to worry about.

    I have enjoyed following your journey, routing for you, watching Magpie grow. It's a miraculous story. It has made me pause, reflect, appreciate, my life, my family.

    I hope you can find a way to get past this, work around this. It would be a terrible shame to lose your voice.

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  35. I'm really sorry this idiot has decided to do this. What is wrong with some people! As you say, I'm not sure what they hope to achieve.

    Anyway, I am really grateful to you having posted your experiences here, I went through several years of infertility and your blog really helped me during the hard times, there is no one that I have ever been happier for )including friends and family!) for having a child at the end of it all as magpie was so much deserved and so hard fought for.

    I very much hope you choose to continue the blog in some way (make it private perhaps?) although I understand if you choose not to. If you don't post any more then I wish you, will and magpie a wonderful future together.

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  36. Your blog has been an inspiration to many. I too am a CCRM "grad" who struggled for many years with infertility. Our issues were different but I think anyone who has dealt with infertilty understands the pain of the journey. There is something cathartic about seeing others succeed after their struggles. Your situation was so complex yet you kept pursuing your dream and when you were successful I cannot tell you how happy I was for you and your husband! Your perserverance was inspirational. It has been a joy to "see" your happiness as you experience the amazing moments that come with raising a child. I think that those of us who have been in the trenches of infertility for so long might just look at all of the little day to day moments of parenthood differently, finding joy in the tiniest of things. It will be a shame if you have to stop posting due to the pettiness of others. Do what is best for you and your family.

    Chitown Mom of 2

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  37. Mo, I have followed you for years and when you gave birth to Magpie, I cried for you. I cried happy tears for you during the whole process. I love your blog and your honesty. Please if you decide to go private or password protect, please let us have a chance to email you for permissions. You are an inspiration to many, you truely are.

    Jayme Poblano

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  38. Ugh! That seriously sucks! Obviously, from all these comments, you can tell that your words here matter. A lot! There are so many things I'd love to see you post about, like juggling the working mom thing, obviously, and how it feels after such a long journey to motherhood to finally be at family functions and holidays with your daughter, and out and about in your neighborhood (AKA strollertown) now that you're a mom. You are a valuable member of the ALI community with lots to say!

    Please don't go. I suppose I'd have to friend you if you did, and I hate the faceplace. :-(

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  39. sad and strange!

    I've only just found your blog. I find such comfort from reading other IF stories. I'm so glad that you've shared it with us. I'm also grateful that you've taken on a role (even if you haven't done it on purpose) to let people know that sometimes the journey to parenthood is harder for some.

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  40. Mo, I have read you for probably 4 years? Probably longer than that. You are the first go to blog everyday. Our stories are different. I too am old (mom of college age kids) but you have taught me so much. I feel I have learned how to treat other women who do not have children. I know what to say/not to say. If any of this makes sense, what I am trying to say. But you have mattered and your words have mattered and you will be truly missed but I would understand should you choose to shut down your blog. :(

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  41. Mo,
    I've followed you for years and love your writing. Though we needed IVF our journey has been so easy compared to yours - you are inspirational and I am so glad that after everything Miss Magpie is here.

    Boo to your commenter who hides away and is behaving in this manner. Hope you find a way around this - there's so many of us that would miss you!

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  42. Mo, I found your blog from a link on a friend's blog. Before I read your blog, I had never heard of CCRM, despite reading several (great!) other infertility blogs for years.

    Not long after I started following your blog, we took the plunge and decided to seek help for our (presumed) fertility issues. Thanks to your blog, I knew just what clinic we wanted -- the one in our city that's a sister clinic to CCRM.

    In order to write this, I am having to bribe my toddler twin daughters with Pirate's Booty to sit semi-quietly in their high chairs. There are days when I don't know how we do it; there are days in which I can't imagine not trying again with any of the half-dozen blastocysts we still have in the freezer at our clinic.

    So in case you're ever wondering if you've made a difference....YES. I would have sent a baby gift from my high-tech babies to yours if I thought it wouldn't make me seem creepy.

    I will selfishly be sorry if your blog goes away, because I use it as my main infertility/parenting blog portal now. :) I would be much sorrier, however, to lose your voice, especially now that that voice is (finally!) being used to describe parenthood. That having been said, I know that I -- and your other fans -- don't want you to be suffering the slings and arrows of the world any more than you have to. If your blog disappears tomorrow, we will be sad, but we will totally understand...but trust me, you won't be forgotten.

