We've been moving forward toward our donor egg cycle at what feels like a snail's pace.
We found a donor we really liked, and who looks a lot like me at one of the frozen egg banks. We were matched with her and set to get a cohort of 11 eggs.
We passed through the gauntlet of testing at a new New York-based clinic (after the Denver clinic only had 4 donors on their list, we kind of gave up on them, sadly).
The new NY clinic nurse called me and we spoke about my complicated history for almost an hour. Everything seemed to be a go.
I started to get excited. We were looking at cycling next month in April.
Then the phone rang. It was the frozen egg bank. They said they had somehow overlooked that this donor's eggs can ship anywhere except for one state - NY. That they hadn't asked her at the time of her donation how many sexual partners she had had in the past year when she donated (New York stipulates that you can't have had more than two sex partners in the past year). That they hadn't asked her age on some specific form, even though her records clearly state her age. Because of New York's crazy requirements that are apparently more onerous than any other state, the match was off.
I thought we had been on the fresh donor match waiting list at the new clinic for several months as well. We'd asked to get on that list as a back up, just in case. Then I found out that no, we weren't on the list. I had failed to send in a picture of myself, and so we would be at the back of the line, but not even added to the line until a picture of me and Will was received. Of course no one had bothered to mention this to us, despite multiple conversations.
I felt so frustrated. We just want to move forward.
Today I spoke to the medical director of the new clinic, who is our doctor. He doesn't usually handle donor cycles, but because he's been someone we've consulted with throughout the years, he agreed to take our case. I told him about what happened with the frozen egg bank, and he commiserated. I told him about what happened with the fresh donor list at his own clinic and he was really upset. While we were on the phone, he wrote a stern email to his team about it. He said he would see what he could do.
Ten minutes later, one of the nurses called and said they have a donor in mind for us. She apparently looks like me and apparently has other similarities. She is currently cycling for another couple, but if she does well and wants to donate again, the nurse said we should strongly consider her.
It's been a week of highs and lows. Of imagining we'll be pregnant again very soon and then despair and now hope. But I don't want to hope too much until something for sure comes through.
So stay tuned....hopefully there will be progress soon... but who knows. It feels completely out of our hands.
Mo
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We found a donor we really liked, and who looks a lot like me at one of the frozen egg banks. We were matched with her and set to get a cohort of 11 eggs.
We passed through the gauntlet of testing at a new New York-based clinic (after the Denver clinic only had 4 donors on their list, we kind of gave up on them, sadly).
The new NY clinic nurse called me and we spoke about my complicated history for almost an hour. Everything seemed to be a go.
I started to get excited. We were looking at cycling next month in April.
Then the phone rang. It was the frozen egg bank. They said they had somehow overlooked that this donor's eggs can ship anywhere except for one state - NY. That they hadn't asked her at the time of her donation how many sexual partners she had had in the past year when she donated (New York stipulates that you can't have had more than two sex partners in the past year). That they hadn't asked her age on some specific form, even though her records clearly state her age. Because of New York's crazy requirements that are apparently more onerous than any other state, the match was off.
I thought we had been on the fresh donor match waiting list at the new clinic for several months as well. We'd asked to get on that list as a back up, just in case. Then I found out that no, we weren't on the list. I had failed to send in a picture of myself, and so we would be at the back of the line, but not even added to the line until a picture of me and Will was received. Of course no one had bothered to mention this to us, despite multiple conversations.
I felt so frustrated. We just want to move forward.
Today I spoke to the medical director of the new clinic, who is our doctor. He doesn't usually handle donor cycles, but because he's been someone we've consulted with throughout the years, he agreed to take our case. I told him about what happened with the frozen egg bank, and he commiserated. I told him about what happened with the fresh donor list at his own clinic and he was really upset. While we were on the phone, he wrote a stern email to his team about it. He said he would see what he could do.
Ten minutes later, one of the nurses called and said they have a donor in mind for us. She apparently looks like me and apparently has other similarities. She is currently cycling for another couple, but if she does well and wants to donate again, the nurse said we should strongly consider her.
It's been a week of highs and lows. Of imagining we'll be pregnant again very soon and then despair and now hope. But I don't want to hope too much until something for sure comes through.
So stay tuned....hopefully there will be progress soon... but who knows. It feels completely out of our hands.
Mo
Click here to subscribe
Posts
Good to hear an update! Though sorry it's not as smooth as you'd hoped.
ReplyDeleteOur processes for DE are very different. I was given, by the agency I worked with, exactly TWO donors to consider because my major criteria was not anything on a standard form but a proven donor who MUST BE ABLE TO CYCLE NOW. I chose her in Jan and had a march cycle, even with an IUI in between. I couldn't have been as patient as you.
