I have a small dilemma. I'm trying to decide what to do about some potential upcoming travel. I am slated to give a workshop in Rochester, NY in late April...two days after that, I am supposed to give two talks at a conference in California. If I am still pregnant (sorry, but I can't help but think of it like that), I will be 14 weeks along at that point, second trimester, hopefully in a stably-pregnant place.
My OB says it should be fine to go.
I tell myself it should be fine to go.
I am expected to go. This workshop is mandatory and I signed a contract that I would do it. And this conference is an important one for my current area of research.
But I am scared. Really scared. I associate conference-attending with miscarriage, based on the last pregnancy. I am scared of being far from home. I am scared that I might end up in a situation where I have to lift my luggage - into the overhead compartment, onto a conveyor belt, onto a luggage stand at the hotel, etc. I am also scared of "overdoing it" in some other poorly understood way, of having to push through fatigue or other symptoms because I have to "be on" at the conference, attending dinners, etc. in addition to giving my talk. I was hoping Will could come with me, but he has just found out he has other work commitments he can't get out of.
So I'm not sure what I should do. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I've always vowed I won't be one of those people who holes up in a cocoon during pregnancy, afraid to do anything. But this pregnancy is so precious, and the causes of at least some of my miscarriages so mysterious, that I find myself wanting to cocoon.
The one upside? The conference is about 1 hour away from where I once used to live, and where a number of dear friends of mine still live. So if I go, I'll try to stay on a few days to a week to be able to see at least some of these folks post-conference.
What do you think? What would you do, and why?
Mo
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In other news, I'm waiting (im)patiently for my progesterone and estrogen results from an blood draw earlier today. I will post an update when they finally come in, not that it's a big deal to anyone but me...but anyway...
UPDATE:
Blood work is back...
So, as of today, at 9 weeks, 6 days, my progesterone is doing great at 58.4. I will be (gulp) dropping to 1/2 cc daily and keeping the one suppository in place for now. My estrogen has dropped to 763 (from 1,169), I guess because I dropped from 3 Vivelle patches to 2. So we will be staying at 2 Vivelle patches for a while yet. Checking everything again on Monday to see how it's looking...
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I'd go. I had to fly a few times around that stage in my pregnancy, and though I had not been through NEARLY what you have, I was high risk: twins conceived via DE IVF, over 40 and had had some first trimester bleeding.
ReplyDeleteJust be careful to drink plenty of water, get up and walk frequently during your flight, and plan on resting more than usual (as flying seemed to take a greater toll when pregnant). With regard to your luggage, I found that people are more than happy to lift your bags for you when you tell them you are pregnant.
If there were some way to get out of it gracefully, I probably would. I was lucky in that my boss was super understanding when I was pregnant and told her I didn't want to travel during it if I didn't have to. That said, I'm sure it's fine to travel at that point. Will you tell people you're PG when you hit the 12-13 week mark? If so, you could use the PG excuse to ditch a lot of the extra conference stuff and relax. That was a wishy-washy answer, huh? I'm sure it's fine to travel, but I get your anxiety about it.
ReplyDeleteI would coccoon if at all possible. But I am nota big risk taker in that way
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can just plan this trip with way more detail than normal. Check your bag. Schedule in some down time. But if it would be too stressful, cancel. And then whichever way you decide, don't stress about it.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you even want to hear this because I had no trouble getting pregnant (but found your blog and am following you since). I went to a conference when I was 15 weeks pregnant. It was in a skiresort and I went snowboarding (I was very careful though). It was fine, I was actually just starting to feel less tired and nauseated, so I had a really good time. That being said; if you don't feel like it for any reason I wouldn't go.
ReplyDeleteI had a scheduled a weekend getaway before I knew whether or not I would be pregnant. Once I got pregnant, I wasn't going to take no for an answer (I needed that weekend). I ended having to lift my bag a few times (but I checked it to avoid lifting it more than necessary). I was happy to find that I had more energy that weekend than ever before and stopped spotting once I got there. I am grateful that I went. But you do have to do what you are comfortable with. Good luck with your decision!
