I am safely home. But boy, what a day it has been.
I awoke this morning in the hotel, went to the bathroom, and then all hell broke loose a bit (emotionally for me, at least). TMI to come, so warning to stop reading now if you're squeamish.
As I was finishing up with my first morning pee, I glanced down at my pad and saw a smear of red. No clots. I started freaking. Took off the pad and turned it over to see how much blood was really there. It had saturated to the back of the pad at one small point, but mostly seemed to be more superficial. I began an investigation into where the blood had come from, and came up with nothing. Despite fervent TP wiping, there was nothing but clear white vaginal mucus. Put in the endometrin suppository and the applicator came back clean. Which was weird. I would have thought there would be a bit of red or brown or something if this is where the blood came from. Began to think maybe somehow it was rectal? I am on lovenox, so anything is possible. But all investigation in that area (I'll spare you the details) also turned up negative.
So bleeding, folks, but no idea from where (although I fear I DO know. Sigh). Welcome to Mo's world, the land of the Mystery Spot. Ugh.
On a bright note, despite two flights and lots of airport walking, there has been no more bleeding. I know, because I have been obsessively checking.
I am feeling very uncomfortable, though, on the left side of my abdomen. Uterus is still somewhat crampy, but on the left side am feeling pulling, almost a stabby feeling. Like an implantation feeling, or a (ugh) deplantation feeling.
Besides all that, the day has been uneventful. I've been pretty much horizonal since I got home. And yes, I practically kissed the ground when I got here. It is SO good to be home.
My local RE is out of town until Weds., which is when I have my ultrasound. And I'm sort of between OBs with first appointment for new one not until the day before Thanksgiving. Will is trying to scare someone up to do a scan tomorrow off the record, but I don't know if we'll be able to arrange this.
Not sure what to do about the workweek. I have a fairly important day tomorrow with several things (including patients) I'd have to cancel (and let my team down with) if I don't go in. But on the other hand, if I have a subchorionic hemorrhage (one guess, if the baby hasn't already died), I'm thinking maybe I should be staying pretty still and not going in. Geesh, I don't know. On the other hand, I feel like everyone would tell me that there's nothing that can be done at this point anyway. So maybe I should just go about my day as usual? If I did call off from work, what should I say? (I'll need to be near death to cancel out of one of the events for tomorrow - it's a big deal for our team. so no typical "I'm sick" will cut it, I don't think). What would you do?
And those of you who had a subchorionic hemorrhage, aside from the bleeding, did you have any other symptoms? How was the SCH treated?
Feeling that hope is dwindling over here. Just feeling doomed. Hopefully, I'll be pleasantly surprised. Trying to remind myself that until I am told otherwise, there's a baby in there. A miraculous green pea to blueberry size little creature. Please hang tight in there, little one!
As always, guys, thanks for listening, and for your thoughts.
Mo
p.s. In response to a couple of you asking, the co-worker/supervisor who wanted to drink at the conference turned out to be so swamped preparing for her symposium talk that hanging out and drinking wasn't ever an issue. And she never asked if I was pregnant, so I wasn't faced with that, either.
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My prayers are with you and your baby. I hope this is nothing. The fact that it was only just a little bit is positive, I think. Hang in there! I hope you get someone to do a scan for you before weds to give you some peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are going through this. Blood is scary, no matter where it comes from or the colour. I think the typical advice when bleeding/spotting is to lay down and drink lots of water. I am so hoping it is a SCH and the baby is ok.
ReplyDeleteI just think that your peace of mind, the knowing what is/n't going on in there is THE most important thing.
ReplyDeleteIf it were me, I'd go in for an ultrasound because I would have to know, either way, in order to live my life.
I don't know where your local clinic or OBs office is in relation to your house or where your house is in relation to your office. Is there a nurse practitioner that can see you at your local clinic/OBs office (even if you haven't been officially released to your OB or even seen him/her) or your OB himself? Can you just show up to your clinic or OBs office in the morning (mine opened at 7:30) and wait to be seen by whomever can see you?
While not a lot can be done if things have stopped progressing, things can be done if they haven't (if it is a SCH knowing that would be important). And, what if all is OK and you can exhale in relief? That alone would seem worth the trip.
