Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Sister news and IVIG and preschool, Oh my!

  • My sister had her baby last week! A healthy baby boy. Very excited for her, and really looking forward to flying to see her next weekend and meeting my new nephew! It is so great that my sister was able to have him with no intervention. She had generously offered her eggs to us back before we were successful with conceiving Magpie and we had her evaluated by the Denver clinic. Unfortunately, several years ago at age 31, she had few follicles, and a shockingly low AMH of 0.19. She was counseled to try to have a baby immediately if she wanted children, but wasn't in the right space to do so until last year. Turns out, no intervention needed. She had one miscarriage and then naturally conceived her son! So that's just wonderful all around, and especially wonderful that she won't have to travel some of the awful roads we've been down to try to have a family.
  • Magpie starts preschool next week! Well, actually we both do. According to the parent handbook, I'm expected to remain with her all week (the last day, I am allowed to be elsewhere in the building but still on the premises if she's doing well). She's going to the most normal little neighborhood preschool we could find in Manhattan. Play-based, developmentally focused. The whole idea is for her to have a nice, loving introduction to separation and school. So fingers crossed she has a good transition. Exciting things ahead for my little one. I think once she adjusts, she will love school.
  • I underwent IVIG #2 last night. I had a nurse come to the house, and it went OK again. Not sure why these two treatments have gone so much easier than my treatments when I was pregnant with Magpie, but so far, aside from the time (it takes 4+ hours to get the infusion), the crazy expense, and feeling a little bit wonky, no sweat! Thank god, because I'm one of the trainers in a two-day training today and tomorrow. So super glad I'm not really sick. Hopefully this IVIG helps this little embryo stick around. Please?
  • Will is away at a conference in Florida until Saturday, which is kinda stinky since I can't lift Magpie. Last night, since I was tethered to an IV pole for IVIG #2 until 1045PM, Magpie's caregiver put her to sleep in her crib. She awoke promptly at 645AM, so we lined her crib with stuffed animals and she read books to them (caregiver comes at 8AM). Was kinda cute. She seems to have accepted by now that Mama is just not able to pick her up, so she didn't get upset and we just hung out together in her room with her in the crib and me in the rocking chair. For the rest of the week until Will returns on Saturday, we will co-sleep, which will be pretty sweet, except for all the toddler elbows and feet and knees (how do all those body parts always end up in my face?!).
  • I chose not to test with an HPT this morning, although I thought about it. I could go in Friday for an ultrasound to see if there's a gestational sac in the uterus, which is what my local clinic usually does this week. Not sure if I want to. Would you go? Or just wait? Figure that until there's a heartbeat to see, whatever we see won't make me feel truly reassured in any way. But what would you do? 

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  1. I would go for the u/s... I mean, I know how you feel about the embryos transferred,
    but you did put in 3, so I would wonder how many sacs, just to start...
    you could have good info with an earlier u/s-
    what if 2 implanted, which you will see on Friday's early non-h/b u/s-
    but then next week you have some spotting and then you see on CCRM's u/s that one was a blighted ovum or there is only one sac now, or only one h/b... I mean,
    having that early info can be helpful for the future.

    just go in there knowing that you will not be looking for a h/b, just a sac, etc.

    about magpie,
    first, congratulations on her beginning her school days! big girl!
    second, the non-lifting situation has a silver lining in that you are showing her in a gentle healthy way that mommy is *not* always available to her...
    great coping lesson, and kids at that age are really ready to start tiny steps toward independence from mama. it is something she can think about and be proud of!
    it is a lesson that you can refer to- 'remember when mama couldn't pick you up, and you were such a big girl and a good girl and played with your stuffed animals all by yourself?!'... and she will refer to that and feel enabled and proud and want to do more "big girl" stuff (like spend the day at pre-K without you).

    anyway, hang in there mo!
    and, congratulations to your sister too... what a wonderful time for your whole family!

  2. I would wait to do an ultrasound. You might as well wait until you will be able to see a heartbeat which is very soon as well. I'm glad that IVIG is going well and that Magpie has so far understood that you can't pick her up. I'm not sure my daughter would be so understanding!

  3. Congratulations to your sister, how exciting! I remember hoping that as long as she didn't need treatment, her DOR-ish test results wouldn't have the dire meaning they do for us in the treatment world, glad to know her path to motherhood was reasonably smooth.

    The preschool's approach sounds nutty to me, but whatever works! I guess there's a reason I don't belong in Manhattan ;) !

    He was about a year older than Magpie is when this happened, but for ~6 months I couldn't pick my son up due to a badly broken arm + aftermath (ironically shortly before breaking it I had been carrying him up a hill and thinking, "When will you stop expecting me to carry you!?" One of those be-careful-what-you-wish-for moments). Of course, he had a clear visual cue of why that wasn't possible, but he adapted fine, hope Magpie will continue to be OK with this too.

    Glad to know all is continuing apace (even the IVIG). Continue to hope for you.

  4. So many BIG things happening around your homestead. I am sorry that you are alone and unable to lift Magpie. And, the preschool thing...good is SUCH a big milestone for you both. G is going 3 full days a week to a local play based preschool as I hope to find some sort of part-time gainful employment. He started there over the summer and some mornings drop-off is still rough with tears and pleas, but when I pick him up he is frolicking happily.