ReplyDeleteI've been following your blog for some time, though I don't believe I've commented before. I don't know what I would do in your situation. But I did travel to two conferences last year at the beginning of my third trimester. I wasn't shy about asking for help with my bags. I only went to about half of what I would have generally, so when I had to present, when my colleagues were presenting and then additional panels before or after those. I took a nap every afternoon/evening before dinner. Everyone was pretty understanding.
ReplyDeleteDo you have someone who can go with you? Someone who wouldn't mind being at your beckon call? If you need someone I have a sister who would be done with finals and loves to travel...but in all seriousness maybe someone like that?
ReplyDeleteI would go, but it's obviously such a personal thing. I am planning to fly home to Seattle (also a long trip) at 10 weeks and will be flying back home alone (so no one to help me with bags). I am planning on just asking everyone around me for help lifting things at the airport/on the plane. I don't think it will be a problem getting people to help, especially if you tell them you are pregnant!
ReplyDeleteBut I can totally respect wanting to play it safe given everything you've been through. Maybe you can go, but make a point of not over-doing it while you are there. I think if you take some common sense precautions, the risk that anything bad will happen just because of the trip are extremely low.
Either way, good luck with your decision!
I would go. I truly don't believe that anything at that conference will harm you or your precious baby. Would it be horrible to have the unspeakable happen there? Yes. But I do my best not to live life that way, because as my Dad says, "There's always a reason NOT to do something." Again, because I don't believe that this trip would *cause* the harm, I would go.
ReplyDeleteOh Mo, you've gone through so so much.... you most likely will be fine but I probably wouldn't risk it. I would probably play it safe. This pregnancy is priceless.
ReplyDeleteGosh. I can't imagine the predicament. I can see both ways. Honestly, I think you would be fine. And it would probably be great to see friends. But there's always the "what if". I think you need to follow your gut with this one. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI think the fact that you are questioning it, you should NOT GO... Are you really going to be able to give 100% while you are there... After all you have been through...I know, I know if it is something bad is going to happen it doesn't matter where you are BUT go with your gut, and your maternal instinct...
ReplyDeleteI would pay money to a) check bags, b) get a concierge to carry your bag, c) get trip insurance (if that makes you feel better), etc. Basically, throw money at the problem to make you feel better. I think you still have to go on being who you are while you are pregnant- don't let the fear keep you at home- but do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable.
ReplyDeleteIf it's even a remote possibility, I would call in back up (ie: a dear friend, family member etc..) that could make the trip with you. A back up Will if you will : ) And if you can't or that won't help to ease your mind, don't go. No amount of work stress, politics etc...is worth you being afraid to say no. You have worked so hard, you deserve to have some peace & to self preserve ; ) Go with your gut (but I'm sure you already know that!)
ReplyDeleteGo. And just listen to your body if you're tired, etc.
ReplyDeleteWhile I completely understand that you want to protect this pregnancy, traveling in the second trimester is the *ideal* time (according to my RE and OB both). Even if you're considered high risk, T2 is the "easy" trimester; virtually no risk of anything going wrong, as compared to the risk of miscarriage in the first and the risk of big complications in the third. I traveled during both pregnancies, all trimesters, even using lovenox on a plane...
If it makes you feel better emotionally, stay home. But if your OB says it's fine to go, medically there's not an issue, you know?
If you decide to go, one of the things you can do is ship your luggage to the hotel ahead of you. Many frequent travelers do so and find it very easy, I have heard that many hotels make it easy to ship your luggage back to you as well. Could one of your friends come and visit with you while you are attending the conference if you decide to attend? That way you have company and someone by your side to help out if need be. These are just suggestions in case you go.
ReplyDeleteI think it becomes about managing regret. While, for most, the 2nd trimester is the 'easier' trimester, they are clearly not those that have experienced an issue.
ReplyDeleteYou can only do what you can do and it is not easy to apply logic (the doctor said it would be OK, so it will) to an illogical, irrational (if hard earned) fear.
I have no real assvice than to do what you believe you are capable of doing. If you can do some of the things as others have suggested (FedExing your luggage is a MUST), take a friend, have a friend meet you, etc. and you think you CAN go and CAN get through it, do. If not, don't. However, you stated it in such a way (you are contractually obligate to go) that I'm not sure that not going is an option.
