Dreaded depot lupron: third time is surprisingly...different

I wanted to write a brief update on my depot lupron experience this time, in preparation for FET #3.

I have done two rounds of it this time. Previously, I have always had really intense side effects: hot flashes, hair loss, insomnia, headaches, and pretty intense blues too. It tends to feel like the bell jar is descending... just wham, despondency.

To be honest, out of years and years of infertility treatment, my experiences with depot lupron have been among the most difficult. To say I dreaded taking it again would be an understatement.

I anticipated that this time would be no different.I was so sure, that I had Dr. Schl. prescribe add-back therapy ahead of time, because previously that has ameliorated the worst of the depressive symptoms.

This time, month one went by, not much problem. Hot flashes by the end, and the searing headaches, but eh, I've been through worse (I guess there's a positive side to having had lymphoma?!)

I did the second shot, waiting for the veil of progressive doom to fall onto me....

And...well...I can't sleep, and I'm hot flashing, and my hair is thinning....but...well, mood-wise, I feel fine! And really, with my mood intact, the rest of this is no big deal. Uncomfortable and unpleasant for sure, especially in the midst of this heat wave, but seriously, it's fine.

I keep wondering - why is this time so different than my prior two experiences with depot lupron? And all I can guess is that having Magpie means I am so very happy, that plunging me into a chemically-induced menopause can't shake it.

I don't know if that's the real explanation, but I'll take it. I start estrogen in about a week...and dare I say it? This has been so doable this time.

Mo

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Back on the depot lupron....headed toward FET

We opted to go with our remaining three frozen embryos and not do another fresh IVF cycle. Procedurally, for me this means two months of depot lupron (to reduce my endometriosis) prior to then starting estrogen, etc., to build up the lining again and going for the transfer itself. Hopefully the transfer can occur in August, but they haven't given me a calendar yet (finding the bureaucracy much more difficult to navigate than in transfers past), so I'm not certain I can arrange the time off, given my colleagues also likely taking time that month.

I talked to Schoolie on Friday about our Day 3 results. I'd already come to the conclusion that it didn't take a world class reproductive endocrinologist to tell me I'm pretty darn infertile, and that more IVF at 43 and change is not the surest pathway to more kids if we felt we needed to have them. We only did the day 3 testing in the first place at Will's request. In my mind, if we'd strongly wanted to cycle fresh again, we should have done it as soon as I weaned Magpie or, possible weaned her early to try to maximize our chances.

I also remind myself that we'd gotten to a place where we were comfortable with third party reproduction, and actually, now that Magpie is here, I'm more open to adoption than I was previously as well, although that's not an easy path either. Any of those alternative paths, however, seem a surer bet than my own eggs at 43.5, especially with a history like mine.

Schoolie confirmed. He said the numbers suggest I may still have good eggs left, but I certainly don't have many of them (only 4-5 follicles). So...well...yeah... no more fresh cycles.

Instead, I injected myself with depot lupron Friday night. How far we've come that Will can now be in another room, and I can self-inject intramuscularly in the bathroom. Sub-Q injections have never fazed me, but the IMs? Yikes. But well... doesn't faze me now. I worry about the emotional effects of the depot lupron. I've found it historically to be the hardest part of the medical infertility stuff, with me tending to crash headlong into hot flashes and dark, black mood states. Really hoping this time is somehow different, but we shall see.

So... heading forward. We shall see what happens...

Mo

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