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  43. Honestly people can be so hateful these days and why? Why be so hateful to someone for something as simple as anonymously blogging? Your blog helped me big time, I remember going through IVF the first time and reading your experiences just to prepare and I love the sidebars of info on your blog too. I hope this person can grow up! Thanks for blogging!

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  44. I have been cheering you and Will on quietly from the sidelines and relish your updates about life with your Magpie. I would hate to see you go, but certainly appreciate that you need to do what's best for your family.

    Hugs,
    Nancy

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  45. I'm just appalled that someone would do this.

    I found your blog in the midst of my own IVF/RPL drama. I've watched your journey, from afar, for many years now and am so glad that you FINALLY have your girl. I'd hate for you to shut down...but I do understand the need to protect your family's privacy.

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  46. First I'd like to address the menacing commenter:

    Menacing commenter, would you kindly f-ck right off! Stop harassing Mo, get your sh-t together and get a god damn life!

    Sorry for the language Mo! It just makes me livid that some d-ck has nothing better to do than troll your site and make assy comments. Grrr.

    Has your site been helpful to me? I can't even begin to tell you in how many ways. I've been quiet for the past few years but your blog has been the one that I visit because although I don't know you IRL, I care about you and your family. We share similar struggles with both cancer and recurrent loss and I feel like many of your posts I could have written for myself (although you're much more eloquent and your posts aren't laced with profanity ;)). That being said, it sucks when you're found out. That's why I shut my site down. So I completely understand your misgivings about continuing. Whatever you decide, just know that you definitely have made a difference in my life and from reading what other commenters have said here, it's clear you've made a difference in theirs.

    Take good care,
    Lisa
    (formerly of the Womb Chronicles)

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  47. Mo, I'm a frequent reader but don't tend to comment. I'm a recently graduated med student/soon to be peds resident, and I understand your concerns about your online identity because it's the same reason I don't blog despite wanting to. Healthcare is a tricky profession when it comes to this. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I love reading your blog. My DH and I are 19 months into trying and have had two losses. I am terrified we are at the beginning of a long journey. Hearing from others who have struggled through it and come out on the other side makes me feel like, even if that is the case, we will be okay. I recall being anxious to the point of distraction during the week or so between when you announced Magpie's birth and updated again. You were dealing with all that hurricane and feeding madness of course, but I was so immensely concerned that something with wrong with one of you! I have felt so invested in your story and would love to follow, but like others, understand if you need to wrap things up for personal reasons. Regardless, I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world!

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  48. I hate that this awful person has made you feel unsafe in your corner of the Internet. I love your blog, and I'm so happy you have your Magpie. My journey wasn't quite as arduous as yours, but it took us 5.5 years to have C and I appreciated being able to follow your journey.

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  49. Oh, Mo, how tedious. I have very much enjoyed following along your story and if you decide to leave the blogging world will miss you, as I do the others bloggers who have done this -- left blogging -- for various reasons. While there are aspects of your story I've found educational, I'm out the other side of infertility now (to the extent that's possible) and was already here well before you arrived where you are now so mostly have just been rooting for you and Will (and now Magpie too of course), but I do very much enjoy your writing. As with all the rest of it though, please count me among those who believe that you and Will and only you two can decide what's right for your family -- and of course there are oddballs out in the world.

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  50. I am so sorry that this has happened! Your story touched me and I have been so happy that you have Magpie. I hope that you keep posting in some form, but honestly understand why you wouldn't.

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  51. I am so sorry to read this. I've been reading you for years- Magpie was almost born on my birthday and I'd hate to have your beautiful voice silenced by one bully. With many good thoughts to your family. A long time lurker, Chris

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  52. I have rely enjoyed your blog, thank you! I can't believe someone would bully you and be so mean. Life is too short to be so mean. I'll understand if you no longer post. I wish you the best always!

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  53. Mo,
    What a bittersweet discovery, this post was. I was so happy to see that you posted, but my happiness quickly faded as I read on.
    I will be so sad to see you go, if that is what you must do, because you and Will and your story has really helped me and meant so much to me too. I cannot understand how some people just want to wreck good things or hurt others. Curse that skank (wish I had some real cursing power!)
    I will certainly miss checking in on you everyday, but of course, wish you and your lovely family all the best.

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  54. Hi Mo, I am sorry for the hurtful idiocy that someone has been heaping on you. I noticed your lack of posts, but I thought you were busy.

    a) Can you block their URL?
    b) If you are aware of who it is exactly, can you confront them directly?

    I will be sad for this space to go because someone killed it. I am really sorry for what you just experienced.

    And if you do decide to shut down, I hope to keep in touch with you through some other platforms - FB, for example.

