The OB appointment this morning ran very late, and then was a long visit, and then I had to run to back-to-back patient sessions, so I'm only now getting a chance to post.
First of all, let me put your worries to rest - I am still pregnant! The embryo is still alive! It is measuring 7w6d and had a heart rate of 154 bpm.
And in other good news, the new OB was wonderful. She spent a lot of time with us. She said we've really been through it with all of our prior IVFs, pregnancies, and losses. At one point, she looked at me and asked, "Just how long have you been trying to have a baby?" Since we got married in 2007...years...it's been years.
Funny, I didn't want or really expect sympathy about our long road to now...I was more focused on not wanting anybody to be flippant or naive or judgy. And she was none of those things.
She said that she thought I had it pretty together considering all we've been through and that my anxiety levels seem appropriate and normal - perhaps even a little low - given our situation. She offered to see us on demand - as often as we want, until we get farther along. When Will asked for weekly appointments, she said that was no problem. We offered to be seen elsewhere in between more spaced out appointments but said probably once a week we'll need to take a peek at the baby, and she said, "Oh no! I'll see you weekly! That's fine!" She was initially shocked at the number of medications I'm taking but said none of them - not the lovenox, not the prednisone, not the IVIG - worried her. And that it made sense why we were taking them all.
She expressed fear about doing the ultrasound - saying she knew we were scared to see and that she was a little scared too because of how bad our luck had been in the past, which made her seem so real, so human. She then spent a lot of time looking at the ultrasound with us - telling us what she saw and how good the yolk sac looked and where the beginning of the umbilical cord is forming. At one point, she even gave me a high five! (maybe she sensed that I'm not a big hugger). She said that everything looks great. "There's not even anything I'm secretly worried about looking at this. And sometimes there is - but here, I see nothing but how it should look exactly." Ok, then!
She kept talking about time - how she wished she could whisk us forward several weeks - that we will likely feel so much more reassured then. So we are edging forward in time. A little more pregnant than last week. Still so far from a sure thing. But closer, closer every day.
I still really can't believe this is happening.
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