Friday, March 26, 2010

Another way to look at it: a.k.a. the silver lining

Will and I spent the evening moping and grieving on separate coasts (he's at a conference in California this week). As of this morning, I think we're both trying to pull ourselves back together, exhale, and find a bit of perspective.

And today's perspective on yesterday's not so great news?

Three abnormal blasts means three miscarriages we don't have to go through. Three babies we don't have to lose.

I wish those three blasts had been normal, but they weren't. While this news hits hard, it is much less painful than losing another pregnancy.

So there it is...ekeing out a silver lining.

And who knows? Maybe one or more of the other blasts will be euploid.

We are not banking on it. Not by any stretch.

But we are open to being surprised.

Thanks for all of your thoughts on the FISH results. We appreciated every one of them.

It's just amazing how much this all hurts, the continued losses, the cumulative disappointments.

We're ready for some good news already!

We aren't expecting it anymore, but we would welcome it.


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  1. I wanted to say something like this yesterday but didn't want to start ANY sentence with "at least..." because is there a crappier way of offering comfort that that? But it's true. Despite the fact that you're one of the strongest women I know, & that I KNOW you could survive another loss, I don't want that for you. I want you to be able to move on to the live-baby-havin' part of this as soon as possible. And I don't want you to have to endure any more losses. Not ever.

    Thinking of you, glad you're clutching at silver linings, (and I think this one is even wider - more like a silver stripe.) When does the charm-school princess get home? Hug her for me and we'll set up a play date.

  2. good luck. sending lots and lots of positive vibes your way.

  3. You deserve good news, and I hope you get it.

  4. I am sorry for the not good news yesterday. Definitely that is a silver lining. 3 miscarriages you do NOT have to have. That is good.

    Sending lots of prayers and hugs your way!

  5. I agree with "Another Julia"... you deserve GOOD news and most of all, you deserve to move past these challenges and go to the otherside of this darkness.

  6. I am holding out hope that you will be pleasantly surprised...

    Like the others have said before me, you deserve GOOD news!

  7. Hugs. I'm catching yesterday's post and today's all at once so am still sort of catching-my-breath along with you. I'll continue to keep my fingers crossed; the two of you certainly deserve a break and why this isn't as obvious to the fates as it is to me (and all your readers, I think), I don't know.

  8. You know, it's funny. I was just thinking today about how for some people the worst result they can imagine from an IVF cycle is a BFN. For us, I think, that would be neutral news at this point- nothing to think too much about. Another loss, though, would be huge. So if the 3 blasts that didn't test well would have been three potential transfers ending in that much sorrow, then I'm with you. Better to be sad now than go through another devastating loss later.

    That said, enough of this crap, universe! Sending all the good news vibes I've got your way.

  9. I'm glad you're able to see this with that much clarity. I'm keeping everything crossed for you guys.

  10. I'm proud of you for finding the silver lining, but on the other hand, I'm angry for you that that feeling has to be your silver lining.

    My most recent lesson from IF is to focus on what you have vs what you don't. There will be time to grieve the ones you've lost in this big round, but for now, I send my love and wishes to the ones you still have. I hope for surprises with happy endings.

  11. Glad to hear you've both found a positive thought to hold onto. Getting rid of te bad ons before transfer definitely has to be better than another loss. Hugs.

  12. Thinking of you and hoping for that silver lining.

    When we changed RE's she took our embies to blast where our last RE only did day 3 transfers. We went through 11 transfers, 10 with him and one with her...she got us pg first go with her and thats because out of 6 embies 4 died and if we had of done day 3 transfers thats 4 BFN's we would of had to have gone through. So that's the way I look at it.
    Hope that makes sence.

  13. Hi Mo, stopping by from ICLW and I wanted to tell you that you are both really amazing people. It's incredible how strong you are and be able to see that in fact there is a plus side to the not so good news of your blasts. I will keep everything crossed that you will realise your dream. Love, Fran,

    ICLW #14

  14. that is a fantastic way to look at it, and it is great the two of you arrived at these comforts together. I hate the 'it just takes one' saying, but for us, it was true(well, we had 2 to transfer, and one took) anyway, I am hoping and hoping for a couple of strong embryos for you guys.

  15. I'm so glad you can see the silver lining here. Those 3 embryos would have caused you a great deal of hope, but also a great deal of heartbreak. It's great that you are focusing on what is real. What has potential. It takes great courage to do that and you are clearly a strong woman. :-)

  16. I am just hoping some of the other three pull through - I remember your transfer of FIVE and I was sort of shocked, thinking no way could you not get pg...and now here I am in the same(ish) boat - looking at transferring 4 (cuz that's all we have). Perspective is a weird thing!
    So glad you don't have to go through those three m/c's. Hugs.

  17. I think of you guys often. Positive vibes being sent your way.

  18. I'm wishing you strength and hope and positive vibes for those "good" embryos.
    Sorry that you don't get more good news - if I had some I'd give it to you guys!

  19. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way!


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