    Please take care.

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  55. Mo- I work in a profession where I need to remain anonymous as well. I had my privacy breached a few times, and I know it's unsettling.

    I've never posted on your blog before, but now I want to let you know how much it's meant to me. Your post regarding Mizukos helped me cope with my miscarriages SO MUCH. And after 3 failed IVFs and the cruel diagnosis of "your just too old", your blog led me to CCRM where I just found out today I have 7 (!) blastocysts frozen and waiting for my husband and I.

    After 2 years of failure and despair, I have renewed confidence that I will be a mother, and so much of this is thanks to you.

    I hope you keep up the blog.

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  56. Yes I very much appreciate you and your blog! I've been reading for 3+ years now and it has been interesting and helpful to follow you and your family in your journey.

    Only a couple of folks IRL know about my blog, my husband and my doctor, but like you I have a job that requires all the IF stuff to be separate. It's about controlling what comes up when my name is searched. I need my professional profile, not my IF story visible. Sorry your online space has been tarnished. If this person is being malicious about it then that is very poor form on their part. I hope the situation can be resolved so you feel comfortable to continue posting!

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  57. I hate trolls. You're blog has been incredibly inspiring. even if you never write another word, the posts you have written over the years are an incredible testimony to perserverance and the true love of a mother. I hope that you are able to resolve the issues you're having and continue to write, but it is completely understandable if you stop.

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  58. Your blog has helped me in an untradtional sense. I do not have fertility issues- but my very dear sister-in-law does. And she has had a rough time of it (multiple miscarriages, failed adoption, and 6 years of trying to be a mom) and she still doesn't have a child. I started reading your blog as a way to understand what she was going through and know what to say and what not to say. It also helped me understand the whole process of fertility treatments. I also have told her about you as a way to keep the faith that it WILL happen for her. Sorry you are dealing with such childish behavior.

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  59. i hate this for MANY reasons. i'm not sure if you remember, but i had the same thing happen to me, which ultimately forced my hand and i had to change domains. She at least called me in to her office to tell me about it instead of leaving comments....but then she proceeded to threaten me, tried to blackmail me, and was really REALLY mean. i felt i had no other choice.

    the crazy thing is that i've even considered coming out lately. i'm mostly anonymous on the blog, but if you look hard enough you can figure it out. and i have lower readership, so coming out wouldn't be that big of a deal....but i'm still on the fence.

    sorry to babble, but i just wanted you to know (as others have) that you are not alone. this person is a hobag and is perhaps just interested in the perceived power that they now have. don't let them.

    xx

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  60. I'm not even going to humor the evil, wasted life that is harassing you with further comment.

    Instead, I will say that I have been a reader for years as yours was one of the very first blogs I ever followed. The content posted here is informative, insightful, funny, and now joyful.

    The blogosphere should NOT be silenced because some cyber terrorist has set their sights on you.

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  61. I've read your blog for ages and am so thrilled you finally have your daughter! I love reading your posts. After quadruplets I also admit I am lazy and often use your sidebar to keep up with other people's blogs, too ... you have a nice list going! :)


    I am wondering if perhaps a wordpress blog with a password to protect entries could work? I know blogger limits followers of private blogs to only 50 or so and you have a much bigger following than that. Perhaps wordpress lets unlimited people use the password? It might be a reasonable screening tool.

    If I get someone asking to follow my private blog I usually agree if the person provides some identifying information and if their email address and name can be found on google as someone legitimate. That could be your criteria for giving out the password.

    Just a thought bc I'd hate to see you stop blogging. Your posts are always very interesting, thought-provoking, and intelligent. I come from a science background myself and have appreciated your insights through the years.

    All the best either way!

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  62. I just want to second what everyone else has said YES your blog has been an incredible source of support and inspiration. I wish you peace and happiness whatever you decide to do and thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your journey with me.

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  63. I'm so sorry someone with that kind of mentality has found you. I do not understand why they would want to make you feel uncomfortable and put you on the spot like that. How mean spirited is that?

    I have no words of how much your blog has helped me. You have a different story than mine, in a way, but your strength, tenacity and choices have helped me over and over. Thank you so much!

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  64. So sorry you are going through a rough time with someone who is not acting appropriately. I have really enjoyed reading your blog and cheering you on. I am happy for you and Will and would miss your blog if it no longer existed. My story isn't quite like yours, but becoming a mom was a little difficult for me....and having a second child hasn't happened and probably never will. I wish you the best. I hope you can find a resolution that you are comfortable with, but that doesn't allow this person to continue taunting you.

