Monday, March 5, 2012

Physical symptoms and fear, 6w2d

Thank you for the reassurances about the goat cheese. I didn't realize it was so simple, that pasteurized = no problemo. That was easy. I'm sure that cheese was pasteurized. Pretty sure. I somehow thought for soft cheese, pasteurization didn't solve the issue, which was where the fear came from. But now I am very reassured, so thank you! If only all my "problems" were so easily solved!

We got back last night from upstate. Will's parents (now just his mom) have a place on six acres in Columbia County, New York. It is absolutely beautiful up there and very relaxing. We enjoyed tooling around the countryside. Will and Moxie did some hiking through the snow on the property, and we got some needed shopping done (places like Target are pathetically a bit exotic to us Manhattanites). And then after, while Will and Moxie were out running and chasing balls and sticks, I enjoyed lots of napping.


I've been doing a great deal of napping lately. I'm feeling pretty fatigued a lot of the time. Not sure if that is pregnancy-related, or just progesterone-related (remember the latest level of 70.7!!), or if it's the vestiges of this bug still in my system. Mostly the cold has passed. Still coughing, and still tired, but otherwise ok. Lots of crazy dreams, too. In most of them I'm not even pregnant, which is fine. But they are very realistic and detailed, and seemingly unfolding in real time. Like I'm living a whole other life while I'm asleep, which is strange and kind of compelling in an odd way (I'm awarded a small grant for young female investigators from the National Football League - who knew they funded psychology research! I'm playing an insignificant part on a team negotiating some nuclear missile issue with Iran and Israel and the U.S. And somehow in the midst of the negotiations, the team I'm on is also having a pajama party! And there's a nuclear missile crisis pledge drive going on!). Weird stuff, I tell you.

Trying to assess my "symptoms" is tough because aside from the fatigue, it's all mostly subtle. My breasts are sore-ish, but again I attribute that to the progesterone, not to the pregnancy itself. And I am more queasy than I've been in any other pregnancy. Sometimes it's not really noticeable, but other times, especially when eating, smelling food smells can be unpleasant, and I seem to reach a point where all the sudden I can't bear to take another bite (sometimes this comes over me while I'm still chewing a bite - which is unfortunate). Or I'll think I need to get the food away from me and out of my sight (Will usually makes quick work of wherever it is that I've stalled in the meal, trooper that he is).

Emotionally, things are tougher. I'm still really scared about this pregnancy. The recurrent miscarriage specialists I've talked to have said yes, this is how it will be, and be prepared because the fears may even increase (awesome).

I loved all your stories and your sense that our ultrasound looked ok, but honestly, I don't really like the look of mine. The embryo ("Blurry Thing") seems so small compared to the enormity of the sac, and it scares me also that I didn't see the yolk sac. My RE lost major credibility with me last pregnancy when I felt he told me more what he wished were true rather than what was there on the screen. And I think we can all agree that the equipment he uses leaves a lot to be that's not very reassuring either.

I'm anxious enough that I'm thinking of canceling tomorrow's ultrasound. I don't want to get ambiguous news that will just fill me with dread but not be conclusive. This weekend I even thought that maybe waiting a whole week would be best...that we should just go at the beginning of next week when I'm 7w+. If there's no heartbeat by then, even on this crappy machine, then it's clear. But maybe that's nutty (plus, the Denver clinic might kill me for making them wait). We also thought of getting a prescription from the Denver clinic and then going in to the radiology department at our hospital to use their much fancier and higher resolution equipment. The only problem is that then if there is a problem we will have to then contact the local RE and get scheduled with him to confirm it and then deal with it (I guess another D&C so we could test genetics?). Probably sounds crazy to even be thinking about the worst case scenario, but after six consecutive losses, it's hard not to think like that.

So I'm not sure what I'm going to do. If any of you guys have ideas, feel free to voice them.

