Thursday, March 19, 2009

7dp3dt: cannot compute

My carefully guarded sanity is starting to wane. Over the past week and a half, I started with a few days of excitement that I might be pregnant, moved into a phase of abject terror that we're pregnant with quints, and I have now, as of this morning, arrived in the land of absolute certainty that we aren't pregnant with even a singelton (coupled with the scary voice... and you never will be). Suffice it to say, the 2ww is hell.

After I posted a couple of days ago that I wasn't feeling anything, I promptly began to feel some pulling in my uterine area on both the right and the left (of course, immediately thinking omg, it's at least twins. akkk!). Now I'm back to feeling nothing. And I question whether I felt anything before either. Although I would have sworn that I did.

Adding to the complete craziness is the fact that my clinical internship ends June 30th and as those of you following this blog know, I have been thick in the process of trying to figure out what next year holds. I was offered one position last night, another one this morning. I am still waiting to hear whether the grant I submitted will be funded. And some of these people want an answer by tomorrow - which of course is before I'll know if I'm pregnant, and way before I'll know if I'm pregnant with two or more.

My head is simply spinning. I cannot figure out how to prioritize decisions with so much of my life currently in the land of uncertainty. Normally I proceed as though I am not pregnant, but it feels so very close to possible that I am pregnant (with twins or triplets maybe?!) that I cannot think straight at all.

Any words of wisdom?

Mo

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28 comments:

  1. Mo - no words of wisdom as I am completely out of my mind right now myself. And sweetie - I think we are 7dp3dt - I was hoping that you were right and it was only 6dp3dt since I got more BFNs this morning (together with a very, very faint false positive on a clear blue test due to the fact I was double-fisting it with a FRER this morning and did not pee on it enough - the control line never showed)

    I cannot seem to make any decisions about taking a long weekend, much less my job - I feel completely frozen.

    I wish I had some wonderful words - I do know this, I have super, duper high hopes for you that one or more of your embies is going to stick - it just has to happen for you.

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  2. Nothing wise to say, except that it'll work out whatever you decide. If you are pregnant with twins, and have accepted extra responsibility at work, you'll still make it work out one way or another. Even though it's been a more difficult journey for you'all than most people ever have to deal with, women have to juggle babies & work all the time and I have every confidence you'll find a way to do it, regardless of what you decide to do at work.

    And, that said, I hope you have a serious bit of life-reworking to do in oh, say, 8 months from now!

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  3. Oops, thanks Lisa for the correction. 7dpt is correct. I fixed the post. See how badly I'm losing it?!

    Mo

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  4. Just try and hang in there one day at a time. The 2ww does stink for sure but dwelling on the what could be will drive you crazy. Not sure how I made it through but I found things to keep my brain busy and just went with the idea that I could really be pregnant and it gave me the smile and happiness to just relax and make it through.

    It's not easy but honestly, don't do the at home tests until after your first blood draw, I think that really helped me and it kept me on the positive road to what was to come :)

    Good luck. I really hope things work out for you and I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

    Tracy

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  5. No words of wisdom either, except confidence that you will make the right decision...and if you later have to undecide and decide again. So be it. (How's that for clarity?) I will say though that my only early pregnancy symptom was the pulling sensation. One time it left me doubled over. But it only happened a couple of times.

    So when are you going to use that most marvelous gift you received?

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  6. Even if you knew you were pregnant, it would be too early to tell how many, etc.
    My current operation of behavior is to accept a position( I dealt with this yesterday) and wait and see how this pregnancy goes, and tell my supervisor at 12 weeks, as most people would(hoping that all progresses that far).

    Obviously, your situation is a bit different, as you have different choices, but, I would have to bow out of one job(it is a semester thing) if all goes well. I'd just rather not turn it down now.

    Good luck!

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  7. Mo, I know it is sooo much easier said than done, but try to separate your (fingers crossed!!!) pregnancy from your professional decision. Whatever you choose will work out, you'll see! If you were one of "those" people who were "oops, I'm pregnant and starting a new job!" you wouldn't have the chance to agonize over the unknown. So, just rest assured knowing that whatever you choose will work out for the best.

    I am on pins and needles waiting for your beta. When are you going to put Will's gift to use? I'm a poas junkie, so I'll always play the enabler when it comes to that!

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  8. I wish I had some wisdom for you. Of course you can't think straight. You're in 2ww hell! When are you going to pee on one of those fancy sticks? Now it's my turn to be overly interested in your urine! ;-)

    Hoping we'll be browsing the maternity sales racks together soon!

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  9. I have heard of many women not feeling anything and are pregnant. I am thinking positive for you honey. You deserve this so much. Thinking of you every day!

    Kami

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  10. No words of wisdom, just words of hope and luck! Have you started using that mountain of POASs??

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  11. I have made the mistake of pulling out of much wanted things because of "maybe" being pregnant. The pain of putting life on hold and missing out on something much desired for a what if is really hard. As sad as it is to think this way, you need to decide based on what position/opportunity you would LOVE right now. Then jump.