I had training in London when I was 11 weeks. Hubbie came too and carried stuff. I told everyone I was pregnant and got as much help as I could. It was hard and I was very tired.
ReplyDeleteIf hubbie hadn't have been able to come I would not have gone. Probably nothing bad would have happened but it's that regret management thing isn't it?
I do think you would be totally fine.
So I'd say if you can have help from will or anyone then go but otherwise don't. Who cares if it annoys anyone? It's about what is important and that's you feeling ok. Xxx
This past fall I flew to a conference (where I had to present research) when I was 7 weeks and still heavily spotting (and was waiting for blood results, which resulted in upping progesterone), and was also scared of lifting my suitcase, walking to the meeting, etc. I packed extra-light, and sat as much as possible. I didn't go to many sessions, but instead rested in my hotel room. And so far, everything is still great!
ReplyDeleteI understand about the associating conferences with miscarriage. I associated a particular research subject with miscarriage, as I was with this subject when I started cramping and bleeding. I held it against the subject for the whole time they were a participant, and probably didn't treat her as nice as I did the other subjects. Every time I saw her it was a reminder.
And I agree with the previous person who said you can ship your luggage! FedEx and hotels are specifically set up for it. It's a little pricey and requires planning, but if it really worries you it is the way to go.
This past fall I flew to a conference (where I had to present research) when I was 7 weeks and still heavily spotting (and was waiting for blood results, which resulted in upping progesterone), and was also scared of lifting my suitcase, walking to the meeting, etc. I packed extra-light, and sat as much as possible. I didn't go to many sessions, but instead rested in my hotel room. And so far, everything is still great!
ReplyDeleteI understand about the associating conferences with miscarriage. I associated a particular research subject with miscarriage, as I was with this subject when I started cramping and bleeding. I held it against the subject for the whole time they were a participant, and probably didn't treat her as nice as I did the other subjects. Every time I saw her it was a reminder.
And I agree with the previous person who said you can ship your luggage! FedEx and hotels are specifically set up for it. It's a little pricey and requires planning, but if it really worries you it is the way to go.
Is it possible for you to hire an assistant to travel with you? Would you be traveling with a co-worker you trust that could be of assistance? I don't travel much but when I do, I always check my bag. I'm short and have back problems and it's just too difficult for me to lift a carryon into the overhead bin. Our airport (Atlanta) allows baggage check at curbside and I take advantage of that. I carry a small bag with me that can be tucked in beside me and doesn't have to go in the overhead.
ReplyDeleteI'm just so excited that you're still pregnant!
i agree about sending the luggage ahead! great idea! worth the money- totally.
ReplyDeletei also agree about the 2ndtri travel. stay healthy, stay hydrated, eat well, get good sleep. no extracurricular activities. take it easy. do what you need to do and no more. then go home. bring a doppler. do you have a doppler? what are your feelings about hoome dopplers?
if there were studies that related miscarriage to rarely flying and going to conferences, well, there you go. that would make your decision for you. i know you relate the 2, but listen... it is magical thinking. one has NOTHING to do with the other. you also rode in elevators, you drove in cars, you drank water... they are not related. they are not related.
now, i can just as easily tell you that i would not go. i had multiple losses, and i went into a major, major cocoon. fabrege egg. standstill. so, there is that, too, and that is ok.
i think the fact that you signed a contract, that would give me more stress in not going and having to deal with breaking it. stress is no good! make your trip as stress free as you possibly can think of, and go. your ob gave her blessing, think of that 98%, think of the ivig. and then come back and cocoon as much as you want to. the biology going on inside you now is powerful. very powerful. things are working, mo.
thinking of you.
Greetings from Rochester, NY :) I will meet you at the airport and carry your bags for you :) If your feeling well and your Dr says it's okay I personally would go for it.
ReplyDeleteI remember being so terrified to stop my progesterone that I continued it for weeks beyond what my OBGYN said was safe to discontinue it. I was sure the pregnancy would end as soon as I stopped. I think I finally quit around 15 weeks.
ReplyDeleteFor the trip, I'd go, but I would gracefully bow out of extracurricular activities to rest.