I had my blood drawn this AM to recheck the levels and will post the results later here or in a separate post when they come in. Even that terrifies me. But I know my nurse in Denver wants to keep a close eye on the progesterone.

Sweet moment with the tech this morning,
Her: "How's it looking so far?"
Me: "So far so good."
Her: "That's great, really great. You've had such a long road. You've come a far way already."

Nice. Surprised she remembers me. Although I have been schlepping in for five years now. So I guess maybe that's memorable.

More soon.


P.S. Note to Anonymous from March 5, 12:59 on the last post: I debated whether to delete your comment, ignore it, or respond. I'm choosing to respond. I try to keep this blog real, and to do that, I try to be emotionally honest. Meaning, I choose to write about the things I wish for and that I fear and about my own weaknesses and flaws as a human being (like having developed some neuroses after losing six pregnancies - which by the way, would be considered fairly normal in the context of that many losses). I am not looking for a perfect child - I am looking for a living child - and a search for perfection is not why we excluded my sister as a potential donor. It was because the doctors didn't think cycling with her eggs would work. How could I ask her to go through the emotional and physical upheaval of a cycle for something that was unlikely to succeed? Now that would be narcissistic. If others have thoughts on this, feel free to express them. Comment moderation is off and I'd like to keep it that way - so let's try to be constructive.

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  1. The 6week marker was always the hardest with the 4 mc's I had. I feel your anguish, and I wish you the best.

  2. I'm sorry this is such a rough time. Based on my having to have 3ultrasounds to diagnose my last early miscarriage, I would wait a little longer to have another one if I were you, just so you will know more definitely. However, that is much easier said than done, because I cannot imagine the worry and stress you're having to deal with.

  3. mo,
    can you get denver to ask for a better u/s, and then go to a different hospital's radiology lab so you don't have to know anyone there? that way, you get a better u/s, more information, and stay anon. to your work peers.

    i don't know about waiting longer for the u/s. what if you wait, and wish you saw what there was to see at an earlier one? in the worst case scenario, would it matter to you if there was a h/b at some point (like, you may miss it between one u/s and the next?). i don't even want to talk like that- but i know it is ridiculous not to think about the worst scenarios.

    this not being your first rodeo, you have experience in weighing your options and also very honed coping skills no matter what happens.

    this is the whole reason why some clinics wait for 7w for an u/s- there is so much ambiguity and stress involved in looking in there so often while things are developing. i hated waiting, but at least at that u/s, it was going to be one way or another (for the most part!).

    my advice is to go. but trt to go to a different hospital's radiology lab. we always went to the radiology lab because there was no RE anywhere near us. and if you can, while you are scheduling there, try to request a sonographer with early pregnancy diagnostic experience- we got a sonographer whose specialty was eldery fractures, and it was a mess trying to figure out what she was seeing, great machine or not.

    thinking of you! glad you got some rest- it is the progesterone making you sleepy. the picture you chose is exactly what i looked like those first 2 weeks.

    please update with your bloodwork and any plan changes! i think of you so often during the day.

  4. Ah, Mo. I hear you. I was always at my most anxious in the 24 hrs until ultrasound...even in my 3rd trimester.

    Granted, I'm looking at a representation of a blurry thing on the internet, but I actually DO think I see the yolk sac; at this stage the yolk sac is bigger than the embryo (which is only like >1 mm). In the non-zoomed image, what I see is round, baloon-like, which is what my yolks always looked like; the embryo would be seen as a thickening right next to it, which is how I see the zoomed image. And having had a squash-the-embryo sac, which comes with a 90% loss rate...I don't see anything wrong with a largish sac. Just means there's a greater amount of amniotic fluid in it. Mine was largish with LG, too, at this stage (eventually the embryo/fetus takes up pretty much all available room).

    What else? Oh. Yes, that high a progesterone level would probably make you tired. But so would that high an HCG level. Ditto the nausea. You've got a strong pregnancy here. I hope the day's bloodwork gives you a little peace of mind.

