I'm trying to stay sane waiting for Thursday's ultrasound. Almost don't want to get the Thursday ultrasound because I'm so worried it will be bad news. Or even worse, indeterminate news. Worried that my RE's crappy machine, plus me being potentially two days behind developmentally (the RE said he finds many FET pregnancies are), may mean we see no heart beat, and won't know what that means. And then of course my local RE leaves town the next day for over a week. Hopefully we'll see something definitive either way. Hopefully.
This morning I woke up and my belly felt flat, where I've been feeling very bloated. Had to choose not to pay attention to that. Choose not to overinterpret. In general, I'm trying hard to not attend to pregnancy "symptoms" or lack thereof. Unfortunately, nothing is very reassuring right now. It seems like everything can be attributed to the meds. I did a quick google search to remind myself that there is an enormous range of "symptoms" at this point, with no symptoms being quite common, and others reporting some. The fact that this is an FET versus a natural pregnancy mucks up the interpretation of any symptoms I think, since I'm on a boatload of drugs.
Yesterday, I think I forgot one or two doses of my estrogen vaginal pill (estrace, which I take 3 times a day). Yikes! Hoping that didn't doom anything. My estrogen has been around 1,100 to 1,200. So I'm hoping that even if I forgot those doses, it couldn't have crashed below 300 in that span of time. Any scientific types reading? I could use some reassurance about this.
Last night I dreamt I was pregnant. Not the Mo and Will kind of pregnant I actually am, where loss seems imminent, but the kind of pregnant where you know you're going to have a child. I was making lists of names for the baby. All girls names. And then realized that maybe it's a boy. So made a list of boy's names. I think this is my first pregnancy dream this time around. Nice at least for a dream to have a feeling of confidence.
I peed on one more stick yesterday, just to try to tide myself over until later in the week. Yesterday's hpt is on the bottom, compared to one a few days prior to that. Who knows what the darkness of the lines means in terms of how things are progressing.
No doubt about it, though, it does appear that I am still pregnant.
Two more days to an ultrasound that will hopefully show cardiac activity.
Oh, please! If we can only get there, that would feel like an enormous milestone.