Chiming in on the advice here. Ditto on Gwinne. As someone who was also petrified to lose another child because of flying, my OB said I was safe to travel at 12 weeks up until 36 weeks. I had no choice on mine because I was moving and even if I wanted to hole up, there was no home to stay in. Flying has seemed to have no effect on my current pregnancy. This girl flew within hours of conception, implantation, at 3 weeks, 4 weeks, at 11 weeks, 16 weeks (to Germany) and at 22 weeks and lastly at 26 weeks. I get the aisle seat, take a baby aspirin, wear compression socks, and get up very two hours. I packed light and paid close attention to my fatigue. If you are stuck doing this, you will be okay. You have every reason to not to want to risk anything right now. Do what is right for you!
ReplyDeleteI know how tenuous and scary this pregnancy seems. Unfortunately, nothing that we can say will take away that awful experience, and while it's crushingly horrible, I think that in some ways it would be a discredit to your 6th pregnancy not to acknowledge that it happened. However, this pregnancy is very different from that one (not that it makes the fear less). I think that I'd ship stuff to CA, or at least do curbside check in, and then see if you could have one of your friends be your 'shadow' for the day (I'm guessing that enough of your friends live out there that you could manage asking one friend for each of the days of the conference?) That way, you aren't asking to much of any one friend, you get to see several people who you are unlikely to see until after the baby comes (see me believing that lucky #7 will be your take home baby?!). However, in terms of what your obligations are to the conference? Just your presentation(s). After that it's just the gravy on top. You can always write and ask people for their papers/presentations and use the old "I really wanted to go to your session, but there were two great topics at the same time"... Rest a lot while you're there and give yourself permission to skip out on all extracurricular things unless you feel up to them. However, as your OB says, and several commenters and I can all attest, flying during the second trimester is fine. I flew to England and just had to make sure to walk around a lot and drink lots of water (get an isle seat 'cause you'll be up and down a lot!) And always go *right* before they start to talk about decending into your airport in CA-- I didn't on my way to London and I thought that I was going to explode by the time we actually made it to the gate and I found a bathroom.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful problem to have, and know that between here and there, you'll have several more reassuring ultrasounds. Oh, and I second packing your doppler for reassurance.
How about this. I'll go with you and lift your luggage and stuff, and go to the conferences with you and help you out in any way needed. Sound like a plan?
ReplyDeleteI'm not thinking about the present and the will-it or won't-it be okay... I'm thinking about the future... nine months down the road. NO REGRETS THIS TIME. NO WHAT-IF's.
ReplyDelete*Do I think a conference will bring on disaster? No.
*Do I think in nine months you'll have your arms full of soft skin and heaven-sent smell? God, I hope so.
*Do I think, if something were to happen, that in nine months you'd be torturing yourself with the what-if's? Possibly.
*Is it worth it to risk the what if's? Only you can answer that.
For the record, I don't think staying at home and going to work and living your life is cocooning - I think it's making a choice about what is best for you and your growing baby - whether that means you go or not. But...one more question. If you said no, would the sun still shine and the world still turn? Yep.
I comment every once and a while. I say stay home, it totally goes with the "no-regrets" theme. There is nothing wrong with doing what feels non-threatening to you and your pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteI comment every once and a while. I say stay home, it totally goes with the "no-regrets" theme. There is nothing wrong with doing what feels non-threatening to you and your pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteDo not go if you don't want to, period, end of story.
ReplyDeleteYou have come too far and done too much to risk anything.
Do not go if you don't want to, period, end of story.
ReplyDeleteYou have come too far and done too much to risk anything.
I am going with the no-regrets plan, whatever that means for you. But if you do decide to go (to CA especially, because I would consider driving or taking the train to Rochester), I am voting with the ship-you-luggage faction. No heavy lifting- physical or emotional.
ReplyDeleteTough, really tough. My vote, go to Rochester. I might be able to go with you, or take up the Rochester commenter on her offer. No to California. Too far and too stressful. I agree with others (including your OB) who've said it's safe, but I think you'd be miserable.
ReplyDeleteBTW, still waiting for that last u/s picture. I wanna see the baybeeee!! ;-) xoxo
Let me say first that I think there is no "logical/medical/pregnancy-health related reason not to go. None. So if you decide to go, I hope you will do so with a clear heart and mind.
