Sunday, March 18, 2012

8w1d...and spotting


I'm trying not to freak out over here, but yesterday evening, I noticed I was lightly spotting. A mix of pinkish brown, very light. A little bit of uterine discomfort too. Not cramping exactly, but not feeling so happy in there either.

Hopefully no big deal. Hopefully... (said without conviction).

Unfortunately, it feels like it might be a very big deal. I have had spotting twice before during pregnancies, and each time, it has marked the beginning of the end. So it's hard not to worry and suspect that's what's going on.

To make things even scarier, Will leaves town later today and will be across the country until next Saturday. I've been worried already that I may struggle to handle the PIO injections by myself and that taking care of Ms. Moxie's walk schedule without his help will be a challenge. Now, I'm afraid to move. But Moxie must be walked, so I guess I will rise to the challenge. I'm not even sure about going in to work tomorrow. I just want to sit very still and hope that whatever was going on last night will heal if I just take it very, very easy (ie, recline and lie as still as a statue).

My RE has been out of town this week, so I can't get a reassurance scan from him today. I'm supposed to see my OB for an ultrasound check on Thursday, but I had been thinking I would cancel since Will would be away, and wait for him to return before taking another peek. We had the unfortunate experience of me finding out about a lost baby in his absence during pregnancy #1 and both never want to repeat that again...But now...I'm not sure what to do.

On the positive end of things, I don't seem to be bleeding further today. On a negative, since seeing the spotting, I'm barely hanging on to sanity by a thread.

I know time is what's needed - there's nothing for me to do, nothing I can do to keep the pregnancy going if it's destined to miscarry. But ugh. UGH. You know?

Mo

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67 comments:

  1. hang in there- thinking of you. please take care of yourself

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  2. Oh bloody hell. Praying that it is nothing, and it very well could be, but I'm sure knowing that produces not a whit of comfort.

    I'm sorry you are going to be by yourself for a week, and I hear you on your fears about moving around and exerting yourself. But that wont make any difference- If this is nothing, and its a genetically normal baby nestled inside you, you could do any number of things and be ok. If it the opposite, you could stay wrapped in cotton and that would not change anything.

    Maybe if you do not spot any more, you can hold off the u/s. Otherwise, I hope your OB can accommodate you earlier, but I hear you on not wanting to go in there alone. Been there, done that, twice, its awful.

    Keeping fingers tightly crossed.

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  3. Hello,
    I too had spotting around the same time and until 12 weeks with my pregnancy (twins ivf with icsi). My nurse told me that it was probably just my crinone suppositories irritating my cervix. I swore I was losing my pregnancy but I'm now 23 weeks so I guess she was right. Sending you positive thoughts.

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  4. Ugh, nothing you can do, and nothing your friends here in the internet can do except hold their breaths with you and pray that this is nothing. *crosses fingers*

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  5. I'd second the cervical irritation guess. While spotting is scary, your ultrasound the other day--with a STRONG heartbeat--means things are going fine for now. But get the reassurance scan from the OB.

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  6. Hang in there Mo. I know how scary any amount of spotting is for someone with y(our) history. Try and take it easy. I'm praying everything is OK with your little bean.

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  7. Crap, crap, crap... why can't this be easier for you? I am keeping everything crossed and praying hard that its just a little cervical irritation. Take care of yourself. hugs

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  8. Sounds like it could very well be irritation. I'm sorry you have to deal with this right now. Find a dog walker! If you're having trouble finding one, the former director of S's old daycare has a dog walking business in manhattan. I can get her info for you.

    I can go with you for an u/s tomorrow. Really. Please don't hesitate to accept my offer. I mean it. You can squeeze the crap out of my hand. Much love.

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  9. Just hoping this spotting means nothing and that baby continues to grow. Definitely relax and stay home from work. There is too much time and money and emotion at risk. If I lived by you, I would come walk your dog for you. Maybe you can find someone to help you out?

    Thinking of you and praying everything is ok to put you at ease.

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  10. Spotting sucks, but with all the blood-thinners, steroids, etc. you're on, it could be from any number of things--cervical irritation coming to mind first & foremost.