  5. sorry, i meant to add a little about that anon.comment...

    so judgemental. and as a supposed psychologist, i am surprised she passed such a harsh jusdgement on you for chhhsoing that best path that is right for you- if s/he had any experience in the fields of IF and treatment paths, you would think s/he would know that adoption or other non-biological options are not for everyone- each person has their own feelings about what is right for them- and those feelings are right now matter what judgey mc.judgesters comment on a blog.

    and at the very least, even if s/he felt that way, keep it to yourself... absolutely non-productive and i hope you can forget that comment, mo, and move on. you are doing everything right- and i think your future children will be LUCKY & BLESSED to have you as a mother.

  6. Just my 2 cents, I'd ask Denver to get you a consult at the radiology department. (I went in for an early ultrasound with my last pregnancy and didn't see a heartbeat, yet she's walking around screeching now, FWIW...)

    Your numbers are looking much better this time than they did in your last CCS normal pregnancy and you've had no bleeding aside from what could be implantation spotting. If you went the hospital route, you'd have a much clearer picture of what's going on which would hopefully give you a brief respite from the understandably overwhelming anxiety. And only then can you really make clear next steps, once you have a clear picture of what's going on inside you.

    Also, if (which I.DO.NOT.THINK.IS.THE.CASE) something bad were to happen, you'd get sent off to the hospital in a hurry anyway to check things out, so in that spiral of negative thinking (which I.DO.NOT.THINK.IS.WARRANTED)you're just cutting out a step. How's that for making crazy work for me?

    I wish with all that I have in me to wish that this were just a fraction easier for you. Sending, love, light and hope.

  7. After one m/c and two ectopic pregnancies (which lead to the loss of both of my tubes) it is hard to feel at all positive that this current pregnancy is going to work out. With that being said, I am trying really really hard to be positive. I want this baby more than anything I have ever wanted. And I know you just want the same thing - a healthy baby in your arms at the end of this. From one hormonal pregnant lady to another - ignore that bitch. She obviously has never experienced multiple losses and just comes into our blogs to be judgemental.

    Praying for you everyday that this pregnancy continues!!!

    P.S. If it were me I would get a script from the Denver clinic and go to the Hospital to get a high-quality ultrasound. Do you have a good relationship with you OBGYN? If so, you can ask him/her if they could ease your worries and schedule one. Honestly, I am thinking of calling my OB and doing the same thing. My RE wants me to wait until I am 8 weeks for my first ultrasound, which is 4 weeks away, I just don't think I can remain sane for that length of time.

  8. I also like the idea of going to a different hospital; is that a possibility? Then you get the better resolution AND remain anonymous?

    Also, just in case you're interested, I wore this medal throughout both of my successful pregnancies:

    Sending lots of hope.

  9. I would suggest keeping your ultrasound appt. tomorrow and if it comes back inconclusive at that point as Denver for a referral to your hospital.

    It is completely normal to have the feelings you are having. Personally I would love to tell you it gets easier the further along in the pregnancy you get but for me it didn't really. I certainly was more hopeful as time went on but there was always fear. Not until about month after my daughter was born did I honestly believe that maybe she was truly here to stay. That was just my reality, everyone reacts differently to their own situations so please never feel bad about how you react to yours.

  10. I've always believed that you have to go with your gut in terms of what sort of reassurance you need at any given stage. So, while yes you will have a more definitive answer in another week, perhaps another peek and just seeing growth (&the possibility of a more discernible heart beat) would bring its own degree of relief. That said, I'd fully opt to do that anywhere that had a better u/s machine & better resolution.

    Perhaps today's labs may push you either way.

    Do what you need to do, Mo, there is no heroism in not.

  11. I think if you can get an u/s on a better machine, do it. And book it for later in the week, like Friday. Then you are still within Denver recs (u/s during the 6th week) and on a machine that will be so much better to your psyche. One that you can read yourself, and not have to trust an well-meaning RE.