ReplyDeleteI think I've mentioned here that I traveled early in my only pregnancy (after my beta and before my first u/s). Let me fill in some details here that I've previously omitted because I didn't know that they were interesting or engage in any sort of "Olympics" ... not only did I fly cross-country, but while there, I hiked Oregon's Smith Rock. In slick shoes. Not a strategic plan, just an activity my family wanted to share (and hey, I hadn't thought about the implications of my worn soles when I packed). Don't know Smith Rock? Here you go: http://web.oregon.com/hiking/smith_rock.cfm . We pretty much walked from the bottom to the top (and back down) on trails consisting of loose sand/gravel (slipperyish). It was lovely. And I was fine.
I spent 2 nights in a tent while we were out there and injected myself therein with the PIO, in the dark.
It was fine.
But you know what else? I am an equestrienne; at that time I owned a horse I had owned for 10 years and ridden for miles and miles and miles, hours and hours and hours. I had fallen off him exactly thrice in those 10 years, and one of those, I had been sitting on him sidesaddle, bareback, when some nearby wild turkeys startled and flew off (dumb of me). I had ridden him past semi trucks on the road and past trains on tracks. He was a lovely soul and darned close to bombproof, and he and I knew each other and understood each other. I never worried about my safety with that horse.
As far as I've been able to tell, equestriennes take two forms - those who stop riding when they find themselves pregnant and those who ride until they go into labor. I had always figured I'd be in the first group. I was not. From the moment I saw those double lines, I stayed out of the saddle.
All of which is my long way of saying this: I think you should do what you feel comfortable with. I traveled and did stuff far more active than you are contemplating on your trip when I was pregnant, and I felt comfortable about doing it and enjoyed it. But I also didn't do stuff I felt perfectly comfortable about doing, have done a million times, and thought (conceptually) it was perfectly fine to do, except I decided I didn't feel comfortable about it.
You've gone through a lot to get where you are and I think you should do whatever you can to make it possible for you to find this uncharted territory as smooth and peaceful as possible.
I would not go if possible. Not worth the risk. Yes, shit can happen at home but you never know. I would not be able to live with myself if something would go wrong. Crossing 12 week mark does not guarantee anything, unfortunately.
ReplyDeleteSorry but I am honest with my answer.
Alexandra
nothing in the world would make me go. it would be like gambling a million dollars for the chance to get a maximum prize of a million and one dollars. simply not worth the risk. regret management mo, please remember. we only get one chance for certain things in life - jobs and conferences abound, even in a recession. thinking of you mo. and if you go, i'll pray that everything will be ok. x
ReplyDeleteI would be inclined to go.
ReplyDeleteI'm having a dilemma at the moment as I am due to have Frozen embryo transfer next week, I'll find out if it works on the 18th of April and am due to go on a long haul trip with work on the 30th of April. I can't refuse to go on the very unlikely grounds that I 'might' be pregnant, and by the time I know the flights will have been booked and it will be far too late to travel (and I'll be a mere six weeks pregnant).
Hmmm... how have I made this comment all about me? Sorry about that!
Can any of your friends who live nearby collect you from the airport and be around for support?
You have absolutely, 100% -- no, 600% -- earned the right to cocoon for the next 30-ish weeks if you want to. I wouldn't go, but I had no issue with not wanting to be one of "those" women. I was a total recluse for my first tri (too scared! things might go wrong!) and the beginning of the second tri was when I started the on and off bed rest cycle that lasted the rest of my pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteIf you do decide to go, I agree with previous posters. Definitely FedEx your luggage. I work in a small hotel. We don't handle much in the way of extraordinary requests, but we get luggage sent to us all the time. Everyone knows exactly what to do with it, and we'll even arrange for it to be sent to your next stop after you leave.
I can certainly understand your feelings! However, because you are in a contract AND your Dr. said that it is OK for you to go, I would go. I would as a friend or someone to go as a travel companion. Get as much help as you can, rest as much as you can, etc. etc. Everything will be OK! :)
ReplyDeleteBy all means go if you're under contract & it would be more stressful to stay than to go, but take EVERYONE up on their offer to help. (Including blog readers who've said they'll meet you and act as an assistant for the duration!)