Is there any way to get an ultrasound first thing in the morning and then go into work? Any way to telecommute for the day? Use Skype if you have to?
I just know that for me, my mental health was worth everything in those early, trying weeks.
Is there a way the nurse at your RE can do an ultrasound? I don't think you'll have peace until you get one done. Sending prayers that all is well. Try to stay positive (I know, easier said than done) because stress is not good for either of you.
ReplyDeleteHugs
No thoughts or experience on any of this but just wanting you to know that I'm willing every good and possible vibe I have in the universe to make this nothing, to let this pregnancy BE, to let you guys have a happy ending. I'm sorry things are stressful.
ReplyDeleteI haven't ever posted here, but when I was dealing with first trimester bleeding I craved stories of women who went on to have successful pregnancies. So maybe this is a comfort to you too...
ReplyDeleteI spotted almost continuously the first 10 weeks of my pregnancy and on-and-off (but consistently) through 20-odd weeks. I started with low progesterone, then was diagnosed with a subchorionic hemmorrage at 9 weeks (one week of bed rest and it was all but gone at the 10 week scan) and then had a low-lying placenta with an edge lifted and bleeding. I have a healthy 8 week old baby now.
Hang in there and I am hoping for a happy ending for you as well!
Is it an option to only attend the can't-miss-unless-I'm-dead event tomorrow and reschedule everything else? That seems like it might be the right balance of pregnancy stress and am-I-screwing-my-coworkers-over? stress. I wouldn't blame you if you called out on all of it if that's the best for your stress level. For me, when I was constantly running out for blood draws and ultrasounds, etc. in the first trimester I also carried a lot of guilt about what I was dropping at work and making sure to be there for certain meetings WAS the least stressful thing I could do for myself.
Regardless of what you do about work I also vote for finding a way to get an ultrasound tomorrow for your peace of mind.
Praying for you and hoping you and the babe get what you need. Keep us posted.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you're still dealing with this. FWIW, I had full on bleeds in 2 of 3 pregnancies (including one that ended with a live birth); although one of those did end in miscarriage that outcome had *nothing* to do with the bleeding (after a day of heavy period bleeding, it just STOPPED and the pregnancy went on for another ~8 weeks). That is, although it's scary beyond words, sometimes bleeding happens for inexplicable reasons. And, yes, being on Lovenox might have something to do with it (have your platelets and clotting times been checked?). I was told to take it easy, keep feet elevated, and drink a lot of water.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I understand the work dilemma. But being a working parent isn't going to be any different :) Kids get sick, you stay home. When I was in that situation, I got out of work obligations as a "medical emergency" and really, I wasn't lying, you know?
I'm so sorry, Mo. Thinking about you, and hoping blood is just a little blood.
Hang in there. I really hope you can get a curbside ultrasound tomorrow to ease your mind!
ReplyDeleteWelcome home.
ReplyDeleteWednesday is a long way away.
I cannot give thoughts on work issues. We are different people: you have a career and I go to a job so I can steal post its. Trust your gut.
You are on my mind. Especially when I poop.
No advice, just ongoing hopes and good wishes for you.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any help for you. I am keeping you in my prayers and praying that all is well. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeletePraying, praying, praying.
ReplyDeleteYou have been through so much to get here, I would lean towards staying home from work. I really hope you can get an ultrasound tomorrow. Thinking of you guys and your little blueberry!
ReplyDeleteOh how I hate that you have to go through this...it just sucks sooo much. BUT...let me tell you...with my current pregnancy...I had the funkiest bleeding episodes. First it was at like 4+ weeks...I had a hot red gush and I was sure all was doomed. But then it went away...then it did it again a just before 6 weeks...I woke up to a full on bright red, soak thru panties and pajamas type of episode. So off to the Dr. for an early scan...saw a sac measuring okay and what we thought was a fetal pole and that was it...but the bleeding had stopped so they sent me on my way. I had a 7wk 3 day scan scheduled to look for the HB and on the day before...it happened AGAIN...just a hot realease of bright red....Once again...I thought...Okay...I'm doomed...this is over. They got me in a day early and we could not find evidence of a SCH at all...just random bleeding...and there was the HB just flickering away. After that I didn't have anymore spotting and we will have a baby next week....Oh..and in early pregnancy (4-7 weeks)...I always felt as if my period could start at any moment...it was a weird crampy thing that drove me nuts and then just kind of went away. So...I am praying for the same fate for you...but I sure wish it would just clear up and stop causing you worry...Hang in there.