    I was exactly like you with the queasiness - I never puked, but things would gross me out suddenly, sometimes even mid-bite. I think that you are feeling more blechy this time is a good sign.

    I'm thinking of you often. Everything crossed for you both.

  12. I, too, don't think the fear will leave you. I think waiting a few more days for a more precise u/s is probably a good thing because I think you are stressing so much that you need a real answer at this point...not just one that your doctor wants to give you. Given your food aversions I'm feeling pretty hopeful for you. That was my only *real* sympotm I had, too. Everything else could have been explained away by the progesterone. Fingers still crossed over here. And sorry about the comment...not sure why people that judge so harshly choose not to share their true identity. Seems pretty cowardly to me.

  13. Def. seconding the 'better machine' ideas here! If you WERE to have a hard time seeing anything GOOD because of the crappy machine, you'd be sent to a better machine anyway, so why not just go there right off? And if (as I suspect) everythings tooling along just fine in there, it'd be nice to get a good view of it, just for fun. Get some pretty pictures of that pretty embryo, and save yourself some travel time, all at the SAME time.

    I was absolutely wasted for anything but napping when I was right where you are now. We were in Quebec, as I recall, and I desperately wanted to go sightsee, but found myself snoozing in the hotel room for much of the trip. When I wasn't eating smoked meat sandwiches, of course. (And nothing before or since has tasted better, though it probably wasn't 100% pregnancy-approved, even though it was steamy!)

    Thinking of you, and looking forward to more good news when/where-ever you go for your next U/S.

  14. The ultrasound question is such a tough one. You're already on pins and needles and have an ambiguous u/s that may not change but... it might and that is why going forward with the ultrasound is worth it. You just might see that yolk sac and a definite embryo and that could help get you through to next week. I second what one of the commentors said about the tech making or breaking the quality. I have developed favorites in my clinic.
    As for anonymous. This person has obviously not read all of the conisderation you have given every aspect of conceiving a child and how it will affect the child. You have made every effort to make choices based on what would be best for your future child. If that isn't stellar parenting I don't know what is. When having to make decisions about genetic issues I kept trying to explain to people that I wanted to make decisions as a parent not just as someone who wanted a baby. You have exempilfied that quality. Your child is already blessed to have you as a parent.

  15. Mo - it sucks that you've been so traumatized by your past losses. I can't imagine how nerve-wracking all of this is for you. Hang in there girl!

    As for that Anonymous post - WOW - what a coward. So inapproriate to jump in on someone's blog and post such a negative, personal attack. Blogging should be a safe way of venting your innermost thoughts without fear of being judged or criticised. There are plenty of times that I have read posts on blogs that I can't relate to or don't necessarily agree with. So what? I don't feel the need to personally attack the author. We are all entitled to our OWN personal feelings and it is absolutely ridiculous that someone would attack you for expressing your thoughts on YOUR blog. And the fact that the poster chose to remain anonymous - well that says a lot.

  16. I love your response to 'Anonymous.' Good for you for turning such a mean spirited comment into something constructive.

    I hope you continue napping when you need to and you get good news about your pregnancy soon, whatever you decide about the ultrashound.

  17. Really quick cOmment.... Big sac, little baby is great at this stage!!! In my experience... Those are the healthy viable ones. Big baby in smallish sac, for me and one friend of mine, resulted in I think it sounds great! So excited for you!!!

  18. Have you had the dreams thing before? I had wild and vivid dreams throughout my (full-term, uneventful) pregnancy so am hoping that is a good sign. Certainly it's not a bad one. And yes, on the queasiness. And the napping. I spent week 5 - week 7 of my pregnancy visiting family (a trip planned long before the BFP) and had to tell them my news because I needed so much sleep (and was sufficiently queasy) that to do otherwise was impossible.