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  65. Absolutely ridiculous and childish behavior! I don't know what the solution is, but please keep blogging. I've recommended your blog to so many people who have experienced multiple m/c's.

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  66. That's seriously messed up. Maybe someone you know with IT knowledge could help with blocking the IP or at least finding out the identity. Your blog is so full of knowledge and honesty. Such an inspiration too!

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  67. Your blog, more than anything else has helped me grieve and process all the years of infertility I experienced before the birth of my twins.

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  68. I was wondering what was going on - I am sorry that that happened and can't believe that someone would do that. Your blog is probably the reason I started blogging and has provided a springboard for dealing with infertiliy for me and so many others. I really hope that you can find a way to continue blogging.

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  69. I am so sorry that someone has made you question writing on your blog. I don't know why people go out of their way to cause others pain, but sadly there are those who do. I hate it. :(

    I have been following you for years, and I would hate to see you go. Your words and story do matter!

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  70. I have been a follower for a while and have never posted (I think). I'm sorry that there are people in this world that want to take something so healing and turn it into to something negative. I have enjoyed following your journey and have rejoiced with you in your triumphs. I would hate to see you shut this blog down, but would also understand if you did. Good luck in your decision.

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  71. I have been reading along for a while now. I have cried, laughed and even yelled a few times along with your posts and your journey.

    I have found myself holding my breath in between posts and exhaling once I see you in my reader.

    Understanding that your privacy is that... yours... I am saddened to hear that someone out there is willing to "out" you for their own hurtful reasons. Have you considered or already have brought it to their attention directly?

    Any who... I just wanted to stop and chime in and answer you 100%... YES... YOU MATTER!!!!

    Even thou we have never met, there is a bond between us that only a few (although too many) people have. The bond of support through infertility and loss and now being able to parent.

    I wish you and your family nothing but the best. I hope that you are able to maintain this amazing blog and if you feel its in your best interest to shut it down that is also completely understandable.

    Erica

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  72. I hardly ever comment (um, not sure I ever did comment?), but just wanted to say that i really appreciate you putting your story out there - though we don't know each other, you have helped me cope, which is a lot more than i can say for most of the people i know in real life. I can understand if you no longer want to post, but know that you did make a difference, at least to me. (and also want to say, I'm so happy for you. it's been wonderful seeing the updates on your family)
    thanks

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  73. Dear Mo,
    I am a longtime reader and sometime commenter. I have thought about having a blog but so far have decided against it because I also work in the healthcare profession and would not want to have my personal life exposed to patients/colleagues/etc.
    That being said I cannot find the words to tell you how much I have appreciated your blog. I stumbled across it when I was looking for an image to represent patient handover and your blog had a picture of arms seeming to "pass" a baby. I think this was even before my longstanding fears of having fertility problems (PCOS) were confirmed. It is through your blog, your and WIll's experiences and your blogroll, that I learned to navigate the ins and outs of assisted reproduction. I followed you through my TTC no1, secondary infertility, IVF and miscarriage. You gave me information, reasoning, hope, and an amazing example of courage and strength. I was happy beyond words at the birth of your daughter. I have enjoyed your posts since her birth, esp your thinking about work-life "balance"....I check back regularly to see if you have found the solution!!
    I completely understand if you need to stop writing here or change the blog in some way. You and your family's comfort and safety come first.
    But never question if your writing mattered. It has, more than you will ever know
    Thank you very much and my very best wishes to you and to your family
    Karen

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  74. I am sorry to hear that this is happening.

    I can honestly say that you and Will, continuing to plod along and put one foot in front of the other, were the ONLY supports I had to do the same, in our similar journey to our own tiny girl, who is now 1.

    No one else in my circle got it. And because of my profession, I felt a strong pull not to discuss our situation with friends who for me were almost always colleagues...there was compassion fatigue with non colleagues and judgements at work (being a professional that, for the better part of 8 years was on some sort of hormone regimen, pregnant, or both) that changed the trajectory of my career. There was nowhere to go, to be understood. Even our wonderful counsellor was missing the essence of the kind of support I really needed.

    So, I stopped talking, discovered your blog, started reading, and held on for dear life.

    And here we are...here you are...

    It makes me angry to know that this person will deny a potential support to someone else going through the same thing we/you did, by virtue of their selfish behaviour...

    You will do what you need to do, but, just know that your blog mattered to me. To us. To my family.

    physician chick from the great white north


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  75. I hope that you will continue to write because I really enjoy reading yor blog. We struggled with infertility for 4 years and had our daughter exactly two weeks before you had yours. There were so many posts during your pregnancy and shorty after you have birth that so adequately summed up the way I was feeling. Thank you for writing and I hope you will continue.

