Friday, March 23, 2012

Blechiness



I'm feeling blechy today. And this is going to sound strange, but I'm luxuriating in it. Although it isn't pleasant, it is so reassuring to have some symptoms. So the fact that even sitting with patients today, I was feeling distracted by nausea? That I was decidedly nauseated even after eating, when usually I feel the worst when my stomach is empty? Well, pretty damn cool, in an I-don't-feel-so-good kind of way. I must sound like a masochist, but anything that has me feeling pregnant has me feeling pretty happy.

So count me as blechy but happy. Also count me as bloated, constipated, and tired, but that's ok, too. Weird that my breasts aren't really sore with a progesterone level of 57. I noticed last night that they are looking mighty big, but they don't hurt so much.

I also have to say that even though I feel some nausea, I think I'm getting off pretty easy. I'm not out and out vomiting, for example, which some women really struggle with. And I'm able to eat and drink (have to be careful about what, but that's ok). I've had brief wonderings if I just think this is easy because it is a piece of cake compared to chemotherapy nausea. That was the pits. After one of my infusions, I remember throwing up literally 40 times in a row, just dry heaving after a while, then lying with my face against the bathroom tile floor because I was too spent to even try to crawl back to bed. I remember fearing that I might die - that my stomach would eventually just rupture from the effort. That was rough. I felt like I was ingesting poison. And I guess I was. Poison for my lymphoma, but also for the rest of me. I got through it, though, and it saved my life.

But this nausea? Uncomfortable, but luckily definitely manageable. I know many women have it so much worse. I think it helps me so much too that this nausea is because something wonderful is hopefully happening inside of me. It's not because I have a life-threatening illness. It's because I'm trying my damndest to grow another life inside of me. That helps a lot, I think, to remember the purpose of this nausea.

Oh, and I received a message from the Denver nurse that I can drop to 2 estrogen patches and to 1 progesterone suppository (+ the 1cc PIO nightly), and then at the end of the message she added, "and I'm not even going to talk about that beta." OK, then. So I guess she sees it as no problem (except for the problem that it keeps getting drawn), which is basically what I surmised online and from your comments. Thanks, as always, for the reassurance.

Mo

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38 comments:

  1. I also had that low level, always present but not mostly pukey nausea with all my pregnancies. There's really nothing like it. And I mean that in the best possible way.

    You're doing it, Mo. You're really truly very pregnant. Can't wait for your next u/s (it's what my tech called the "teddy bear" stage, with the teeny flappy limbs!). So happy for you!

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  2. Happy Friday, Mo. Have a nauseous weekend. :) !! Go, Baby.

    PS. As I recall, the boob tenderness wears off after a while. Even when everything is fine. It just goes away.

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  3. Yay for feeling blechy. ;)

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  4. Hope the nausea doesn't get too bad.

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  5. I just love the sound of your "voice" lately. I sense, finally, possibly, something on the verge of happy/hopeful. I hope to God it is and you so deserve it. I look forward to your updates all the time and I am pulling for you here in Illinois! Have a good, nauseous, weekend Mo!

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  6. Yay for symptoms!! I think something VERY wonderful is happening inside you. So excited for this post. Keep on keepin' on, momma!!

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  7. Replies
    1. Here here!... I hope that you continue to feel nauseous ...in the best way!!

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  8. I know exactly how you feel. I did masochistically love the nausea and any signs of pregnancy - negative or not. X

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  9. Happy! You said "HAPPY!" So awesome to read that. I know this is an emotional roller coaster, but I'm so glad to hear you're finding moments of happy.

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  10. So glad to hear that everything is as it should be.

    Here is to continued blech or whatever it takes to put your mind at ease.

    Happy homecoming to Will. My husband comes home today, too, from a week away, and not a moment too soon as my FET is officially underway (& I don't do my own shots).

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  11. Yep. I similtaneously both loathed and respected my nausea, because it meant that I was still pregnant.

    Also, I was able to use a home fetal doppler at around 10 weeks and hear the heartbeats. It was SO reassuring!

    Sounds like you had a pretty good week, afterall! :)

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  12. I totally understand your feeling re: the lovely reassurance of nausea. Here's hoping you continue feeling blech for a while before everything evens out and gives you a break for a few weeks.

    Here's to feeling mildly blechy!!!

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  13. So glad to hear about the symptoms! that is a good sign!