    Your debating what to do has gotten me to go and look up my timing, and I can tell you that I didn't get a u/s at all until 8w4d. That wasn't strategy, it was the combination of the trip and my RE's hands-off approach. And I mean, I get it: I understand you want desperately to know what is going to happen. I want desperately for you to know what is going to happen. But, and this is an honest question because I really don't know (see above re: timing of my u/s, plus, the fact that as noted my only pregnancy was an uneventful one), even with the best technology and interpretation, would even a bad result really be definitive at this point or, indeed, contain any actionable info. at all? Or would you still be left waiting another week to check again and keeping on keeping on? I mean, I hate to contemplate bad results at all, but given that we all know how painfully aware you are that good ones are not guaranteed ... is it worth waiting (can you even comtemplate waiting?) until whatever result you get will be clear?

    Thanks for leaving the anon. comment up and for drawing attention to it. It's tedious, but I think it's important for more novice infertility bloggers to know there are jerks out there, so I believe you're providing a public service through your approach and transparency.

  19. I second what others have said about going in this week, but at a place with better technology. I'm hoping this will put your mind at ease, even if only temporarily, because to date everything in this pregnancy seems to be going really well.

    I cannot believe you have to deal with cowardly Anonymous bloggers writing shitty comments. What is wrong with these people? It seriously pisses me off, and you are handling it so much more maturely and calmly than I ever could. So big kudos to you for setting a great example there.

    I cannot wait until you are past this first trimester. I know the worries won't completely stop then, but at least you'd be through the worst of it. Until then, hang in there as much as you can...

    And oh by the way, I have been super tired too - could just be the progesterone or it could be that we are both pregnant and our bodies are working overtime!

  20. I myself am waiting until 7 weeks. The "there should be a heartbeat but there isn't but it could still be ok" dance just isn't worth it IMO. I'd also try to get the highest resolution ultrasound you have available to you.
    HUGS and forget anonymous. That comment was totally out of line and stupid. Like you need stupid comments right now.

  21. I agree with other folks encouraging you to seek out better equipment...but I definitely wouldn't wait. By 6w3d there should be a heartbeat, and it should be obvious on decent equipment (even on crappy equipment in 2003, I was able to see/hear LG's heart at 6w1d). While it's possible to be in limbo--heaven knows I was in ultrasound limbo my entire first trimester--I think you'll have a good sense of where things stand. And although it's petrifying, I know, in the end wouldn't it feel better knowing either way?

    And as for the anonymous commenter. Wow. Just wow. The kind of person who has so much energy to spread hatred?

    You're going to be an amazing mother, Mo. One way or the other, and I'm betting sooner (2012 sooner) rather than later.

  22. Dear Mo, I must admit, I am a stranger who came across your blog and now can't turn away. I can't turn away for so many reasons, One; you are terribly strong and I admire you for that. I can not understand your pain. I suffered one loss at 10wks and that was one the the hardest things to overcome. So, my praise to you for surviving, not giving up and allowing even strangers into your world. If you don't mind I am going to follow you, pray for you and hope baby all your way. I am a nicu nurse is a very large, busy denver hospital- I am a advocate for IVF, I am a mother and I am on your side.

  23. anonymous - thanks - really, I appreciate it. by all means, follow along! FWIW, I think being a NICU nurse takes enormous strength as well. I give you credit for the situations you must handle on a daily basis.


  24. I have no advice for you in terms of the u/s. those first few weeks of pregnancy were terrifying for me. I do much better with black and white than gray and those couple weeks were nothing but gray.

    Best wishes figuring it all out. I'm rooting for you and #7 though and think of you often.

  25. Of course you're afraid, even when the numbers are in your favor. It's like what we talked about at our dinner all that time ago- evidence for and against doesn't do you a bit of good when the odds have gone wonky on you so many times. Even after I could feel this baby kicking regularly, and even when he was kicking AT my prenatal appointments, I would cry every time I heard the heartbeat because it meant he was still in there and OK. I can tell you that for me, it was just a part of this pregnancy right up until the minute we brought him home- and I think it has subsided partly because I am exhausted.