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  76. Please dont stop! I look forward to your posts every time! Maybe you should have people register and subscribe so that way you can protect youself.

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  77. I am so sorry that this happened. SHAME on whoever did this. It's just so mean and hurtful.

    I've been following your blog for years and was thrilled for you and Will when Magpie arrived. What a long and tough journey, but you finally got your precious child. You are an excellent writer, and I always look forward to your next post. Your posts about BFing were especially interesting and helpful to me.

    I would hate to see you close up shop, but whatever decision you make will be the right one for your family. Good luck deciding what to do.

    Heather

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  78. What a total bummer. Creepy people suck.

    I love reading your blog but respect your right to privacy (and safety!) first. Listen to your instincts as they always have your best interests at heart.

    So sorry you are experiencing this :(

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  79. I am staying anonymous as long as I can manage it, and it's hard, but so far, so good. Your blog has mattered so much to me, so thanks for going this far. If you continue blogging here or elsewhere, that would be really cool and I'd enjoy reading, but I totally get it.

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  80. Sorry to hear of your harassment and hope you are able to find an acceptable solution. I always look forward to reading your blog.
    Jessy

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  81. So I have not read any of the posted comments yet so I'm sure this is a repeat. But this is the perfect time to come out of lurking. I have been following your blog for about three (maybe more) years. I find your story and your blog extremely interesting. I was so happy when you found out about Magpie. I could just feel that this was "the one". I know that it must be extremely difficult to put yourself out there like you have but I can honestly say that I stumbled across this blog somehow and I have been hooked ever since. Your story has restored my faith that dreams really can come true (and not just in Orlando FL). I love to hear about you and Magpie and Will and Moxie! Please keep posting.

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  82. Mo - I found your blog around the time you'd just been pregnant on your own but after you lost the pregnancy.

    Our stories are entirely different. I have had no problem conceiving, but my first born was extremely sick. She passed away at around 7 months old and the genetics team told us that we had somewhere between a 0% and 100% chance of recurrence risk. (Helpful, right? ) We had always envisioned having a bunch of kids - but that was looking scary -- so I started to search for other alternatives of growing my family which led to donor eggs, ivf, adoption, etc. (Hence my stumbling upon and my connection to your blog)

    Our story ends that we went on to have multiple healthy children of our own that are also biologically ours, but your blog and so many others showed me that it would have been okay if we had taken another route to build our family. It's beautiful how strong the connection is to grow a family and I can 100% relate to your experience in that dimension.

    I've stayed connected to you reading along over the years... rooting for you and praying for you and wishing and hoping because you are a beautiful writer and I feel like I've grown to "know" you through the years. I'm absolutely overjoyed that Magpie is here and rejoice with you at every milestone that you have shared with the interwebs... :)

    While I would be sad if you went private or if you disappeared all together, I would completely understand and I know that whatever you do it will be the best decision for your family.

    I'm sorry that you are having to face this choice. :(

    Heide

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  83. This is the first time I am commenting on ur blog.Just to request you not to shut down this wonderful page. Being TTC for 7+ years with molar,ectopic,bio chemical pregenancies and IUI and IVF,FET Failures... its impossible to describe the strength and hope your Blog and blogs like this provide me.

    Thanks a lot for this wonderful blog.

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  84. You have helped SO many people by sharing your story. I hope you know the blog world appreciated and thanks you for that! It is unfortunate to hear of this situation.. Do what is right for you.

    And to the one bully out ther: there are thousands of supporters of this blog. You do not matter.

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  85. Love you, love you, love you!
    Not only have you been such an inspiration to read but you took the time to immediately answer my emails about GD when I didn't know who to turn to.
    I have to admit, I did often wonder how difficult it would be to figure out who you were but, to be honest, it makes no difference to me whether I know your name or that of your baby. You have absolutely NOTHING to be embarrassed about. You are kind, honest and empathetic and your incredible tenacity has paid off. I'm sorry that some know-it-all is trying to take away from that accomplishment.

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  86. Hey Mo!
    I haven't written a comment in forever, I know…But I want to say that I always felt like an IF sister to you since you and I had similar horrible journeys, very unique…Double digit IVFs, too many losses to count, and now the births of biological children after considering so many donor options. You and and I are indeed similar!

    I think it's immature and ridiculous for one person to act they way they are and potentially quiet your voice to the hundreds that love you. If I could curse here, I would! Let me just tell you that when Magpie was born it was as if my twins were born all over again, so to answer your question - HELL YEAH you have meant a to to me.

