Sunday, May 17, 2009

Sundays of grace #13

1. I am grateful that my family and Will's family (most of the key players at least) are not adding any suffering to the pain we are already in with infertility. I know my mother would dearly love a grandchild, and I suspect some other family members think we are crazy for our determination to have a child, even after repeated obstacles. But no one is passing judgment outwardly. Instead, they are supportive and hopeful for us. We are so appreciative.

2. Weird as it may sound, I am grateful that I cannot test this cycle ahead of the beta. It forces me to remain more in the moment, which is a good thing. I know I wouldn't be able to resist the urge over the next few days if it wasn't for the HCG booster making it pointless - I feel the urge to test as it is and then have to remind myself that I won't find any information out that way. I have to just remember, the buns are in the oven so to speak. Whatever is happening or not is underway. It is very rare for me, but I surrender myself to the process.

3. Knock wood, but I am feeling pretty well this cycle. A little nauseated the past few days, breasts a little sore, but physically ok and mentally pretty good. Particularly during this time of intense dissertation stress, I am so grateful to feel centered and calm. At the moment, I feel that whatever the outcome turns out to be, we will find a way to be ok.

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  1. Ugh...I've been nauseated. That's from the PIO shots, right? Ginger is my friend!!!

    I love your sunday posts. Thank you. I haven't been so positive today. We all need to remind ourselves what we are thankful for from time to time.

  2. Oh Mo - I am so, so hoping that this is it for you and Will, that this IS THE ONE. Your acceptance of not POAS and turning it into a positive is amazing.

    I have it all crossed over here for you.

  3. I'm glad that you're feeling good, I love the sunday posts, and I keep thinking I should do the same, and when I read yours, I always list it all out in my head too, all the things that I am grateful for.

  4. I can't even recall how I stumbled upon your blog, as I'm not a member of the infertile community (or the fertile community, for that matter... not anywhere near there yet! :) ) but I was intrigued with your story and found myself hoping along with you that you'd get your happy ending. I can't wait for the day that I click to see a baby announcement on your Sundays of Grace list. Keeping you in my thoughts!

  5. Jess,

    Wow - a non-IFer following along. I'm honored. Thanks for your post and thanks for reading.


  6. Glad you aren't getting any crazy judgments from family. It's hard--I know I nearly died when my sister told me she never expected our CCRM cycle to work (she said this, thankfully, after it failed) because all of this is so intensely personal, there's just no need for outward opinions. Other than support, that is.
    Wishing you a speedy wait.

  7. I am praying continuously for you two. I hope the nausea is a symptom!


  8. checking in after a few days away and first i need to say you win some award for your anxiety dreams-- magnificent and evil and very impressive. good lord. and second-- centered and calm is an Amazing place to be. I am reading the power of now, an interesting reminder of being where you are-- no what you fear or even what you hope-- I suck at it of course, but appreciate the idea-- and it sounds like through some alchemy of hCG booster related magic, you have found this middle way. thinking of you-- each day, Kate

  9. Hey Mo - my cycle sista - just dropping in to let you know I am thinking of you.

  10. Thanks for your posts - I love reading your blog. You and Will have been very inspirational to me.

  11. what a beautiful post. Since you are a few days ahead of me, i am really enjoying watching your progress. At this point, I think, if she can wait and not POAS, then I can too! (No pressure, though!) Of course, knowing you can't because of the HCG injection is nice. I see what you mean!

    Thank goodness for good families!


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