I think the doppler is saving my life.
At first, the doppler was a device I feared, because picking up the heart beat was so tricky and iffy. I didin't try it much, because I knew I would panic if I couldn't find the heart beat.
I'm still a little scared of it, but I can find the heart beat now usually within a second or two and easily distinguish it from my own even if the number isn't appearing on the monitor.
It is so reassuring. It is wonderful.
In a funny way, I am more scared now. Because I feel like we have a whole lot more to lose. The thing is that now that we are this far, at 13 weeks 3 days, I feel like we've got the real deal going on. There's an actual (but very small) baby in there. According to one of my pregnancy e-newsletters, the baby has fingerprints now! It is starting to grow hair! The first trimester this time I didn't feel like it was a real baby so much. I felt like we had a pretty neat blob in there and we'd see if it would keep progressing or if it would just stop, as it has the six previous pregnancies.
So things feel very real now. And at the same time, it's too early to really look too pregnant (I just look fat) or to feel the baby move. My symptoms are also subsiding a bit. I'm still tired but it's not so bone crushing as it was a few weeks ago. My appetite is still off, but my sense of smell has calmed some, no longer making it so hard to walk down the Manhattan streets. And sometimes because of all this, my mind gets the better of me.
I have scary thoughts like, "You're not so sick (or tired) because it's over." Or "You don't feel so pregnant because you're not."
Hence the miracle of the doppler that one of you generously sent.
If the fears become too great, I can just do a quick check that night - usually lasting only for 10 seconds or so. And so far...voila! Instant reassurance.
Instant heart beat.
Instant bonding.
It's pretty amazing, really.
I thought I would only use the doppler once a week or so, but it's come in handy to have it every other day(ish) recently. It's been an incredible sanity saver.
Mo
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You took advantage of mondern technology and science to get pregnant so it only makes sense that you would continue to partake in mondern medicine to help you keep your sanity. :-) I say do whatever you can to keep your mind at ease right now. I'm still so happy for you. When I scroll down to click on the comment button and I see your pregnancy ticker, I can't help but smile and stare in amazement as the days and weeks are counted...a true miracle.
ReplyDeletesooo glad you're feeling reassured with a doppler! i know i probably would have lost my mind entirely without one!! also.. i'm so happy to see your posts.. i get warm fuzzies :D thank you for sharing this with us!
ReplyDeleteI'm lucky enough to be an OB nurse. This means regular access to a doppler, a fetal monitor and an ultrasound. You know, because I'm not reassured easily :).
ReplyDeleteThe Doppler I rented was the best money I ever spent. I was worried during the entire 1-2 month period were I was feeling better yet had not felt her move yet. Reassurance is priceless!
ReplyDeleteI used to go into a clinic room and check on a regular basis! My problem was that I would be able to find one HR fairly easily...the other? not so much! so then I would go into crazy candy-eating fits to try to stimulate movement (which I couldn't feel because of an anteriorly placed placenta), then I would freak out MORE. I just want to let you know that you are not alone....and it's not abnormal. At least *I* don't think so :) You should use your doppler and OB as much as you need to make this easier on you!!!
ReplyDeleteand congrats on the big milestone! and, for the record, i was still in denial about being ACTUALLY pregnant until I was about 32 weeks. Seriously. I'm certian that every doc I saw, in addition to my friends and family, was concerned with my apparent lack of insight! :)
xx
During my first pregnancy after my 18wk miscarriage I used the Doppler 2x per day, once in the morning & once at night, from weeks 10 through 20. It kept me sane! There is nothing wrong with it & my OB encouraged it as well. It is a wonderful device!! :)
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you have the doppler for reassurance! And you are so right, it is very reassuring to hear that little heartbeat, even if only for a few seconds and recall-- "EGADS! I am bearing a life in there! Hello small human-- you are more precious to me than anything else in the world... I am so glad that you are still in there safe and sound" That was my pretty much continual commentary, even after I could feel something. Of course, the frequency of my checks dropped off, but for quite some time the doppler allowed my husband to connect with the baby before he could feel movement (but I could). So happy to see things progressing so nicely, and so glad that Will's Dad is looking out for your tiny baby. Grinning over here thinking about that magical sound. So glad to 'hear' you sounding so happy.