ReplyDeletekd
I wish you weren't going through such a scare...hang tight Mo. And if I were you...I think I'd go about my day tomorrow as normal. But my track record isn't that great so can't really give any advice. Just like to try and keep a routine as it largely provides much needed relief with regard to the pg limbo hell.
ReplyDeleteOh Mo.... I am so sorry for what you are going through. Try to keep positive though...
ReplyDeleteI has a SCH with my second IVF/Preg. I didn't bleed and I was told there is nothing that can be done. So I was just hoping that things are going to work out. It was diagnosed at the 8 wk u/s and by week 12 it was minimal.
Hoping, all will be well with you. Try to find a way to have an u/s done tomorrow, so that you can relax a tiny bit :)
Hi Mo, first off let me add my (severely overdue) congratulations on this hard-won pregnancy! I've been a quiet reader for ~18 months or so. So so thrilled for you guys, and FWIW I have a really good feeling about this, I really do. Ever since the 26 beta, I've really had this feeling it's going to work out fine....
ReplyDeleteI had a SCH with my second pregnancy that went undetected until the 12 week NT scan (was my first scan of the pregnancy). They told me about it and asked if I had any bleeding, which I had not. So, in my case, the SCH was asymptomatic and had disappeared by the 20 week scan. I think if the bleeding has stopped now that is a really good sign for you.
Same as the last commenter, I would suggest going ahead with your day same as usual. When waiting waiting waiting, it just seems to make the time go much faster when you can keep some semblance of a routine.
All the best.
I too had bleeding at 9 weeks--bright red, soak through your underwear bleeding which was diagnosed as a SCH--no one gave me any rest advice and told me to carry on (great thanks!) and I see patients fulltime so couldn't cancel my days and prayed and continued and am currently 21 weeks pregnant and had resolution of the SCH by around 12 weeks. If you have to see patients tomorrow, try not to worry too much and I'll be thinking of you--for me it kept my mind off of things. So sorry you're going through this and I'm rooting, rooting, rooting for you! I have 2 boxers at home and love your boxer pics in your posts! Snuggle up with your smooshie-faced baby and so glad you're home!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're having to deal with this stress. It's awful the way that infertility and RPL make it so difficult to just relax and enjoy being pregnant. Have you started intralipids/IVIG yet? I think it might help you to feel better, knowing that you've covered all your bases. I've read that NK's can contribute to SCH. If you really do have a SCH, I'm wondering if this could help to reduce the risk and keep it from getting bigger.
ReplyDeleteHang in there--we're all pulling for you.
Ugh -- I'm so sorry. I know EXACTLY how you feel with this bleeding. It's torture! You're right...my doctor told me that no matter what I do -- walk, work, stand on my head -- nothing would change my SCH or make it worse. Someone described it like a little "wrinkle" that develops as the embryo attaches to the uterus (kind of like if you're trying to put down contact paper or something and it gets a bubble)...so if you think about it that way you can see that you going to work isn't really going to change it at all. That said, I totally get why you may not be capable of going to work. I always asked myself, am I going to feel better or worse if I don't go in for this meeting? Maybe that would help you too?
ReplyDeleteAs for treating a SCH, time is the only way, to my knowledge. Mine resolved pretty quickly -- by the time of the next scan it was gone.
Hang in there! I definitely think if it were something more ominous than a SCH, it would have continued and gotten worse, not better. I don't think a m/c would start bleeding and then stop just as quickly with just one spot....
Sending tons of good vibes! Keep us posted!
I had a crazy bleed, clots included, and they later found out it was a SH. No treatment, they didn't even tell me to rest or stay horizontal. The SH grew, the blood subsided, and I am currently 17 weeks. Try to breath. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteJust to ease your mind a little (I know it probably wont..) but with my first pregnancy I had crazy one cramps on the one side.. like painful..stop me in my tracks..what are these kinda cramps. Doctor told me it was my uterus starting to make room for the baby so this was "stretching" pain! So.. grow baby grow! xo
ReplyDeletewhen i was pregnant, i had cramping before and after the beta and was told it was normal.
