Thursday, September 24, 2015

Maybe, part 2

The ultrasound was inconclusive.

The RE couldn't see an embryo. He looked for a long time, he kept thinking maybe, but he ultimately decided that no, wasn't seeing anything that was for certain. He said the sac looked "good," "fine," although again he didn't measure it.

6w4d ultrasound

It is such a shame that the equipment at his office is so crappy.

Bad equipment or not, I am having a really bad feeling about this. It looks an awful lot to me like FET#1, from the low initial beta to the small indeterminate sac. And you remember how that turned out.

I really don't pray and am not religious at all, but I had asked God back at the time of the transfer to please have mercy on us and if the outcome wasn't going to be good, to just please not string us along. My faulty logic makes me hope then that maybe it will work out? I asked so earnestly not to be in the awfulness of pregnancy limbo and then left in grief again. Or maybe we don't get to make requests of God like that.

We are scheduled to see someone in OB imaging, who has a Rolls Royce version of an ultrasound, on Tuesday. I will be 7 weeks, 2 days at that point. Not sure if no heartbeat then is game over or not, but I think there should be a heartbeat by then if there's going to be.

Will is trying to see if maybe I could get seen earlier, earlier as in tomorrow. If we still can't see anything, it's not a definitive no go at that point, but I think he's hoping I'll get good news and not have to be tortured all weekend. It's a nice thought.

I asked the RE what the odds are given what we're seeing (and not seeing), and whether he'd say things look ominous.

"Not yet," he said. "I'd say it's 50/50."

I guess I'll take it, and hope for the best.

Mo

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32 comments:

  1. :( I hope you can get in sooner. That scan does look super crappy. When my OB had some troubles with their machine they sent me right over to an imaging place the same day. Too had the local RE didn't do that. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

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  2. Ughh. I hope you can get to better equipment and know for sure. Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

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  3. Mo, my heart goes out to you. We are in a very similar position. Our Gestational Carrier, just one day ahead of you, also has a sac with no pole. She also has a viable embryo in her fallopian tube. The ectopic has to go, but we are holding out whatever hope we can muster for the sac without a pole. We should know by next week. Like you, our history makes us wary. I pray that things improve for both of us.

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  4. Damnit. I hate this for you. I also hate that your RE doesn't have better equipment! Fingers crossed you can get seen tomorrow!

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  5. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I SO wish this had been on better equipment because this just it makes it less than definitive. This is its own kind of torture. I sure hope Will can pull some strings and get you in tomorrow.

    Although, having a few more days will only help insure you see a heartbeat...

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  6. Hoping and waiting with you. So hard to stay in "I don't know" mind.

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  7. Oh Mo, I am so sorry that the ultrasound wasn't more positive and that you are in this horrible limbo. Hoping beyond hope for you.

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  8. Ughhh is right. Could you get in tomorrow at one of the stand-alone clinics? I used Carnegie Imaging for Women for my remote cycle - they have good machines and had fairly wide availability, at least they did a year ago. Hugs. Hoping with everything for a good outcome.

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  9. Oh, Mo. Limbo is hell. I am a neonatologist and a RPL mommy myself. I know we usually use hcg as a guideline. Anything above 7,000 we usually see a yolk sac and then look for fetal pole and cardiac activity around 16,000. It might just be too early given your low beta and this being an FET. I am truly hoping you can get a better can. And, maybe throw in a beta. That way you can see what your numbers are in comparison to the guidelines.
    I have been along side of you from the beginning and am throwing prayers out to the universe. We both have little ones the same age (within days of eachother). Love on her, cuddle her and feel this tiny fierce spirited piece of heaven here on earth.

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  10. Oh for the love! Why does he have such a crappy machine?! He's an RE for God's sake! I hate that you are stuck in limbo. It's a special kind of hell when you're pregnant but can't find a heartbeat, let alone a clear embryo. Wishing, hoping, crossing everything that you get an answer soon!

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  11. I am so annoyed on your behalf that your RE has not purchased better equipment. With the amount of money an RE rakes it, it really should be an expected standard to have top of the line equipment since patients who get to this stage have been through enough agony and limbo (and you more so even than most). I am sorry you are stuck in limbo and hope with everything that your husband can get something lined up tomorrow to hopefully relieve your suspense and give you peace of mind.

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  12. Also, to me, the bottom right side of the image as posted seems to be the yolk sac and at the current magnification it would be difficult to see the embryo, especially given so much artifact. But a yolk sac is a positive sign (not a blighted ovum, progress!) so I remain optimistic for you and hopeful that tomorrow brings better equipment and good news

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  13. Ugh, so sorry you didn't get definitive news. Still not buying the FETs are late (st least as to CCS blasts--maybe those anecdotal stories/unpublished data are from non-CCS FETs, eg do fresh rx with best looking embies/blasts, then move on to remaining not as good looking embies/blasts for FET) (veteran ccrmer/follower of many other CCS FET ccrmers here), but maybe just maybe yours was a late implanter?