    So, all that said, I would do whatever you need to do to manage- early u/s, waiting- it's a moment by moment decision and it sounds like you have the option of going any way that will get you reassurance when and how you need it. While you are living in the fear, there are many of us here who are carrying the hope with you and for you. And, of course, for Will. How's he doing with all this? I know my husband didn't really believe any of it was happening until we got past the farthest point we had ever been to before, so I can imagine Will is holding his breath right along with you. Hugs and support got out to him as well.

    Sending hope and faith, Mo.

  26. Don't give anon. comments from yesterday another thought. Not worth wasting your energy trying to change the opinion of someone who clearly has very little in his/her own life.

    Focus on the here and now and nothing more. Thinking of you.

  27. I would either go for u/s with better equipment or not go till 8w +. My obgyn always does u/s at 8+ weeks. He says that sometimes you can see the heartbeat earlier but it depends on many factors, good equipment included.
    Good luck.


  28. Geez. I can only guess that Anon has plenty of bio children that she conceived in 1 cycle. Ugh. Thankfully those type of people are few and far between here.

  29. Lordy, what kind of a person wouldn't have worries (I don't see neuroses, personally) at this stage with all the things you've been through? A crazy person, in my unlicensed opinion.

    For the food record: I felt annoyed at how hard it was to get a straight answer about listeria. I read a bunch. I still felt annoyed. I ended up eating a few soft cheese I felt confident about the provenance of and hotdogs that I boiled the heck out of at home. (I craved hotdogs, which I otherwise eat about every 2-3 years.) I ate a lot of ricotta. I avoided everything else on the listeria list and also things like salad bars and places where food sat out being "hot." It all grossed me out so much that it was no real sacrifice, except for street food at a particular parade. Tea and coffee made me feel awful, so little to none of those either, but I did drink coke. I did not avoid rare meat, but I'm choosy about knowing where my beef comes from. I had some sips of wine but no glasses until essentially the last night. I think 90% of what I did was pointless except to make me feel better.

    I am sorry for all the fear, even if I think it's understandable and indicates nothing except how hard this is.

  30. I did an early u/s with good equipment and they could not detect a heartbeat, but also could not rule out the possibility of it developing since it was early.. so they recommended that I come back after several days. I had done IVF and recently had a second trimester loss. It was extremely difficult for me to receive inconclusive news at the time- I broke down in tears at that appointment. It was torture waiting for the next appt. Very, very thankfully we saw our baby's heartbeat at the next one. If I were to do it over, I would wait a little longer for the first u/s to make sure they can confirm whether or not there is a heartbeat.

    Good luck. Wishing you all the strength in the world to get through this worrisome time as peacefully as possible.

  31. Oh Mo, how I wish I had an answer. Whatever you decide, know that there is a whole blogosphere pulling for you all. I'm sending all the peace and good thoughts I can muster your way......

  32. Dear mo,
    When I had the option of an early u/s with my pregnancy after having had one m/c I said "no thanks" . For me ambiguous info would have been more difficult than waiting for clear cut answers. Either way I am beaming keep on growing thoughts your way!

  33. Just wanted to say that no sane person who had read even a handful of your posts could possibly think that you're putting yourself through this hell to conceive a 'perfect' child. Just a knee-jerk reaction based on whatever little snippet anonymous read before immediately jumping to conclusions and judging, without taking the time to check the facts or actually listen to what you are saying.

    And suggesting that you didn't cycle with your sister because her eggs somehow weren't good enough for you is ridiculous, why on earth would you pay for her to go through the screening process in the first place if that were the case? Clearly that decision was based on the screening results which suggested that it simply wouldn't work with her eggs, and why would you put either of you through all that stress (and invasive procedures) for something that is highly likely to fail? Not to mention that you don't have a money tree growing the back garden.

    The emotional toll of another failure, after all those losses, would be reason enough not to go forward with any option where the odds are stacked against you. But that is something that anonymous will obviously never understand.

