Heading back in this morning for another blood draw. I've just been staying in the now, not trying to call how this is going to go.
I've been giving Mapgie more cuddles and kisses than usual. Last night, I was kissing the nape of her little neck and just smelling her Magpie toddler smell and thinking, I am so lucky this girl is here, so lucky.
The past two days I've consoled myself by looking at egg donor profiles. Just to remind myself there are options should we decide to take them. Somehow that helps take the pressure off of now, off of the thought this is my last chance, which goes hand in hand with the scary unarticulated thought, and it is completely out of my control.
At the moment I'm at a place of acceptance. This could go either way, but I'm not overly optimistic, if that makes any sense. I feel at peace that things will be what they will be. We've rolled the dice and we'll see what the outcome is.
My symptoms have felt a little bit less. But in these early days I know that symptoms come and go no matter what. So the lessening hasn't been too much of a torture.
I stayed away from pee sticks yesterday, but since I'm heading in for a blood draw this morning, I thought perhaps this could help me to be prepared. The new result is on the bottom.
Looks darker, right? Here's hoping!
But who knows, really.
The blood work will be more telling (hopefully). Results could come back as early as 2pm.
I would love a more definitive answer either way, but maybe that's too much to ask?
Mo
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I've been giving Mapgie more cuddles and kisses than usual. Last night, I was kissing the nape of her little neck and just smelling her Magpie toddler smell and thinking, I am so lucky this girl is here, so lucky.
The past two days I've consoled myself by looking at egg donor profiles. Just to remind myself there are options should we decide to take them. Somehow that helps take the pressure off of now, off of the thought this is my last chance, which goes hand in hand with the scary unarticulated thought, and it is completely out of my control.
At the moment I'm at a place of acceptance. This could go either way, but I'm not overly optimistic, if that makes any sense. I feel at peace that things will be what they will be. We've rolled the dice and we'll see what the outcome is.
My symptoms have felt a little bit less. But in these early days I know that symptoms come and go no matter what. So the lessening hasn't been too much of a torture.
I stayed away from pee sticks yesterday, but since I'm heading in for a blood draw this morning, I thought perhaps this could help me to be prepared. The new result is on the bottom.
Looks darker, right? Here's hoping!
But who knows, really.
The blood work will be more telling (hopefully). Results could come back as early as 2pm.
I would love a more definitive answer either way, but maybe that's too much to ask?
Mo
Click here to subscribe
Posts
well, that is a nice looking test. the line isn't a whiff or a ghost line.
ReplyDeletebut the beta will tell you more.
boy, mo, I am really hoping that it rises nicely.
and if not, I love that you are looking at profiles.
keep those options in your back pocket.
you *do* have some element of control in this regard.
donor embryo, too... I bet there are a lot of CCRM ladies here who have remaining CCS blasts :) put out the call!
I donated our remaining embryos and our recipient couple are 16w
with our CCS blast (and the mom is 47! dad in his 50's- beautiful!! go older parents!)
thanks for updating...
i'll be keeping you in mind all morning.
Holy crap, that's a beautiful test. So pink!
ReplyDeleteThat is WAY darker!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you today. Hang in there!
Test is absolutely darker! I hope that the quantitative number gives you a more definitive answer.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes you haven't reached the end of this journey...other very good options available if you want to pursue them. But it's a hard, big jump to make mentally.
Have been following and hoping for you. I know the test darkening isn't at all definitive but wow that's a dark line!
ReplyDeleteIt looks at least twice as dark to me. Glad you're feeling more at peace with things. Yes, you do have options.
ReplyDeleteThe nape is the best spot for that. My not a toddler still has that wonderful "My Child" smell. I'll be waiting impatiently for your results today.
Beta hell is aptly named. So sorry you're hanging in this awful limbo. That pee stick FOR SURE looks darker, but I know it's not enough to put your mind at ease ... still, it IS darker and that is one step along this path ... I continue to keep everything crossed for you.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today, Mo! That line is a lot darker... I'm hopeful for you!!
ReplyDeleteSo much darker!! Sending prayers and sticky vibes! Lynne
ReplyDeleteIt's a great looking line and definitely reassuring for now. I am so hopeful for a nice rise today. Something around 48 hours for doubling would be so great. C'mon universe, bring some good numbers!!
ReplyDeleteOh wow!! What a great looking test! I can't wait to hear your number. Sending prayers to you. I so hope you get a great number. I'll be stalking your blog to see the results. :)
ReplyDeleteThat is way darker! I know pee HCG doesn't equal blood HCG, but still..I'd be optimistic with a stick like that.
ReplyDeleteWoo hoo for the stick!! Have been sending lots of prayers your way - holding my breath for the blood test!!
ReplyDeleteIt's darker for sure. Certainly not a bad sign. Waiting for blood tests is the worst. After many pregnancies (with good and bad results) I decided with my last pregnancy to simply believe I was pregnant until told otherwise by a doctor. It's not easy but it did help me when negative thoughts started to take over. (as they do...). It made beta hell and what can (hopefully) turn out to be 9 months of waiting a bit more tolerable. Hoping for great results for you today!
ReplyDeleteAbiding with you as you wait. Here's hoping it's a reassuring result!
ReplyDeleteI'm a long time lurker and I've always been fascinated with your story. I've grieved with you with your losses and have rejoiced in the pregnancy and birth of your sweet girl. I have three boys- born when I was 18, 22 and 25. Yes, stupidly young. I was the kind of fertile that could get pregnant with a lustful thought. I don't take it for granted... not in the least... but seeing your post today and looking at that test, I'm thinking, I would look at that and be one hundred percent confident that I would be welcoming a baby in nine months or ... however long they really cook. I'm probably not articulating this well but for me it was sort of an "a-ha" moment of understanding how it feels to deal with infertility. To look at what is (to me) an obviously positive test and still feel so very unsure of the viability of this pregnancy is sad. I'm literally in tears that it is such a huge tightrope walk and that you, stranger on the internet that I couldn't pick out of a lineup, have to go through so much to bring life into the world. Sending you lots of happy thoughts and positivity and hopes that Magpie has a sibling on the way! *hugs* PS - my babies are 29, 25 and 21 and have given me two grandchildren, one is four and a half months and the other is 7 weeks today!
ReplyDeleteoh heather, thank you! And thanks for reading across the years : ) Hopefully this pregnancy will stick!
DeleteStalking, and hoping for great results.
ReplyDeleteIt's well past 2 o'clock. I'm a mother of a woman who has had a long IVF journey. I'm worried about you. I'm praying for you. It's what I do. I hope the news is wonderful. That second red line shows lots of reason to be hopeful that all is well. Sending my love.
ReplyDeletesorry to make you worry! results came VERY late today!
DeleteI am so very happy for you, Mo!! What great results today. My daughter has been following your blog for years, and you've helped her find the strength to keep moving forward. Thank you sincerely! You may not be aware of how much you are helping others. She just got some wonderful beta news from CCRM. I will be including you in my thoughts and prayers. My daughter and I have both been so moved by your story. XO'S
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