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  87. so aggravating.
    First off, yes, your blog was helpful for me, in reading while going through my own journey with IF and loss, and in connecting to other blogs. And, you write honestly and openly, which I appreciate, and try to do, as well.
    Secondly, I had quite hateful things posted (about race issues) after my daughter was born. Not by someone I knew, but still, very awful. It changed the way I regulated comments, and hurt me for awhile.
    I have had people read when I specifically asked them not to(to not have people knowing/asking when we were cycling IVF after loss) and that made me feel a bit ... exposed.

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  88. I'm very sorry that some one is harassing you. It's unfortunate that people cannot act as mature adults online - would this person act the same way face-to-face? Doubtful.

    I wanted to tell you that your story has meant a lot to me. I went through IVF about the same time as you (with Magpie). I was only going through my second round - with a donor egg - but your pregnancy journey and fears mirrored my own. It was comforting to read your old posts and to follow your pregnancy. Our daughters were born around the same time.

    I hope you'll continue to blog. I enjoy reading your posts. This is the first time I've commented but I wanted you know - your story has made a difference.

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  89. I am a long time reader and non comment poster. I stumbled across your blog in the midst of my own seven year journey of infertility/recurrent miscarriage and given I was in the midst of a similar situation, so much you post has resonated with me. And after finally falling pregnant with our forever babies in October 11, I was so pleased for the two of you that the same thing happened to you.

    I think it is so sad that someone would try and ruin your space. Please, please don't shut your blog down, you seem to have so many people that read and it will truly give others hope to know that even when things seem so dire, their fertility journey may end happily.

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  90. I am a long time reader and non comment poster. I stumbled across your blog in the midst of my own seven year journey of infertility/recurrent miscarriage and given I was in the midst of a similar situation, so much you post has resonated with me. And after finally falling pregnant with our forever babies in October 11, I was so pleased for the two of you that the same thing happened to you.

    I think it is so sad that someone would try and ruin your space. Please, please don't shut your blog down, you seem to have so many people that read and it will truly give others hope to know that even when things seem so dire, their fertility journey may end happily.

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  91. Mo, this blog has helped me more than you could ever know. I have used it in the past as a form of reference for so many things ... in fact, I'd probably be embarrassed if you knew just how much time I've spent on your space searching for things while deciding on, or going through, my own treatments. In so many ways, I feel like I know you and Will and love to read about your success through postings about Magpie!

    I'm sorry that some jackass has threatened your anonimity in a way that is so unsettling. What a prick! I'd understand if you decided to shut down and move on from this space ... but selfishly, I hope you don't!

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  92. Mo - I am so sorry that someone, some SMALL person, has harrassed you in your ENTIRELY personal space that you so willingly share with others. FIrst, it is NOT ok and I would really want to know, like you said, what their intent it. Often, people say things in written form, on the internet, that they would never say to someone face to face. Second, your blog saved SAVED me during my years of infertility (3), my first failed IVF and most recently during my last successful pregnancy and delivery of my gorgeous and healthy, full term twin baby girls... I pored over your blog, looking for ideas, insights, protocols (for the IVF) and as a medical professional myself, I needed to hear that I wasn't nuts to feel all the varied emotions I felt... You are an inspiration to me and I am so happy that you have your Magpie. Shame on any person that makes this blog about THEM and their small need to make someone else feel bad or threatened ... My heart goes out to you and I hope you can find a way to continue in this space. Big hugs!

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  93. That's just downright creepy. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that crap.

    Absolutely your blog has been helpful and mattered. Your sense of infertility humor has injected some sense of levity into this painful journey. Since our stories have been similar in many ways, it's been comforting to have someone else who can relate to so many losses. (I'm sorry you have to be in the club.) Between your blog roll and all the comments on your posts, you've brought so many other people together and helped them find support. The occasional posts from Will provide a male perspective, which I suspect is probably a pretty underserved audience in the IF world. And now, after all you've been through, it's been nice to be able to share in your joy.

    So, given all that, I hope you're able to find out a way to deal with the creepy commenter and continue the blog. But of course we'll understand if you feel the need to stop, or go silent for a while. But I really hope that isn't what you have to do.

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  94. Please keep posting. I've learned so much. I am a CCRM patient who has had similar obstacles.

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  95. Please keep posting! I have learned so much.

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  96. Longtime reader, infrequent commenter here. Our stories are very different, but I have loved reading your blog & cheering for you & Magpie.