    Which doesn't help at all, I know. I'm sorry. Nothing will help except going in for another ultrasound and finding out that everything is fine, I know. Ugh.

    I don't know what I'd do about the reassurance U/S without Will there. But certainly, please take the time off work; drink lots of water; keep your feet up; and if you can, call your dog-walker to deal with the pup.

    Thinking of you so much I'm surprised you can type what with I'm sure must be VERY itchy ears!

    Please take care of yourself, eh? And do whatever you can/must to reassure &/or distract yourself.

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  11. I wish I were close enough to dash over to do your PIO shots. But I can help with self administration hints, since I did all but one shot by myself. (The one shot that a friend helped me with in a restaurant ladies room was the one bleeder. I think because she was too timid.) You can do it. xoxo

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  12. Hey Mo - I began spotting around this time (off and on for about 4 weeks), and even though it terrified me, it ended up being nothing. I think it is either all the progesterone or a function of the embryo and placenta getting vascularized in your uterus to stay for 9 months. I'll pray for your sanity that it goes away. The first trimester is the toughest.

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  13. There's a lot of UGH in here...ugh that you were spotting, ugh that that triggered PTSD from your losses, ugh that Will is going out of town when you are fragile, ugh that your RE is away, ugh that Moxie needs to be walked, ugh that you have to manage your PIO injections yourself for however many days.

    It would seem to me that this would be the time to rally some troops. Isn't there a local friend or neighbor or neighbor kid or service that could walk her these next few days? Is there a doggie day care whose services you can use? As for PIO, is there someone you know and trust who can come over to help? Is there a local enough clinic (your OB's office, perhaps) where a nurse could give them to you?

    You already know I am an advocate of doing whatever is necessary to preserve your sanity. Insane = not good. So, you may have to move outside your insulated comfort zone and ask for some help, any help, from someone. This is no time to be Super Woman.

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  14. There's nothing I can say to make you feel better, but I wish there was. It's so hard to deal with spotting, especially after a loss. But for every story that ends in a loss, there are 2 where spotting turned out to be nothing major. Keep resting as much as you can. You are in my thoughts.

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  15. I know.

    With my last pregnancy, a ittle spotting turned into massive bleeding. So much bleeding that I called in to work and told them I was having a miscarriage and would probably be coming in for a D&C. It turned out to be a subchorionic hem. - with a totally healthy baby. The worry gets us nowhere ...but after that many losses, it's impossible to stay away from, too. I get that.

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  16. I will the third the cervical irritation from the suppositories.... I will keep my fingers crossed for you!

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  17. You know what you need? You need someone else to wipe for you after you pee for the next week. That way you don't even have to see.

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  18. Hang in there. Drink Lots of water and rest today. So so so hoping it turns out ok.

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  19. I had spotting from my progesterone suppositories irritating the cervix from 6-9ish weeks and am now 38.5 weeks and ready to pop! I'm keeping everything crossed that it is something like that going on for you, too. Hang in there. This pregnancy after loss thing is HARD. No doubt about it.

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  20. I had spotting on and off throughout the first trimester. It was very scary so I do sympathise. I tended to just take to my bed. They found a tear in my womb - nowhere near the babies - that was causing it.

    It doesn't mean this is the end. It does mean that life is taking the piss and messing with your head. So sorry about that xxx

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  21. I won't blow sunshine because you've been through too much for that. BUT, everything has been different this go around so I am so hoping this time spotting means ZILCH. Hugs to you.

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  22. Oh my Mo...I'm so sorry you have to have this worry added to your plate. but..FWIW...I spotted with three out of my 4 pregnancies and the two that I spotted the most with were my healthy children. In the world of IVF and FET...my understanding is that spotting is more like a normal occurance. My dr told me to expect it and only worry if bright red and accompanied by cramping. I am still praying and staying sooo hopeful for you.
    Hugs,
    Karaleen

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  23. Oh no - you poor thing. You know all the possible, completely innocent reasons you could be spotting and having discomfort, but that's no bloomin' use when it's happening to YOU and you've had bad experiences before. Here in our bit of the UK, we have both an early pregnancy support unit (especially for those of us with a bad habit of losing pregnancies) which is open office hours every day, inc weekends AND a pregnancy triage unit which is open 24 hours a day. If I were in your position, I'd be heading for one of them right now - not necessarily because there's anything wrong, but for some reassurance and advice. Do you have anything like that where you are?