ReplyDeletei had a SCH at 11 weeks and the blood was mostly reddish-brown. i was also told that IVF pregnancies bleed more than regular ones. i hope that some of this helps you. im sure the little peanut is doing just fine in there and there's just so much great lining inside that you had some to spare...
good luck and im hoping you are able to find some peace and some rest tonight.
xoxo
lis
I had SCH with my first IVF/ICSI son...bled like STINK for weeks during the first trimester. He's seven now, so it obviously was okay, but deeply scary. Second IVF/ICSI baby, bled again...the whole first trimester. Seems to have been the norm for me. I really, really hope that you have a good outcome. All is definitely not lost....crossing my fingers for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are going through this. I am hoping it is nothing. I just wanted to offer some perspective on work.
ReplyDeleteI go into work no matter what. If it is important...I'm there. So I get where you are coming from. But we don't have to be that way. One time I was preparing for a presentation with a coworker. He does not like public speaking so we prepared with my boss and his boss at no less than three separate meetings. The day of the presentation he did not show up for work. He was sick. I am fairly comfortable with public speaking so I did it all myself although I had no idea what his part of the presentation was about (I had heard it three times).
But anyway...he calls in sick on this very important day. I covered. And no one ever said anything to him. He ended up getting promoted about a year later.
I suspect he wasn't sick...he just didn't want to give the presentation.
Don't go in to work tomorrow if you don't want to. They will survive. They will get over it. Easier said than done...trust me I know.
However, sometimes work helps to take my mind off things.
My first thought because I had similar pain and also feared a miscarriage with our first is maybe it's round ligament pain. That is what mine turned out to be, and I realize you have other things mixed into that with spotting/bleeding, but for your sake (and Will's and the little bean) I really hope it's just your uterus growing to accomodate the baby! Hang in there, and I hope you get that ultrasound before Wednesday for your peace of mind!
ReplyDeleteHi Mo,
ReplyDeleteI had a sch with my twin pregnancy very early in my pregnancy...3-4 weeks. Woke up to lots of bright red blood....we were so very sure it was over. I went to the re the next day and had an ultrasound...kind of forced my way in. There were 2 gestational sacs, but too early to tell the outcome. My Re actually recommended bedrest for 4 weeks, until the bleeding stopped. I was on bedrest and one day stood up and had the biggest hemmorhage of blood...went to the ER. Was told by the oncall doc to expect the worst after an internal exam....waiting for ultrasound.
Ultrasound tech saw 2 little hearbeats and a sch next to baby b. I actually stopped the lovenox for a week to make sure it wasn't contributing to the bleeding.
I have two 11 month olds now...I could tell you some crazy stories about this pregnancy....
I just want you to know you are not alone...I think I went to the er 2 more times that weekend just to see they were still there. This was our fourth and final IVF.
I have read that IVF pregnancies sometimes have a higher incidence of sch, maybe due to transfer..who knows. I am sorry for the long post...
I am praying for you..and I think getting that ultrasound tomorrow will ease your mind. Take care.
The pulling, almost stabbing feeling could very well be round ligament pain, which is a good thing. I don't know about your previous losses, but in the ones I've experienced, one-sided pain has been a good thing (from what I've read and heard, round ligament pain doesn't usually happen on both sides at the same time), and it's only been the all-across-the-uterus pain that's been a bad sign.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what could have caused the bleeding, but I think the fact that you couldn't find a source for it and that it hasn't continued are good signs.
Is there any way you can go in just for the team thing and cancel all of your other appointments and meetings?
OK... my subchorionic haematoma story (this is following an FET). First sign of it was at four weeks, shortly before my beta. Period like bleeding and cramping, although the bleeding only lasted an hour or so. The doctors switched me from progesterone suppositories to PIO.
ReplyDeleteSecond episode was the big one at nearly six weeks. I felt a gush between my legs, ran to the toilet and promptly filled it with blood. Horrible, horrible experience. I had cramping, I had at least one small clot. Absolutely convinced it was done for. I was lucky enough to get an ultrasound an hour after it happened, which proved everything was still fine, but my cautious doctor gave me a 50/50 chance of miscarriage.