    I'm surprised an re has such crappy equipment. With both my CCS FETs my OB did the scan at 6w3d and her basic equipment was good enough to see a clear hb. Hoping you can get in with the OB stat.

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  14. Ah, damn. I'm so sorry you didn't get any conclusive good news today. And I so hope it's just a matter of a little more time or better equipment.

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  15. Ugh! Sorry was inconclusive. This sucks! I hope you can get in for a better one tomorrow. Big hug!

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  16. I also was going to say that I was thinking I saw the round hint of a yolk sac at the bottom there...
    but who knows...
    I agree, they should spring for a friggin' great imaging machine for the RPL/IF/IVF ladies... come on people!

    i feel for you mo... i remember those transfer pleas to the universe/g*d/whomever...
    please spare me more sorrow...
    and i am thinking the same for you now, mo.

    let your own strength carry you away from further sorrow.

    i am not giving up hoping yet though...
    FET, two days behind, betas follow suit... theoretically you could be more like what a 6w2d u/s would see, which could be exactly what is there... not a h/b yet.

    you will know more on Tuesday, and maybe even tomorrow.
    what a total frig.

    thanks for updating... wish it was way more upbeat, but it is what it is...
    we are all here for you.

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  17. I am still holding out hope Mo. One day at a time.

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  18. oh Mo. Hoping so much that this is happy news for you ultimately and waiting on pins and needles with you until next week.

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  19. Usually by 6 weeks 2 days there is a defined yolk sac, embryo and even the beginning of cardiac movement. It may just be slightly too early. Was there growth between last week and this week?
    I am going to hold onto fragile hope and remember that everyone is different and crap ultrasound machines do not help.
    I am hoping with you and everyone else.

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  20. Damn. I don't think my previous comment posted. Just wanted to say that I'm bitter and pissed that your RE hasn't sprung for some better equipment. I know it's pricey, but damn, you've paid the practice enough money over the years, it ought to be there, and preferably named the 'mo & will fancy-schmancy ultrasound machine'.

    That said, I'm glad Will's looking into getting you a new ultrasound on some decent equipment. You don't need this kind of uncertainty stress going into a weekend. (Or ever, really, but weekends are worse with little to do but sit around and worry.)

    Thinking of you, and hoping so very hard that this is all just crap machines, late FET implantation, and that in reality, things are all right on track in there.

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  21. Dang it! I just knew I'd come back here and see a very happy post! I really hope you get in earlier and get good news!

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  22. I don't usually comment but I have to this time...my best friend just went in for her 12 week scan and there was a sac but no embryo or heartbeat, her D & C was scheduled for the next day. When she went in they tried again and guess what...found a heart beating so fast! Due to the location of implantation they just couldn't see it the first time. Hang onto hope!

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  23. Fingers crossed you can get out of limbo land soon. Hang in there Mo.

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  24. Gotta love the 50/50. Story of my life too :( But this is definitely too early to count you out. Hang in there!!!

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  25. Oh, Mo, I'm sorry you don't have a clear answer, except of course that the truth of the matter is that the only clear answer at this point in time (even in the best case scenario) is an answer of no. This early, the only other answer is always a maybe, and while I do wish it were a plainly more positive-looking one, I'll stay out here still hoping for you.

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  26. Mo- all hope is not lost. I just have a feeling this is it for you and it's going to turn out well - I don't know why. Get the scan tomorrow just so you aren't stressed all weekend. I think with real equipment you will know much more.

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  27. Oh Mo, sorry you didn't get more definitive news. I hope you get the opportunity. For a high power US tomorrow. Sending prayers & hugs. Lynne

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  28. Just a little hope for you...I was 6 weeks, 2 days with a beta of 33000. The tech couldn't even see a fetal pole let alone hb. With that beta, you definitely should have seen a hb. Ob was worried and cautious, but said come back in two days. Did, got a much more through tech and magic, perfect little baby with perfect little hb. I should also mention I'm a rpler with 3 mcs and I'm also doing immune treatment, pred, lovenox, etc like you. And for more good news, I had to do ivig for my pregnancy in 2011, but I've since had two successful pregnancies without it. So you're good. It will be good. Keep going! Although please give props to immune treatment if it works this time as well. Once, sure, maybe luck too. But twice, it's the treatment. Especially the ivig.

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  29. I'm not good about commenting but I've been a long time reader, since before you had your little girl and I just wanted to let you know I have been praying for you every time I see an update on your pregnancy. I'm praying with you for good news. Hugs

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  30. Is there any way you can get in with a perinatologist, or some other doctor who has a better machine? At this stage, you need a more advanced machine. Your scan looks like the same level of machine that my regular OB had. The perinatologist's machine was night and day better - I was surprised at the difference.

    That said, I have heard of a lot of cases where the heartbeat wasn't seen at 6 weeks or even during the 7th week, but wound up being visible during the 8th week. I hate that you're having to live in limbo again, but I'm also holding out hope for you and this little one!

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  31. thinking of you….hate that this is still up in the air for you….hugs lady...

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