Friday, March 20, 2009

8dp3dt: bargaining

Dear Universe,

I do not want to seem ungrateful for the multiple job offers and for the grant that now seems nearly approved. I have high appreciation for these things that have appeared in my life. And I realize that I've put some effort into achieving them.

Which is also what worries me. While I appreciate your recent occupational and educational largesse, I worry that it might cause some confusion on your part as to my priorities. From a quick observation, it might appear that I value my career and education over pregnancy and childrearing, but this would be an erroneous conclusion to draw.

My priorities remain the same: I, and Will, wish with all our hearts to have a family. We want this above all else.

Really, Universe, it shouldn't have to be a dichotomous decision, an either/or. After all, we are in the year 2009. But if you're feeling that I've already been given enough - or too much, even - I'd be happy to turn in my degrees, and the career opportunities, to have this one thing. Just one child. Will and I have even joked that we'll settle for half of a child at this point. But ha ha! we're kind of kidding about that, so please don't go and give us half a child!

Seriously, Universe, we could call it a fair trade: my professional life for a baby. If that's what it takes, just let me know.

So just to reiterate (and Universe, I apologize if I'm getting repetitive, but I just want to make sure I'm clear), please do not get confused by my recent luck in all areas not child-related. Don't count it against me. Although I do love my work, I'm sure I'm also trying to compensate for the lack of the one thing I wish for most, which is also the one thing I can't seem to achieve, no matter how hard I work at it.

Please, Universe, give it some consideration. We won't, I promise you, take a pregnancy or child for granted. Ever.



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  1. Mo - Great letter. Now let's hope The Universe is listening!

  2. From your mouth to Univ-rse's ear! (to paraphrase my grandmama.)

  3. I am hoping with you and begging the universe to give you this.

    I would give it all - my career, all of my material possessions, my clothes, everything.


  4. I can tell your heart and soul are in this 110%! I want it all, career and family. It's a really difficult position for the modern woman, I think.

  5. YO, Universe! It's Mo's turn!

  6. Mo! You're letter made me cry, I feel your longing, and I so want this for you and Will, your both in my thoughts and prayers.

  7. It is good you are clear on your priorities - hopefully the universe is listening! Hoping with everything crossed for you.

  8. Ohhhh...good point! Can you clarify the same to the Universe for me? You two seem to have a good relationship ;)

  9. I guess I, too, would give it all up to have a baby at this point. Which is funny because I had the chance to chuck my career and work at the illustrious Kinkos to get the IVF insurance and in the end, I got scared and clung on to my career and kept paying out of pocket. And sometimes I wonder...if I'd had more cycles covered...
    Good luck good luck good luck and I hope the universe hears you LOUD AND CLEAR!

  10. Oh Mo,

    Congrats on all of the wonderful career news . . . I know it rings somewhat hollow at this point. Fingers crossed.

  11. Hey Mo - I hope you are hanging in there. I got another bfn this morning and I have to say, I am not holding out much hope for myself.

    That being said, I am sending you all of my hope and baby making energy and I really, really hope you have good news soon. XOXO

  12. I've sometimes taken an opposite tactic -- kneecapping (or at least postponing) certain aspects of my career because of TTC. I have fantasized so many times about having a gap in my CV and having to explain that those months were baby-related -- because I am the kind of dork who fantasizes about her CV.

    Congrats on the offers and the grant, but so sorry about the BFN.

  13. I love your letter to the Universe. I couldn't have said it better!

    Best of luck, I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!

  14. it's nice to see someone address a letter to the universe rather than god. i'm sorry you didn't get the positive you were looking for.

  15. I am so sorry about the negative. However, your letter said it all....try not to give up. I am hoping for you and everyone else that the Universe is listening.

  16. Mo, this letter brought tears to my eyes.
    It is so tough when it seems that no matter what we offer, what sacrifices we are willing to make, the universe has its own agenda.

  17. that letter rings true for me too, and then I worry that the universe will take my professional life away from me too and I really freak out! :) Thanks for writing and sharing it.


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