Tuesday, December 27, 2011

This year

We did the holidays a bit differently this year. We almost always spend Christmas with Will's family. He has three siblings who each have a few sons, so the holidays tend to be a rather raucous affair with nine nephews and a number of adults  - three generations in all. There is even a labradoodle to keep our dog Moxie company.

All good things. But as the years have ticked by and the gaggle of nephews keeps getting older (the youngest is now 3.5 and the same age our oldest would be if we hadn't miscarried), we have felt increasingly like the odd ones out. We have previously always slept at Will's parents or at one of his sibling's houses and experienced first-hand the excited children's voices and tatters of Christmas packaging flying here and there. But attending the activities year after year, while feeling so far from being able to participate in this child-focused holiday in the way we most want to, has become extremely painful.

So this year, we tried something different. We still came to most of the family-focused activities, but instead of sleeping at one of Will's sibling's houses and experiencing the Christmas morning frenzy, we stayed at a rather fancy hotel. We found a really lovely one overlooking the water, of course with the chief requirement that it be boxer friendly. Below you can see Ms. Moxie decked out at the hotel in her "reindog" antlers, resting on the comfy bed the hotel provided and with the food and water bowls they also kindly put out in the room in advance of our arrival. She's giving the camera her forlorn "Woe Is Me" look, but don't be fooled. She had a great time.

Staying in a hotel worked so much better for us. We were able to be a part of everything but also take some space for ourselves, caring for ourselves in the process. And despite this breaking a bit with the traditions Will's family has in place, our desire to have a little bit of a buffer seemed to be understood and well received.

All in all not a terrible holiday, despite missing Will's father intensely and wishing that we were in a different place with our own infertility struggles.

We hope you had a good one, too.


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  1. What a
    Wonderful idea! Glad it worked out better for you and
    You were still able to spend time
    With family.

  2. What a good ideas. We don't care for ourselves enough and this seems like a perfect arrangement. Good job!

  3. Perfect arrangement Mo! That is awesome that you took your doggie with you, I wish I could have done the same with our little chihuahua but it would have been tough in Vegas. He stayed with his original owner instead. Anyway, Merry Christmas Mo, I really hope that the new year will bring you the joy you two deserve. xoxo

  4. I'm so glad you found a way to celebrate without hurting your hearts more than they already do. Holidays are hard enough without having kids in your face that morning. Thinking of you

  5. Great idea Mo. And Ms. Moxie looks adorable!

  6. I'm so glad you did this -- to take care of yourself! And I love the picture of Moxie and that the hotel provided all of those things for Moxie's stay!

  7. I just found your blog and I'm feeling your pain. I've been married for 5 years too and I'm kinda in the same place you are.

    I love that you took care of you this year. I wonder if the agency Dr. S suggested is RBA?

  8. Self preservation is key. That's why we went to your hometown last holidays, to escape family and familiar emotion triggering events. What I hope is that for you, like us, this most recent holiday is the last one you have to seek out those escapes. Hugs, Mo.

  9. I love the idea of staying at a hotel, and giving yourself some space! Moxie is adorable as usual. I hope 2012 brings you some answers & you are able to move forward. Thinking of you.

  10. So glad you were able to do what was comfortable for you guys...Miss Moxie is the cutest! I want to squish her face : ) Peace & blessings to you, will & Moxie in the new year.

  11. Good for you for taking care of yourself during this crazy time of year ~ Moxie looks like she was enjoying herself too. Good luck in the New Year - Eat your black eyed peas for luck and greens for prosperity!

  12. Your dog is sooooo adorable. We have boxers, too...they're such great dogs.
    Glad you were able to do things differently and make things work better for you.
    So sorry for the pain of missing Will's father and your ongoing struggles...

  13. I think you did good by carving out some us-time...it allowed you to be a part of the revelry, and yet gave you a chance to separate and meditate on your own.

    I am very sorry about the reminders that the brood of children in the family imply.

    I hope you got some pampering too.


  14. So very glad that you were able to find a way to both be part and take care of yourselves this year. I hope with all I have in me to hope that 2012 will be a fantastic year full of promise and joy.

  15. I don't know exactly why you touch my heart so profoundly. I have read your blog for a while, and have grieved your losses and the agony of your choices. You write with a raw clarity that speaks to my own losses, my own grief, my own dilemmas. Thank you for opening your heart of hearts.

  16. What a great idea, definitely a very savvy way to spend Xmas and protect yourself from painful reminders. I love the picture of Moxie.

    Wishing you a very good new year, with lots of joyous news - may this be YOUR year.

  17. Hi Mo, am back from my trip and catching up on blogs. I think your plan for the holidays was great and hope it worked out well. And most of all, I'm hoping that 2012 will be the year we both get pregnant!

  18. What a great idea! I think we get to a point that we start to get bolder and take up for ourselves more. Good for you!!

  19. Hey mo! Thanks for checking in today. I am sorry to read that your journey continues to be a painful one fraught with hurdles & heartbreak. :( I thought of you & will often in my absence. You will continue to be in my thoughts & I hope that 2012 brings your journey to the ending you so deserve!

  20. I think the way you celebrated christmas, and protected yourselves at the same way was admirable. There comes a time when we have to start making our own xmas traditions, rather than feeling like we are piggy backing on everyone elses and you did that, you made yourselves the centre of it and fitted the others in around you. I love that. Its the only way to survive. I really hope 2012 brings you peace and 1000 tonnes of happiness. x

  21. did you see these?

    not useful, but:
    32. Fertil Steril. 2011 Dec 15. [Epub ahead of print]

    Female cancer survivors are low responders and have reduced success compared with
    other patients undergoing assisted reproductive technologies.

    could be relevant?
    45. Fertil Steril. 2011 Dec 7. [Epub ahead of print]

    Antitrophoblast antibodies are associated with recurrent miscarriages.

  22. Just popping by to say 'hi' and I hope that all is well in the Mo/Will Moxie household.

  23. Just sending love, Mo.
    Big old squishy love.
    Chai latte love.
    Front porch in the snow, under a warm blanket on the porch swing love.

  24. how are you, mo & will?
    always thinking of you...
    can you update?


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