    As for the u/s...honestly, I would get another beta before I'd do an early u/s. Like you said, the real reassurance will come with h/b confirmation and that is a week 1/2 away. An appropriately rising beta will tell you just as much about the strength of the pregnancy at this gestation.

    As always, do what makes you comfortable and know that any reassurance seems to be always short-lived in the absence or fluctuation of symptoms. 4 betas then h/b scan always seemed best for me.

  5. I would wait; you mentioned that your hubby won't be home until Saturday so if it isn't news that will make you happy; you'll be home alone. :(

  6. Congrats to your sister!

    Personally, I would wait on the u/s. I waited until 7 weeks. I wanted to be certain that if it was a viable pregnancy, there would be a heartbeat, and I was nervous about multiples, and did not want it to be ambiguous. It was very clear at 7 weeks that there was one heartbeat and one empty sac. It might not have been clear earlier. Also, do you want to go for your first u/s without Will?

    Glad the IVIG wasn't horrible. xoxo

  7. Ugh, that's tough. My RE wanted and ultrasound every week after betas hit 1,000 the first one (pre heartbeat) wasn't as reassuring as I had hoped it would be. Don't get me wrong, I was relieved to see the sac, but having been down the miscarriage route multiple times before, I just didn't come out of the scan feeling hopeful. These early weeks are such a mind f* no matter what you do. Hang in there Mo. Do whatever you think will make you feel best.

  8. Here in the UK, most clinics don’t do beta hcg checks as a standard part of IVF, but only for people with a history of multiple losses – the standard protocol for most people is a single HPT on the test day suggested by the clinic (11dp5dt), and then nothing until the first scan at 8 weeks.

    So with my first 2 pregnancies I didn’t get any hormone checks or early scans – I did POAS obsessively with #1, and only slightly less obsessively with #2, but apart from that nothing until the 8 week scan both times.

    This time around though, I had some spotting early on, which I never had before, so I did get my hormone levels checked a few times - and although I did get some reassurance from those blood results, it was always pretty short-lived and like you within days (OK hours) I would always find some reason to think that all was doomed again.

    Having tried both routes I have to say that for me it doesn’t make a huge amount of difference either way – if I get regular reassurance checks then I obsess over the results of the tests and whether they’re ‘good enough’ and still find reasons to believe it will all end in tears, and if I don’t get any checks then I just obsess over pee sticks and symptoms (or lack of) instead, and still convince myself every few days that it’s all over.

    I’ve come to the conclusion that unfortunately it’s just the nature of early pregnancy after the nightmare of IF, and it doesn’t really matter what we do in terms of reassurance, most of us will be on the same rollercoaster of stress and anxiety regardless – it’s just human nature.

    So for me, all things considered, if we were going to do this again (which we’re not!) then I think I would opt for the no checks route – since I know I’m going to stress anyway, I may as well not fight it, and just accept that we won’t know anything for certain until the point when a scan can give a conclusive answer. For me, getting lots of extra checks in between doesn’t really give you any answers, and just brings lots of additional stress waiting for results, which I can do without!

    Then again everyone is different, and of course you need to decide what’s right for you – I totally understand why people with a history much longer and more traumatic than mine might need that extra reassurance (even if short-lived) just to hold on to their sanity. But just chipping in with my twopence worth anyway in case it helps you in your decision.

    So happy that things are looking so positive for you so far, and hoping for great news at whatever point and in whatever way you decide to check in again next!

    P.S Huge congrats on becoming an auntie, so happy to hear that your sister didn’t have too much of a battle to get there in the end.

  9. Many congrats to your sister! Keep your hopes up!

  10. I would wait...with my first rlb, I had mysterious rib pain at 5w1d...OB sent me to hospital for scan to rule out eptopic. Luckily no eptopic, and the mystery was never solved, but meanwhile I got a copy of the us report and OBSESSED for the next 9 days until my official us over the details of the sac size. Somehow I got in my head that the sac was too small or something. Anyway, torture.

  11. Yay for your sister! That's awesome news. You have to remain at the preschool all week? Like take a week off work? Wow! I practically ran out the door when I dropped E off on Monday. Lol! I'm sure she'll love it.

    I'd probably skip the early ultrasound. I did that the second time around and it was just easier for me mentally. These early days are such a mind f*ck as it is.

  12. Congrats to your sister!

    Personally I'd go for ultrasound sooner rather than later--I found it reassuring that things were moving in the right direction, esp. with my pregnancy with Tiny Boy--but understand the logic of waiting, too.

  13. I would wait until it's possible to see a heartbeat, just because it's so early and every single day can make a big difference in what it is/isn't possible to see. Even if I knew in my head that it was too early to see a heartbeat, I'd still be worried if I didn't see one, even if everything looked on track. But, that's just me.

    Also, I'm not encouraging you to pick up Magpie and I totally support you not doing it, I'll just say don't panic if you forget and do lift her (or something else). With Baby Z, I went to Denver by myself, stayed in bed as much as I could but still had to get up to get food, etc., had to lift my suitcase in/out of the car. Once I got home, I did try to limit lifting Miss A (who was about 20 pounds at the time) as much as possible, but I did still lift her at least once a day, and Z hung in there.

    Hoping for reassurance for you, whatever you decide about the timing of the u/s.


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