Big girl bed! And big girl bed problems

As of the new year, Magpie moved into a "big girl bed" from her crib. She loves the bed. she loves being a big girl. And it is great not to have to lift her in and out of the crib. She is super proud of herself, and we are proud of her too.

But I am also very tired.

Along with the move to a bed has come a move to many more sleep interruptions for the whole family.

I'm so tired that I can't quite quantify it, but I'm guessing she's up at least three times a night now, ultimately ending up crawling into our bed by the third wake up.

And so, I am turning to you - I think we need a toddler clock type device to teach her when she can and can't get up. I looked on Amazon, and there are several options. Are there any specific devices that have worked for you? Any that were a disappointment?

And is there something besides a toddler clock that I should be considering?

Any help is most (yawn!) appreciated!

Mo

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Miscarriage #8 genetic results

We got the genetics back on miscarriage #8.

The OB's nurse had called me with the results and said it showed a mosaicism. I asked her to tell me the exact results and she started reading...and then kept going...and going...

In a nutshell, our latest pregnancy had some normal cells but then three different kinds of chromsomal errors going on, depending on which of the cells were tested. But it was not just that some of the cells were normal and some were abnormal.

In our embryo, there were normal cells and then three different kinds of chromosomal errors in different segments of cells, including one jumping translocation. Basically the embryo that implanted was a genetic clusterf*ck.

It was a relief to get these results, because these results show completely clearly that this embryo could never have made a living baby in a million years. So there is no "what if" there.

I've spoken to the Denver clinic's head geneticist after she called today, and she thought that the particular type of errors our embryo showed likely occurred later in development. She thought they could stem from the sperm rather than the egg and is calling our local hospital to see if they can run an origin of aneuploidy test on the remaining tissue.That would be helpful I think, in case we go the donor egg route. God forbid we have some previously undetected problem on the sperm side that could be contributing to our many losses.

I also spoke to Dr. Schl. who was very kind and nice and informative and thinks we should look into the origins of this loss but said that his bets are on egg donor and Will's sperm being a viable way to go.

We have begun the donor egg process, both at the Denver clinic and at a local clinic. And we've been looking into going with a frozen egg bank versus a live donor, so stay tuned on that.

On the home front, we've just been enjoying Magpie to the fullest this holiday season. She is so enthusiastic and so verbal. She loves the Christmas tree. She loves the ornaments. She loves the Nutcracker music and story. It is wonderful to see her joy in all things holiday related. A joy to be her mama.

Mo


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Zero. One. Two. Three.

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Egg donor compensation - it's complicated

The question of how much egg donors should be compensated is a tough and complicated question.

The NY Times has published two articles about egg donor compensation after a group of egg donors filed a lawsuit alleging they were undercompensated for their donations. The first piece is a reported article about the topic, and the second an op-ed piece.

Personally, I feel of multiple, conflicting minds on this. My first reaction is that egg donors aren't donors in this country and should be able to name their price. But my second thought is that of a clinical researcher. Some of the trials I run offer clinical compensation, and I am expressly forbidden by the Institutional Review Board from offering too much compensation, because that might coerce someone to enroll in a trial just for the financial benefit who wasn't truly comfortable. So from that vantage point, it seems there should be limits.

As a potential user of donor eggs, I was sent an egg donor profile from an agency yesterday and the donor is requesting $35,000 compensation. That's on top of the hefty fees for the agency and the clinic. Which is OMG yowza. She is smart and attractive and she's cycled before, but $35,000 - really? Mostly I've seen agency donors receiving compensation in the $5,000 to $10,000 range. Besides $35,000 being way more than we could ever afford, it seems ethically dicey to be priced beyond a certain amount (on the other hand, I was saddened that at least one woman in the NYT article was compensated only $2,000 for her cycle, which seems far too little). The articles also raise the question of how much the agencies and clinics profit off of these women, and that seems a fair question. It shouldn't be that the agency gets $20,000 and the donor only $5,000, when she is the one going through a somewhat invasive and emotionally wearing process.

I don't have the answers, but of course this lawsuit, and these articles come at an interesting time, since we are considering this route ourselves.

I was curious what others think about egg donation and compensation. Should there be limits? What is fair to all?

Mo

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Where things stand today

I just wanted to say a quick hello. I'm not out the other side of this loss emotionally, but if I waited to post until that happened, it might be a long wait until my next post. I think that most of the physical aspects of the loss are behind me: the night sweats have ceased and I think the majority of the steroid tapering yuckiness* too. The sadness persists.

I don't know where we are going to go from here. Whether we will decide to just have our family be Magpie and us or make another attempt, this time using donor eggs. I've been tentatively exploring various donor egg scenarios (frozen, agency, clinic, etc.) to behaviorally try out how I feel about that. I know that I would be ok with a donor egg baby emotionally, and finding the exact "right" donor doesn't seem to matter quite so much as it used to (Magpie makes it so obvious that each child just is themselves, regardless of where the egg and sperm come from).

I think I mostly wish I could know that if we go the donor egg route that it will work (is it too much to want a guarantee?!), and that we could relatively quickly move forward with our family. I don't think I have a whole lot more stamina left for multiple attempts, and financially it's a significant strain on our resources as well.

I also don't know for sure how Will is feeling about the possibility of using donor eggs. I think he is open to it, but like me he is tired and worn down by the past years trying to conceive (8 years and 9 pregnancies. Gah). He's also a very interior person and so I know there is definitely a process going on inside of him, but I know enough to leave him be and not prod him to try to talk about the process too much too early, especially as right now I'm a bit all over the place, which he would find challenging to tolerate.

Poor Will has been down with an awful GI bug on top of everything else, so it is definitely not the right timing to discuss this on multiple levels. He knows I'm thinking about the donor route (and I'm guessing he is too, in his own way), and he knows I've made an appointment for us at a well regarded local clinic that has a fairly open policy about donor eggs. It's in mid-November and so we should have genetics back by that point, and I'm guessing I'll know how I feel by that time and that we will have been able to have a few conversations about it. I already know for certain I don't want to linger too long here in grief and indecision land, no matter what direction we are heading in.

I will try not to lapse into blog silence as I'm in this difficult place.

I greatly appreciate all of your thoughts and comments. So thank you.

Mo

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* "Yucky" is one of Magpie's current favorite words. I don't know where she learned it, but it's her go-to word to express that she is upset or doesn't want to do something. "That quesadilla is yucky" (I don't want to eat it). "Mommy, you are yucky!" (I'm asking her to do something unbearable, like put on her pajamas). Ah, to be almost 3.

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