What a morning! Will turned off the alarm when it went off without flipping on the light or waking me and the next thing I know he's saying "Mo, it's 8:15AM! Our appointment is in 15 minutes!" Yikes! Way to make a stressful morning even more stressful. I'll be setting my own alarm next time. I think maybe we were both feeling really avoidant and almost didn't want to go to the appointment and so "overslept." That's so not like my usual coping style. It has been interesting to watch my behavior lately and just think, Wow, who IS that?
So we were really late...like 30 minutes late. Which I hate, because our local RE is wonderful and I know he's a really busy guy. So he squeezed us in anyway, because he's really sweet like that, but it was all kind of rushed and Will and I were sort of beside ourselves. Because of the rush, I don't think he did the kind of measurements, etc. that he would have.
But...I am definitely pregnant. There's a largish gestational sac (just one). It's kidney-bean shaped, which kind of has me freaking out, but I asked the RE about it and he said (just like the reproductive immunologist said) that it's no big deal. Any experience with this out there? I thought the gestational sac was supposed to be spherical...and that anything else was an ominous sign...I did find this online that was a bit reassuring. But if any of you could chime in, that would be great.
It definitely looks like there is "something" in one end of the kidney bean...the RE says it's the embryo...I didn't see a yolk sac, but he said it's tucked behind the embryo and definitely there. He said he though he saw a flickering, too. But honestly, I think that was just me shaking.
Now all of this should be really reassuring, you'd think, except that the last time I was pregnant he said pretty much the same thing, pointing to ambiguous images and saying this was the fetal pole, etc., etc., and was really encouraging and it turned out to be a big disaster and more wishful thinking on his part than anything.
So I was and am a bit skeptical. I feel that our local RE wants this so badly for us, he'll almost hallucinate an embryo just to try to make it be true. So I asked him how sure he was that what we were seeing was the embryo and he said he was really pretty sure.
I wish they had better ultrasound equipment at my RE's office. I think I myself have spent enough over the course of five IVFs for them to be able to afford the latest equipment. What they use is prehistoric compared to the ultrasound machines at the Denver clinic. It's weird, it's like in this one respect NYC is some backwater town. Denver ladies, I envy you, but it seems excessive to fly to Denver just to get a higher resolution ultrasound. It's also a little bit tempting.
I'm scheduled to go back to the local RE on Tuesday for another u/s to look for a heartbeat. I will be at 6w3d then.
I want to say i felt reassured getting this scan, and I guess I did a little, but not really so much. It's still so early, and it's really hard to make out anything on that damn ultrasound, so I'm sort of going on faith of what my RE said, which I hope is true and not just what he wishes is true. I mean, I saw a little something, too, but to me, it looks like it could just be a bit of endometrium hanging down. Like an endometrial flap or something. I've never heard of that, but you never know.
Next week's scan will be a big deal...if we don't see a heartbeat on Tuesday, we'll go back Friday at 6w5d. If nothing by friday, well...we'll cross that bridge if we come to it.
Will promises he will scan in the ultrasound picture around noon and I'll post it either here or in a separate post later today. Would love to hear your thoughts on the importance of the kidney-bean shaped gestational sac. Let me know if any of you have kidney-bean shaped kids out there who survived being in a weirdly shaped gestational sac for nine months.
Thanks for all of your thoughts and well wishes...one day at a time.
No indication that things are over yet, so I'll take that as a good sign for now.
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