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  24. Super scary but all you can do it take it one day at a time. As others have pointed out, including you, it's not necessarily anything bad, but there's no way to know. So breathe, and take care of yourself, and let us all send good thoughts your way.

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  25. I'll just say that I hope this week goes by very quickly and that you get your reassurance scan the second RE is back.

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  26. Lots of {{{hugs}}} and prayers coming your way.

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  27. Mo, My recent pregnancy (that we sadly terminated in week 12 w/ trisomy + hydrops diagnosis) I had spotting 2X at the exact same point you are. I had pink and brown spotting and even had bright red clotting twice , which freaked the shi@#$# out of me, and I went in for two reassurance u/s between week 8 and 9. All was well -- no subchorionic hematoma, nada. Until that happened to me, I would have never believed that serious spotting can sometimes mean ... absolutely nothing at all. But now I do. Deep breath! And congrats again.

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  28. Just a note to say I'm thinking positive thoughts for you. The early weeks of pregnancy are such a mind f*&^, especially when you've had previous losses. Hang in there. We're all virtually holding your hand!

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  29. well, can you go in today? to an e/r? its not out of the realm of possibilities. especially if will is leaving today (although i am seeing that it is the afternoon aready and maybe he is gone). shit. i would want to know what's up in there. spotting is ok, but when it happens with your history, i would want an u/s- foremost to quell the emotional trauma you are going thru right now.

    how many suppositories are you using each day? perhaps you can drop one? this was the cause of my spotting- too much irritation from the supps. i dropped one (went from 4 to 3). can you email or call a ccrm nurse? this stuff always happens on a sunday, right?!

    i wouldn't want to go on my own either. who is your back-up? a good friend? an online friend experienced with rpl/etc. who can go in to be there for you? family member? you may not be able to wait till thursday, emotionally... i would think of someone who you can ask to accompany you.

    i hope things are ok, mo. you had such a great appointment and scan just a couple days ago... that is a positive.

    i wish i was there, i would take you to the e/r right now to get an u/s... will be thinking of you.

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  30. Sending good vibes from Europe.

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  31. From what you wrote about your new OB I would try to see her as soon as possible, even if its a reassuring chat and hire a dog walker!!!
    m

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  32. Nothing I can really say, I'm of course hoping it's nothing, spotting is so common but you know that and have been through so much that it's hard to stay calm. I'm glad you are staying as still as you can, I wish I lived closer to go give Moxie her walks. Hang in there Mo, I'm sending you tons of positive thoughts your way.

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  33. this is not at all what you need right now, but there it is: spotting and worry. Those are not great companions to have at 8w. Thankfully, you are very strong and very resourceful. I hope that the spotting is over and that you can get a dose of reassurance soon.

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  34. What else can the universe throw your way? Ugh. Hang in there. Do what you need to do, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to. You know we are all pulling for you. ((((HUGS))))

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  35. Do you have a dog walker you could call? This is a very good time to pull in favors....
    and
    I had spotting with D, an irritated cervix to blame... hormones are all over the place, everything is in flux...
    that being said I am so sorry and am scared for you and swearing out loud at the unfairness of this sort of thing for you, for anyone, but especially you
    and
    just hoping it is a transient and now absent for the next 8 months nothing to worry about thing.

    Thinking of you and sending love and calming thoughts.
    xox
    kate

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  36. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers....really hoping this is nothing, but there's no way to tell you not to worry....I'll be worrying right along with you and praying for good news soon!

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  37. I wish I could come and be with you while Will's away!! Just a friend to help you through this!

    We're all sending you love and hope!

