Sunday, May 10, 2009

Sundays of grace #12

I am sad and it is a little tough to come up with SOG today, but here goes:

1. My mother: Every day, but especially today on Mother's Day, I am reminded of all the love she has shown me, the sacrifices she has made for me throughout my life. I like to say about my mom that she wouldn't just give me the shirt off of her back, she'd give me her back. Which is true. Now that I'm grown and can see her life as it has evolved over time, it's such a gift to see her growth, to watch her step into herself and become more happy and fulfilled. Today I will choose to focus on my mother, rather than my motherlessness in my own right and be grateful that I was raised by a woman who no matter what has always loved me with her entire being.

2. I live in a tall building in NYC, with my apartment toward the back, facing the back of other apartments. On the upside, it's very quiet, which is hard to come by in Manhattan. On the downside, it can be a little dark. Just now, there is a little sliver of sunlight sneaking in at an angle, across the fire escape and potted plants and into the living room. I can hear birds chirping and there is a faint breeze moving the curtain ever so slightly. Very peaceful. I could use some peace of late.

3. When not at work, I have been spending much of my time at the local medical school library, working on my dissertation. It's a wood paneled series of rooms, lots of computers. In a strange way, it's starting to feel like home. I wrote much of the first 80 pages of my dissertation there back before I collected my data and now I am trying to wrap up the statistics and discussion in the same physical space. All around me, med students and residents toil away, and so when I feel distracted and my mind begins to drift, I see them working and refocus myself. I am grateful that they are also there at all hours working. Makes this time in my life, which feels so overwhelming, seem a little bit more normal.

Mo

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6 comments:

  1. Wishing you some peace today.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i am keeping my fingers crossed for tomorrow

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you for your kind support of me during my shitty time- I appreciate it so much.

    Sending wishes your way for a successful transfer tomorrow, and I am so sorry this is not going as you hoped. I want this for you Mo, I really do. Thinking of you,
    Kate

    ReplyDelete
  4. I remember researching for my master's paper and I did most of my research at Southwestern in Dallas...and it was so good to feed off the energy of the dual MD/PhD students...I felt like I really couldn't complain next to them.

    I'm glad you made it through today. I hope you get good news tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete

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