Good news for once: We'll take it where we can

I've been feeling beaten down by the infertility part of our lives. Really saddened by it, and for the moment stymied. And one of the things I've been trying to do to cope with that is make sure that the other parts of my life - the non infertility parts - don't wither away and atrophy from lack of attention.

One of those areas has been my physical health - eating, weight, etc. Which I am working on (more in a later post).

The other is professional. I finished my PhD a while back and have been completing a postdoctoral fellowship. In my field there is also a licensing exam that has to be passed once you've accumulated 1750 supervised hours. This test is notoriously onerous and is sort of the Bar exam of psychology. I've been studying for it for a while, but really ramped it up after we lost the baby in November.

And I quietly took the exam a couple of weeks ago. (gulp).

Yesterday, I got a letter in the mail.

I PASSED!!! And cooler than that, not only did I pass but I earned a score in the mid-90s! (figuring I can brag a little since this is an anonymous blog)

What a relief! It's such a feeling of accomplishment to have finished this final hurdle to allow me to practice independently after years (and I do mean years) of classes and practicums and internships and dissertation research and writing and defending.

It's great to feel that I can actually influence something - that I can set my mind to something and achieve it - even if this whole baby making thing feels hopelessly complicated and confusing at the moment.

So a minor celebration going on over here. We'll take the good news where we can.

Mo

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INTRODUCING DR. MO!

Oral defense of my dissertation is over.
I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy happy joy joy happy happy joy!!!
I need a nap. Then off to celebrate.
Mo

One more day

One more day until we will know the outcome of this cycle.

We are really excited for tomorrow to come. It's been a strange thing this cycle to not be able to test ahead. On one hand, it has made the process more enjoyable, because we can just entertain the possibility that there is still life inside of me while realizing the impossibility of having an answer yet. On the other hand, not being able to test is sheer torture. Will and I are trying to stay in the moment, but it is very, very difficult. Honestly, whatever the outcome, we are more than ready to know. We remain cautiously hopeful, but really, we have no idea what we will find out tomorrow.

On other fronts, out of sheer necessity, I have managed to complete a final draft of my entire dissertation - all 170 pages of it. As of yesterday, the copies were delivered to my school and turned in to my committee. I will meet with them in a couple of weeks for the next-to-last step to get their feedback. After I make those changes, I will be - finally - headed for the oral defense. I cannot wait to be done. This degree process has been so much more intensive and grueling than I could have ever envisioned. I have learned much, but I really look forward to finishing. It has been years of seemingly never-ending work.

So. Tomorrow. Hopefully it will be here before we know it. And maybe, just maybe, we will have a good outcome. It doesn't seem likely given out track record so far, but we are so wanting a positive outcome. Please, Universe, we've paid our dues!!

We promise to post once we have news. As always, thank you so much for your thoughts, your comments, your support.

Mo