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  38. try for a dog walker... friend, family, hire one for the week...

    and if you can't, moxie's just going to have to have a really lame week of just taking care of business and no spring jaunts across the city. its only for a few days... err on the side of caution.

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  39. My heart sank when I read this. It's just not fair. I think you are entitled to a worry-free pregnancy (physically, anyway) thankyouverymuch. I hate, hate, hate that the universe is messing with you at this point in the game.

    Everyone else has pointed out a hundred reasons why this could be nothing. Another one that I came across during one of my pregnancies was that it is common for women to spot during the point of time where they would have had a period (ie. 4 weeks, 8 weeks, etc.)

    Only you can say which is worse: waiting a full week for reassurance, or going without Will and risking hearing bad news. I personally don't know which way I would go, as I can't imagine waiting without going absolutely INSANE and yet I can't imagine hearing it was a miscarriage without Mo, either. (I learned of our first one without him, and it was not something I'm anxious to revisit, like you).

    Sending you the biggest hugs, and so much love as I wait with bated breath to hear that all is well with the babe.

    Much love,
    Jo

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  40. After what you've been through, nothing I say can make you feel better... but I hope you don't mind if I try! I had spotting with both of my "assisted" pregnancies (which resulted in three very alive boys). It's very common in healthy pregnancies too, don't forget that! And any bit of agitation down there can cause light normal spotting, like pushing too hard in the bathroom or s.ex (sorry for the TMI). I hope that this means nothing and you can get some reassurance!

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  41. ((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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  42. Sending hugs, prayers, and good thoughts ...

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  43. Oh no, I'm so sorry for this stress, I can't imagine how hard it is for you to just sit and wait. I had spotting and cramping in my ivf pregnancy too at this stage and everything was fine but I know that gives little comfort. Thinking of you (and your sanity!) . Big hugs,

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  44. I'll wish you the best in getting through this. Spotting is pretty "normal" in IVF pregnancies, but no one likes to have to deal with it.
    Sure hope it is nothing!

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  45. I second both the dogwalker idea and the offer to go with you for an u/s if it would help at all. Can also offer an online game of scrabble if it's good for any distraction at all, even for 30 seconds at a time. And I, ummm, 45th? both the fist shaking at the universe and the hopes that this is irritation. Sending waves of hope your way.

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  46. I am wondering if doing another IVIG may help? I had treatments before and after transfer and monthly until 32 weeks. I am hoping the best for you, take care of yourself and take that day off work if you need to.

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  47. Wish I could say something to reassure you, but we all know it's natural to worry. Thinking of you and hoping for a reassuring next ultrasound.

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  48. Get a dog walker for Moxie. Please. I am praying that this is nothing. I had spotting and went on to a have a healthy baby. G-d willing so will you.

    Praying and holding you in the light.

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  49. Spotting sucks but I am sure you know that it is common in first trimester IVF pregnancies. I had it later than I normally did with my last one and thought I was miscarrying as well. It was a small subchorionic hemorrhage and the spotting lasted to 16 weeks. I pray that whatever this is isn't what you fear it is.

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  50. Spotting sucks but I am sure you know that it is common in first trimester IVF pregnancies. I had it later than I normally did with my last one and thought I was miscarrying as well. It was a small subchorionic hemorrhage and the spotting lasted to 16 weeks. I pray that whatever this is isn't what you fear it is.

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  51. Spotting sucks but I am sure you know that it is common in first trimester IVF pregnancies. I had it later than I normally did with my last one and thought I was miscarrying as well. It was a small subchorionic hemorrhage and the spotting lasted to 16 weeks. I pray that whatever this is isn't what you fear it is.

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  52. Thinking of you. Hoping all is well.

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  53. So sorry. Spotting is the very worst. You just sit as still as you need to for your mind to be put at ease :). Oh, and if it makes you feel any better, I spotted from 5 weeks to 11 weeks with my DD and she'll be 10 months old in a week :).

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  54. Oh Mo, I pray this is nothing - like it should be. Hanging in with you. Good luck.