ReplyDeleteIf anyone says anything along the lines of 'rough flight? you look tired' Tell them that you're pregnant. If a seat is offered, take it. If someone wants to carry your bag, let them. Certainly ship your luggage! Cocoon in the hotel when you're not actually doing your presentation and explain that you're pregnant to the people hosting the conventions, and see if they can't make a bit of extra accomodation for you. A stool to sit on while you present so you don't have to be on your feet so long, etc.
I wish you didn't feel obligated to go, and my instinct is to say, "Tell them 'FU, I'm pregnant!'" but I know that isn't always the most reasonable course of action. If, however, there's any way you CAN pull that off, I'd do it. The stress is what I'd like you to avoid, more than any fear that flying or being away from home is going to jinx the pregnancy--so if bailing on the conferences is going to cause more stress than it relieves?
Ugh.
Oh, and, um, BTW--congratulations on being 10 weeks pregnant with such excellent bloodwork numbers!
I am not sure what I'd do, but I did fly when pregnant with the quads. It wasn't visibly obvious yet so I just asked people on the planes or airline attendants (whoever!) any time I needed to lift anything if they could do it because I had just had surgery and wasn't allowed to lift (technically the retrieval counts, so it wasn't a lie). Easier than talking about being pregnant when you don't look it. Definitely do anything in your power to not lift a finger when it comes to heavy items.
ReplyDeleteLong time reader here. Obviously, you should make the choice that makes you most comfortable. But, I just have to chime in again that all of these things you are considering are perfectly, medically, SAFE to do during pregnancy (even lifting luggage if needed). I am current 14 weeks pregnant, and just traveled cross country, lifting my 30+ pound toddler multiple times a day. No problems. I was very scared the whole first tri about the risk miscarriage (not as extensive a history as yours, but I have some inkling of what you are going through), but decided that at some point I needed to try and treat this like a "normal" pregnancy. My "deadline" for that was the first tri scan, which this baby passed with flying colors. Worries still pop up, but I try to shove them away. As my OB says, none of these activities can in any way harm a healthy growing fetus. Just think of what women all over the world go through during pregnancy (war, famine, self-induced risks) and still go on to deliver healthy babies. Do what you need to do to manage your own mental health, Mo, but I hope you do at some point try to set aside the fear. I want some normal for you, and soon!!
ReplyDeleteI bailed on a key note speaker (the first in my career) coz I just didn't think the three hour flight and the stress was good for anyone.
ReplyDeleteIf you do decide to go you must tell the airline and staff that you are a high risk pregnant passenger. You may get a free upgrade, you will be given priority assistance - including the buggy ride.
Accept everything. You more you fuss the safer your trip will be. If you are anything like me it will feel strange and humiliating but you're not doing it for you.
That's a great progesterone level! And the E2 sounds fine as well, although I understand staying at 2 patches and continuing to wean slowly.
ReplyDeleteAs for the trips, I get the not wanting to hole up in a cocoon thing, I really do. And I don't think you are holing up - you're getting out of your apartment, going to work, doing errands, going to dinner with friends, etc.
But since you asked, I would not go to either Rochester or California. You've worked really, really hard for this pregnancy, worked really hard to get further than you've ever gotten it before. In the interest of regret management, why take the risk of something going wrong and always wondering if traveling is what caused it?
If it were me and something happened, I know that even 20 years down the road, I'd still wonder "if only I hadn't gone to that conference, would the pregnancy have continued?" But if I skipped the conferences, at least I wouldn't have that question always hanging over my head, and I don't think I'd wonder about "If only I had gone to the conferences, would my career be in a different place?" nearly as much.
I wasn't a key note speaker at any events during my pregnancy, but there were several things I didn't attend. I work for a Fortune 50 (in one of our regional offices), and my boss would have liked me to travel to headquarters (across the country, she knew my situation) for a week in late 1st tri/early 2nd tri; there was a meeting they would have liked me to attend at one of our very largest clients' headquarters around 12 weeks to give a brief presentation; and there were a couple of department meetings/2-day training sessions that took place at one of our other regional offices that the other 25 people in my department attended in my 3rd tri. I didn't go to HQ or the department meetings/training, and I called into the client meeting and did the presentation over the phone. If it affects my career advancement, so be it - if there were any "what ifs" I could prevent myself from having about the pregnancy, I wanted to do that.