They put me on bedrest for that evening, and told me that if I had stopped bleeding by morning (which I did) I was welcome to get up, but I should avoid any heavy lifting. I continued spotting (usually brown blood) for a month, but the haematoma had disappeared by the time I went to my ob/gyn at the end of the first trimester.
I hope that that's all this is for you. One word of warning, if the pregnancy does continue... at my 20 week ultrasound, the baby had bright spots in the bowel due to swallowing blood at the time of the bleed (charming thought, huh?). I am assured that this is completely harmless and the baby will eventually pass the blood (my next u/s is at 27 weeks), but it did mean an appointment with a high risk doctor and assessing my risk for other possible causes of bright bowel. As I understand it, it's a fairly frequent occurence when there's been first trimester bleeding, so you might want to keep that in mind.
Obviously, right now, 20 weeks isn't even on your radar. I'm crossing my fingers you'll get to that point too. Best wishes.
I had an SCH -- on my way to work I started GUSHING bright red blood, tons of it. Everything turned out fine, I stopped bleeding after a couple days (spotted brown for a lot longer). Only kept my feet up til the bleeding stopped. The RE said the position of my SCH didn't require bedrest once the bleeding was done. Hope this is some encouragement!!
ReplyDeleteScrew work. They'll deal with your absence. And if they can't, then they're not paying you NEARLY enough. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteTake whatever time you need, and take whatever measures you need - shit, go in to an emergency room if need be to give you some peace of mind. Sitting over here in Brooklyn, hoping/wishing/assuming all is well. Because - to echo everyone's comment - I bled A LOT during this last pregnancy (and not a jot during any of my miscarriages). But that doesn't mean bleeding is any less scary or horrible when it's happening to you. You've been through enough worry - take the day off, get the scan.
So glad you're home, my friend. Call if you want some company. Thinking of you.
First, if your team knew what was going on and what you have been through, then they would be completely ok with you taking the day off. This warrants the day off, seriously. Take it.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what else to say. You deserve that uneventful, cushy pregnancy, and so do I or anybody else who has been through this messed-up journey from hell even once.
But its ok if its not uneventful and comfortable, just as long as we get our nights of sleep deprivation and projectile poop July 2011 onwards.
Praying for you, praying for me.
I am an ultrasound technologist, and in my experience, light first trimester spotting is extremely common. I don't say this to down-play your feelings of anxiety (I would be nervous too!), but just to try and reassure you at this point that this all may be normal. We see numerous small implantation bleeds that resolve themselves over time.
ReplyDeleteAlso, your MD's office should be able to call the hospital's ultrasound department if there is no one in their office that can to an ultrasound for you tomorrow, and order an ultrasound for you at the hospital in which your doctor has privilages in. We do add-on patients all of the time, and I am sure the hospital in your area has time set aside for emergency add-ons as well.
Best wishes from Wisconsin!
Spotting truly sucks! I remember when I spotted in the pregnancy that followed my miscarriage, I just about wiped myself raw, checking for renewed spotting. I am praying that everything is well. I think that the spotting can still be from the suppositories that you need to use.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the stabbing pain in your uterus sounds like round ligament pain. In my first pregnancy I felt the first stabs at around 5 weeks and was convinced that it was ectopic, but everything was fine. Hopefully it is just your uterus stretching to make room for the growing little one.
This pregnancy is the most important thing right now, and is more important than work. So I would use I´m sick card, eventhough it is tough, little pea comes first.
ReplyDeleteYou can use , I have probably food poisoining can´t leave my bathroom.
Ugh. So glad you are home, you have been through HELL. I had a mystery spot like that - I did the same searches in the Atlanta airport - and all was well.
ReplyDeleteI am holding out all sorts of hope for you and I hope that you can score an u/s today.
((HUGS))
I'm in the minority in saying that while I'd do my damnest to get in for an u/s today somehow, I'd go to work, because if even for 15 seconds you think about something other than what might or might not be going on in your ute, that is 15 seconds of peace. Hopefully you'll find a few moments of peace today; whatever choice you've made. Lots of hugs and prayers from here, and despite how hard it is, remember how many crampy bleedy stories you've heard from us. This very well could be (and I think is, FWIW) normal early pregnancy BS, not that it helps.