    I am so sorry this has happened. I too had a relative stumble onto my blog about a year ago -- and post the link on a family Facebook forum!! I panicked, removed the link on FB (fortunately, I'm one of the group admins...!!) and took down my blog temporarily -- then resurrected it a week or two later once things had blown over. I messaged the relative in question to explain what I'd done & why, and she did have the grace to apologize. I realized it wasn't the end of the world, but it wasn't something I would invite either. I hope you find a solution you're comfortable with. (((hugs)))

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  97. So sorry someone is harassing you. Our life journeys could not be more different but I have enjoyed reading your story and have found it inspirational. I do hope you keep writing.

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  98. you should do what is best for you. but please know that you give us hope that getting to the other side is possible . i am planning a 6th ivf with no answers and limited money. reading your story has helped and i know others

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  99. I have also been following your blog for some time now and have really appreciated you sharing your journey with us. We ve gone through a fresh cycle which ended up BFN, our first FET ended in a blighted ovum, and our second FET was a chemical. Currently on our third FET waiting for beta. Your journey has taught me to not give up and to be patient. I really hope you will find the best solution to your current problem-- it is a real shame why anyone would stoop so low to threaten your privacy. It is obvious that they have an empty and unfulfilling life with nothing to look forward to in their future.

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  100. I noticed the less frequent updates and wondered if everything with Magpie was okay- sorry to hear you are being harassed but glad otherwise your family is well :) I've read for years but never commented (bad, I know) but your posts are so honest, and unique, and helpful- like one other commenter said I would be sad if you just went into annonymity.

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  101. I can't begin to imagine what that would feel like. I'm sorry. However, this blog has been of immeasurable help to me as we continue in our journey. Sometimes it feels like reading your experiences is one of the few things that give me any hope of having the family I so desperately want. So in that sense, it would break my heart for it to go away. But at the same time, I understand that you have to do what feels right for you and your family. Best wishes.

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  102. I'm so, so sorry to hear this, Mo. I am a long-time reader and have loved reading your blog so much. I know it's been helpful to me and so many others. I am so bummed that someone is being so hurtful to you and your family. I'd love for you to continue posting, but completely understand if you are not able to - your family (and their safety/privacy) should come first. I will really miss reading about you and Magpie though....

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  103. It's devastating to hear that someone is threatening this sanctuary. I've been reading along for 5 years, marveling at your strength, sense of humor and perseverance. It's unthinkable, after what you've been through, to have someone be so heartless toward you and Will. Your blog has meant the world to me during my own struggles. It's incredibly life-affirming to read about life with Magpie. If this space no longer existed, it would leave a giant void.
    -What IF?

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  104. Mo, I have been reading your blog for at least two years. It was so long ago that I don't recall how I came across it, but do recall reading dozens (hundreds?) of prior posts in bed on my cell phone one night to learn your full story. I had a 4 year TTC journey after secondary infertility and my little one was born a week after Magpie from an IVF cycle. I will definitely miss you if you can no longer post, but will always send good thoughts your way about your precious little girl. I wish there was some safe way to take your readers along with you.

    Stupid bully.

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  105. Selfishly, I'm really hoping that you find it in your heart to continue. I've really enjoyed reading your blog. I'm deep into the land of fertility and reading your blog has given me hope, that things can get scary, but can still turn out well. I haven't found a lot of other bloggers that have had as much experience with infertility and loss as you.

    Wishing you peace and comfort as you make this important decision.



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  106. Oh, I am so sorry this is happening to you.
    Awful.
    I found your blog via sprogblogger several (4?) years ago when I was also at CCRM and also having a hell of a time getting/staying pregnant and it helped me TREMENDOUSLY. And now that you are a mother, still enjoy reading because of your very smart and insightful commentary re: being a mother and especially a working mom, a balance I am trying to achieve and I'm convinced the best thing for me is just to see other moms doing it and doing it well.
    I do hope you continue to write.
    Love to you...

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  107. Hi Mo, I've been a reader for quite a while and your blog has helped me to get through some pretty dark days. Your story continues to bring me hope (i'm just starting another IVF cycle, still trying for baby #1), and peace in knowing you've finally been blessed with your beautiful Magpie. Thanks for all you've shared, you're an inspiration to many! Whether or not you decide to continue with this blog, thank you...

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  108. I hope your writing, I love seeing and hearing about Ms Magpie. I hope your "stalker" of sorts can be truthful with you, or silent. There is no place for this childishness. Hugs and love.