ReplyDeleteDopplers are awesome. Glad it's helping. And yes this is the real deal. What goodness October will bring!!!
ReplyDeleteYup - totally hear you on getting more scared the farther along I was because there was so much more to lose. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteSometimes it is just awesome to stop and think about the technology available to us as compared to our parents.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that now that you are as far along as you are, you have found a friend in the Doppler. Best device of modern home use technology out there for an anxiety ridden pregnant woman.
ReplyDeleteUse it, love it, and bond with your baby through it. As I have mentioned in many previous posts about it, to this day (and my son is 5!) the sound of a fetal heart beat is still my favorite sound (next to my sounds unbridled giggling).
So wonderful Mo!! You are so pregnant!
ReplyDeleteNothing like the sound of that beautiful heartbeat. Even when our little one was kicking up a storm, I always felt extra reassured when we went to the MFM and heard the sound of his healthy, beating heart. You go, Baby!
ReplyDeleteI love my doppler too! It's handy later on in pregnancy because you can tell what position they are in - If they are head down, the heartbeat will be below the bellybutton :) I know you probably can't think that far ahead now, but you'll be amazed how fast the time flies after 20 weeks.
ReplyDeleteI kept my doppler bedside. Whenever I felt insecure, I would take a quick check...every other day throughout my pregnancy. It kept me mostly sane :)
ReplyDeleteIf you need an extra one to keep at work, let me know - I'd be more than happy to send mine your way!!
All smiles over here for you. Glad the Doppler is giving you that reassurance. And hooray for trimester 2!
ReplyDeleteawesome!!!
ReplyDeletethis is why dopplers are so great- exactly for the time period from the point where you can reliably hear a h/b at home, to the point when the quickening occurs, and then on thru until you are feeling movement enough to not need the doppler as much.
ReplyDeletei am glad it is giving you reassurance, that is exactly what it is there for- use it!
every time i think of you and will- in the second trimester- i smile. it is really happening.
your pregnancy symptoms will decrease- that is totally normal and expected. some people call the 2nd trimester 'the honeymoon period' of pregnancy- you can actually feel vibrant, healthy, at your peak! you've gotten past the early queasy pregnancy symptoms, and have yet to begin to feel wobbly and uncomfortable as you may later in the pregnancy- so, just enjoy this time, mo... enjoy this pregnancy... it is happening. :)
The doppler saved my life too. I went from using it every other day, to every day, to multiple times a day. Especially when the baby starts moving and then decides to have a lazy day out of the blue - you will be glad you have it! I'm so excited for you!! Are you going to find out the sex of your baby? That's coming up soon!!
ReplyDeleteI follow your blog but don't coment a lot. Anyways I am gonna bring some bad news lol!! Your a mother now your worry about the well being of that child will never ever ever stop!! Lol. I thought once I got to that 12 week mark I would relax or when I felt the baby move daily or when I got to 24 weeks or when they were born maybe then I would relax but it doesn't happen. My grandma says she still worries about my dad and he is 56 so I anticipate i will now worry about my children's well being for the rest of my life!! So welcome to mother hood
ReplyDeleteI just borrowed a doppler starting yesterday and it has been amazing for reassurance. I can't wait to start feeling the babies move, but until that time the doppler is a life saver!!
ReplyDeleteThey are awesome, aren't they? I'm not ashamed to admit using mine every single day until I could feel movement. Saved my sanity. I had the same feelings you did heading into the second tri--feeling like the stakes just got higher. My symptoms also disappeared around 13 weeks, which s totally normal. I actually felt pretty normal for a few months! enjoy it while it lasts!
ReplyDeleteOh how I miss that galloping horse sound...
Hi from ICLW! I'm so glad you have found comfort in the Doppler. I'm sending you lots of happy thoughts to you and your growing baby!
ReplyDeleteI love my doppler also. I've been using it less and less as baby has been kicking more. It is still a great source of comfort.
ReplyDeleteYAY!!! See! It's sooo cool! So glad you're doing well!!!
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way -- glad you are finding the Doppler helpful!
ReplyDeleteWhat kind/brand of Doppler are u using or does anyone else have any suggestions on which brand to buy? I really want to get one but know that some work better than others.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy the doppler can offer you some assurance, keeping you in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're able to get this reassurance when you need it. Trimester number two: wonderful! :-)
ReplyDelete