My co-worker asked me two days ago. Point blank, at 14 weeks, 5 days.
We were meeting in her office, her door open to some cubicles where other administrative co-workers of mine sit.
I'm leaning over her desk looking at some stats on her screen, and without thinking, I put my hand on my stomach.
"Are you pregnant?" She asks.
Reflexively I say no.
She starts profusely apologizing for asking me that, saying how sorry she is, how inappropriate she was to ask.
I feel really awful, because she feels so awful. Especially because she is right. I am pregnant. I try to reassure her as quickly as possible and move back to our work.
But she feels terrible. And I feel terrible. We end the interaction.
Afterward, I try to sit with my discomfort over how bad she is feeling, to just tolerate it.
But a couple hours later I call her into my office. We go over some other work-related stuff and then at the end, I say I have something to tell her. That I'm not going public with this yet but that I am pregnant. That I didn't want her to feel badly for sensing it, and that I wasn't comfortable being dishonest with her.
She was over the moon happy for me. She is very discreet and said she wouldn't tell anyone. I trust her with the information, although I think in the next couple of weeks I may have to come out with this.
I look pregnant. (Thanks, prednisone!) I saw my very pregnant (37 weeks!) psychologist friend on Friday at a bagel store and she had a post-doc with her from her institution. My friend said the post-doc asked her later if I was pregnant. If even strangers are wondering, this information isn't going to keep for long.
So I'm processing that. Trying to figure out if I can handle people knowing. It's scary, but maybe it is almost time.
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