    Don't forget that the rest of us DO understand Mo, and we're with you all the way.

  34. Mo - With regards to waiting for your u/s, do what's in your heart - you know best. The first time we saw a h/b, I didn't want to do another u/s either because I just wanted to assume I was finally "normal" and live in a state of ignorant bliss...assuming everything was just fine. I was so terrified what another u/s might have shown. It wasn't so long ago that women didn't have ultrasounds at all, right?

  35. Mo, keeping everything crossed and praying hard.

  36. I only had two m/c and now have my rapidly-on-the-verge of toddling boy. But I can STILL feel the fear that I had virtually every minute of every day until I could feel him move. And sometimes still fear until I creep into his room to check his breathing. (Also - I don't think I had any symptoms until I was more like 8-10 weeks.)

  37. Hmmm....I have been in this situation before. Ambiguous U/S and then a m/c..... ambiguous u/s and then a healthy baby!!! It is I say go with your gutt. But in either case...I am sending out tons of "grow baby grow" vibes to your bean!!!!!

  38. Hope your beta comes back showing a great number today.
    I was talking with my RE about CCRM today - he agrees they're the best, and is in awe of their FET success rates. Even told me they have better success with FET than with fresh cycles. I bet he'd kill to work with their lab.
    Interestingly, he doesn't want to follow my progesterone levels post transfer - says they must be ok since my lining looked good, and that they should stay stable from now since the dose of my meds won't change. Now I'm really wondering why yours dropped.
    Hope you figure out U/S or not soon, and that you get good results when you go for it. I would want to have one on a good-quality machine, personally.

  39. I've been accused of wanting a 'perfect' child by a relative- because I raved about how awesome my donor was. It actually hurt a lot, especially since it had come after two miscarriages. I could not care HOW the child looked, how smart or accomplished he or she is, all I desperately want is that my child be well, ALIVE and hopefully healthy. Going through infertility sharpens your focus, taking away all your superficial fears and leaving you with what really matters. Anon is a freaking idiot (just like my relative, who interesting,has an almost pathologically narcissistic personality).

    I definitely echo the opinion to get a better machine for the next u/s. I don't know if you need to make yourself wait till week 7, a u/s at 6 w 4-5 days SHOULD be conclusive as a week 7 u/s, one way or the other.

    I'm the queen of trying to think rationally (I succeed as far as other people's situations are considered, it seems). Based on all the facts, you are in a completely new game here, compared to all your other pregnancies, which, PROBABLY, 5/6 were because of gross chromosomal abnormalities. So,yeah, while you can't know anything for a while, this one IS with lower risks.

  40. Wow, what a level-headed, high-road answer to Anonymous' mean-spirited comment. You show such restraint in the midst of the most life-changing stress.

    So sweet that the tech remembered you, and asked how everything was going.

    On the u/s front, do what feels right to you. Finding higher quality equipment would probably be helpful, I think.

    We saw 3 yolk sacs at 20dp3dt and 3 heartbeats at 6w5d. Thought we'd walk out of there without seeing the 3rd HB, but after many agonizing minutes of scanning and rescanning, we were able to see it flickering. One of our girls had a VERY big sac in comparison to the other 2, but all developed on track in utero. Btw, our RE had very high-tec equipment. I was the first person they tried it on - very worthwhile to see early u/s in higher definition, color coded.

    The heightened sense of smell is such a weird pg symptom. I usually love coffee and chocolate, but couldn't come anywhere near it. Forget buying groceries and going anywhere near the cleaning products or toiletries. Blegh! You are most definitely so very, very, very pregnant.

    Hoping for the best possible u/s for you. xx

  41. Wishing you only the best Mo. As for anon's comment, clearly no perspective on her part esp, regarding fertility stuff. boo to her!

  42. Nothing since March 5... I am missing your updates (read often, never note). Hope all is well.


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