ReplyDeleteI'm one of those that reads your blog regularly and never commetns when you beg the lurkers to post. But SCH was a bitch throughout my pregnancy, so I figure it's time to speak up. The first major bleeding episode was around 6 weeks. Soaked through underwear and pants and onto the couch in a sudden gush, dripped on the floor on the way to the bathroom, soaked the the bathroom floor and toilet rim trying to get onto the toilet and proceeded to fill the toilet a few times and several overnight pads until an ultrasound the next morning showed all was fine. I had maybe six more massive bleeding episodes like this that had us anxiously rushing to l&d, was on modified bedrest until 23 weeks and spotted the entire pregnancy. Sometimes the blood irritated my uterus and sometimes I passed humongous clots and it would give me period-like cramps, but the baby never once showed any sign of distress. The SCH actually stayed with me the whole pregnancy and I didn't pass the bulk of it until three days after giving birth. Stressful as hell though.
ReplyDeleteI was spotting, then bleeding, then spotting from weeks 6.5 to 13 of this pregnancy. My NYC RE said he sees it in about 60% of his patients. The MFM obs just kept an eye on the size of the SCH. I'm 37 weeks now...
ReplyDeleteHi Mo, I'm just catching up with your crazy week now - I am so sorry I wasn't around to offer support earlier. As you may have read on my blog, back in June I too had bleeding. Started right around 7weeks and I had on and off spotting until about week 13. Diagnosed as SCH. With the first bleed (which scared me to absolute panic attack states) I had menstrual-like cramping, which lasted about 2 days. After that, not much pain, but I also had a ton of what I now think is ligament pain in my first tri. Hip flexor area, side of abdomnen, all achy on and off. I think that was because I had a retroverted ute, and it was pulling itself up to normal position as it grew.
ReplyDeletei was put on modified bedrest for the whole time I spotted, which included pelvic rest, no pushing, pulling, twisting, no long periods on my feet. I was not restricted from work, but I was advised not to be standing or walking much. I was monitored weekly with u/s with my OB, and we watched that sucker shrink week by week. All the while the critter was fine, growing normally and completely unaffected. Me, I was a mess.
I'm hoping you can get some answers sooner than later. Limbo is the worst place to be. Fingers crossed for you.
Oh - also, I stopped all endometrium suppositories with the first bleed, increased my PIO to 1.5 daily (then weaning after that) and it all ended up ok. I just didn't want to stick anything up my hoo-ha to irritate and bleed. I just emotionally could not face it. So maybe something you want to ask about.
ReplyDeleteLove the picture--I've been to that Mystery Spot! Not really worth the money, if you ask me :).
ReplyDeleteUgh, I'm sorry about all the suspense. There are so, so many things that can cause bleeding during pregnancy--it's so frustrating trying to figure out what's going on! But the fact that you haven't had any more blood or even signs of where the blood came from is, I think, a good sign.
I say go for the u/s if you can. Although be prepared for more bleeding -- sometimes the transvag can shake things up a bit. Thinking of you!!
ReplyDeleteI have no advice or previous experience with all of this, but I SO hope that the spotting was just a random occurrence. Thinking about you!!!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you are dealing with this. I think Shannon's comments above are very wise and the same place I tried to get during my IF journey. My first (successful) pregnancy had a SCH with minor bleeding. He just turned 5 yrs. Just finished second successful (twin) preg. and was on Lovenox and prog. suppositories and a variety of other things preventives. The bleeding you describe sounds just like what I had with my suppositories (it came and went during their use and vanished completely after I stopped them at 14wks.). Wishing you some peace and calm (but totally understand the stress)and a very normal pregnancy from here on! - Sue
ReplyDeletestay home, stay horozontal! It doesn't matter if you think there's nothing to be done if something's wrong. You might end up wondering, what if I'd just stayed home and taken it easy? You've gone through too much already! Stay home, try to relax. The team and the work will still be there.
ReplyDeleteHoping the little one is just nestling in really well. Your uterus is going through a lot of changes, so, could just be adjusting still. A friend of mine bled like this for about 12 weeks. Ughhhhh. Hope you have a wonderful appointment on Weds. We are rooting for you!!!!
ReplyDelete