Welcome to pregnancy limbo. Where you're pregnant, maybe, sort of. I mean definitely pregnant, but probably not in any kind of lasting way.
Sigh.
Emotionally, I'm detached from the outcome at this point. I'm allowing myself to imagine the possibility that this could turn around, but I'm basically resigned to the idea that it almost certainly won't. Physically, I'm doing all the things to support the pregnancy: PIO daily, endometrin suppositories, estrogen suppositories, prenatals, prednisone, etc, which I guess is the most important part.
Interestingly, Will seems to still be very hopeful. I was packing up some of Magpie's baby toys to take to see my sister and her new baby, and Will said, "You know, it seems like we might be needing that stuff ourselves pretty soon." Which surprised me. Because all I'm thinking I'll need is a box of tissues to wipe my tears when we find out shortly this is over.
I called another clinic here locally that is more open about use of donor eggs (agency and in-house, egg banks, etc.) than our local NYC clinic. We have an appointment there on November 16. When I mentioned that I wanted to set that appointment up, Will advised we just do one thing at a time. But I know for me that if I wait until this gets called over, and then I can't get an appointment until January, and then everything will take 6-8 months or so to line up after that, I will not be a happy camper. So I went ahead and booked it. I don't even know if we'll want to go that route. Maybe we should just say we tried and it wasn't meant to be? We have Magpie after all, and maybe that's enough? Maybe using donor eggs after having our genetic child is trying too hard? (I wouldn't think that about anyone else). I know now that I would have no problem loving a donor egg child just the same as Magpie, or, you know, differently, since they will be their own selves but equally fiercely.
Magpie was struck down by her first preschool illness starting this weekend. She sounds croupy, has a painful throat, has had a fever of 103 (although it seemed lower last night). She has just been a poor little miserable girl. I took her to the pedi yesterday and she tested negative for strep, so that was a relief. So no school yesterday or today. Imagining she'll be well enough to return to school tomorrow. Hoping that she won't be sick on a weekly basis, but I'm guessing that more frequent illness will be part of the learning curve as she starts school. Prior to her illness, she was loving school and doing great with the separation thing. Hoping this brief absence won't set us back too far with her adjustment to the new routine.
I have two pee sticks left to get through to Monday with, so won't do any more home testing until later in the week. I fully expect the lines to be getting lighter by that point, but we will see.
So that's all from limbo-land. I hope you are all doing well.
Mo
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Sigh.
Emotionally, I'm detached from the outcome at this point. I'm allowing myself to imagine the possibility that this could turn around, but I'm basically resigned to the idea that it almost certainly won't. Physically, I'm doing all the things to support the pregnancy: PIO daily, endometrin suppositories, estrogen suppositories, prenatals, prednisone, etc, which I guess is the most important part.
Interestingly, Will seems to still be very hopeful. I was packing up some of Magpie's baby toys to take to see my sister and her new baby, and Will said, "You know, it seems like we might be needing that stuff ourselves pretty soon." Which surprised me. Because all I'm thinking I'll need is a box of tissues to wipe my tears when we find out shortly this is over.
I called another clinic here locally that is more open about use of donor eggs (agency and in-house, egg banks, etc.) than our local NYC clinic. We have an appointment there on November 16. When I mentioned that I wanted to set that appointment up, Will advised we just do one thing at a time. But I know for me that if I wait until this gets called over, and then I can't get an appointment until January, and then everything will take 6-8 months or so to line up after that, I will not be a happy camper. So I went ahead and booked it. I don't even know if we'll want to go that route. Maybe we should just say we tried and it wasn't meant to be? We have Magpie after all, and maybe that's enough? Maybe using donor eggs after having our genetic child is trying too hard? (I wouldn't think that about anyone else). I know now that I would have no problem loving a donor egg child just the same as Magpie, or, you know, differently, since they will be their own selves but equally fiercely.
Magpie was struck down by her first preschool illness starting this weekend. She sounds croupy, has a painful throat, has had a fever of 103 (although it seemed lower last night). She has just been a poor little miserable girl. I took her to the pedi yesterday and she tested negative for strep, so that was a relief. So no school yesterday or today. Imagining she'll be well enough to return to school tomorrow. Hoping that she won't be sick on a weekly basis, but I'm guessing that more frequent illness will be part of the learning curve as she starts school. Prior to her illness, she was loving school and doing great with the separation thing. Hoping this brief absence won't set us back too far with her adjustment to the new routine.
I have two pee sticks left to get through to Monday with, so won't do any more home testing until later in the week. I fully expect the lines to be getting lighter by that point, but we will see.
So that's all from limbo-land. I hope you are all doing well.
Mo
Click here to subscribe
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