As an alternative to attending in person, is it possible to do the workshop and the conferences on speaker phone with a PowerPoint presentation? Ideally with a web-based meeting interface like Live Meeting so that you can control the PowerPoint, but if not, have someone at the workshop/conference control it for you? I know that's not ideal, but maybe it's at least an alternative you could offer up.
Ultimately I know you'll do what's right for you (and I know that's not necessarily the same thing as what was right for me in my situation). Whatever you decide, I'm cheering you on!
That's a hard one girl and I would be the same way... torn between fear and your obligations. I hope you can find some peace about the direction you choose. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI would cancel, definitely.
ReplyDeleteHa-- Rebecca stole my idea; if you don't feel up for travel-- perhaps you can use Elluminate or some other in real time presentation tool; citing for conference organizers whatever you feel comfortable sharing (just had surgery, family emergency, whatever)-- possibly that way you could fulfill your contract while also completely honoring regret management?
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for adding u/s pictures-- can't wait for the one left at the office. Also, congrats on great blood work for 10 weeks! When is your next OB appointment? And when do you transition from seeing an RE to totally seeing the OB? Cheering for you!
I think I commented once before, but I had 6 miscarriages from 2009-2011 and my daughter was born Nov 13th 2011. So many losses left me emotionally incapable of truly enjoying my pregnancy. I was (and still am) jealous of every woman that didn't habitually check for bleeding or cry herself to sleep at night.
ReplyDeleteThroughout the pregnancy I kept waiting for it to sink in that I was actually going to make it to term... I thought once I felt movement that it would seem real, or that once I really started to show, but neither did. I didn't even tell my family that I was in labor because I was so scared something awful might happen.
I distinctly remember getting ready to push and still not actually believing that I was about to have a baby... a real, live, healthy baby?!? I broke down crying a few times in labor because I honestly still couldn't believe it. I think my anxiety was a key reason my labor took 40 hours, but that's a bit besides the point I suppose.
Do you have a doppler yet? I think mine is a sonoline b (about $40 on ebay). It worked well after about 12 weeks for me.
Even though my words may not mean much, go on your trips if you can... hold your belly tight as often as you can... enjoy every anxiety-riden moment.
Oh, and I had a dream I met you and you were pushing some fancy stroller with a tiny baby boy inside =) Hugs. For real hugs.
As a preface, I have to tell you that I love your blog. You write beautifully, and you have been through so much. I am a lurker and hadn't been on in a while, and I could not be more delighted to see that you are pregnant. I am not religious, but I will be praying that this pregnancy gives you a healthy baby.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the travel, I am another one who is ambivalent. I have been pregnant 4x, and just had baby #2 (pregnancies 1 & 4). I canceled travel for pregnancies #2 and #3 due to bleeding and other issues. I did cocoon and still ended up with losses, and I regretted having also canceled the trips (ah, Brazil and Buenos Aires, I miss you.) With #1, I went to Turkey for two weeks at 10 weeks, and with #4, I went to France for two weeks at 19 weeks, despite placenta previa and warnings I would be stuck there if I spotted. Everything went great. Go figure.
HOWEVER, there is a great deal to be said for regret management, as you have noted in the past. Fundamentally, the question is whether you will blame yourself if you go and by some horrible, unrelated, coincidental, cruel twist of fate, something happens to your pregnancy. I don't think you would be able to do anything at this point, even lifting bags or running for a plane, that could cause harm, so it would truly be bad luck, but would you be able to recognize that? I would hope so, but for myself, I am not sure.
Go, and take someone with you! Seriously. This will mitigate the lifting concerns and lend some support too. You have to live life. Your miscarriage rate is 2 percent or less now...Go. It will be fine.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the late reply, but I'd go. You may already know this, but you can request wheelchair service with no explanation. I did this early in my miracle pregnancy before I told people I was pregnant, and was wheeled from the ticket counter to the exterior of the plane, no questions asked. Someone took care of my bags, I got a nice seat on the plane, no one cared except me, and I was completely relaxed from all the pampering.
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