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  14. So glad that you're feeling reassured, and glad that the Denver nurse gave you the go ahead to begin to wean off even more supplementation!

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  15. Those little signs that things are still OK are the best, even if it is feeling blechy. I hope things continue in this positive direction, and your feelings continue to be positive too!

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!!!

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  16. Oh Mo, you have endured really tough times! I am so happy now it's time for the "good" nausea :-)

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  17. So glad you are relaxing and enjoying your misery, so to speak. And glad to hear you have a doctor who responds and is on the same page as you.

    Be well!

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  18. longtime birth educator "remedy" (too strong a word) for nausea is "potato chips and lemonade" - or any salty dryish snack and a tart drink - for some this is cheezits and ginger ale, etc. Find your combo. My personal have was oranges (not juice) and fritos,...And many find that steady level of semi full ness is most beneficial. And yay.

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  19. Here from ICLW and wanted to say, "yay for (manageable) nausea!" with this pregnancy my husband would stand at the bathroom door smiling with his hands behind his back as i threw up. although it was kind of annoying to have him standing there, we both knew that me puking was a good sign. wishing you the best with the rest of this pregnancy. that sure was a lot of beta draws, but s great to see those numbers climbing!

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  20. Wishing for the nausea to stick around until you feel secure in the pregnancy... even if you're really quite fed up with it by then. :)

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  21. Glad you're feeling yucky :)

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  22. You are 9 WEEKS! Can you believe it?? Go ahead and order that doppler if you still want it! I got mine to work consistently at 11 weeks and it will take at least a week to arrive after you order it. I'm so excited for you and so glad you're relishing in the nausea - I remember loving every minute of it too, and freaking out on days when it seemed to diminish. If that happens, don't worry - I found that every week there was at least one day that I wasn't nauseous at all. But it always came back the next day.

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  23. I felt so pleased with my nausea--it was a lovely reminder of the little miracles swimming around inside of me!

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  24. Hang in there!! Nausea, though never fun, is always a nice "whew, there's a symptom" feeling. So, keep some crackers nearby and I'll pray it doesn't get worse for you! :)

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  25. I had low - level nausea from abotu 7-16 wks. It was not fun, but it meant I was pregnant, so I was ok with it! My boobs were more sore during IVF and priming for FET than they ever were when I actually got pregnant. No boob soreness since about 5 weeks along. And mine have not grown too much, definitely fuller and very veiny, but not huge at all.
    Glad you are doing well!

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  26. I had that same feeling, that not pukey, but really gross feeling, til about 12-ish weeks. I found it comforting too. it would come and go sometimes, which is normal, so don't get too weirded out if you feel a smidge better tomorrow.

    It is good news! And they are beginning to wean you - that is also great news. Your body is doing it!

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  27. Here from ICLW. I'm not a good person to ask about symptoms, but you're sound similar to many others I've heard. Also you nurse is giving you instructions to wean you off the meds. That's a good sign!

    Fingers crossed for you as you continue on this journey.

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  28. Hooray for nausea!! Funny about the nurse not wanting to even talk about the beta.

    Throwing up 40 times after the chemo--that is so, so horrible.

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  29. While I definitely don't wish nausea on anyone, I'm definitely delighted that you're feeling enough of it to be reassured. Your chemo description has me searching for words... it's just too awful to contemplate. So glad you're past that and here with us to experience this pregnancy.

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  30. Um ... delighted you are feeling blechy? Certainly delighted you are delighted by your blechiness. Also, your description of what you experienced in chemo certainly offers me some perspective of what you've gone through to get here. Continuing to hope that other than minor blechiness it will be a smooth ride going forward.

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  31. Hi,

    Happy ICLW! Pleased to hear you're symptomatic.

    Best wishes to you,

    Casey

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  32. Hello from ICLW! I am absolutely AMAZED by your perseverance. I wish you a H&H 9 months!

    ICLW #86

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  33. Hi...I have followed your blog in the past. I just wanted to say congratulations and wish you all the best in your pregnancy! Yay for feeling blechy!

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  34. I had the blech too! It felt very reassuring. Enjoy it! In a perverse pregnant kind of way:)

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  35. Here from ICLW and I'm so glad to find wonderful news! Congratulations!

    I remember barely having any nausea and being concerned over it..sort of. At the same time I was very relieved that it wasn't worse than it was. *grin*

    May your nausea never get too bad and eventually just go away!

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