Thursday, October 21, 2010

The waiting game

Blood is drawn for beta #3. Results should be back early this afternoon. And despite my best intentions, I am nervous.

I started to have a bad feeling late yesterday, a sense of losing the connection to my little embryo, less burbling in my uterus for a few hours, maybe less fatigue, which spiralled into a full-blown sense of doom. I had to remind myself to just stop predicting the future. That symptoms come and go. And that the presence/absence of symptoms are not a reliable indicator of anything. And here today the uterine sensations are back (thankfully).

This morning, I couldn't help myself - I peed on a stick again to compare. The line is definitely darker than two days ago (I'll spare you from having to look at yet another one of my HPTs, but trust me). Of course the niggling question crept in - is it TWICE as dark as two days ago? I had to tell myself to give it a rest. Too many variables, too qualitative a test. Mo, let the bloodwork do its job.

Even with these ups and downs, it's occurred to me that I don't think that my husband Will and I are any more nervous about this pregnancy than we have been in the past (I think this is what is known as a ceiling effect). And in a certain way, it's a relief that things are a bit off with our numbers. I realize that sounds probably very odd. But we've had great numbers in the past (remember pregnancy #5?), and those numbers and heartbeats, etc. have never led to a real live baby. Because of that, having "great" numbers is not reassuring anymore. It actually helps in some strange way to have these low betas, because they are motivating our two medical clinics to be extra vigilant and cautious. Will and I would be feeling antsy and nervous anyway, and it always feels so incongruous when we are so scared but our clinic is so sure everything is fine (and then it isn't fine, again and again).

So our low beta situation doesn't feel like the worst thing in the world, in that way.

More news pending, later today.

And for now, more of the waiting game. Waiting and hoping.


Click here to subscribe
Add to Google Reader or Homepage Subscribe in NewsGator Online Subscribe in Bloglines Add to My AOL


  1. Here from Dora's blog. Thinking of you and hoping for great doubling and that things continue to go well.

  2. Waiting right here with you. Fingers crossed for a great number!

  3. Hoping for a nice strong number today!!!

  4. Yes, symptoms wax and wane. And pee stick lines vary greatly. It's good news that it's darker, but looking for it to be twice as dark is a very unreliable indicator. I'll be checking back frequently.

    BTW, my mother says congrats!

  5. I am almost at my 8 week mark after our last FET attempt. It finally worked. Our family mantra is "cautiously optimistic". We are crazy excited but have decided to almost not think we are pregnant at least until the 12 week mark. However, between sore boobs, crazy nauseau, and crying all the time, this is nearly impossible. The fluctuating symptoms are the worst. You beg for a break in nauseau and then when it happens you are wishing it would return and are afraid that it is a bad sign that you aren't sick. I am finally comfortable with the fluctuations and have accepted that the whole cycle is completely out of my control and to just enjoy the ride.

    Here is to you just enjoying this ride. You deserve to relax with this one. And please let yourself.

  6. All crossables remain crossed for you. And darker is a good thing, right? I like darker lines.

  7. It is funny I think we all do the line analysis thing. I went out and bought tests with different sensitivity levels to try to titrate my own betas between. My RE laughed at me when I explained what I was doing but hey... a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do. I hope you post wonderfully rising and doubling numbers.

  8. delurking to say my fingers are crossed for you!


What do YOU think?

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Popular Posts