    There is NO DOUBT you and Will can handle what is thrown at you, this will be no different. You just deal!

    Lot's of women say they have no symptoms. So really don't read too much into things. At least that's what I tell myself every hour right now (5dp5dt).

    Hang in there, and choose what feels right for right now, not what might be tomorrow.

    Take care,
    Cheryl

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  12. No major words of wisdom, but here are my $.02 anyway - I would say take whichever position you like better. If you are pregnant with twins / triplets / quads and you need to leave the position, that's always an option at that point. (And that's a good problem to have at that point - in the sense, the prioritization will be easier)

    If you don't take it, and God forbid, you are not pregnant, you may regret the decision.

    Good luck!

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  13. I wish I had some great answer here - my current philosophy is to plan as if pregnancy is not a part of the plan. That way, if it blessedly becomes a part of things, I'll switch gears when it happens. I feel like we've missed out on so many wonderful opportunities over the last 2 1/2 years and I'm not willing to do that anymore - it's just not good for my overall attitude about things. Don't know if this helps or not - but to let you know, I'm still thinking about you and praying.

    The 2WW is a hellish experience for certain! I'm at work and have a million things I should be doing right now, and obviously, I'm not!

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  14. I say pee on those sticks but only on Sunday/ Monday so it's more accurate!

    Absolutely make decisions as if no babies to consider - I was still going for job interviews up to 12 weeks and then I decided I need to stay put and relax so the babies don't feel stressed iwth me in a new job.

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  15. Make decisions as you would if you weren't pregnant, but breathe deep and ENJOY EVERY MINUTE of this hope and excitement. Wipe the worry out - time enough for that later. Just let everything be shiny and new. Roll with it sweetie!
    Just my .02.....

    The 2ww sucks butt - hang in there!

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  16. I see you are thick into the wait, best of luck with it, and am hoping for fabulous news.

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  17. All I have for advice is BREATHE. I will keep my fingers crossed and my prayers going that you that all the right things happen at exactly the right time!

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  18. Lots of good advice here. If it were me, I would be freaking out too. But, having said that, I did decide at some point that I had to live my life. Take a position based on what you want to do and as if pregnancy were not involved. If pregnant, which I hope for you, you are going to be pregnant for 9 months, so you'll have to be doing something in there! At this point, it's too early to worry about multiples. You won't know until your first ultrasound which is probably about four weeks away (7 weeks)?

    On the 2ww, all you can do is take one day at a time. Hugs!

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  19. No words of wisdom, just a boatload of positive wishes!!!

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  20. Wisdom?! Heavens no! Not from me! But I am pulling for you guys. And I'm hoping that the twinges that you feel in your abdomen are much like the ones I felt before our BFP. Hang in there Mo! I feel good about this for you guys!!!!

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  21. it is hell really, to have all this certainties creep up on you from every direction...
    and I"m sorry that you are getting all these work opportunities right when everything is so up in the air.
    Can you buy some time with them?
    even if you say yes, and later turns out you are carrying multiples indeed, then, that would be a good reason to apologize for a change plans.

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  22. No words of wisdom, but I am hoping for the best for you guys!

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  23. Absolutely no words of wisdom :) You are doing so well!! Hold on to your sanity for a little while longer.

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  24. Mo, you are so strong. You've survived Hodgkins and multiple IVFs. Juggling kids - even HOMs - will be a walk in the park in comparison. Pick the job that excites you, one that you will love going to despite having slept just 2 hours. ;-)

    You know you can get through this 2WW with your sanity in tact because you've done it before. Only this time, you'll have a great outcome. You're almost there.

    Good luck with all the decisions and the torturous wait until you can use the stash of pee sticks Will gave you. It's so tempting to POAS early...

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  25. Congrats for making it through another day of the 2ww! Every day is just agony I know. As for advice (I love giving advice - but please accept it or not as you will!) I would take the job if you want it as a non-pregnant person. I know the immenence (sp?) of your beta makes this seem time critical - but what if you were just starting this cycle? Or if you were PLANNING to start a cycle in April? You'd still have pg looming over you just a few weeks later - so make the decision with the factors you know for SURE right now. Then, when you find you are pg with twins (!), you can just tell them at the appropriate point - life is always messing up our careful plans!

    Having said that I completely understand your predicament - I just used my possible pg to leave a position I didn't really like, not that I told anyone else that is why I was leaving, but it helped justify it in my mind! Good luck.

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  26. hang in there... you are in the home stretch. I always poas and I could never wait past 9dp3dt. I hope this is the one that gets you a bfp that sticks. Try not to freak about multiples. Don't borrow worries from tomorrow... just go with what is before you.

    Good luck with the job decision. I am never good at those decisions. I've pretty much always made the wrong one.

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  27. Pick the one that you feel most disappointed about missing out on when you imagine yourself in the other situations. Personally, I'm rooting any of the above so long as Mom is still on the business card.

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