Vacating

Well...not really fishing, but you get the idea. We're off on our rejiggered, reconfigured, less-risky-but-still-fun trip! Fingers crossed that Mo is still pregnant by the time we get back! Two weeks of no ultrasounds, no beta levels, and no hospital visits for work or patienthood!!! What could be better, really?

Will and Mo

INTRODUCING DR. MO!

Oral defense of my dissertation is over.
I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy happy joy joy happy happy joy!!!
I need a nap. Then off to celebrate.
Mo

Last beta check

Before we left on vacation, we snuck in one last beta level. No plateau, and no drop. In fact, that's quite a fine looking line there! Despite all my fears, things continue to look good. So a little (temporary) sigh of relief over here.

Mo

First ultrasound and talk with RE

First of all, thank you so much for your comments and thoughts. Those of you who chimed in about HCG levels were VERY helpful. Just knowing that you guys are out there and rooting for us means a great deal, to both of us. And I agree about the benefits of doing yoga and/or meditation. I unfortunately can't right now because I have a dissertation to defend, but it does sound like a great idea. I'm sure the upcoming defense has a lot to do with my sky-high stress levels.

We saw the RE and had an ultrasound. We're just barely at the five week mark, so it's super early.

We could see the gestational sac on the screen and the RE saw the yolk sac as well, which is great, and all one could hope to see at this stage of things.

We talked about the HCG numbers not rising so much since Saturday - he said not to put too much stock in them. Unless they plateau entirely or drop, we're ok, and ultrasound is the way to go from here on out.

So this was all a great relief.

But the funny thing is, part of me still feels that something is wrong. My body doesn't feel right to me (as though I would know what "right" feels like!) My nausea and fatigue have lessened and last night and through today, I started having moderate cramping that feels like my period is about to come. I mentioned this to the RE and he said all of this is normal. That it is too early to have reliable symptoms. Which reassured me a smidgen. But not really.

I'm beginning to accept that I just may not feel better for quite a while. That my anxiety may be one of the legacies of all of our losses. I hope that once the dissertation defense is done and we're off on our trip (to where? who knows!) that I can begin to surrender to the process of this pregnancy a little more. To know that we've done our part and all there is left to do is enjoy each step along the way. To be thrilled and grateful we are where we are.

For now, I am very glad we heard reassuring news today. But I also don't feel much better, which is a drag. It's like I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I suspect I will be for while to come.

Mo

Ehhhhh....(with update)

So the latest beta is in. It doesn't look good if you look at the two-day rise. Overall, it looks fine (since last Tuesday). It even looks fine if you skip just the Saturday value, which was astronomically high, and go back to the Thursday value. But since Sunday, the beta rise has really slowed down and is doubling far less than every two days... I haven't heard from the RE's office yet to find out their take on this but will add an update when I hear.

Latest beta? 3,159. Which is not so great since July 4th beta was 2,413. Granted the July 4th beta was drawn in the late afternoon and this one was drawn in the early morning, but still...

Overall:
15dpo: 188
17dpo: 585
19dpo: 2,413
21dpo: 3,159 (akkk!)

Will and I are are both feeling yechy about this and wracked with worry. The not knowing is so, so difficult. And I am finding it almost impossible to focus on preparing for my dissertation defense. Which really MUST happen, oh, in just a couple of days.

Needless to say, I am no longer worried about a molar pregnancy.

It would not be much of a consolation prize, but maybe we'll get to take that trip of a lifetime in a few days after all...

Mo

**Update** Nurse from RE's office called. She seemed to think all was well, until I pointed out that we only had a 31% increase since Saturday. Then she didn't know what to think and suggested an ultrasound.

Thanks for those who commented that beta rise slows as it gets higher. That was great to hear! (and I think you know more than the nurse I just spoke to!). We'll see RE tomorrow morning for a first ultrasound and talk to him about what all this means. In the meantime, I'll try to chill. I really appreciate your patience and comments!