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  55. For what it's worth, I had bleeding throughout the first trimester and all was fine, but I understand that your history does not lend itself to reassurance just because of other women's experiences.

    Hope you can find something to ease your worries this week. Thinking of you!

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  56. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

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  57. Oh, Mo. First, I'm of the opinion that this is likely nothing (suppositories + Lovenox seem like a recipe for spotting, no?), and also of the opinion that walking Moxie isn't going to make any difference whatsoever. That said, I'd absolutely hope you do whatever you can to feel as unflummoxed as possible (still flummoxed, I know), including hire a dog walker.

    For whatever it's worth, I did my own PIO and found it easier than getting help from my DH and really not very difficult. I would sit on a stool or arm-rest-less camping chair ... something shortish that I could sort of squat over as this seemed to allow maximal relaxation of the relevant muscles and thus, minimal pain, and honestly the biggest problem I had was cramps in my abdomen/arms from sort of twisting around to see what I was doing. And once the needle pierced my skin that was the one "ouch" and it was all pain-free after that (honest). I know this isn't the typical PIO experience but FWIW it was mine (I found the Lupron/stims harder than the PIO, no joke). I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope you find it just as easy -- and of course hope that you'll be able to post a positive update soon.

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  58. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I know you are scared but hopefully things are fine. Your last u/s and b/w were perfect so I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. Prayers to you.

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  59. I dont know if this helps or not, but at exactly THIS stage in my successful pregnancy I had the SAME exact situation happen, I will never forget it and I will never forget it was at 8 weeks. I got seen that day because I could not manage to hold on to sanity any other way. The babe was just fine bouncing around like a little bean. If you go to the OB can you have anyone accompany you so you have a supportive hand to squeeze even if the hubby is not there?? *hugS* thinking of you.

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  60. Damn you spot! Damn you for turning Mo upside down!!!

    Great that it's gone. Very good.

    Not much we can do but wait and just keep doing whatever it is that you need to do to feel 'sane' and comfortable. I know, not very helpful eh?

    Thinking of you...big time.

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  61. I am sending much love and many hugs your way. I agree with the others that this is likely irritation and blood thinners at work. I had the same thing happen while I was I lovenox after a scan. Scared the CRAP out of me.

    I did my PIO shots while on my tummy on the bed. I'd contort a bit to get the angle, and shoot. It wasn't really all that horrible. I did end up with a few more knots that I got when my husband did it, but I think that was just because I didn't massage the area afterward like he always did.

    I'd go get a scan tomorrow. Give yourself a bit of peace from the worry, if even just for a day...

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  62. I know it won't really help... I had spotting at 8wks 2 days with my first pregnancy. I panicked, saw my doctor the next day who arranged a scan for me the day after.

    The heartbeat was found, baby was fine, and the u/s tech said she could see where a smalll piece of... well it was nearly 7 years ago so I can't remember but she could see where a piece of something had come away (uterine wall?) and she thought that was the bleed.

    I KNOW that probably doesn't help with your history, but I will try to believe for you that it will be okay.
    Lenore, in Australia :)

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  63. I have no words of comfort but I'm sending you all of my positive thoughts and hopes. The one piece of advice that I can give is to take the help that is offered to you and do whatever it takes to alleviate your worries. My heart is with you.

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  64. I so wish I could help! It's probably nothing, but I hate that you are stressing. I'd probably get a scan tomorrow if I were you, just for reassurance. Hugs!

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  65. Gah I know it is terrifying. Please remember I bled like a banshee and all was perfect in the end. Just the scary thing about FET. Terrifying. I got your hand on this one, ok?

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  66. Argh oh no. I hope time flies at least for this week so u can find out what's going on. Take it easy an distract yourself with good movies. The hunger games is coming out and that looks pretty entertaining. Hang in there my friend

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  67. I agree with some others that spotting (especially the type of spotting you described) could be blamed on blood thinners and suppositories. Could also be residual cervical bleeding from exams and ultrasounds. It is a delicate flower right now :) just a bump could cause bleeding and there has been a lot of vag cam action. SO happy that you are trucking along! You are so close to your milestone date!

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