Saturday, May 9, 2009

Report from the petri dish: fertilization

The nurse called. Of the 6 retrieved, 4 were mature.

Of the 4 mature, 2 fertilized.

Will and I are pretty devastated. Our RE wanted us to trigger a day early and it appears that the result has been abysmal. When we only got 6 at retrieval, we called him and asked if we could do ICSI on them to try to maximize fertilization rates. He said he didn't think it would add anything.

And now we're down to 2.

Transfer is on Monday. So much for PGD, blast transfer, or the "Hail Mary" transfer. Will and I have a sneaking feeling that there won't be anything left at all and that the transfer will be canceled.

Right now I am wondering why we keep going through all this. I could have done a medicated IUI and had better results than this.

I just want to give up.

Mo

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31 comments:

  1. Oh, FUCK! I'd say don't give up hope, but even though it's true, I know it won't make you feel better. This just sucks. Not at all what I would expect from your clinic. Big hug, hon!

    Maybe there'll be a great surprise at the end of this 2ww, but if not, the margarita's on me. :-(

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  2. The whole process is so incredibly difficult. Sending big hugs your way.

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  3. I am so sorry. I know it is hard to hold out hope and you are protecting yourself. You can't completely count yourself out yet. Please hang in there till monday.

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  4. Mo, this is so f*cked up and unfair! Of course you feel like you want to give up! Who wouldn't feel the same?! If you need to feel and be hopeless, then you should. I will hold out hope for you. I will send growing and dividing vibes to those two little embryos and will hope that Monday you will have two embryos to transfer. If Monday comes and you don't have anything to transfer, then I'll be here to hold your hand and cry with you. ((HUGS)) and strength are coming your way my friend.

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  5. So sorry to hear the shitty news... doesn't it make you want to hunt down your RE and yELLL at him (possibly it's just me). This whole thing sucks, and am sending you lots of hugs.

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  6. Oh Mo.
    Remember our CCRM cycle where we went from 20 eggs retrieved to 2 fertilized--I know the devastation and it SUCKS. I wish I could reach right through this computer and give you a big hug. It takes such a toll on the human spirit...but maybe you'll get a nice surprise on Monday.
    Rest up and take it easy--indulge yourself a little!

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  7. Oh god, I am so very sorry. Thinking of you.

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  8. Please dont give up hope! Maybe those two will be your nights in shining armor!
    I am praying for you everyday!

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  9. I'm pulling for the dynamic duo. Batman and Robin. Laverne and Shirley. Mo and Will.

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  10. Hugs!

    I am so sorry that the results were not as good as you had hoped.

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  11. Dammit. I'm so sorry. You're in my thoughts.

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  12. Damn, damn, damn. I'm sorry--I'm holding out hope that you have a few perfect embies to transfer! Not the Hail Mary approach, but at least something... ARGH! It's just not fair that you have to go through this disappointment after so many tries.

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  13. I'm still hopeful. The early trigger was hopefully for more euploid embies, right? It only takes one. You've got two. Massive amounts of eggs hasn't worked. Maybe this is what you're waiting for. The one or two perfect fighters. Keep your chin up!

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  14. Oh MO. I have that pit in the bottom of my stomach feeling for you. I am so sorry this cycle is not working out so far, but I will hang on to hope for you and for you embies. Sending many hugs.

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  15. Still hoping for the best and sending you prayers for sucess!

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  16. I'm so sorry. I really hope you have something to transfer. Again, so sorry.

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  17. This is so hard, and I hate this for you. But just because, you did get better results than my first donor! So don't beat yourself up - if the doc made the wrong call on protocol, that is hopefully something you can learn from; and even so something may still take! So try to keep from total despair; we're all with you through this.

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  18. I'm just so sorry about your disappointing news. I don't want to say anything trite so I'll just tell you I'm thinking of you and really hoping you get a great surprise on Monday.

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  19. Thinking of you.... Hoping for you...

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  20. oh mo, I am so sorry to hear that. I will not try to shove any sunshine or puppies your way.

    I hope that these two make it and you get to transfer.

    I want to give up so badly at times too - it is so hard and I am so sorry

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  21. words are failing me. i'm so, so sorry and keeping fingers crossed for Monday and beyond.

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  22. Oh Mo, nothing to say, but I'm thinking of you both and of your two precious little fighters. Big hugs.

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  23. You only need one to implant to make it--- hang in there.

    I know my saga was different than yours but I did get pregnant on a cycle where I only had 2 embroyos to transfer. G-d willing it will work for you too.

    Jacky

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  24. I wish wish wish you had gotten better news. I am thinking of you guys and hoping that those two will continue growing and be good quality and you can transfer them both on Monday.

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  25. That sucks. I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself. And, be kind to yourself. I'm sending hugs your way too!

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  26. I hate the science experiment aspect of IVF. If we were just cells, it would make this all so much less meaningful and painful. I'm so sorry.

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  27. Don't give up hope! I only had two and it worked-- one stuck.

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  28. Mo, I don't know what to say. Just here, holding space with you, hoping, wishing...
    many hugs

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  29. Ugh, I don't know what to say. I know what it's like to get low #'s and then get even lower and lower ones, and wonder if anything's even gonna happen for you. I know how much that sucks. Wishing you all sorts of luck that these two stick it out for you and make it through.

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