Keep us posted!
I like those criteria! My additional ones are: (1) some semblance of physical similarity to me or Will; (2) reasonably bright. Unfortunately, the frozen bank has only 12 Caucasian donors right now, none of whom is a good fit. But they are on the lookout, as is the clinic, so I am hopeful.
DeleteI did end up selecting the donor who had a reasonable family resemblance....and ended up with a light-haired, light-eyed kid anyway!
DeleteExciting news, despite the ups and downs. If you really like the frozen egg donor, have you considered going across the river to RMA NJ? I know it would be a total PIA to start over at a new clinic, but if you have a donor lined up and all (or most) of the testing done, I can't imagine it would take long to get back on track. RMA in NJ is among the best on the east coast when it comes to DE cycles. I did a DE cycle at San Diego Fertility Center from New York - honestly, even with the travel, a donor cycle is a breeze compared to an OE IVF cycle.
ReplyDeleteRegardless of the logistics, this is super news!
Yup, I *did* consider switching to RMA! Great minds think alike! Unfortunately, RMA will not work with this egg bank. Was exactly my thought, honestly. The NJ clinics they do work with aren't very good, unfortunately.
DeleteArgh, bureaucracy drives me crazy sometimes! I'm so sorry you are going through that frustration. I'm wondering with the new donor they found if she could cycle the following month or would need a month of rest and then to cycle again? Sending lots of good thoughts.
ReplyDeletedon't know. She has to (1) do the current cycle; (2) respond well to stims and at retrieval; (3) be willing to donate again; (4) and then we will figure out timeline. Seems like a lot of unknowns : (
DeleteDarn, yes, that is a lot of unknowns. :( Maybe the doc could tell you the approx/average timeline and hopefully you'll know soon if she's open... then it's just does she respond well. Fingers crossed!
DeleteOh Mo, that is so, so frustrating. I'm so sorry about that donor and the mess-up at the clinic.
ReplyDeletexxx
Ugh. Sorry for the hassles & the delays. Here's hoping stern email will get things sorted, that awesome donor will, indeed, be aweseomly excited about cycling again, and that things work out the way they just SHOULD, damnitall.
ReplyDelete(And I'm all excited by the idea of donors with good track records. Keeping my fingers crossed on her!)
Thinking of you. Wishing I lived closer. I miss you!
Thanks for your thoughts - I miss you too! I will have much more time available after July 1st, if you'll possibly be around anytime later in the summer...
DeleteHave you considered giving your own eggs a go again (realizing that you'd want to do testing, etc.?) at the NY clinic because things aren't seeming to align around this donor egg route? (At this moment, in this space, not that it won't ever work).
ReplyDeleteI hope that things go very well, however it goes forward!
I'm 44 and have been pregnant 9 times with own eggs, across 7 IVF retrievals and 9 transfers. It is tempting, but just doesn't seem very promising.
DeleteUgh. More road blocks! Does the egg bank work with any good clinics, regardless of location? Road trip/vacation?? If you haven't, Maybe talk to Marna Gatlin at Parents Via Egg Donation? She is so smart and could probably give you a good roadmap in under 5 minutes!!
ReplyDeleteJust seeing this! The damn rollercoaster! NYS is very difficult with many third part reproductive issues. I'm very annoyed for you. I'm glad the doc is too!
ReplyDeleteAs a diversion, Spring is in the air! Maybe the Central Park zoo with the girls soon?
Wow. That is certainly annoying that they weren't clear about what list you were on and what you needed to do. It is interesting when the MDs see how their staff has been treating the patients and they are willing to do something to grease the wheels. I hope things get sorted out. You guys have had enough already!
ReplyDeleteUgh!!! Awful. We had a huge wait for our clinic here for a fresh DE cycle. We ended up going the frozen route at another clinic because the wait was so long. I would be so upset after that waiting to discover I wasn't even on there. :( I'm so sorry. I hope things get moving for you. That donor sounds promising. I hope she is willing to donate to you!
ReplyDeleteIf not a NJ clinic, you could still consider a good one just about anywhere that will work with the egg bank, and cycle there, doing your bloodwork and scans here in NY and then flying to wherever for a transfer. Your only travel would be for transfer, and likely, an initial workup. I found my egg donor on the West Coast and traveled there for my transfers. Not ideal but totally doable
ReplyDeleteWe had a few false starts with donors and ended up with the jackpot on our third live donor. Back then frozen was less common. I am so surprised the pickings are so slim! Hang in there! It will be worth it when everything aligns!
ReplyDelete