Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Wednesdays with Will: disconnected

Why do we ignore the past when the present looks so exciting and rich, promising? But, when the present looks more dire, we take the time to reflect on the lessons of the past?

Mo and I have been (knock on wood) relatively untouched financially by the market woes, but we have been re-evaluating our present situation and our goals for the future. Some things we are doing may seem foolhardy (we continue to put our retirement money into s&p 500 mutual funds), while other things are just plain common sense (cutting back on eating out). We have also set aside an account for IVF which allows us to earmark savings for this purpose.

I felt disconnected from Mo and our IVF cycle the past few days as I was visiting my folks in Florida (so NY of them :)). One of the walks I like to take winds through pine trees, flanked by mangrove on the bay side and the beach on the other. It leads to a fairly secluded beach that looks back onto the bay.

You can't help to notice the changes that take place everytime you go - from day to day and year to year. But, whatever it is, it is. Nature reminds us that while we can control parts of our experience, some things are just impossible to predict. That is, after all, the beauty of life, pain and joy.

From my end I am trying not to choose between optimism or pessimism, but rather trying to plan for the outcomes we have known and have yet to experience. I guess that's ok - I'll let you know how that goes. I think this all came up for me the past few days because, as I said, I have felt disconnected from Mo while I've been away and she's been going through the injections and monitoring without me. Although I know she needs me, I also wanted to visit my folks because my father - who appears outwardly healthy - actually has a terminal disease. If statistics don't lie, I would wager he has about three years left.

It is easy for me to dwell on the shitty side of things, namely infertility and death, but it is important in both cases for me to be here, right now. Mo and I have been through a lot recently and we are making a case for pretty damn good teamwork.


Add to Google Reader or Homepage Subscribe in NewsGator Online Subscribe in Bloglines Add to My AOL


  1. Thinking of you guys during this difficult journey.


  2. Intense Observation.

    It is so much easier to say 'take life as it comes', than to see it unwinding in reality.

  3. Thinking of you & your entire family...
    Teamwork is what it is all about :)

  4. You guys make a great case for teamwork. You both have been a strong compass for me in my own journey; your perspective and love of each other and both blossom in some of the most seemingly innocent of posts is an inspiration.

  5. Thanks for all of your comments. Mo has already written that this cycle seemed sort of hum-drum which is why we both thought it ok for me to go away for a few days. It took that amount of time to realize how much we depend on each other for support as well as remember that while IVF may seem routine it is extremely stressful no matter what. I guess too often we put the emphasis on the potential outcome - pregnant or not and the daily stress of shots and blood work and ultrasound are what wear you down (yes, it is alot simpler to be the husband, no doubt, but the stress is there are both of you). I sometimes wonder if that really big thing happens (I don't really know what that "thing" is) will I unravel. Then i realize these are big things and there is no catastrophe waiting to happen. To quote Zorba (of Zorba the Greek fame), we are all living the full catastrophe - that is known as life. Oddly, that is kind of reassuring.
    So my list of things to "keeping it real": group yoga (I am a newbie, and it is very humbling in a good way), gym, running, long walks, audiotapes,, trying to get back in touch with friends, kindle/reading. Any suggestions, things that have worked for you?

  6. You're right about the teamwork thing - I never realized how important that facet of this process is until now.

    Thinking of you all and hoping for the very best this cycle.

  7. So true - there are times when I laugh with Mr. M and it is like the sweetest reconnection - like finding something I lost.

  8. First, I loved reading a male perspective. So often I get angry that my DH doesn't have to "go through this" like I do. But, he does - just in a different way. And when it comes down to it...he'd switch places with me in a heartbeat. (Not that I think men can handle what we women can. LOL!)

    Acupuncture is something that I've recently started in hopes of focusing my energy or Qi(chee) on more positive endeavors. I highly recommend it. Good luck to you both! :)

  9. I'm sorry about your dad. So hoping this cycle has the outcome we're all praying for!!

  10. This is a beautiful post. I'm thinking of you both.


What do YOU think?

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Popular Posts