Possibility

Sitting here today, thinking of the wonder that is going on inside of me. A little being is trying to take hold right now. I imagine an ember, trying to maintain its glow against insurmountable odds. I picture a tiny seedling, sending out the first fingers of its roots into the soil, hoping to find its path to nourishment and growth. It helps so much to know that this baby is chromosomally normal, that the big task is to form a solid connection inside of me.

At the same time that this embryo is struggling to firmly attach, tiny shoots of hope are trying to find a way to take hold in my heart. After many losses in a row, after much uncertainty and excitement followed each time by sadness, the path is more circuitous now. My husband Will and I understand that these beginnings are always tenuous, and perhaps because of this, we honor the beauty of each step even more.

Things are so early and so tentative. But I am surprised that we are deeply, achingly hoping. That we are able to take in the mystery of this process and to hold each moment as it comes.

Maybe, just maybe, this embryo will continue to flicker to life inside of me, one little bit at a time.

Today this is what I will hold in my heart.

Mo

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