    Nicole

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  109. I hope that the person who was getting their 15 minutes of fame is over it now. I know it feels threatening, but in this big wide world, that one person is really very small, and as you can see you have had dozens of supporters ask you to stay and keep posting. Good for you for calling them out on it. (And thank you for listing my blog on your site... I receive a lot of traffic because of you! You are blessing us all!)

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  110. Mo, I am sure that this is not an easy decision, and I know that you will do what feels best for you and your family. I would also evaluate what you're getting from this space-- if it has served it's purpose for you, then while I know that your readers would be sad, we would understand. However, I know that *I've* benefitted from the comments of your readership, and I would guess that you might have too. I'm not sure where your path will take you next, but if you're considering trying to give Magpie a sibling, I would venture to guess that perhaps this community of support might come in handy-- bully be damned. However, I echo what so many others have said. If you need to go silent, we will be sad, but we will understand and will remain grateful for what you *have* shared in a thoughtful and honest way. Wishing you all the best as you make your choice.

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  111. Hope you keep posting :(

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  112. Hi Mo -

    I am so sorry someone is bullying you. People can really suck. I miss reading you're updates. You've always been a source of inspiration. I still use your blog-roll as a jumping point for other amazing blogs that I have found through you. I hope all is well.

    Rose

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  113. This is just icky, and scary, and so so so wrong. What the hell is wrong with people?!?

    I know at one point fairly early on (when I was still much more intent on being totally anonymous than I am now) someone managed to piece together certain details I had shared and wound up e-mailing me my address and pictures of myself I had not shared on the blog. It really freaked me out. Especially because this person did this under the guise of "I just happened to figure this out based on a few details you shared", when the reality was that my stats showed they had spent more than 20 hours on my blog in a weeks time, sifting through almost every single page there - clearly committing a lot of time and effort into finding out my true identity. It really freaked me out, and I almost closed the blog as a result. Instead, I called them out on how scary what they had just done was, and gave the evidence I had of how much time they had committed to this endeavor. I then also explained I would not hesitate to contact the police if they ever tried it again. I have not heard from them since, and came to the conclusion it was more a lonely person looking for a few kicks than anyone truly dangerous. Still... always an uncomfortable feeling, and I am so sorry you are having to deal with it! I don't have any words of advice or wisdom for you, as I am clearly now much less anonymous than I once was, but I'm thinking of you. And I'm sorry.

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  114. hi mo (and will!)...
    how are you this past month?
    I was so sad to read this post when you first wrote it- your blog was 1000% helpful for me, I am a fellow ccrm'er and found a lot of info and also sympathetic views here.

    you know as well as I do, as we all do, that infertility is lonely and confusing, and any lights-in-the-tunnels and/or connections are so welcome and comforting- and this is what I found on your blog.

    I wish there was a way to continue... for you to feel comfortable posting. I am always ANON, and really, I feel that on some support sites, people could find me if they really wanted to. I need to be anon though! damn those posters who ruin it all...

    your blog can and will continue to help. there is always the issue of parenting *after* IF... maybe a new blog is in order-0 how can we find out how to find you?

    please update soon... IF has brought me close to you... we both have moved on to parenting after IF, please don't lose touch with us all!

    I am so curious as to how you all are! please update?

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  115. I really don't want you to stop but of course you should do what's right for your family.

    I've always felt a connection with you, not just the IVF veteran thing (9 IVFs, 1 miscarriage, still no baby) but because one time you posted that it was your birthday - 37? 38? and I realised it was the same date as mine and ever since that time I've felt that I was meant to be following your story, there was some meaning to us both going through this thing at the same time.

    Now that your beautiful little girl is here, your blog gives me hope, and yours is one of the few 'graduate' blogs I can look at any time, day or night, without a sharp pang in my chest. I'm really happy for you. I'll lose something if you stop, but again, your family comes first.

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  116. Mo - I just wanted to let you know that I just recently found your blog (earlier this week); I am about to embark on my first CCRM cycle, after two failed cycles at a major academic institution. I am a native New Yorker, somewhat similarly over educated, a bit older than you, and wrestling with so many of the same choices and decisions that you and your husband have faced. I have been so touched and inspired in the literally two days that I have been reading your blog; I don't know yet how my journey will end but I thank you for sharing your story and for articulating so well the hopes and fears you have faced, that have resonated so strongly with me.

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  117. I found your blog a few years ago, and the information on your blog has been very helpful to me. This is the first time that I am leaving a comment here. This is alarming that someone is trying to scare you. I think you need to protect your family's privacy. I know that you want to help other women who have similar problems as you. But at the same time, you need to protect yourself and your loved ones.

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